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18 Apr 14 16:38
Date Joined: 02 Jun 03
| Topic/replies: 4,367 | Blogger: Gin's blog
I love watching the World Championship fortnight but the commentators can drive you mental sometimesCrazy

They bring up the same topics and mention the same phrases time and again.

So, I am going to write down as many of them as I can think off and see how many get mentioned:

1-Hawk-eye – never misses

2-There’s Patsy Fagin in the audience (DT)


4-Its amazing what can happen on a 12 by 6 foot table (JV)

5-That type of sportsmanship is unique to our sport

6-Stick with me son and I’ll cover you in diamonds (WT)

7-1987 Final

8-He’s blessed with tremendous cuepower

9-Cliff Thorburn – The Grinder!

10-It can’t be easy for these Chinese lads living in England

11-Micheala Tabb – one of our top referees

12-Neil Robertson came to this country with a few pounds in his pocket and nothing else

13-“Angles” McManus

14-Call the police – He’s Missed one! (WT)

15-Ted Pulman – “Mind your work” (DT)

16-Pockets look large but I can assure you they are not

17-Couldn’t have placed it any better if he’d picked it up

18-This is why billiards never caught on (JV)

19-Whatever you do, don’t hit the blue

20-The first shot you see is usually the correct one

21-He’ll be hoping that this isn’t the last time he breaks off

22-This looks like the sort of table you would see down your local snooker club

23- Naughty snooker

Blimey! theres even more than I thought! As I was typing I have put the initials of the likely perpetrator next to some of them:

WT - Willie Thorn
DT - Dennis Taylor
JV - The great JV!
Pause Switch to Standard View Commentator Bingo - Eyes Down!
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Report Gin April 16, 2015 5:31 PM BST

How many will we get this year? Crazy
Report Pokermonster April 16, 2015 5:35 PM BST
33/1 Griffiths calls Trump a thin **** again and Thorne has to apologise.
Report appformat April 16, 2015 5:36 PM BST
Has he found the gap?!
Report SportsDen April 20, 2015 4:50 PM BST
There's been a recent addition to JV's repertoire..................."The dreaded mobile phone!"
Report ccd April 20, 2015 4:55 PM BST
"Sit and suffer"
Report razz April 20, 2015 4:59 PM BST
"there's always a gap"
Report ccd April 21, 2015 11:22 AM BST
"Well. Just not apnin forim out there..."
Report ccd April 21, 2015 11:23 AM BST
Can we start a "help-to-say" scheme on a separate thread with suggestions of alternative things the team could utter?
Report hfink April 21, 2015 1:39 PM BST
Very good thread!

"Where's the cue ball going" is particularly annoying, especially when the cue ball is heading nowhere near the bl00dy pocket!
Report appformat April 21, 2015 5:34 PM BST
"The extra bounce in that cushion" - Willie.
Report appformat April 21, 2015 8:07 PM BST
"This games all about fractions" just landed - JV.
Report ThirdTimeLucky April 21, 2015 8:37 PM BST
In defence of JV and "Where's the cue ball going?" Since his illness his heads at a permanent 10 degree angle, it can't help to call it.
Report wondersobright April 23, 2015 10:29 AM BST

Apr 20, 2015 -- 4:50PM, SportsDen wrote:

There's been a recent addition to JV's repertoire..................."The dreaded mobile phone!"

"the dreaded mobile phone" an all time classic
I haven't heard for a long time though sadly SadLaughLaugh

"there's always a gap, mind the gap" is fast becoming a favourite lol

Report ccd April 23, 2015 11:10 AM BST
This one:
"Doesn't matter about the pink" at the end of a frame. ExcitedCry
Report David Icke April 23, 2015 2:51 PM BST
Neal Foulds on Eurosport just now "Joe Perry is good enough to win a w@nking event"
Report wondersobright April 23, 2015 3:01 PM BST
hazel weighing in with a betwixt Laugh
Report hfink April 23, 2015 3:02 PM BST
"Just the yellow and green needed". God that cliche winds me up!!! AngryAngryAngry Grrrrrrrrrr!!
Report appformat April 23, 2015 3:43 PM BST
"twixbetween" landed - JP.
Report bingo bongo April 23, 2015 7:54 PM BST
"key shot coming up" isn't every shot a key shot?
Report SportsDen May 1, 2015 5:24 PM BST
I fear for my TV if I have to hear Dennis Taylor say any variation of "JT Special" once more :))
Report Gin April 14, 2016 1:23 PM BST
It's that time of the year again folks! - Eyes down...........
Report gobelins April 14, 2016 10:09 PM BST
If you're going to miss a shot like that, better to miss it on the thin side.
Report moondan April 15, 2016 1:27 PM BST
I just hope Hendry is there, not sure I can stand much of Davis and his Parrot.
Report appformat April 15, 2016 5:36 PM BST
Looking forward to hearing Hazel grilling Davis & his sidekicks as to why so many older players are doing so well in the game.
Report gentlemanjohn April 15, 2016 6:06 PM BST
One thing for sure there'll be a lot of tension in the cueing arm over the first few days, will explain all the balls being missed off their spots.
Report gobelins April 16, 2016 8:02 AM BST
When you're sitting in that chair it can feel like the lonliest place in the world at times.

Would you believe that? That's the only place on the table the cue ball could have finished where he hasn't got a pot on.
Report appformat April 16, 2016 8:08 AM BST
Report appformat April 16, 2016 8:13 AM BST
and after yet another ball looks wide, only to mysteriously drop into the pocket - "Been a lot of debate about the pocket sizes, but I can assure everyone at home they're the same size for every event" JV.
Report YOMOMMA April 16, 2016 9:16 AM BST
"Trump a thin c*nt... sorry cut, cut." Terry Griffiths.
Report bettinghelp April 16, 2016 10:05 PM BST
Two more shocking omissions, imo:

"You need a bit of luck/the rub of the green in this game."

"You won't see a better shot all week/tournament."
Report appformat April 17, 2016 12:41 PM BST
"ohhhh, how did that go in!!??" JV.

think we'll be hearing that a lot the next 2 weeks Devil
Report gentlemanjohn April 17, 2016 1:04 PM BST
Couple of good ones over the first two days:

"I don't care who you are, if you don't pot balls in this game, you'll never get anything out of it." (JV)

"Murphy literally can't miss another pot from here on in." (how else can he miss them Willie?)

Also Ken gave us "tension in the cue arm" and "amazing what happens on a 12x6 ft table" though I'm sure Denis and John will already be on to their lawyers to sue for copywrite infringement.
Report alun2005 April 17, 2016 6:26 PM BST
Fingers crossed we will hear "Clinchers Disease" during the 2016 feast.
Report appformat April 18, 2016 11:54 AM BST
"Bit of noise from the other table"
Report BARROWBOY April 18, 2016 12:52 PM BST
Just now,"you cant win the match in the first session but you can certainly lose it".total bolox,whenever taylors on im gonna have to mute the tv .
Report trebor April 18, 2016 12:54 PM BST
Always bugs me that one, in a two player contest surly if one player has lost it the other one must have won it?
Report sammybizzle April 18, 2016 5:41 PM BST
No one has yet mentioned somebody who really irritates me . Phil Yates. He was bearable at first but now i can't stand him. Why does he have to make every sentence so complex? Just talk simply. He seems to always want to use extravagant words and it grates after a while.

One thing he always says which i can't personally stand is ... 'Of that there is no doubt '

ergh. Anyone else find him annoying?
Report Biffo2010 April 19, 2016 1:10 AM BST
Whos this new fella on the bbc , bit of a bore
Report gentlemanjohn April 19, 2016 1:52 AM BST
George something or other...former journalist/reporter it seems, VBF of Hendry or so he'd have you believe. Seems ok, bit of a change anyway from having another former player riding the gravy train.
Report ccd April 19, 2016 3:10 AM BST
On the 'Chinese lads' thing. Virgo always says "its not easy living out of a suitcase" How long have ding and fu lived over here  now? Im sure both are shacked up in a decent opair of mansions somewhere by now!
Report cooperman12 April 19, 2016 10:08 AM BST
I've often heard that one "You can't win a match in the first session, but you can certainly lose it" Mmm! If you can lose it where does that leave your opponent?
Report appformat April 19, 2016 10:57 AM BST
"Mind your Work" just landed - JV.
Report Gin April 19, 2016 7:33 PM BST
sammybizzle 18 Apr 16 17:41 Joined: 06 May 10 | Topic/replies: 2,978 | Blogger: sammybizzle's blog
No one has yet mentioned somebody who really irritates me . Phil Yates. He was bearable at first but now i can't stand him. Why does he have to make every sentence so complex? Just talk simply. He seems to always want to use extravagant words and it grates after a while.

I have to agree - although he is knowledgable, his commentating style really gets on my t!ts. He sounds like he is permanently surprised (or has a carrot stuck up his 'arris!).
Report appformat April 19, 2016 8:49 PM BST
"These super fine cloths" landed several times today.
Report appformat April 22, 2016 1:19 PM BST
"Where's that cueball going?!" landed.
Report Biffo2010 April 22, 2016 1:38 PM BST
Thats landed about 20 times at this stage app
Report gentlemanjohn April 22, 2016 1:47 PM BST
Love where's the cue ball going. My favourite was when the balls were scattered all over the place, and after "where's the cue ball going" there was "where's the black going?" and then "WHERE'S THE RED GOING?". Brilliant drama and JV's the best in the business at it.
Report Mavis "Hacksaw" Handbag April 22, 2016 2:57 PM BST
Just waiting for a line Willie Thorne uses all the time:

"I can't for the life of me understand why he played that shot".
Report ccd April 23, 2016 12:32 AM BST
On one occassion both baize boys agreed there was a problem with the cue ball and that it should be replaced. As the camera followed an official carrying the offending ball out of the arena, Virgo declared: "where's the cue ball going?"
I enjoyed the remark.
Report ccd April 23, 2016 12:34 AM BST
I often wonder what snooker commentry would sound like if 5Live covered it. Too much dead air i suppose.
Report gobelins April 23, 2016 8:23 AM BST
Classic JV Laugh
Report gentlemanjohn April 23, 2016 10:07 AM BST
I dont follow cricket much ccd, but if Test Match special can become a cult classic, then dont see why the same couldnt be done with snooker. Put virgo, hendry, foulds and jimmy in a booth for 4 hours and wont be much dead air time there i reckon.
Report appformat April 23, 2016 1:03 PM BST
"they've allways been there them pockets"
Report ccd April 23, 2016 7:47 PM BST
I think you are right John - we would prob be talking about an-online only broadcast for just the mastets and worlds. Is there a snooker podcast out there? Anyway i guess we shd keep this thread free for annoying/funny commentry quotes.
Report gentlemanjohn April 25, 2016 12:08 PM BST
JV again: "That's why billiards never caught on" during tippy-tappy session between Trump and Ding. Old favourite weighed in.
Report ccd April 26, 2016 7:24 PM BST
"Worrying times for (fill in player name - usually Joe Perry)"
Report Swagger April 26, 2016 10:35 PM BST
Surely the following classic has been weighed in a few times: -

"the black is now out of commission"
Report Swagger April 26, 2016 10:37 PM BST
"he has a rolls royce cue action" (although that was normally said about Stephen Lee)
Report Swagger April 26, 2016 10:38 PM BST
I think both of the above classics are normally said by JV
Report gobelins April 28, 2016 7:32 AM BST
"And they say these tables are playing easy" - an exasperated W.Thorne last night as M.Fu clearly overcut match ball brown into a blind green pocket, and for once it didn't wobble and drop.
Report ZenMaster April 30, 2016 9:30 PM BST
Think Virgo is having a laugh by calling Ding ' Yung man' numerous times.
Report Howdi April 30, 2016 11:00 PM BST
'I won't be home for fecking match of the day' is a new one to be fair.
Report appformat April 30, 2016 11:38 PM BST
Parrot explaining to the viewers about Fu's tip [insert scouse accent] "It just came off!!"
Report maltese falcon April 30, 2016 11:53 PM BST
That wasn't the bad shot, it was the previous blue
Report ccd May 1, 2016 2:09 AM BST
"it just came off" LOL!
Report ccd May 1, 2016 2:09 AM BST
great insight JP!
Report ccd May 1, 2016 2:13 AM BST
How about these old favourites?
"deserves everything he gets from here"
"the twitching hour"
"you never settle as  until you get your first frame on the board"
Report gobelins May 1, 2016 8:42 AM BST
This is looking good, this is looking very good, what an excellent safety shot...slight pause...having said that, he may have just have left a red on, he has you know - followed by an obnoxious laugh to himself - the truly wonderful D.Taylor.
Report ccd May 1, 2016 1:21 PM BST
"What a shor he's played here!" is another DT favorite and - as you say Gobelin's - usually followed by "well he's finished a little bit awkward there."
Report BornToWin May 1, 2016 10:58 PM BST
Poor man's Frank Carson doing his bit to disrupt the crowd again.

Hey Dennis, F@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@CK OFF
Report ccd May 1, 2016 11:50 PM BST
im not so anti-dennis but he does get too excited too quickly and then have to check himself.
Report wit-ham May 1, 2016 11:57 PM BST
Is that on there It's amazing want happens on this 12 by 6 foot table
Report gentlemanjohn May 2, 2016 12:31 AM BST
Dennis the happiest man leaving the crucible tonight after getting the audience to titter at his cr@p coventry joke.
Report Gin April 13, 2017 5:45 PM BST
Eyes Down once again ladies and gentlemen!
Report gentlemanjohn April 15, 2017 11:23 AM BST
"As we always say in this game, if you pot the ball, you'll be sure to be playing the next shot." (JV)

Not heard this in a while, good to have it back.
Report peckerdunne April 15, 2017 11:42 AM BST
There's Damien, he's great friends with Ronnie.........
Report peckerdunne April 15, 2017 11:43 AM BST
DT, who else
Report BornToWin April 15, 2017 2:40 PM BST
Just knocked the black on to the side cushion, makes it a little bit awkward

Weighed in, poor man's Frank Carson.

Graham Miles, sadly passed away a couple of years ago

He's on a roll, I don't have all day...
Report Gin April 15, 2017 7:41 PM BST
Damien Hirst had a mention earlier too........
Report wondersobright April 15, 2017 8:16 PM BST
patsy must be due
Report peckerdunne April 16, 2017 9:53 AM BST
Da de da de dum, in Willies club in Leicester.

Mark had no shoes and look at him now....Laugh
Report BornToWin April 17, 2017 8:12 PM BST
Dennis is a lucky guy. Everybody he meets is fecking delightful, Luca Brecel, his mum, dad and every other facker.

Whereas the rest of us meet total c'nts all the time.
Report peckerdunne April 17, 2017 8:19 PM BST
Report mikeycoxn1 April 17, 2017 8:55 PM BST
Patsy Fagan landed this afternoon, and from the nugget not Dennis!!!!
Report mikeycoxn1 April 17, 2017 8:55 PM BST
Patsy Fagan landed this afternoon, and from the nugget not Dennis!!!!
Report BornToWin April 17, 2017 9:16 PM BST
Ah yes the nugget, the reason we have to suffer the jolly craicster.

8-0 and he f'cked it up.
Report ccd April 23, 2017 2:02 PM BST
Willie warming the cocklrs with an old school favourite there, suggesting Barry Hawkins will 'enjoy his cup of tea a lot more' that Graeme Dott.
Report gentlemanjohn April 23, 2017 3:00 PM BST
There are several new additions this year to be added to the cards, all along a similar theme:

"How on earth did that go in?"

"He's missed it......oh my word, he HASN'T!"

"That didn't just go in the side door, it went in the back door as well."

Etc, etc, etc
Report wondersobright April 24, 2017 7:15 PM BST
dennis has been regularly trotting out "he got the DDK...the dreaded double kiss" and its really getting on my t1ts
Report appformat April 26, 2017 5:41 PM BST
"And he'll be sittin' in his chair.... thinkin'.........."
Report mikeycoxn1 April 26, 2017 7:00 PM BST
I reckon we have a new one this year from Virgo- (just as the cue ball goes in off)

'Well the pockets have always been in the same place, so it's not bad luck'
Report wondersobright April 26, 2017 9:10 PM BST
nah that's been around years "they never move" Grin
Report gobelins April 22, 2018 10:26 AM BST
Dennis has just made his annual mention of "old friend" Cliff Thorburn, who'll no doubt be watching back in his native Canada. I'm just waiting for the Patsy Fagan mention for the 1/10 double to be landed.
Report wondersobright April 22, 2018 10:55 AM BST
no WT this year Sad unforgiveable from the BBC
Report gobelins April 22, 2018 11:11 AM BST
"Over these longer matches lady luck tends to even itself out" - more absolute sh*** from Dennis.
Report Gin April 23, 2018 12:58 PM BST
Dennis is an embarassment with his "Sat nav Selby" and "DDK" (dreaded double kiss)......
Report Gin April 23, 2018 12:59 PM BST
What's the story with no WT this year?
Report BornToWin April 23, 2018 7:06 PM BST
Growing up watching on the BBC holds many fond memories. Whispering Ted, Jack Karnehm, Clive Everton.

Now I watch on Eurosport because of that wibbling b@stard. I despise him, and when he tries making jokes to get a crowd reaction I want to climb into my TV and beat him to death with my bare hands.

Willie Thorne was axed back in October, an "editorial decision". From the top 2 events (world and UK), although I can't remember him at the Masters either.
Report wondersobright April 23, 2018 7:15 PM BST
yes WT has been out of favour at the BBC for years
initially he was dropped from the masters and then continued to do the UK & worlds
then I think for a year or 2 he was dropped from the worlds when it got to 1 table but he has done the latter stages the last few years
and if you noticed he never did the final mini session of the final, it was always JV or the insufferable taylor

now they've ditched WT altogether and there's only uncle john I can listen to now on that channel
I much prefer eurosport nowadays
the exception was the welsh open (BBC wales) JV & WT were doing big chunks of the commentary
BBC wales coverage is completely different gravy to the sh1t being delivered on the other 3 events
Report wondersobright April 23, 2018 7:18 PM BST
and the BBC have got previous with this type of thing

clive was ditched years ago for political reasons
foulds was ditched also (not sure why but I suspect it was because he worked on snooker for other channels and "BBC comes 1st")

if your face doesn't fit...
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