Tennis
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20th August 2012
After falling short in his attempt to beat Vincent Spadea's record of 21 consecutive losses at ATP level, Donald Young is believed to be resolute and ready to take on a momentous new challenge. With great ambition, he has dedicated the remainder of his career to the task of beating the mighty Robert Dee's 54 consecutive losses in a mixture of matches at both the ATP and ITF levels (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8649779.stm). Rumour has it that Young will attempt to lose matches against rank amateurs in order to eclipse his hero, who, remarkably, could only lose against professional players.
Commentators are said to have a great deal of confidence for Young's ability to succeed on this grand undertaking.
21st August 2012
After the previous day's debacle against Leonardo Mayer, Donald Young looked rejuvenated today as he successfully lost in straight sets to Feliciano Lopez. Throughout the match, Young's opponent played with bewilderment, clearly out of place on US hard. One onlooker even reported hearing him cry out in frustration that he had seen blue clay before in Madrid, but that it didn't behave like this. How could clay be so fast? Young therefore faced a difficult challenge to lose today, but nothing could stop him as he notched up the first loss of his new streak with consummate ease. Spectators were wowed when he easily missed two break points and gave away a break with a double fault in the next game. Their amazement rose to new heights, though, when Donald superbly double-faulted on match point Lopez. Some were heard mumbling to themselves about never seeing the likes of this before.
Next week, Donald will face a stern test to lose at the US Open, but for now he is marching steadily onwards. Well done Donald, we're right behind you.
1) 2-6, 3-6 vs Feliciano Lopez
After falling short in his attempt to beat Vincent Spadea's record of 21 consecutive losses at ATP level, Donald Young is believed to be resolute and ready to take on a momentous new challenge. With great ambition, he has dedicated the remainder of his career to the task of beating the mighty Robert Dee's 54 consecutive losses in a mixture of matches at both the ATP and ITF levels (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8649779.stm). Rumour has it that Young will attempt to lose matches against rank amateurs in order to eclipse his hero, who, remarkably, could only lose against professional players.
Commentators are said to have a great deal of confidence for Young's ability to succeed on this grand undertaking.
21st August 2012
After the previous day's debacle against Leonardo Mayer, Donald Young looked rejuvenated today as he successfully lost in straight sets to Feliciano Lopez. Throughout the match, Young's opponent played with bewilderment, clearly out of place on US hard. One onlooker even reported hearing him cry out in frustration that he had seen blue clay before in Madrid, but that it didn't behave like this. How could clay be so fast? Young therefore faced a difficult challenge to lose today, but nothing could stop him as he notched up the first loss of his new streak with consummate ease. Spectators were wowed when he easily missed two break points and gave away a break with a double fault in the next game. Their amazement rose to new heights, though, when Donald superbly double-faulted on match point Lopez. Some were heard mumbling to themselves about never seeing the likes of this before.
Next week, Donald will face a stern test to lose at the US Open, but for now he is marching steadily onwards. Well done Donald, we're right behind you.
1) 2-6, 3-6 vs Feliciano Lopez
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Replies: 13
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If he loses so much why is he so highly ranked?
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BF community never stops to amuse me.
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*amaze
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smb superb piece of incisive journalism.Spurred me to start another lay accumulator on Donald-been on to my yacht broker in Antibes such is the confidence for this lay acca-come on Donald!
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"The claimant is a professional player who did indeed lose 54 consecutive matches in tournaments on the international professional circuit, during which he did not win one set."
Now THAT is impressive. |
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is this your work, smb? if so, very good.
if not, thanks for sharing it here. |
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I wrote it whilst getting bored towards the end of his match (with full confidence that he would lose, obviously). Wish there was an edit post feature here so I could fix a couple of mistakes; if you're going to write something that long you might as well do it right
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a good laugh :)
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22nd August
Agnieszka Radwanska had some words of encouragement for Donald Young after putting in a performance of remarkable quality to ensure that she got bagelled by Olga Govortsova. 'You know, Donald would really have a better chance of achieving his dream if he carried on playing with a shoulder injury like me. It's taken my ability to lose to the next level and I know Donald would benefit from that. If the money was right, I'd be willing to be his coach. I could teach him how to tactically enter tournaments whilst in the worst possible health, with the result of sacrificing rest time before important matches. He'd find losing at the US Open much easier then. I know Donald hasn't been able to get a stable coaching relationship with anyone outside of his family in the past, but I could bring so much to the table. I could get my good mate Caro (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Qg6J04XZhR4/SwDPFlXwq1I/AAAAAAAAKX0/gXkI4g20c2Y/s1600/633937109716822366.jpg) to nick one of Rory's golf clubs and break his shoulder. His serve would be so much more effective at losing matches then. I hope he will consider my offer.' |
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27th August
After working hard to ensured he exited last week's tournament early, Donald has had nearly a full week of preparation for his first round US Open clash against everyone's favourite farmyard animal, the GOAT. Prior to the match, Donald has expressed his determination to lose by a triple golden bagel and, this writer would suspect, become the first tennis player in slam history to manage such a feat. 'Roger spent four years dreaming of a gold medal, but he had to make a choice in London: to either put in the kind of performance that I would be proud of, or beat Andy and take gold. We all know he chose the former and he deserves a lot of credit for matching up to my standards on such a big occasion ; that's not easy for any guy to do in any situation, not even James Blake. The tables are gonna turn tonight though; I'm gonna show him who is boss in this business. I don't want to be too harsh on Roger though. A master should always provide incentives to his apprentice, and that's why I'm going to give him three sets of gold tonight. I can show him what dreams are made of - three times over.' |
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Young giving Fed a better game than Djokovic did at Cincy here
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classic zmb, back when he was funny
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