Sore C0ck

Who is weeping, you or your fella?

thrush

wnaking with a brillo pad doesnt help

do you go to sleep naked brian?

AIDS (nap)

No.. Don't sleep naked.

How can it be thrush? Not been near a bird for months

Twice a week, you dirty tw@t, no wonder you aint had any for a few months

Sounds like way too much w*nking to me.

Try Canesten

had it to brian, dont sha g with it cause those red bits dry up go all crackly. havent had it for a while and it only came when getting into winter, same as you didnt go to doc's, been fine now for couple of years. Just get a cream for it, thats all you can do!

Stop w@nking will help, you have a bad case of bell end buff.

Remove rough skin with fine sandpaper and apply a good dollop of vic.

You dont need to have sex

agree splicer

wash twice a week?........prolly is thrust

that's disgusting!

thrush I mean

I don't w@nk using my hand anymore

ive started whacking loads of vaseline into a blown up Swimming arm band... Feels like the real thing.

But only twice a week and i change the Vaseine regually

its obviously been a longer time than you're letting on if you think a swimming arm band feels like the real thing

Do you have tight foreskin?

a swimming arm band is hard material, not good for sensitive organs at all, that'll be what the cause of it was, no matter about the amount of vaseline

otherwise it's a phishing thread

Don't say see a doctor as i'm too ashamed to whack my chap out as its not exactly a monster.

I can assure you the docs have seen 'em all and in all probability smaller than yours, don't be embarrassed go and get it sorted.

If it's your own doctor you're shy of, go to your local std clinic.

Syphilis is like that. Goes away for years and then the chancres flare up again just before it kills you.

Ok will see a Doc in the Morning.
Thanks for your help.

Trouble is i cant wash it with soap as it stings so much i could pass out.
Also when it sticks to my pants the pain prizing it apart is horendous.

Hope the Doctor does not mind seeing a grown man cry... Oh and a Whiff

Wills whiff ?

Physically sick :(

You're more worried what a doctor will think about the size of your** than a woman? Weird...

He didn't say he was hetro, did he?

it could also be a nice looking female doctor, which I have

Im not a Bender so get that idea out yer nut ok.

nuts*

I think you should wait until the fecker drops off, those GPs can be uncaring baserds

wouldnt worry be about it dead by sunday.
My mate had this and his knob fell off.

This is wind up - who openly admits to vaselining a swimming band and**ging it?

you will gte the unbrella treatment down the clinic imo

Don't say see a doctor as i'm too ashamed to whack my chap out as its not exactly a monster.

Any suggestions

This is where the fishing is revealed, never mind the armband. Would any sane man post such a thing?

about going to see a doctor? can't see why not

[b]If the head of your**(glans) is inflamed, you have balanitis. This is a Greek word meaning

a cheesy material, called smegma, accumulates.


Just pour yourself a nice glass of red wine and enjoy mate!

Not the doctor, that his c0ck is small.

If you've got any of those probiotic drinks (or live yoghurt) in the frigde - try soaking it in one of those.

Alternatively, crush some garlic into a small amount of water (half a teacup) and bathe using that.

Whoever mentioned the 'umbrella' is a tool.
If you do get checked for std yes they do put a cotton swab down it and i wont pretend its the most joyous thing to get upto on a day off but there is about 1second of mild pain no worse than a wasp/bee sting then its all over. Go get checked.

take the c0ck off your head

dicckhead

I did actually get that umbrella thing done (didn't know it was called that). Seriously hot female doctor gave the lad a good seeing over too, then popped the bud down old captain woo. Far from being an experience filled with pain, it was actually quite erotic. No wonder I ended up there!

Side affect of swine flu, sniffalis.

WHOLE THREAD REPORTED

Phone up some friends to come round and have a look at it and leave it soaking in some salt water looooooooooooooooooooooooooooool :^0

No seriously as you well know .doctors for you.

^**ging armbands ffs what next :^0 :^0 :^0

could be thrush, don't be scared of going to the STI clinic,

i slept with some slapper years ago when on a holiday and got scared so went to the doc when got back, i'd to whip it out in front of her, then she refered me to the STI clinic,

when there i saw people from all ages i'd say about 14 up to about 65, i can only think the guys who were older where there for other problems with there** anyway they just stick this swab thing around your forskin which isn't to bad, the 2nd test they do though isn't nice, they stick this thing up where your pi55 comes out of and it's sore as fk, was happy that it was a woman doing it that time to as if it'd been a fella i'd of walked out, and thankfully everything was ok :)

Brian_Ookiebasher 25 Nov 19:05
I don't w@nk using my hand anymore

ive started whacking loads of vaseline into a blown up Swimming arm band... Feels like the real thing.

But only twice a week and i change the Vaseine regually


he's a tip for you, fill a milk bottle half full with water, stick your d!ck in the bottle, shake the milk bottle. and you will find it's 100 times better than a armband or s£x

Would'nt get my inflated tool in a bottle, would a jam jar work ?

you gotta put it in the bottle while its flacid

not laughed so much in ages
top thread

Must give that a try EMR
















AYE RIGHT :^0

Five By Five 25 Nov 20:26

Whoever mentioned the 'umbrella' is a tool.
If you do get checked for std yes they do put a cotton swab down it and i wont pretend its the most joyous thing to get upto on a day off but there is about 1second of mild pain no worse than a wasp/bee sting then its all over. Go get checked.

Obviously not talking from experience Five By Five...it's like getting nailed to the fvckin' cross only worse...I had flashbacks for months following the cotton bud down the japper procedure...I'd rather let my c0ck drop off than go and have it done again.

:D

7-2 this is thread of the year take that price could be 6-4 by morning

dear betfair please put a market up for thread of the year
may i suggest the one with the tiny but weeping pen1s in it as my selection
ill trawl thro other forums to see if there is one titled 'i just got bumraped by my dad' or 'i still love my sister but dont wanna marry her anymore'

What a W I LLY DILLY thread ;)

fecking funny tho

Went for a check up a few years ago and experienced the cotton bud procedure. Sat on the end of the bed and leant back, jeans round me ankles. My pecker shrunk to the size of a shrivelled grape through the shear nerves of seeing this cotton bud about to infiltrate my pee hole. Reckon the nurse must have had a right laugh at my expense. :D

Anyway the initial pain from the dipping procedure wasn't too bad, but for about 8hrs afterwards if felt like my c0ck had been through a cheesegrater!

:^0

I can see now why some blokes have the op to become a women :p

Thats another story for another thread larrence :^0

quick someone start it
this is funny **

Amberleigh House 25 Nov 23:54


Thats another story for another thread larrence

lol , So how long has it been now m8 ??, since your wotsit went missing, perhaps you should stick an ad in the paper, to see if anyone knows where it is :^0

Had the cotton bud experience, but it was about a foot long, nearly jumped off the feckin table, sore for days and p1ssed blood, doesnt hurt my @rse.

The cotton bud or "umbrella" as it is known does mildly sting but that is due to the chemical on the bud. It is scary and you do wonder if it will fit as you sit wide-legged and your pecker shrivels horrendously. Not something i would want again but wasnt terrible.

Been in hospital recently and awoke after an op with a catheter fitted. Thank fook i was knocked out when that was fitted :0 . Got to admit i was sh1tting bricks when it came time to remove it, thankfully it isnt painful but when the pipe is inside your weener and sticking out it looks huge and does cause concerns.

No more implements in my weener hole ever i hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnocIgEmveI :^0 :p ;)

Don't say see a doctor as i'm too ashamed to whack my chap out as its not exactly a monster.

Any suggestions

Once the Doc's finished laughing and asks you what the problem is i dare you to say ' it's swollen up doc ' :^0

Brian_Ookiebasher 26 Nov 08:05

I don't w@nk using my hand anymoreive started whacking loads of vaseline into a blown up Swimming arm band... Feels like the real thing.

But only twice a week and i change the Vaseine regually


OMG hes serious :D

Wimps, the lot of yez.

As part of a job I do occasionaly, I have to catheterise disabled ex-servicemen. Most of them don't even blink, unlike you lot. When we were training, the evil sister in charge maintained we couldn't ream out our betters until we did it to ourselves.

So we stood there, 20 men in a circle in a draughty wooden hut, facing inwards like a Sally Army trombone band, Speedicaths at the present arms, while she stood in the centre bawling instructions.

Some men fainted. I hadn't got the bleedin wit to faint, so I shoved the full 16 inch tube all the way up into my bladder. Makes your eyes water when it goes past your prostate and sphincter. Then you have to get the jug up sharpish to catch the pee.

And those blokes, most of them pensioners, have to go through this every day. They don't bleat.

Fair play BillKiller...I wouldn't do it to myself, not in a million years.

I had it done in the 70s, it stung for about a second.

The nurse did ask 'Why have you got Ludo tattooed on your pen1s?'

I said 'It's not Ludo, it's Llandudno, which you'd witness if you weren't fat and facking ugly.'

:^0 Charlie

I'm here all week :)

I had the mispleasure of getting tested so yes it is from experience... no way you could say it hurt.. Then again my mind was probably on other things at the time and whilst i will avoid having it done again it certainly didnt cause pain and thats not be being macho... maybe you just got someone in a bad mood who shoved it down too far ;)

Surprised Lardycakes hasn't offered her tuppenceworth.