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Katona does a Jordan

20 Jan 11 08:25
Former Atomic Kitten and tabloid favourite has decided that slating the ex-Peter Andre is a wise move, and maybe it will be. Meanwhile other contestants are playing it safe by snogging their ice partners...

Having whittled down the line-up over the past two weeks, Dancing on Ice 2011 can now start for real. As can the betting. Sam Attwater seems to be the judges' favourite right now, and with Chloe Madeley and Laura Hamilton hot on his heels, this might well be the first time that he has ever been the most famous name in a sentence about celebrities.

Attwater is also very much the favourite with the Betfair market too - trading at a staggering 1.97. We love a bandwagon, so he can have our support too. As previously pointed out, SA has the right combination of male genitals and a soap opera background to win the prestigious gong, or whatever trinket the winning contestant receives. Probably a golden skate on a tree stump from Jane Torville's garden or something similarly tasteful.

And so to the week's gossip.

Jennifer Metcalfe - the most overtly 'loose-moraled' of the girls if you completely discount Kerry Katona - has clearly taken a few leaves from Kara Tointon's winning handbook (very poor spelling throughout it), by suggesting that she might be going at it like the clappers with her dance partner behind the scenes. The pair drooled into one another's mouths at the end of the weekend skate-off.

Meanwhile, to the relief of the nation, Kerry Katona has reinvigorated the long forgotten Jordan/Peter Andre feud by nailing her colours to TEAM PETER, after suggesting that Jordan is only divorcing that violent transvestite fellow because Peter has declared his love for Frank Lampard's former port in a storm, Elen Rives. It's a story which will no doubt polarise the voters, meaning that Kerry could have snared at least half of them by getting all political about it. Smart move. KK is available at 15.0.

Talking of Cry me a Rives, like Ransen before her, she's been bitching about her portrayal on the show. Apparently she's completely hilarious in real life, they just chose to edit out the jokes. Or something. We've all used that one Elen. We've all used that one.

And there was also politicking from Chloe Madeley of all people, who seems to be wooing the Christian right, when she proudly stood up for monogamy in a magazine interview.

Meanwhile another 20 years of obscurity looks set to seduce Henry from Neighbours following his exit. He blamed the weather for his swift exit. He'll be in for a shock when he eventually heads home...

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