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venqurilist walking a country lane in wales
he sees a farmer on a horse with a sheepdog and some sheep.
he thinks to himsewlf that he will at a laugh at th farmers expense.
venq.....says to the farmer , can i talk to your horse
farmer, looks puzzled but says ok.
venq.. how r u
horse..fine thanks
the farner cannot believe it
venq.. can i talk to your dog
farmer, go on then
venq.. how are you,
dog, fine thanks for asking,
venq.. says to farmer, can i talk to your sheep,
farmer, dont believe he a word he says,,, he is a bl..ooody liar
he sees a farmer on a horse with a sheepdog and some sheep.
he thinks to himsewlf that he will at a laugh at th farmers expense.
venq.....says to the farmer , can i talk to your horse
farmer, looks puzzled but says ok.
venq.. how r u
horse..fine thanks
the farner cannot believe it
venq.. can i talk to your dog
farmer, go on then
venq.. how are you,
dog, fine thanks for asking,
venq.. says to farmer, can i talk to your sheep,
farmer, dont believe he a word he says,,, he is a bl..ooody liar
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That's as funny as a rat gnawing away at your cheesy bell-end
1/10
joke hardly started when i didn't even know what a venqurilist is
joke hardly started when i didn't even know what a venqurilist is
Tourinst walking through the New Zealand outback. Sees a farmer struggling with a sheep....
"Er, er I say. That sheep. Are you going to shear it?"
"P1ss of mate. Get yer own"
"Er, er I say. That sheep. Are you going to shear it?"
"P1ss of mate. Get yer own"
Ya can't not like this one...
An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
'**g get in there you khunt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the foocking manager of this pigs sh!t middle class w@nkhole please you tw@t', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says
'Yes you can you fat fook, I saw your advert in the khunting window and I'm here to audition.....w@nker.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song, you big nosed tw@t, was called "Excuse Me Prime Minister But I Just J!zzed In Your Daughter's Eye, And Now She's Blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".
'Sh!t Fook..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes When You Do A Bird Up The Sh!tbox You Get Sh!te On Your Bell End.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do You Want Me To Split Your Ringpiece", or there's the epic "I Don't Care If You're Older Love, You've Still Got Nice Jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'Fook it' says the pianist 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being perceived as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your c0ck is hanging out of your trousers, and spvnk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I **g wrote it!!!'
An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
'**g get in there you khunt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the foocking manager of this pigs sh!t middle class w@nkhole please you tw@t', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says
'Yes you can you fat fook, I saw your advert in the khunting window and I'm here to audition.....w@nker.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song, you big nosed tw@t, was called "Excuse Me Prime Minister But I Just J!zzed In Your Daughter's Eye, And Now She's Blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".
'Sh!t Fook..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes When You Do A Bird Up The Sh!tbox You Get Sh!te On Your Bell End.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do You Want Me To Split Your Ringpiece", or there's the epic "I Don't Care If You're Older Love, You've Still Got Nice Jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'Fook it' says the pianist 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being perceived as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your c0ck is hanging out of your trousers, and spvnk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I **g wrote it!!!'
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