Cheltenham Festival
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no.1 make sure you have plenty of cash and ante post bets nrnb preffered .(nothing worse than being pottless for the festival )
no.2get the missus to awaken you with breakfast tea/coffee and the racing post ect approx half an hour before the morning line starts .
no.3 get the missus to take the kids to school and give her the credit card and send her shopping with strict instructions not to return untill 5.oclock at the earliest .
no.4 unplug the phone ,some feckin nuisance will always phone just as the supreme or arkle is starting .
no.5 take the battery out of the doorbell ,feckin jehovas witnesses will call 5 mins before the champion hurdle starts (nap)
no.6 have a full kettle and supply of potnoodles ready (crap i know but you dont want to waste time making sarnies or cooking ) while the interveiws and replays are on between races .
no.7 put the cat/dog in a locked room upstairs ,as these poor creatures can often be on the wrong end of a wild kick if things dont go to plan .
no.8 if you happen to win a good whack ffs dont tell the missus exactly what you won when she gets home ,if you win a grand tell her you won a £100,if you win £10 grand tell her you won a grand and so on and drop her £250/£500 she will be well happy with that and reward you later. if you tell her you won £10 grand you are f**cked she will want at least half for a fecking holiday in lanzarote or somewhere with no feckin racing and and news shoes /handbags ect. and if you do your money on the other races and ask her for a few quid she will say what ! you had 5 grand a few days ago what have you done with it ( they dont understand ) . and give you never ending grief about how you wasted all that money .ffs .
no.9 in the run up to chelters dont do anything that could land you in trouble with the law . wormwood scrubs/strangeways is not the best place for betting on the gold cup ect, half ounce of old holborn on kauto star returns 2 and a half ounces if he wins. avoid .
10. follow these rules and you will have a comfortable and enjoyable 4 days of punting heaven and with a bit of luck you will have it off large . good luck and its getting nearer and nearer .
no.2get the missus to awaken you with breakfast tea/coffee and the racing post ect approx half an hour before the morning line starts .
no.3 get the missus to take the kids to school and give her the credit card and send her shopping with strict instructions not to return untill 5.oclock at the earliest .
no.4 unplug the phone ,some feckin nuisance will always phone just as the supreme or arkle is starting .
no.5 take the battery out of the doorbell ,feckin jehovas witnesses will call 5 mins before the champion hurdle starts (nap)
no.6 have a full kettle and supply of potnoodles ready (crap i know but you dont want to waste time making sarnies or cooking ) while the interveiws and replays are on between races .
no.7 put the cat/dog in a locked room upstairs ,as these poor creatures can often be on the wrong end of a wild kick if things dont go to plan .
no.8 if you happen to win a good whack ffs dont tell the missus exactly what you won when she gets home ,if you win a grand tell her you won a £100,if you win £10 grand tell her you won a grand and so on and drop her £250/£500 she will be well happy with that and reward you later. if you tell her you won £10 grand you are f**cked she will want at least half for a fecking holiday in lanzarote or somewhere with no feckin racing and and news shoes /handbags ect. and if you do your money on the other races and ask her for a few quid she will say what ! you had 5 grand a few days ago what have you done with it ( they dont understand ) . and give you never ending grief about how you wasted all that money .ffs .
no.9 in the run up to chelters dont do anything that could land you in trouble with the law . wormwood scrubs/strangeways is not the best place for betting on the gold cup ect, half ounce of old holborn on kauto star returns 2 and a half ounces if he wins. avoid .
10. follow these rules and you will have a comfortable and enjoyable 4 days of punting heaven and with a bit of luck you will have it off large . good luck and its getting nearer and nearer .
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Don't get tanked up in Cheltenham City Centre on the Monday night and wake up with a filthy hangover for the first day of the festival.
Don't listen to the little wise old irish man with the strong gaelic lilt in his accent and the tatty trilby who is sure that he has the next winner!!
will do next year hopefully ,may even be there first day this year, daughter may be getting free tickets from her firm .fingers crossed .
best day is tuesday, going with your bank, full of hope no losers bet yet, the roar - just get a ticket. Bet peddlers at 5/1 week paid for!!!
do not go for 4 days. Pumped thought going to have stroke with palptations etc. still enjoyed it. Only 2 days this year. Tuesday and Wednesday the best days. To many shxt handicaps on Thursday, Friday
Make sure if you have followed 1. that you have had CHICKEN AND NO VALUE MUG tattoo'ed in big capital letters on your forehead (admittedly you will need a big forehead).
top 10 rules for the festival ! This user is offline. FOYLESWAR
no.1 make sure you have plenty of cash and ante post bets nrnb preffered .(nothing worse than being pottless for the festival )
top 10 rules for the festival ! This user is offline. FOYLESWAR
no.1 make sure you have plenty of cash and ante post bets nrnb preffered .(nothing worse than being pottless for the festival )
wellchief. That is my number one rule every year.... and not once have I managed to stick by it 
1. Always check the Tote dividends if you're thinking of backing an outsider (Ilnamar - 'nuff said!)
2. Get a huge breakfast in. Hopefully this'll save you money for punting, through not having to buy botulism in a bun on course. Couldn't believe the prices they were charging for a humble bacon roll on course on New Years Day.
3. Festival virgins. Re the 'Tuesday Roar' Er, sorry to disappoint you but it's not THAT loud. If you've been to a Premier Football match you'll have heard louder. Just accept it's part of the mythology of the place and go with it.
4. Leave the purple cords and canary yellow sou'wester at home. In fact burn them! Unless you're Charlie Brooks, whose a first-order c0ckwit anyway.
5. Don't get involved ante-post in festival handicaps. It's just not worth the will they, won't they run in this race / get in anyway and then to see it go off a bigger price anyway as everyone plunges on some Ferdy Murphy moke with a string of duck eggs to it's name.
6. You're poke in the last race of the day is still wandering round Gloucestershire as everything else is in the unsaddling enclosure? No problem - just let out a massive 'YEASSSGETINYAFUKAH' near a gang of ex public school MILFS. You might pull - who knows?
7. Why be just another generic Cheltenham pi$$head? Getting ar$eholed isn't compulsary. Just suggesting like.
8. Take in at least one race from the centre of the course, just for a change of scenery and to get the full feel of a stand packed with your fellow Cheltenham nutters, all going mental as they come over the last.
9. Strike up a conversation with a stranger. Pound gets you a penny you'll see him her in exactly the same spot next year and every year thereafter - and never again for the other 364 days of the year.
10. Avoid the Irish Banker!
2. Get a huge breakfast in. Hopefully this'll save you money for punting, through not having to buy botulism in a bun on course. Couldn't believe the prices they were charging for a humble bacon roll on course on New Years Day.
3. Festival virgins. Re the 'Tuesday Roar' Er, sorry to disappoint you but it's not THAT loud. If you've been to a Premier Football match you'll have heard louder. Just accept it's part of the mythology of the place and go with it.
4. Leave the purple cords and canary yellow sou'wester at home. In fact burn them! Unless you're Charlie Brooks, whose a first-order c0ckwit anyway.
5. Don't get involved ante-post in festival handicaps. It's just not worth the will they, won't they run in this race / get in anyway and then to see it go off a bigger price anyway as everyone plunges on some Ferdy Murphy moke with a string of duck eggs to it's name.
6. You're poke in the last race of the day is still wandering round Gloucestershire as everything else is in the unsaddling enclosure? No problem - just let out a massive 'YEASSSGETINYAFUKAH' near a gang of ex public school MILFS. You might pull - who knows?
7. Why be just another generic Cheltenham pi$$head? Getting ar$eholed isn't compulsary. Just suggesting like.
8. Take in at least one race from the centre of the course, just for a change of scenery and to get the full feel of a stand packed with your fellow Cheltenham nutters, all going mental as they come over the last.
9. Strike up a conversation with a stranger. Pound gets you a penny you'll see him her in exactly the same spot next year and every year thereafter - and never again for the other 364 days of the year.
10. Avoid the Irish Banker!
Same here CCM
I don't drink on course but always end up getting rat arsed in the night and only just make it there on time for the Supreme!
I don't drink on course but always end up getting rat arsed in the night and only just make it there on time for the Supreme!
Be there.
Bet ante post - preferably NRNB, or bet before you get to the course. This will stop you changing you mind and being swayed by on course tips.
Bet ante post - preferably NRNB, or bet before you get to the course. This will stop you changing you mind and being swayed by on course tips.
1. Dont fall in to the trap of "I cannot see this getting beaten" and stake accordingly, they do get beaten, every year, in fact dont vary your stakes that much, you'll feel a right **** after having £200 on a 6/4 shot and a tenner on a 20-1 winner and ending up level on the day!!
2. You dont HAVE to back something just because everyone around you is agreeing on an outcome just because you might end up being "Billynomates" who is the only one who didnt back it isnt a valid reason
3.Breakfast is the most important meal you have, its a personal preference but i dont even drink until after the last at any race meeting.
4. Be comfortable, ffs its not the time to be wearing brand new shoes or summat scratchy for a day like the Festival, try and have a good clear out before you get to the course
5. You dont HAVE to have a bet because its "The Gold Cup" if you dont think its the price or fancy anything, dont let the occasion get to the pocket
2. You dont HAVE to back something just because everyone around you is agreeing on an outcome just because you might end up being "Billynomates" who is the only one who didnt back it isnt a valid reason
3.Breakfast is the most important meal you have, its a personal preference but i dont even drink until after the last at any race meeting.
4. Be comfortable, ffs its not the time to be wearing brand new shoes or summat scratchy for a day like the Festival, try and have a good clear out before you get to the course
5. You dont HAVE to have a bet because its "The Gold Cup" if you dont think its the price or fancy anything, dont let the occasion get to the pocket
Well, im not so sure about that, although i would add that i bet about 3 weeks before the festival on a couple of handicaps if im sure they are the right ones
Junior
Junior
Personally Roger's #6 was the best suggestion so far 
Zilzal - far too sensible
Zilzal - far too sensible
In more seriousness, he's also right about 8 (and 10 
)
)
Thats ONLY before and during Racing though Roo Last time i went to Cheltenham i was so ratarsed that i had to hand my mobile to a barman in order to get a cab because i was incapable of using one by that time
Although i do try a take a nurofen before i crash out
Sadly those days have gone and im a lightweight
Last time i went to Cheltenham i was so ratarsed that i had to hand my mobile to a barman in order to get a cab because i was incapable of using one by that timeAlthough i do try a take a nurofen before i crash out
Sadly those days have gone and im a lightweight
Oh I'm a lighweight as well - still only remember too late though
Get a good fry up down you in the morning, foods a rip off. Make sure you get there for at least one day, preferably the Tuesday.
Don't spend all of your winnings in the lappies in Cheltenham!!!
3. Festival virgins. Re the 'Tuesday Roar' Er, sorry to disappoint you but it's not THAT loud. If you've been to a Premier Football match you'll have heard louder. Just accept it's part of the mythology of the place and go with it.
Well said. One of the great myths in sport.
Well said. One of the great myths in sport.
^ Not sure about that. It isn't as loud perhaps as it is made out to be but it is still the signal for the beginning of the most anticipated four days of the year. It's something that I still look forward to, mainly because all your hopes are still intact at that point.
Some excellent suggestions on here - especially watching a race from the centre of the course. One of the handicap chases is usually a good bet.
Also agree about being careful with the handicaps ante-post.
Two more I'll add are these:
1: The food is super expensive and it takes you ages to get it (thus risking missing a race or the proper build-up to one). So as well as eating a big breakfast and maybe a big lunch en route to the course, take a pocketful of cereal bars. Not very rock and roll but they'll keep you going when you need a lift throughout the afternoon.
2: Take your smartphone to check in on your BF account before racing. If you fancy anything bigger than 14-1, ask for something ridiculous (2x the price or more) in the morning and have a look before the off. Very often someone will have matched you and you can let it ride or trade out for a free bet worth a lot of money if it wins. If it hasn't been matched, you can decide whether or not you want to back it on course.
With regard to point 2, I have vowed this year to minimise my ante-post bets as the competition and strength of the markets is monumental in comparison to other meetings over the course of the season. Some of the prices matched are outrageously good, so bide your time and think about it before you back anything.
Some excellent suggestions on here - especially watching a race from the centre of the course. One of the handicap chases is usually a good bet.
Also agree about being careful with the handicaps ante-post.
Two more I'll add are these:
1: The food is super expensive and it takes you ages to get it (thus risking missing a race or the proper build-up to one). So as well as eating a big breakfast and maybe a big lunch en route to the course, take a pocketful of cereal bars. Not very rock and roll but they'll keep you going when you need a lift throughout the afternoon.
2: Take your smartphone to check in on your BF account before racing. If you fancy anything bigger than 14-1, ask for something ridiculous (2x the price or more) in the morning and have a look before the off. Very often someone will have matched you and you can let it ride or trade out for a free bet worth a lot of money if it wins. If it hasn't been matched, you can decide whether or not you want to back it on course.
With regard to point 2, I have vowed this year to minimise my ante-post bets as the competition and strength of the markets is monumental in comparison to other meetings over the course of the season. Some of the prices matched are outrageously good, so bide your time and think about it before you back anything.
The corss country is also one to watch from the centre of the course for obvious reasons.
Number 11 - Don't expect much help from certain yards in terms of engagements before the monday.
Stront - I agree the cross country is the race to watch from the middle of the track (although i confess I usually watch it from inside the Golden Miller champagne bar on the TV, caring not a jot for the race).
Without wanting to sound too much like David Ashforth, decent shoes are a must - it is a long 4 days.
I'd also say wrap up warm, although the last few yrs have been pleasant, it can feel like the coldest place on earth.
I'd also recommend watching one of the day's last races from the lawn or the ring (maybe the x-country) and advise anyone to get into the enclosures and pick your spot well in advance of the first race, this way you can pick a spot where the hurdles, fences and winning post are not hidden behind a column (unless you have a seat on the roof).
If it is a nice, warm day, and you are staying in Cheltenham, the walk from Cheltenham to the track is wonderful (this is good in October or April). Climbing the hill to the course discussing the racing with friends and family just makes it extra special.
Without wanting to sound too much like David Ashforth, decent shoes are a must - it is a long 4 days.
I'd also say wrap up warm, although the last few yrs have been pleasant, it can feel like the coldest place on earth.
I'd also recommend watching one of the day's last races from the lawn or the ring (maybe the x-country) and advise anyone to get into the enclosures and pick your spot well in advance of the first race, this way you can pick a spot where the hurdles, fences and winning post are not hidden behind a column (unless you have a seat on the roof).
If it is a nice, warm day, and you are staying in Cheltenham, the walk from Cheltenham to the track is wonderful (this is good in October or April). Climbing the hill to the course discussing the racing with friends and family just makes it extra special.
1) Avoid FAV for the Supreme Novices
2)The Roar seems to have faded last few years however i do seem to remember a rousing start to the Festival over the last 15 years one that would send shivers down your spine and the hairs on your neck stand ..it's all about the anticipation...
3) Common tips on here hearty breakfast decent footwear couldn't agree more...
4) Keep your head when all around you are losing theirs....especially if chasing losses worst bet i did was when in trouble always fancied Rhinestone Cowboy for the Bumper but was in trouble and made him stone walled had my bet on him and borrowed a grand of my pal...bad move made my hole deeper a lesson i try to learn but still occasionally fall in...chasing
5)travel up Monday nothing worse than chasing around tues and panicing your going to miss the 1st
6)For 1 of the four days possibly the Thurs imo worst days racing go over to the Best Mate Enclosure the big beer tent behind the stand good for a laugh craic....camera man on stage zooming in on breasts quality funny what birds do when on camera asnd bevied all good fun
7)take enough cash or cash your prepared to lose ....leave the telephone credit account alone can be dangerous hangover
8) Perm the placepot with friends ..altough hard to get up pools are big so if you kop it it'll be worth while....few years ago guys who stayed at the boozer i used to go to had a £280 pooled placepot it won returned them 12k the dividend paid £1200.
9)Avoid card schools post racing another receipe for losing money
Finally
10)Enjoy very minute of the week ..we wait all year for it....bring it on
2)The Roar seems to have faded last few years however i do seem to remember a rousing start to the Festival over the last 15 years one that would send shivers down your spine and the hairs on your neck stand ..it's all about the anticipation...
3) Common tips on here hearty breakfast decent footwear couldn't agree more...
4) Keep your head when all around you are losing theirs....especially if chasing losses worst bet i did was when in trouble always fancied Rhinestone Cowboy for the Bumper but was in trouble and made him stone walled had my bet on him and borrowed a grand of my pal...bad move made my hole deeper a lesson i try to learn but still occasionally fall in...chasing
5)travel up Monday nothing worse than chasing around tues and panicing your going to miss the 1st
6)For 1 of the four days possibly the Thurs imo worst days racing go over to the Best Mate Enclosure the big beer tent behind the stand good for a laugh craic....camera man on stage zooming in on breasts quality funny what birds do when on camera asnd bevied all good fun
7)take enough cash or cash your prepared to lose ....leave the telephone credit account alone can be dangerous hangover
8) Perm the placepot with friends ..altough hard to get up pools are big so if you kop it it'll be worth while....few years ago guys who stayed at the boozer i used to go to had a £280 pooled placepot it won returned them 12k the dividend paid £1200.
9)Avoid card schools post racing another receipe for losing money
Finally
10)Enjoy very minute of the week ..we wait all year for it....bring it on
1 dont get lashed up the night before and climb onto the stage in the queens and start singing
foylewar, dont no how u can make any rules that dont envolve been at the festival! laughable to say the least
R/e the smartphones thing, a good idea but you'll be doing very well to get a signal on course!
its a lighthearted thread denman not meant to be taken seriously ,
cri**** - sorry, but I make Quevega the best 6/4 shot in history, I have no problem smashing into a shortie if they should be shorter.
Big Bucks last year evens when should have been 4/7, sometimes even the shorties are value....
Big Bucks last year evens when should have been 4/7, sometimes even the shorties are value....
Despite the fact that I always do inevitably end up piling into Quevega after doing far more than planned on the first few races, it always makes me incredibly nervous that she doesn't get seen all season.
Foyleswar... I laughed so loud at your post! Ive been going for almost 20 years and could relate bigstyle!!
The Golden Rule:
Back plenty of 25/1+ horses during the week.
The Cheltenham festival is the best place to find decent 33/1+ winners. Pretty much all the horses are primed for it so take a view on some outsiders, especially if they have course form.
Here are my Cheltenham Betting Tips:
1) Dont back each way too often - better to pick 2 (or 3) in the race. Its amazing how many times your second pick wins. Usually at a much bigger price than your first choice.
2) Look at the Tote pools. Massive value to be had in these strong markets.
3) Do a few exactas and tricasts. You only need to get 1 race right through the week to make a massive profit.
4) In the big 30 runner handicaps focus on the horses numbered between 20 to 24. Its amazing how many times these win and get placed at massive prices. Combination exactas and tricasts pay massive!
5) On Wednesday the first three races always look like favourite bankers. You will lose big style if you hit these three! I have much experience of this!!!
6) J P McManus second and third strings are the easiest place to find price winners.
Good luck all.
I cant wait!
The Golden Rule:
Back plenty of 25/1+ horses during the week.
The Cheltenham festival is the best place to find decent 33/1+ winners. Pretty much all the horses are primed for it so take a view on some outsiders, especially if they have course form.
Here are my Cheltenham Betting Tips:
1) Dont back each way too often - better to pick 2 (or 3) in the race. Its amazing how many times your second pick wins. Usually at a much bigger price than your first choice.
2) Look at the Tote pools. Massive value to be had in these strong markets.
3) Do a few exactas and tricasts. You only need to get 1 race right through the week to make a massive profit.
4) In the big 30 runner handicaps focus on the horses numbered between 20 to 24. Its amazing how many times these win and get placed at massive prices. Combination exactas and tricasts pay massive!
5) On Wednesday the first three races always look like favourite bankers. You will lose big style if you hit these three! I have much experience of this!!!
6) J P McManus second and third strings are the easiest place to find price winners.
Good luck all.
I cant wait!
Oh, the best piece of advice.
ALWAYS TAKE A DECENT COAT!!!!!
On the warm days it starts getting cold by the 4th race!!
ALWAYS TAKE A DECENT COAT!!!!!
On the warm days it starts getting cold by the 4th race!!
Shakepseare's Sheriff
Don't listen to the little wise old irish man with the strong gaelic lilt in his accent and the tatty trilby who is sure that he has the next winner!!
Do you mean Jonjo O'Neill?
Don't listen to the little wise old irish man with the strong gaelic lilt in his accent and the tatty trilby who is sure that he has the next winner!!
Do you mean Jonjo O'Neill?
No3 could prove very costly Foyle I hope you know what your doing.
Those Jehovahs have Cheltenham marked on their calendars, they know your going to be in and vulnerable
if things aren't going well.
Those Jehovahs have Cheltenham marked on their calendars, they know your going to be in and vulnerable
if things aren't going well.
the point about a decent coat is valuable advice.
last year i stayed out til 5.30am before gold cup day, had to check out at 10. only took half as much drink as usual on gold cup day to get me sloshed - i had no idea who had won the last race until the next day. Lesson learnt though, i won't be doing that again!!
some great advice on here though. checking the tote in the handicaps can be very worthwhile, and breakfast at the apple tree sets you up a treat until 3 or 4 in the afternoon.
last year i stayed out til 5.30am before gold cup day, had to check out at 10. only took half as much drink as usual on gold cup day to get me sloshed - i had no idea who had won the last race until the next day. Lesson learnt though, i won't be doing that again!!
some great advice on here though. checking the tote in the handicaps can be very worthwhile, and breakfast at the apple tree sets you up a treat until 3 or 4 in the afternoon.
1. dont take cocaine till the racing has finished. it leads to poor judgement and crazyness.
2.dont drink alchohol, same thing
3.tell your missus to get the fcuk out of the house if you have one
4.no contact with any women unless they are horsewoman, any woman who watches sh1t like eastenders has gotta go
5.tell your friends not to ring you till after the meeting has finished.
6.turn fone off, friends dont like racing but as soon as festival comes on they all want a tip. you give the followers big price winners and they dont respect you enough for your hard work and they wont wet your beak. you tell em to back a horse at 10-1 and if it dont place they forget about the winners you have given them and slag you off. so fcuk em this year.
the phone goes OFF.
7. your best 3 single bets of the meeting have to go in a treble( preferably at fancy prices, no market leaders)
8.feul the body and mind with food.
9.get enuff sleep at night, the festival is a draining campaign and you need to be fresh every morning to attack the bookies.
10. stay off the p155 til friday night.
if you follow these rules you'll have plenty of wonga
if you dont you could find yourself in the poorhouse.
and rule 11. Try to get every fav beat.
good luck
2.dont drink alchohol, same thing
3.tell your missus to get the fcuk out of the house if you have one
4.no contact with any women unless they are horsewoman, any woman who watches sh1t like eastenders has gotta go
5.tell your friends not to ring you till after the meeting has finished.
6.turn fone off, friends dont like racing but as soon as festival comes on they all want a tip. you give the followers big price winners and they dont respect you enough for your hard work and they wont wet your beak. you tell em to back a horse at 10-1 and if it dont place they forget about the winners you have given them and slag you off. so fcuk em this year.
the phone goes OFF.
7. your best 3 single bets of the meeting have to go in a treble( preferably at fancy prices, no market leaders)
8.feul the body and mind with food.
9.get enuff sleep at night, the festival is a draining campaign and you need to be fresh every morning to attack the bookies.
10. stay off the p155 til friday night.
if you follow these rules you'll have plenty of wonga
if you dont you could find yourself in the poorhouse.
and rule 11. Try to get every fav beat.
good luck
Went last year for first time and found:
1) awesome cafe for breakfast just off the main town street. Down some steps. Just further up from WH Smiths - someone may know name.
2) if not raining &/or blowing a gale don't wear a coat. Shirt and jumper will more than suffice - learnt the hard way on Tues and left at hotel for Wed. Can always get a betfair scarf on the walk up
3) dont get a bus. Full of morons and the walks is nice and quicker
4) get there nice and early so a few hours can be spent in the Guinness Village pre first race. Will be packed but all part of the experience
5) didnt have any problem with phone signal what so ever the two days i was there
6) Position yourself in the bar at top of Tatts first tier right in line with finishing post. Can always get a position 5 mins before the race and have a perfect view
7) dont panic about not seeing Quevega. If Unaccompanied and VLV dont turn up (maybe even if they do) she could win running backwards. Had time for a nibble on the grass last year if she so wished
8) if you back Bostons Angel at 21/1 NEVER EVER tell your Mrs how much you won!! £10 ew darling rather than £60ew
1) awesome cafe for breakfast just off the main town street. Down some steps. Just further up from WH Smiths - someone may know name.
2) if not raining &/or blowing a gale don't wear a coat. Shirt and jumper will more than suffice - learnt the hard way on Tues and left at hotel for Wed. Can always get a betfair scarf on the walk up
3) dont get a bus. Full of morons and the walks is nice and quicker
4) get there nice and early so a few hours can be spent in the Guinness Village pre first race. Will be packed but all part of the experience
5) didnt have any problem with phone signal what so ever the two days i was there
6) Position yourself in the bar at top of Tatts first tier right in line with finishing post. Can always get a position 5 mins before the race and have a perfect view
7) dont panic about not seeing Quevega. If Unaccompanied and VLV dont turn up (maybe even if they do) she could win running backwards. Had time for a nibble on the grass last year if she so wished
8) if you back Bostons Angel at 21/1 NEVER EVER tell your Mrs how much you won!! £10 ew darling rather than £60ew
cheltenham gets very crowded and a good tip is to visit the local indian curry house the night before racing and go large on the vindaloos ,it wont make you popular with the cheltenham crowd but will guarantee you a standing space of about 8 square feet on the afternoons racing ,and you can also top up with with the black stuff for extra effect.
^^^ Foyles, dont forget the dodgy burger and cheap cigars to complete the job.
OK...I'll bung a few in.
Dress for warmth not to impress.
Get your bets on ...and get a good race watching spot for the Championship races. Wander about later in the day.
No comedy hats.
Monitor closely pre festival offers - enhanced prices, NRNB etc.Bet more than normal. Establish a portfolio of positions...manage them...run them...hedge them.
Have a few 'throwaway' bets on here in the morning on live outsiders..you'll get big prices.
Don't flash your cash - keep it tucked away.
Ride the simulation horse race...great fun :-)
Have a big breakfast - have a dump.
Watch a race in the Centaur - especially if its cold.
Don't drink and bet - one or the other.
Do a placepot perm.
Watch one of the big races from the parade ring by the winners enclosure...be in prime position for the Champion's return.
Get there early and have a stroll around.
If you have a touch - buy a photo. It'll make you smile for years to come...( Unsinkable Boxer! :-))
Have a spread bet covering the 4 days...lengths...SPs ...favs....gives you an interest in everything.
Dress for warmth not to impress.
Get your bets on ...and get a good race watching spot for the Championship races. Wander about later in the day.
No comedy hats.
Monitor closely pre festival offers - enhanced prices, NRNB etc.Bet more than normal. Establish a portfolio of positions...manage them...run them...hedge them.
Have a few 'throwaway' bets on here in the morning on live outsiders..you'll get big prices.
Don't flash your cash - keep it tucked away.
Ride the simulation horse race...great fun :-)
Have a big breakfast - have a dump.
Watch a race in the Centaur - especially if its cold.
Don't drink and bet - one or the other.
Do a placepot perm.
Watch one of the big races from the parade ring by the winners enclosure...be in prime position for the Champion's return.
Get there early and have a stroll around.
If you have a touch - buy a photo. It'll make you smile for years to come...( Unsinkable Boxer! :-))
Have a spread bet covering the 4 days...lengths...SPs ...favs....gives you an interest in everything.
No Comedy Hats - oh my 'kin good God YES!
I just want to shake them and shout, “YOU’RE A GROWN MAN – SORT YOURSELF OUT!” but I don’t as my old dear brought me up the right way, i.e. with great emphasis on not conducting random assaults in public.
More’s the pity.
I just want to shake them and shout, “YOU’RE A GROWN MAN – SORT YOURSELF OUT!” but I don’t as my old dear brought me up the right way, i.e. with great emphasis on not conducting random assaults in public.
More’s the pity.
rule 11. have a good long p*ss before you go in ,or take one of those wide neck empty orange juice bottles and have a discreet slash in that.
no.12 and most important ,no matter how pissed you are dont drink out of any discarded soft drink bottles no matter how inviting they look .
no.12 and most important ,no matter how pissed you are dont drink out of any discarded soft drink bottles no matter how inviting they look .
One more bit of advice from me:
If you are going to drink, do it early (i.e. as soon as your betting is done and/or the last race is over). If you get trolleyed nice and early you can grab a greasy something or other and down a pint of two of water before getting to bed before midnight. That'll give you a lot of hours to sleep it off and be ready to go again the next day. Pour your glasses of water and leave them beside your bed before you go racing so they are waiting for you when you get back!
There is little worse than rushing to the course with a stinking hangover.
If you are going to drink, do it early (i.e. as soon as your betting is done and/or the last race is over). If you get trolleyed nice and early you can grab a greasy something or other and down a pint of two of water before getting to bed before midnight. That'll give you a lot of hours to sleep it off and be ready to go again the next day. Pour your glasses of water and leave them beside your bed before you go racing so they are waiting for you when you get back!
There is little worse than rushing to the course with a stinking hangover.
There is little worse than rushing to the course with a stinking hangover
What about paper cuts to your j@peye or a soapy t1t-w@nk off Dot Cotton?
What about paper cuts to your j@peye or a soapy t1t-w@nk off Dot Cotton?
Well you've got me beaten there roger, but must say I've never had to endure those nightmares myself. Maybe I'm going to the wrong (or right) pubs after racing?
OK, this might not be the most glamorous of tips, but it definitely helps you get some good prices. You might be busy concentrating on that day's card, but bear in mind the final declarations cutoff for each race (24 hours before most races and 48 hours before the Championship races). Where horses have multiple entries, you can often get on immediately after the declarations at massive prices as firms are sometimes slow to adjust.
Monday 10am - final decs for Tuesday races (CH is Sunday 10am)
Tuesday 10am - final decs for Weds races (CC is Monday 10am)
Weds 10 am - final decs for Thursday races (SH is Tuesday 10am)
Thurs 10 am - final decs for Friday races (GC is Weds 10am)
These might not be 100% accurate but its something like that. Keeping a close eye on oddschecker tells you which firms have adjusted and which havent.
Last year, for example, Bob's Worth wasnt declared for Wednesday's Neptune when they were released at 10.00 on Tuesday morning, so we knew for the first time he was definitely going for the Albert Bartlett on Friday, for which he was still 13/2 at that stage with Bills. Although most of our money was already being allocated for Tuesday's card, we directed some funds towards Bob's Worth at this stage. Within an hour he was into 4/1 across the board and went off (and won) at 15/8.
It was similar for Chicago Grey, who was declared for the 4 miler and (I think) the RSA. As soon as the decs came out for the 4 miler on Tuesday am, we knew he wasnt in the RSA on Thursday, and were able to get on at 8/1 for the 4 miler. Again, within an hour he was into 6/1, and won at 5/1. There were a few other examples, and in some races 3 of the top 6 in the market can come out, so it is one of the most important pre-race stages. Getting good prices about the remaining horses you think have a chance is crucial in terms of turning an average week into a good one.
Monday 10am - final decs for Tuesday races (CH is Sunday 10am)
Tuesday 10am - final decs for Weds races (CC is Monday 10am)
Weds 10 am - final decs for Thursday races (SH is Tuesday 10am)
Thurs 10 am - final decs for Friday races (GC is Weds 10am)
These might not be 100% accurate but its something like that. Keeping a close eye on oddschecker tells you which firms have adjusted and which havent.
Last year, for example, Bob's Worth wasnt declared for Wednesday's Neptune when they were released at 10.00 on Tuesday morning, so we knew for the first time he was definitely going for the Albert Bartlett on Friday, for which he was still 13/2 at that stage with Bills. Although most of our money was already being allocated for Tuesday's card, we directed some funds towards Bob's Worth at this stage. Within an hour he was into 4/1 across the board and went off (and won) at 15/8.
It was similar for Chicago Grey, who was declared for the 4 miler and (I think) the RSA. As soon as the decs came out for the 4 miler on Tuesday am, we knew he wasnt in the RSA on Thursday, and were able to get on at 8/1 for the 4 miler. Again, within an hour he was into 6/1, and won at 5/1. There were a few other examples, and in some races 3 of the top 6 in the market can come out, so it is one of the most important pre-race stages. Getting good prices about the remaining horses you think have a chance is crucial in terms of turning an average week into a good one.
Been last 3 years in Tatts and still haven't found a brilliant spot to watch racing from? Any recommendations folks? Still find it suprising that the home of racing doesn't have a big steep grandstand in Tatts
bluebird.
Stand just in front of the bookies rails about half way down from the stand.
when the race is off this area is free, the bookies boards come down, you have a close to the big screen, a good view of the track and the finishing line.
I did that for many enjoyable years
Stand just in front of the bookies rails about half way down from the stand.
when the race is off this area is free, the bookies boards come down, you have a close to the big screen, a good view of the track and the finishing line.
I did that for many enjoyable years
Agree with the above - best place in Tatts. to watch it from, can see them jump last & then watch finish on screen (can still see up the course usually anyway). You have to watch at least one in the Guinness Village too.
Very good shout Marychain.
Always stop at the bulletin board on the wall as you walk down past the back of the Main Stand as I'm headed for Tatts to see the decs for the next day.
More to ease my mind about the ante-post bets for the next day actually being declared for the race I've backed them in, but that's a shout about the punting edge with most folk pre-occupied with the day immediately ahead.
Always stop at the bulletin board on the wall as you walk down past the back of the Main Stand as I'm headed for Tatts to see the decs for the next day.
More to ease my mind about the ante-post bets for the next day actually being declared for the race I've backed them in, but that's a shout about the punting edge with most folk pre-occupied with the day immediately ahead.
wear good pair of shoes as the bogs are bound to overflow 5 times during the week.
wear good pair of shoes as the bogs are bound to overflow 5 times during the week.
Don't have a curry the night before as you really don't want to get caught short at the course - trust me on this! 
1. Must do the placepot
2. Tote for outsiders, or on here
3. Arrive early one day and have a good walk around
4. Remember pressies for wife and kids
5. If going by train walk into town, have some beers, check out promos from Bookies PR'S, get supplies and walk to course.
6. Dress well, you're not a spiv or a chav are you ?
7. Get up close to the horses, whether parade ring, centre course or winners enc.
8. If you have to eat at some point, Fish and Chips from the van next to the parade ring is usually better than the other options.
9. Against everything your mother told you, speak to strangers. You'll meet some decent folk.
10. Don't listen to 'tips', after all you've put the work in, haven't you ??
2. Tote for outsiders, or on here
3. Arrive early one day and have a good walk around
4. Remember pressies for wife and kids
5. If going by train walk into town, have some beers, check out promos from Bookies PR'S, get supplies and walk to course.
6. Dress well, you're not a spiv or a chav are you ?
7. Get up close to the horses, whether parade ring, centre course or winners enc.
8. If you have to eat at some point, Fish and Chips from the van next to the parade ring is usually better than the other options.
9. Against everything your mother told you, speak to strangers. You'll meet some decent folk.
10. Don't listen to 'tips', after all you've put the work in, haven't you ??
thought id bump this old thread for all the festival punters who are at home watching it on the box ,as these rules still apply this year ,feel free to add any more ! and good luck !
wow lots of advice, bit late for me! ,so il turn it around and say DONT take my advice!
1, il have about 7 pints before the first race, arrive in time to fill in a placepot from memory but il forget a couple that iv marked off in the RP that iv left in the town,
2, il change my mind on a 33/1 winner cos of the beers an a throwaway comment by a stranger despite following the outsider all winter.
3, Back a horse that i would never normally back if i was at home with the full form at hand
4, Back a horse with mates that i would never normally back, just for a team bet !
5, will be wearing trousers , jumper maybe !, no coat, frozen by 3pm
6, Argue with a steward because of not being allowed to carry a pint through to certain areas
7, Use my phone on my credit account because its my round an with a pint after race so wont be time to place
8, use my spread account on a match bet
9, despite breakfast and a greggs on way to course will get munchies and get ripped off on course
10,get even more blind drunk by about 1am in queens and wake with a monster hangover
11, get back on it by 11am next morning and do same again,
12, Finally, IL DO EXACTLY THE SAME NEXT YEAR ! bring it on! Good Luck gentlemen and let them all come home safe
RIP cambell and Brindi B.
1, il have about 7 pints before the first race, arrive in time to fill in a placepot from memory but il forget a couple that iv marked off in the RP that iv left in the town,
2, il change my mind on a 33/1 winner cos of the beers an a throwaway comment by a stranger despite following the outsider all winter.
3, Back a horse that i would never normally back if i was at home with the full form at hand
4, Back a horse with mates that i would never normally back, just for a team bet !
5, will be wearing trousers , jumper maybe !, no coat, frozen by 3pm
6, Argue with a steward because of not being allowed to carry a pint through to certain areas
7, Use my phone on my credit account because its my round an with a pint after race so wont be time to place
8, use my spread account on a match bet
9, despite breakfast and a greggs on way to course will get munchies and get ripped off on course
10,get even more blind drunk by about 1am in queens and wake with a monster hangover
11, get back on it by 11am next morning and do same again,
12, Finally, IL DO EXACTLY THE SAME NEXT YEAR ! bring it on! Good Luck gentlemen and let them all come home safe
RIP cambell and Brindi B.
with new HD tv---only one place to be--in my flat
iPad to look at betfair forum
stocked with drink/food
take prozac to stop putting foot thru screen when fitz after times
iPad to look at betfair forum
stocked with drink/food
take prozac to stop putting foot thru screen when fitz after times
imperative to get shot of the missus during the festival!.......... or just before the gold cup or other vital race she will come out with something on the lines of " those bags of cement that have been in the garden since last summer when the extension or barbecue was built !need taking to the tip! .........ffs ..........tell her to bend her knees and keep her back straight when she is lifting them as they are heavy and you dont want her putting her back out or you will have to wait on her hand and foot while she is laid up. guaranteed to spoil your festival !
no.8 if you happen to win a good whack ffs dont tell the missus exactly what you won when she gets home ,if you win a grand tell her you won a £100,if you win £10 grand tell her you won a grand and so on and drop her £250/£500 she will be well happy with that and reward you later. if you tell her you won £10 grand you are f**cked she will want at least half for a fecking holiday in lanzarote or somewhere with no feckin racing and and news shoes /handbags ect. and if you do your money on the other races and ask her for a few quid she will say what ! you had 5 grand a few days ago what have you done with it ( they dont understand ) . and give you never ending grief about how you wasted all that money .ffs
this is a great analogy, if like me you can get her out the way for the day, then you can tell her you,ve won feck all
this is a great analogy, if like me you can get her out the way for the day, then you can tell her you,ve won feck all
Arguing with the stewards because you can't walk 10 meters through a walk way with a pint, think we've all been there tbh, Apparently people that go horse racing don't have the abilty to walk and hold a drink....
these rules still stand for the festival armchair punter ! and updates and input are encouraged !
11. Follow my tips I'm due a cracking year in 2014.
as ever these rules still apply ...........feel free to add any new usefull punter friendly tips ! not long to go now !
Take a set of ear plugs with you if you don't like John Denver number one song.
ALSO,look out for fellow forumite Teabagdad,he walks the streets on Cheltenham carrying his home in two plastic bags after Big BUCKS got stuffed last year.
Have a couple of quid with the away bookies - imagine having to make a book on Sedgefield at the Festival.
I do not go any more, still go all the other big meetings, enjoy it enormously watching on tv, stock up on plenty of sausages and bacon for rolls for breakfast, plenty of M and S chicken in breadcrumbs, copious bottles of Champagne, Sainsburys Etienne Dumont, £13 a pop at moment is excellent, walk up pub to watch last race of the day, few hours there and take away on way home, repeat daily, lovely
1. Do not accept a members badge from a friend, who tells you at the gates on way in, "oh by the way, if they check that badge, say you bought it from someone in the prince of Wales last night, it's fake"
2. If you get a whisper for a horse, at a massive price, stick a fiver on it, don't dismiss as bullshit and put £50 on the 7/2 fav Only for the whisper to win paying 66 on tote ( cue card )
3. Never, never, never, change your mind from original selections, thisthatandtother was my selection all week for the festival trophy 2005, rathgar beau was the horse on a whim I decided would win the race, and might have won had he not made a mess of the last, thisthatandtother won, was still moaning about it on gold cup day.
2. If you get a whisper for a horse, at a massive price, stick a fiver on it, don't dismiss as bullshit and put £50 on the 7/2 fav Only for the whisper to win paying 66 on tote ( cue card )
3. Never, never, never, change your mind from original selections, thisthatandtother was my selection all week for the festival trophy 2005, rathgar beau was the horse on a whim I decided would win the race, and might have won had he not made a mess of the last, thisthatandtother won, was still moaning about it on gold cup day.
Do listen to drunken Irishmen in town on Monday night, they all have the next big thing for you, it's always completely un-original and it usually loses!
"Sweet Wake mate, Sweet Wake"
"Neverwalkalone mate, NeverWalkAlone"
"Harcon mate, Harcon"
"Dunguib mate, Dunguib"
"Sweet Wake mate, Sweet Wake"
"Neverwalkalone mate, NeverWalkAlone"
"Harcon mate, Harcon"
"Dunguib mate, Dunguib"
This thread makes me feel like a kid at christmas every year. God I can't wait
"This thread makes me feel like a kid at christmas every year. God I can't wait "
Too bloody right!
Not been this giddy since last year and the year before and the year before ... way back to when I fingered my first bird at the back of the sports centre in the 80s
Too bloody right!
Not been this giddy since last year and the year before and the year before ... way back to when I fingered my first bird at the back of the sports centre in the 80s
All your bets should be on so record it , I usually get in at 3pm , watch from start and then can fast forward the garbage. Definitely put dogs somewhere else , got bitten on BBs first WH win , didnt mind though .
Feb 26, 2016 -- 11:54AM, jokersjow wrote:
"This thread makes me feel like a kid at christmas every year. God I can't wait "Too bloody right!Not been this giddy since last year and the year before and the year before ... way back to when I fingered my first bird at the back of the sports centre in the 80s
Haha brilliant. Mine wasn't a memorable experience. Like rattling a stick in a dustbin
rule 36..if you have it off large remember you are at the festival for the horses so don't be tempted to waste money on those busty blonde thong wearing eastern european prozzies, in short skirts, see through blouses ,and sheer stockings and suspenders ...........................
rule 37. and most important never listen to dopey koonts telling you to avoid the eastern European prozzies .................
rule 37. and most important never listen to dopey koonts telling you to avoid the eastern European prozzies .................
jokersjow • February 26, 2016 11:49 AM GMT
Do listen to drunken Irishmen in town on Monday night, they all have the next big thing for you, it's always completely un-original and it usually loses!
"Sweet Wake mate, Sweet Wake"
"Neverwalkalone mate, NeverWalkAlone"
"Harcon mate, Harcon"
"Dunguib mate, Dunguib"
"Presenting Percy mate, Presenting Percy"
"SAMCRO mate, SAMCRO" 
Do listen to drunken Irishmen in town on Monday night, they all have the next big thing for you, it's always completely un-original and it usually loses!
"Sweet Wake mate, Sweet Wake"
"Neverwalkalone mate, NeverWalkAlone"
"Harcon mate, Harcon"
"Dunguib mate, Dunguib"
"Presenting Percy mate, Presenting Percy"
"SAMCRO mate, SAMCRO"
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