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Cheltenham Festival
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1) A thread entitled "you know it's nearly Cheltenham when..." appears on the phorum
2) You go for a haircut and consider it your Festival Haircut
3) ...
2) You go for a haircut and consider it your Festival Haircut
3) ...
Show More
Good one!
4) You wander over a bit of grass on the way to work and wonder how the going underfoot compares to 200 miles south east at Prestbury Park
4) You wander over a bit of grass on the way to work and wonder how the going underfoot compares to 200 miles south east at Prestbury Park
5) You're so close to losing the plot you get your east and west confused.
6) you starting getting rid of the Scottish notes for nice English ones!!
You are frightened to open the RP website in case another of your ante post bets has been stuck down by injury or illness
I definitely do no.4) every time we go for a walk in the park with the kids. By the second week of March she is normally saying "If I hear about the going one more time..."
you get an official looking letter drop through the letter box informing you that you are required to do jury service ! and it just happens to be the week of the festival 
No way!!! That's horrendous. You should try and get out of it. Tell the judge you can't be a neutral jury member because of your ongoing struggles with racism. I had to work the Tuesday and Wednesday last year cos I was too slow getting the leave in the diary and the feckers had me on a training course. Didn't make the same mistake this year. Whole week got booked back in April 2015.
no mary it happened to me a few years back .................got out of it in the end but made for some horrendous nights trying to sleep .................... the missus opened the letter and said "oh you've got to do jury service " oh year says I whens that THEN , second week in march says she , ME ...........OH YEAH ! then it hits me .alarm bells start ringing !....... me" give us that fookin letter ".............................dear sir ,you have been selected for jury service at the old bailey criminal court OR WORDS TO THAT EFFECT ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... !
Good grief that would give me a heart attack reading that letter. How did you get out of it?
some sad b,stard bumps the "top 10 rules for the festival thread " about 2 weeks before the event !
Laughing and nodding at all of these :-)
9) When you start looking at the long-range forecast for Cheltenham in February!
10) You meet your mates and say: "hello, how are you? and have you any bankers yet?"
9) When you start looking at the long-range forecast for Cheltenham in February!
10) You meet your mates and say: "hello, how are you? and have you any bankers yet?"
11) Your watching all the ante post handicap markets daily looking for the potenial McManus plunge
12) You start hearing from people who haven't spoken to you since last year, looking for tips for Cheltenham
12) You start hearing from people who haven't spoken to you since last year, looking for tips for Cheltenham
Cretins start posting about 'xx number of sleeps to the start of the Supreme - feel like a kid at Christmas!'
'Holier than thou' Flat boys start in with sh1t about the Dubai Carnival and the Lincoln
Jonjo O'Neil and David Pipe make even less sense than usual
Ming_the_Merciless
Joined: 22 May 09
Replies: 3107
26 Feb 16 09:01
7) The Stat nerds appear!
Bingo!
You read stuff like '......and Twiston-Davies is 0/61 in Chases at the Festival when the horse has had more than 51 days rest, was born under Capricorn rising and when it crossed a ley-line'
....and you actually give this stuff time of day!
Joined: 22 May 09
Replies: 3107
26 Feb 16 09:01
7) The Stat nerds appear!
Bingo!
You read stuff like '......and Twiston-Davies is 0/61 in Chases at the Festival when the horse has had more than 51 days rest, was born under Capricorn rising and when it crossed a ley-line'
....and you actually give this stuff time of day!
"4) You wander over a bit of grass on the way to work and wonder how the going underfoot compares to 200 miles south east at Prestbury Park Crazy"
Jb23
8) You have an opinion on the water table
Lol'ing profusely, so true!
13) You've started searching *insert random horse here* on Twitter looking for some backup that it's a handicap snip.
8) You have an opinion on the water table
Lol'ing profusely, so true!
13) You've started searching *insert random horse here* on Twitter looking for some backup that it's a handicap snip.
14) Anticipation for the arrival of NRNB on all races is greater than the arrival of your first-born child
15) Every racing forum on the planet is 100x busier with no nothing types spouting off about how they think WPM might have a good week so they're following him blind.
16) Lush start their annual "Let's be anti-horse racing" season posting a list of horses injured or killed in their Cheltenham stores window, T@ssers like them sicken me to the core.
16) Lush start their annual "Let's be anti-horse racing" season posting a list of horses injured or killed in their Cheltenham stores window, T@ssers like them sicken me to the core.
The f*ckin state of you lot
I'm just wondering how many are going to turn up in a Rich Ricci scarf, half tempted to take my baseball bat with me this year, at least for the first day.
I'm just wondering how many are going to turn up in a Rich Ricci scarf, half tempted to take my baseball bat with me this year, at least for the first day.
Edward Gillespie or whoever is now the Clerk of the Course talk about watering the course if it hasn't rained for 30 mins.
Feb 26, 2016 -- 7:09PM, Satrus_Froot wrote:
The f*ckin state of you lot I'm just wondering how many are going to turn up in a Rich Ricci scarf, half tempted to take my baseball bat with me this year, at least for the first day.
Il be the guy in the suit instagramming a pint of guinness with a pair of cropped trousers on, with no socks, a beard and jumping up & down when i have £20 on Douvan 
Feb 26, 2016 -- 11:18AM, rogerthebutler wrote:
'Holier than thou' Flat boys start in with sh1t about the Dubai Carnival and the Lincoln
Here I am. And don't forget about good Friday all weather championships day.
Simon Claisse starts to name drop celebrity weatherman John Kettley
When the national lottery are in on the act
Please.............Don,t let it be Min
Please.............Don,t let it be Min
When you're up on a sunday morning with a hangover the size of Asia watching last years festival on 432 
Here here 180.
When you start dreaming about potential results. Woke up in a state of horror last night after dreaming STD took the wrong course in the champion hurdle & Tiger Roll won haha
When you start dreaming about potential results. Woke up in a state of horror last night after dreaming STD took the wrong course in the champion hurdle & Tiger Roll won haha
Had one the other night when min was second and myska won the supreme! Didn't even have a skinful the night before!
The rain stops.............making all the form of the previous 4 months utterly worthless.
when the wife stats nagging and says its ok for you away all week not giving a fck about me lol
it must be a pretty lonley place on your own especially if its freezing cold and your losing
.................... when Arsenals title push gets derailed once again
And going out of the champions league seems to be a prerequisite of during the festival. At least the spuddies usually fall out the same week, Thusdays obviously.
Like hell we do Orson!
We've usually had our end of season party by February 28th.
Not this year of course.....
We've usually had our end of season party by February 28th.
Not this year of course.....
Hi roge
Was talking about the Europa cup, we usually take a pull Thursday night and stay in and watch it on the telly, one of our party is a spuddy, I think he might be crowing this year.
Was talking about the Europa cup, we usually take a pull Thursday night and stay in and watch it on the telly, one of our party is a spuddy, I think he might be crowing this year.
Yeah - I know for the past 3-4 seasons we've been out before Cheltenham but one year we made it through to the next round (what is it? The Quarter Finals? It's such a Byzantine competition I lose track) the second leg of which was on the Thursday night before the Gold Cup.
Completely messed up my County Hurdle analysis, the selfish bstrds!!!
Completely messed up my County Hurdle analysis, the selfish bstrds!!!
17) Fighting breaks out on the "Festival Weather Watch" thread 
..... Also see 8)
Jb23 • February 26, 2016 9:38 AM GMT
8) You have an opinion on the water table
..... Also see 8)Jb23 • February 26, 2016 9:38 AM GMT
8) You have an opinion on the water table
You order copious bottles of Champagne and go to M n S for vast amount of treats
Mar 7, 2018 -- 11:20AM, Catch Me ifyoucan wrote:
17) Fighting breaks out on the "Festival Weather Watch" thread ..... Also see 8)Jb23 • February 26, 2016 9:38 AM GMT 8) You have an opinion on the water table
when some khoont on the horse racing forum puts a post up along the lines of " ALTIOR OUT " THEN YOU READ THE THREAD AND ITS........out to 4/5 from 8/11 .......with a load of smiley faces !
you feel dettatched from the MRS, coz your giving her no attention what so ever!
A stroll over the front lawn, village green, park or any grassland for any that matter gives you ample chance to see what the going is like....
You let the dog out at 11pm & it's raining in Torquay
& immediately think will it hit chelters.
& immediately think will it hit chelters.
19) When your afraid to click on the “official-whos-out-for-the-season” thread
20) when the Orish banks start running low on Sterling !...... "Did you order it earlier this week ?"
21) when Cheltenham, Gloucestershire is the default location in your weather app
22) your praying racing goes ahead at Stratford
17) Rich Ricci tries to draw attention to his online bookmaking business by switching his horses at the head of markets late to generate controversy. Cheap advertising at the heart of punters Festival bets.
1) A thread entitled "you know it's nearly Cheltenham when..." appears on the forum.
2) You go for a haircut and consider it your Festival Haircut.
3) 180s plunge thread pops up again.
4) You wander over a bit of grass on the way to work and wonder how the going underfoot compares to 200 miles south east at Prestbury Park. I definitely do no.4) every time we go for a walk in the park with the kids. By the second week of March she is normally saying "If I hear about the going one more time..."
5) You're so close to losing the plot you get your east and west confused.
6) you start getting rid of the Scottish notes for nice English ones!!
7) The Stat nerds appear!
7A) You are frightened to open the RP website in case another of your ante post bets has been stuck down by injury or illness
8) You have an opinion on the water table
8A) you get an official looking letter drop through the letter box informing you that you are required to do jury service! and it just happens to be the week of the festival
8B) some sad b,stard bumps the "top 10 rules for the festival thread " about 2 weeks before the event!
9) When you start looking at the long-range forecast for Cheltenham in February!
10) You meet your mates and say: "hello, how are you? and have you any bankers yet?"
11) Your watching all the ante post handicap markets daily looking for the potential McManus plunge
12) You start hearing from people who haven't spoken to you since last year, looking for tips for Cheltenham
12A) Cretins start posting about 'xx number of sleeps to the start of the Supreme - feel like a kid at Christmas!'
12B) 'Holier than thou' Flat boys start in with sh1t about the Dubai Carnival and the Lincoln
12C) Jonjo O'Neil and David Pipe make even less sense than usual
12D0 You read stuff like '......and Twiston-Davies is 0/61 in Chases at the Festival when the horse has had more than 51 days’ rest, was born under Capricorn rising and when it crossed a ley-line' .... and you actually give this stuff time of day!
13) You've started searching *insert random horse here* on Twitter looking for some backup that it's a handicap snip.
14) Anticipation for the arrival of NRNB on all races is greater than the arrival of your first-born child
15) Every racing forum on the planet is 100x busier with no nothing types spouting off about how they think WPM might have a good week so they're following him blind.
16) Lush start their annual "Let's be anti-horse racing" season posting a list of horses injured or killed in their Cheltenham stores window, T@ssers like them sicken me to the core.
16A) Edward Gillespie or whoever is now the Clerk of the Course talk about watering the course if it hasn't rained for 30 mins.
16B) Il be the guy in the suit instagraming a pint of Guinness with a pair of cropped trousers on, with no socks, a beard and jumping up & down when I have £20 on Douvan. Here I am. And don't forget about good Friday all weather championships day.
16C) Simon Claisse starts to name drop celebrity weatherman John Kettley
16D) When the national lottery are in on the act Please.............Don’t let it be Min
16F) When you're up on a Sunday morning with a hangover the size of Asia watching last year’s festival on 432
16G) When you start dreaming about potential results... Woke up in a state of horror last night after dreaming STD took the wrong course in the champion hurdle & Tiger Roll won ha-ha. Had one the other night when Min was second and Myska won the supreme! Didn't even have a skinful the night before!
16H) The rain stops......making all the form of the previous 4 months utterly worthless.
16I) when the wife stats nagging and says its ok for you away all week not giving a fck about me lol. it must be a pretty lonely place on your own especially if its freezing cold and your losing....... when Arsenals title push gets derailed once again
17) Fighting breaks out on the "Festival Weather Watch" thread ..... Also see 8)
17A) You order copious bottles of Champagne and go to M n S for vast amount of treats
17B) when some khoont on the horse racing forum puts a post-up along the lines of " ALTIOR OUT " THEN YOU READ THE THREAD AND ITS........out to 4/5 from 8/11 .......with a load of smiley faces!
17C) you feel detached from the MRS, coz your giving her no attention what so ever! Seary, not even time for a quickie?
18) ...foot and mouth breaks out
18A) A stroll over the front lawn, village green, park or any grassland for any that matter gives you ample chance to see what the going is like....
You let the dog out at 11pm & it's raining in Torquay& immediately think will it hit chelters.
19) When you’re afraid to click on the “official-who’s-out-for-the-season” thread
20) when the Orish banks start running low on Sterling!...... "Did you order it earlier this week?"
21) when Cheltenham, Gloucestershire is the default location in your weather app
22) your praying racing goes ahead at Stratford
23) Rich Ricci tries to draw attention to his online bookmaking business by switching his horses at the head of markets late to generate controversy. Cheap advertising at the heart of punters Festival bets.
24) Some pr1ck starts bringing up old useless threads
25)...
2) You go for a haircut and consider it your Festival Haircut.
3) 180s plunge thread pops up again.
4) You wander over a bit of grass on the way to work and wonder how the going underfoot compares to 200 miles south east at Prestbury Park. I definitely do no.4) every time we go for a walk in the park with the kids. By the second week of March she is normally saying "If I hear about the going one more time..."
5) You're so close to losing the plot you get your east and west confused.
6) you start getting rid of the Scottish notes for nice English ones!!
7) The Stat nerds appear!
7A) You are frightened to open the RP website in case another of your ante post bets has been stuck down by injury or illness
8) You have an opinion on the water table
8A) you get an official looking letter drop through the letter box informing you that you are required to do jury service! and it just happens to be the week of the festival
8B) some sad b,stard bumps the "top 10 rules for the festival thread " about 2 weeks before the event!
9) When you start looking at the long-range forecast for Cheltenham in February!
10) You meet your mates and say: "hello, how are you? and have you any bankers yet?"
11) Your watching all the ante post handicap markets daily looking for the potential McManus plunge
12) You start hearing from people who haven't spoken to you since last year, looking for tips for Cheltenham
12A) Cretins start posting about 'xx number of sleeps to the start of the Supreme - feel like a kid at Christmas!'
12B) 'Holier than thou' Flat boys start in with sh1t about the Dubai Carnival and the Lincoln
12C) Jonjo O'Neil and David Pipe make even less sense than usual
12D0 You read stuff like '......and Twiston-Davies is 0/61 in Chases at the Festival when the horse has had more than 51 days’ rest, was born under Capricorn rising and when it crossed a ley-line' .... and you actually give this stuff time of day!
13) You've started searching *insert random horse here* on Twitter looking for some backup that it's a handicap snip.
14) Anticipation for the arrival of NRNB on all races is greater than the arrival of your first-born child
15) Every racing forum on the planet is 100x busier with no nothing types spouting off about how they think WPM might have a good week so they're following him blind.
16) Lush start their annual "Let's be anti-horse racing" season posting a list of horses injured or killed in their Cheltenham stores window, T@ssers like them sicken me to the core.
16A) Edward Gillespie or whoever is now the Clerk of the Course talk about watering the course if it hasn't rained for 30 mins.
16B) Il be the guy in the suit instagraming a pint of Guinness with a pair of cropped trousers on, with no socks, a beard and jumping up & down when I have £20 on Douvan. Here I am. And don't forget about good Friday all weather championships day.
16C) Simon Claisse starts to name drop celebrity weatherman John Kettley
16D) When the national lottery are in on the act Please.............Don’t let it be Min
16F) When you're up on a Sunday morning with a hangover the size of Asia watching last year’s festival on 432
16G) When you start dreaming about potential results... Woke up in a state of horror last night after dreaming STD took the wrong course in the champion hurdle & Tiger Roll won ha-ha. Had one the other night when Min was second and Myska won the supreme! Didn't even have a skinful the night before!
16H) The rain stops......making all the form of the previous 4 months utterly worthless.
16I) when the wife stats nagging and says its ok for you away all week not giving a fck about me lol. it must be a pretty lonely place on your own especially if its freezing cold and your losing....... when Arsenals title push gets derailed once again
17) Fighting breaks out on the "Festival Weather Watch" thread ..... Also see 8)
17A) You order copious bottles of Champagne and go to M n S for vast amount of treats
17B) when some khoont on the horse racing forum puts a post-up along the lines of " ALTIOR OUT " THEN YOU READ THE THREAD AND ITS........out to 4/5 from 8/11 .......with a load of smiley faces!
17C) you feel detached from the MRS, coz your giving her no attention what so ever! Seary, not even time for a quickie?
18) ...foot and mouth breaks out
18A) A stroll over the front lawn, village green, park or any grassland for any that matter gives you ample chance to see what the going is like....
You let the dog out at 11pm & it's raining in Torquay& immediately think will it hit chelters.
19) When you’re afraid to click on the “official-who’s-out-for-the-season” thread
20) when the Orish banks start running low on Sterling!...... "Did you order it earlier this week?"
21) when Cheltenham, Gloucestershire is the default location in your weather app
22) your praying racing goes ahead at Stratford
23) Rich Ricci tries to draw attention to his online bookmaking business by switching his horses at the head of markets late to generate controversy. Cheap advertising at the heart of punters Festival bets.
24) Some pr1ck starts bringing up old useless threads
25)...
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