Cheltenham Festival
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1) DO go for a jobbie before entering the course.
2) DO attach a mobile phone mast to your head before trying to bet on your phone.
3) DO bet on plenty of hosses > 20/1.
4) DO tattoo the postcode of your digs on your arm.
5) DO NOT wear a Betfair scarf, you look like a knob.
6) DO NOT jump in front of me at any queue, or you'll get what that guy nearly got last year.
7) DO rehydrate yourself on course, 14 pints should do it (per day).
8) DO not pay £5 to the drunk guy at the breakfast table for an app that will give you losers daily, for ever more.
9) DO not buy food on course, keep a slice of toast in your pocket.
10) DO not take "advice" from eastayrshire, TheScobster or anyone dressed like Oliver Cromwell.
That's my top ten, what's your fav won?
2) DO attach a mobile phone mast to your head before trying to bet on your phone.
3) DO bet on plenty of hosses > 20/1.
4) DO tattoo the postcode of your digs on your arm.
5) DO NOT wear a Betfair scarf, you look like a knob.
6) DO NOT jump in front of me at any queue, or you'll get what that guy nearly got last year.
7) DO rehydrate yourself on course, 14 pints should do it (per day).
8) DO not pay £5 to the drunk guy at the breakfast table for an app that will give you losers daily, for ever more.
9) DO not buy food on course, keep a slice of toast in your pocket.
10) DO not take "advice" from eastayrshire, TheScobster or anyone dressed like Oliver Cromwell.
That's my top ten, what's your fav won?
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5) I like the Betfair scarves. You sound like my missus.
6) Sounds like you bottled it last year. I'll take my chances and push in front of you again.   |
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I couldn't catch him
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Steer clear of anyone with a funny accent you cant understand, esp if he's holding a drink
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11. get yourself a fit escort off AW
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Do get trapped in a queue for the bar on the tuesday missing the supreme and finding out the winner from the barman
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1. Arrange the mother of all sickies
and the rest will wall into place.  |
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DO stay in Bishops Cleeve, great hassle free and relatively devoid of nitwits.
DO send Johnn to snoring clinic the week before. |
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DONT wear a white shirt if drinking Guiness
DONT drink all day, back a horse in the last race, wander round the ring looking for a price on a second one in the same race but forget, get mixed up and end up doubling your stake on the first one. DONT drink too much malt whisky on the train down on the Monday night DONT back 5 or 6 year olds in the RSA DO eat on course if your on a pint per race strategy DO enjoy yerself, back yer own fancies and come home in one piece. |
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Don't throw your money away backing Dodging Bullets
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I bet buckets on here, and they've never offered me a scarf.
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DO walk up to the course from town,on the opening day you still have all the winners.
DO NOT go to the best racing in the year to stand in the bloody centaur allday and not see one horse in the flesh (still baffles me which plonkers do this) Do attempt to get around as many bars as possible (you meet some right folk at the fez) DO a life changing acca,placepot,jackpot etc DO shout any winner home as loud as you can |
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do not wear white calvins if your not used to the black stuff,
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^^^^^
DO keep festival wipes handy at all times |
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Get a seat and some lunch in a box or tent or stay home and watch it in comfort. That is my strategy now but I spent 20 years watching every race from the Members lawn and loved every minute.
Don't join syndicates for Placepot or jackpot-it is money down the drain that you have to get back from sensible bets. |
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Forgot a very important one.
DO have a plan, get your studying done and your big bets on before alcohol and vanishing value, by this stage you should have a handle on your likely bets/strategy. |
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DO watch one race from the centre of the course. My favourite is the 4 miler on day 1. Gives you a completely different perspective on the whole place. And at recent meetings they have conveniently (no pun intended) sited a portaloo and a burger van in that area.
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Loo and burger van been there for years Ragg, amd Tote when it works lol.
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DO:
> Take advantage of bookmaker enhancements - you might not fancy Silviniaco Conti all that much but if you can have a saver on him at 6-1 as opposed to his general price of 3-1 you really should. > Check the Tote and BF if you fancy one at a price - there is nothing worse than - and no excuse for - missing 50-1 about a 28-1 winner you back with the bookies. > Have a serious breakfast to help soak up the alcohol and keep you going over the course of the rollercoaster day ahead. DON'T: > Be put off horses by what you read in the paper or hear in the bar. > Take it too seriously. This is the absolute peak of the year and you should enjoy every second, win, lose or draw. |
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nice post tomdeane!
Do - wear good shoes/boots! Do - buy a programme (or an irish independent and get one free) Do - stick to your strategy Do - Be unafraid of so called plot horses DONT - be persuaded by the form of 'bridle monkeys', they soon find the heat is too hot in the cauldron. |
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Dont Take it too seriously. This is the absolute peak of the year and you should enjoy every second, win, lose or draw.
The best advice given on betfair forum. |
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There is some particularly poor advice on this thread.
* Have a good breakfast - NO, hit Copa Bar at 10.00 am and start on the Guinness * Visit toilet before you hit the course - NO, toilets are empty during the races, I prefer a visit during the 4 miler * Dress in warm clothes and sensible shoes - NO, I will be the dickhead with sandals and a t-shirt on (and shivering at 4.00pm) * Don't drink before the last race - NO, you should just start to get your second wind after the last race * Keep hold of your racing post throughout the day - NO, stand at the winning line during the supreme novice and launch it in the air when the 7/2 poke you backed e/w, scrapes in 3rd. * Don't do syndicate placepot - NO, do a £800 perm placepot with your mates * Stick to you betting strategy - NO, if winning play up, if losing chase! See you a week on Tuesday (remember I am the guy in the t-shirt) |
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haha , great thread, agree about the yellow betfair scarf but two yrs ago when it was -6 and was only in a shirt an jumper I confess I did wear one, I apologise :)
oh an last year I chased my first day loses on Balthazar king in x country ! oh and we have our first pint way before the first race never mind 4th , usually about 10-30. oh and we usually change our minds from horses we've followed all season.! so while I m here * DO get to the course in time to have a sit down with a pint and get your placepot on.(sounds good, haven't managed it yet) * DO eat before you get to the course and stuff ya pockets with greggs or a subway for soaking up the beer. * DO Go outside for some of the races, if your in the tats watch them in the ring then go with the masses through into the club, too many people to check badges! * DO stay for a couple of beers after racing to let the masses exit. * DO try the united services club on the right just at the bottom of the hill, cheapish beer and a plate of scram. * DONT get thrown out of Tesco Brockworth for turning the chicken oven on and trying to put a chicken on the rotisserie at 3am. And win or lose, enjoy it and the memories and funny stories will see us through the boring flat season until it all starts again. good luck everyone |
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Do- Check the Ladbrokes shop (in the main hall) before the first race each day to check out their special offers for the day.
Do- Find the bookie who does 1/4 the odds e/w all races (normally at the bottom near the Guinness village) Do- Have a roast pork baguette in the main hall. Don't- Let the strippers talk you into an "extra dirty dance" |
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Do continue maleuk01.......
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ok onehundredandeighty
don't- start drinking an Irishman's poitin that he has smuggled into the course. Even if he does tell you it'll put hairs on your chest. |
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1) Do go to the Indus resteraunt on bath road on Thursday night.......the owner is a bit of a miserable git but he has tipped the gold cup winner 4 times in the last 6 years ( with his other 2 tips placed ) and it's not a bad curry either
2) don't back with the bookies in the centaur unless you want lesser odds than you can get on the course 3) do fine tune your scrummaging skills if you are intending to join the queue for the bus back to town after racing 4) don't forget it's the last time we will see AP at Cheltenham so give him a cheer even if he isn't your cuppa tea |
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DO Visit Tailors for a few beers. Ten gorgeous barmaid on average v one token bloke to change the barrels :)
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DONT stand on a bench in the Best Mate at 10.30 am steaming and play air guitar along with "Rocking All over Da World".
(Leave it to the 74yo guy in the leather jacket with the bald head, dodgy 'tache and stringy ponytail) |
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You not cutting off your pony tail then john??
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maleuk01. 26 Feb 15 20:54
Do- Check the Ladbrokes shop (in the main hall) before the first race each day to check out their special offers for the day. Do- Find the bookie who does 1/4 the odds e/w all races (normally at the bottom near the Guinness village) Do- Have a roast pork baguette in the main hall. Don't- Let the strippers talk you into an "extra dirty dance" |
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^^^ Jake, is that you?
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Do stay over on Friday night and kick on to Didmarton P2P on the Saturday - they want a 5 day festival, you should give it to them!!!!
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1. Dont believe all the guff about mullins horses,cant be beat, and put you mortgage on multiples, some WILL be beat.
2. Dont stand next to insufferable women who keep asking how to put a bet on 3. Tie a 'send me home-postage will be paid later when im sober'label on your wrist 4. Resist the temptation to offer your shirt to a smiling bookmaker-it doesnt help 5. Savour every minute it seems an eternity until next march 6. Everyone shout ...SIR TONY!! its only a matter of time... 7. Dont offer the bookies 15 pence on a 100-1 in the last race of the meeting 8. After 3 races and 7 pints - the bar-stewards quip runs a bit thin 9. Cheer every horse win or lose they try their best and sometimes give their lives 10....and ditto jockeys, and dont forget jt macnamara and others Have a super week one and all |
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* DONT get thrown out of Tesco Brockworth for turning the chicken oven on and trying to put a chicken on the rotisserie at 3am.
PMSL!! Probably seemed like a great idea at the time |
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Aww, some nice ones there, madman.
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