Naughtiest practical joke you have ever played.

Outstanding :)

an old favourite but cling film over the sh!thouse pan when a colleague has the squirts is always good for a laugh

I find a fire cracker up a vagina to be a cracking laugh

..In the office get a tiny itsy bitsy piece of cellotape and stick it iver one of the prongs of a colleagues phone ..
then ring their extension and pretend to be chatting to a customer ..
they will answer it and the phone just keeps on ringing + ringing+ ringing + ringing ....done right they don't notice the very teeny bit ....and you keep on chatting to " Mrs Jackson "over her order whilst listening to the ringing tone on your phone :D

my ex watched a supposed 'real life' docu about aliens taking over this home, she was naieve enough to believe it was a true story...after it finished, she went into the kitchen to make a drink..i furtively made my way into hall and put my daughters little hooded yellow mac over my head whilst kneeling down in the dark..she came out and was scared senseless..i thought it funny though

fair enough larry. i wasn't having a go, its just that i had genuinely heard that one before.

someone threw a stink bomb where a few of us were working so I managed to filch his car keys, stick a stink bomb onto his brake pedal then put his keys back so he wouldn't suspect anything was amiss. The following day we all just went about our business as usual but inside we were all p1ssing ourselves knowing we'd got him back big time and watching him think "was it him?" every time he talked to anyone. It drove him mad!

Gave a couple of mates a lend of my dirty old transit van once.
Didnt tell them the brakes had gone. They had to tip the van over with the handbrake
coming down a bank. Wished i had seen their faces.

^ :^0

When I was an apprentice I was called to one of the switchrooms over the tannoy,I kind or ran into the switchroom(you had to be quite quick as you maybe had to reset something to get the plant started up)I was met by a wll of darkness as the door banged shut behind me and I received a blast of CO2(from a fire extinguisher) to the baws.It was feckin freezing :(

A great one is to cover someones desk with paper cups full of water. Cover the desk - it's absolutely brilliant - they have to take them off one by one by one. Spiggin awesome. Not exactly a bomb, but funny to watch!

HRH The Lager Khan 10 Nov 20:32
I was bored one lunchtime and using a little creativity with the truth I entered my friend and his wife

Nice one :^0 imo

heard that a guy in village pub was bragging about his new rangerover( or whatever)- what a fantastic car etc- went on about it ad nauseumin the pub: the guys snuck into his house and pinched his spare keys - spent next month topping up his car with petrol every few days: 'marvelous car this- and the petrol consumption is fantastic - getting 50+ to the gallon'
After the first service they stopped topping it up- guy was going ape at the garage for fecking up his car re the mileage and sent it back to em twice.

PMSL, great stuff!

camping in OZ the same mate believed that there were brown bears and cougars in the area, also believed that the australian brown bear cant run in straight lines so if you zig zag you can outrun them, he was worried about them cougars tho,

Getting a commis chef to finely chop some flour after he has filleted some whitebait :-)

Some of mine from years ago, just dug them up on another forum.

Long, but normallyworth reading. :)

September 1967, in my first job, as an apprentice electrician in a chemical manufacturing company in east London. I had already had the ' Go to the stores and ask for a long weight.' gag, and stood there for 25 ** minutes. I fell for the spanner trick with two Megger wires attached, and got a 550 volt shock. No amps, so no danger.

In the far corner of the site by the Northern Outfall (sewer bank) was the Organo Tin Plant. It was against company policy to carry cigarettes, matches or a lighter into this area of the site.

Everybody had to hand theirs in to the security guards at the front gate and sign a book stating that they carried nothing in apart from tools. Even if you were caught with a fag in your pocket in this area it warranted instant dismissal, even if you had no lighter or matches.

It was just past my 16th birthday and I worked with two electricians and a few elder apprentices. We had to go in this area after I had been there a few weeks, and all stuff was duly handed in to the guards. I was on the lower gantry and the 'spark' and two fitters, plus older apprentices, were working on the gantry about 8 feet above me.

All I got for two hours was ' Pass me up a spanner, catch this spanner, pass me a spanner, catch this spanner.' I was up and down the vertical ladder like a performing ** monkey.

After tea break I went to the store and got a couple of yards of rope. I tied it to the toolbox and walked it up the ladder, I then pulled the toolbox up on to the gantry, which saved me tons of time and energy.

After dinner we came back to find the empty toolbox on the floor, and the rope missing. I thought ' Fcuk my luck. I've now got to go up and down like a ** yo-yo to get all the tools.' After three trips one of the others on the gantry shouted out ' WTF are you doing?' so I told him. He replied ' Don't be daft. Stand there and we'll pass them down, just make sure you don't drop anything or it will spark on the chequer-plate, and blow this half of West Ham sky high.'

Naturally, I didn't know I had been set up for this.

'' Eeeeyarr...catch this' and a spanner came over the top. I had thick gloves on and caught it easily. The same thing happened again about two minutes later, and then about every minute for what seems like ** ages.

Eventually they were coming over the gantry every 10-15 seconds and I was running backwards and forwards like a ** Tom and Jerry cartoon. I caught the lot and was knackered at the end. The spark, fitters and apprentices came down the ladder and said I had done well catching them all.

I said 'I'm fcuked.'

That night I told my dad what had happened and he laughed his head off. I said 'It might be funny to you, but if I had dropped one it could have sparked an explosion.'

He laughed even more at that and said ' When you go in tomorrow look on the tools and see if they're chrome vanadium.'

I said 'Okay, what does that mean?' He laughed again and said ' They won't spark on metal, stone or concrete, that's why they use them in fire hazard areas.'

I thought 'You cnuts. How am I going to get you back?'

It took a while before I got an idea, about two months.

I was in Milos Toy Shop in Plaistow looking at Airfix models when a kid bought a packet of fake cigarettes. And it gave me the idea.

They looked like a normal fag, and had a bit of red and grey foil in the end to make it look like they were alight. They had some sort of powder in them and if you blew into them, a cloud of what looked like fag smoke came out of the end. I had to wait over a week before we got sent to the Organo plant, and I was ** impatient to get the **s back. Come the day we had the normal session in the morning up to tea break and were set to go the next gantry up at 10-30.

I left the canteen two minutes early and handed my own fags back to security. By the time they all got back I was already up on the higher gantry.

I shouted out ' Catch this' and threw a spanner over the rail. They just laughed as it dropped to the floor. I shouted out ' Now this' and threw another spanner over the rail. Cue more laughter. I then leaned over the rail with the fake fag in my mouth.

I shouted ' OI!! CATCH THIS YOU CVNTS' and flicked it over the rail.

Chaos broke out as they ran all over the ** place trying to catch as it moved in the wind.

I was laughing my ** head off. :^0 :^0 :^0

The **s got me back pretty soon after that... :(

Same company, about two weeks later.

Me, being the only new recruit that year, was the youngest of all the apprentices, and so everybody else knew what I had coming.

An exceedingly dirty part of the firm was ' N' Dept. It was a sh1thole, it was hardly ever swept and the aroma of old spilt acid hung in the air. To get to 'N' you had to walk through ' X' Dept where all was bright and sparkly clean.

On one such journey back from 'N' I was dirtier than normal and planned on using the showers at the end of 'X'. I got in, stripped off, admired my good looks and physique in the mirror (the good old days... ) turned to get into the shower, and got pounced on by six big fackers. I was dragged into ' N' dept, which facking stank, and with use of yard brooms they shoved me into a corner. There was a milk crate they had already put there earlier. They kept pushing and I had nowhere to go. But they only stopped when I got on the crate and they had me pinned in the corner.

Four held me in place, while the other two rolled out big glass carboys. For those that don't know, carboys are used to transport acid. They then poured this fluid all over the floor and it slowly flowed up to the wall and under the milk crate. As far as I was concerned I had no chance whatsoever of walking out, and would have to get up on to the overhead pipes to get over this pool of acid and drop down to the floor.

They dropped their brooms by the door and facked off. I reached up for the only pipe I could safely get at without jumping up and risking falling off the crate, but it was a steam pipe and too hot to hold.

I just stood there looking at the clock on the wall over the office door. It was now 5-15 p.m and nobody was going to walk through as this part of the plant closed down at 5-00 p.m and all those that worked in 'X' or 'N' had gone to the clocking station already, so shouting was going to be a waste of time. I stood there naked, bored **less, thinking I had no chance of being seen until the morning when the plant workers came in.

Somebody came in alright. At about 6-30 p.m. two women came in, one was about 30, and the other was about 40. I didn't know that they knew it was all a joke. I got tits flashed at me, loads of leg. I was a virgin at 16 and wondering what was going to happen with two older women. As If I didn't have enough to worry about, acid on the floor, late getting home, two slappers flashing their wares. Panic? No, not me... oh no, calm as fack. Well, I was, but my knob, a separate entity at 16 with a mind of its own, decided to get a facking hard on.

So, now I've got my hands over my tackle, and they're standing there laughing. It was a good eighteen months later I realised they were laughing at my predicament, not the size of my knob, which was a relief.. I got lucky...

Anyway, back to the tale...

I had to speak to shut these two up ' Is there any chance of you getting me a pair of boots and overalls so I can go home?' This resulted in more laughter from the cloth eared bints. ''Why don't you walk to the changing room.?' said one of them.

I looked at her and said ' Are you blind? I'm standing on this crate, surrounded by acid, and my feet ain't made of rubber.'

She took her shoes off and started to walk towards me. I shouted ' STOP!! It's acid.' She just smiled and said 'No son, it's just water, but it does stink of acid in here.'

What a bunch of cvnts, but this is what you get when you're young, all part of lifes rich tapestry.

And I knocked one out in the shower before I went home (as you do)..

A little bit about two blokes I met at that job.

I'll start with Harry, or if you're reading in**ney, 'arry.

Harry was without doubt an ugly **. If he had gone to Hollywood a couple of years later he'd gave got cast in 'Deliverance' with no need for make up... The only thing I found surprising about Harry was that he was a facking good dart player, and in the Stratford and District League he hardly ever lost a singles match. Harry was right handed, he was also blind in his right eye.

The other bloke was from Jamaica. About 5 feet 7 or 8, but very stocky, and at a guess, 50 years old. He knew I used to box and quite often we used to lark about, square up and spar for fun.

I was over 6 feet tall but a lot lighter than him.

Once, he said ' Come on bwah, jerk me ribs dem.' So I stood up and as I went to jab him in the ribs, he put his hands on his head!!

I pulled the punch, even though it wasn't hard and he said ' Bwah, hit me.'

I shook my head and asked why he wasn't defending himself.

'Ya hits like a girlie ' he said and started to laugh ' Jerk de ribs dem, come on.'

I hit him in the ribs, not that hard, but hard enough to hurt a bit.

He laughed 'Yas awright bwah. Now go before I swats ya like a fly.'

So I went off to wherever I was going.

After dinner I was talking to a fitter and asked what it was all about, not defending himself.

The fitter said 'He longs for the old days he does this now and again.'

So I asked what he did in the old days, and was he a fighter. It turns out my punches wouldn't have hurt at all.

He moved to the UK In the early 1960s, but back home he was an ex-sparring partner of Rocky Marciano. :)

*Have 2 stories i like to remind 2 mates about* ^^^

First line should read.