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I love watching the World Championship fortnight but the commentators can drive you mental sometimes
They bring up the same topics and mention the same phrases time and again.
So, I am going to write down as many of them as I can think off and see how many get mentioned:
1-Hawk-eye – never misses
2-There’s Patsy Fagin in the audience (DT)
3-WHERES THE CUEBALL GOING! (JV)
4-Its amazing what can happen on a 12 by 6 foot table (JV)
5-That type of sportsmanship is unique to our sport
6-Stick with me son and I’ll cover you in diamonds (WT)
7-1987 Final
8-He’s blessed with tremendous cuepower
9-Cliff Thorburn – The Grinder!
10-It can’t be easy for these Chinese lads living in England
11-Micheala Tabb – one of our top referees
12-Neil Robertson came to this country with a few pounds in his pocket and nothing else
13-“Angles” McManus
14-Call the police – He’s Missed one! (WT)
15-Ted Pulman – “Mind your work” (DT)
16-Pockets look large but I can assure you they are not
17-Couldn’t have placed it any better if he’d picked it up
18-This is why billiards never caught on (JV)
19-Whatever you do, don’t hit the blue
20-The first shot you see is usually the correct one
21-He’ll be hoping that this isn’t the last time he breaks off
22-This looks like the sort of table you would see down your local snooker club
23- Naughty snooker
Blimey! theres even more than I thought! As I was typing I have put the initials of the likely perpetrator next to some of them:
WT - Willie Thorn
DT - Dennis Taylor
JV - The great JV!
They bring up the same topics and mention the same phrases time and again.
So, I am going to write down as many of them as I can think off and see how many get mentioned:
1-Hawk-eye – never misses
2-There’s Patsy Fagin in the audience (DT)
3-WHERES THE CUEBALL GOING! (JV)
4-Its amazing what can happen on a 12 by 6 foot table (JV)
5-That type of sportsmanship is unique to our sport
6-Stick with me son and I’ll cover you in diamonds (WT)
7-1987 Final
8-He’s blessed with tremendous cuepower
9-Cliff Thorburn – The Grinder!
10-It can’t be easy for these Chinese lads living in England
11-Micheala Tabb – one of our top referees
12-Neil Robertson came to this country with a few pounds in his pocket and nothing else
13-“Angles” McManus
14-Call the police – He’s Missed one! (WT)
15-Ted Pulman – “Mind your work” (DT)
16-Pockets look large but I can assure you they are not
17-Couldn’t have placed it any better if he’d picked it up
18-This is why billiards never caught on (JV)
19-Whatever you do, don’t hit the blue
20-The first shot you see is usually the correct one
21-He’ll be hoping that this isn’t the last time he breaks off
22-This looks like the sort of table you would see down your local snooker club
23- Naughty snooker
Blimey! theres even more than I thought! As I was typing I have put the initials of the likely perpetrator next to some of them:
WT - Willie Thorn
DT - Dennis Taylor
JV - The great JV!
Show More
33/1 Griffiths calls Trump a thin **** again and Thorne has to apologise.
There's been a recent addition to JV's repertoire..................."The dreaded mobile phone!"
Can we start a "help-to-say" scheme on a separate thread with suggestions of alternative things the team could utter?
Very good thread!
"Where's the cue ball going" is particularly annoying, especially when the cue ball is heading nowhere near the bl00dy pocket!
"Where's the cue ball going" is particularly annoying, especially when the cue ball is heading nowhere near the bl00dy pocket!
In defence of JV and "Where's the cue ball going?" Since his illness his heads at a permanent 10 degree angle, it can't help to call it.
Apr 20, 2015 -- 10:50AM, SportsDen wrote:
There's been a recent addition to JV's repertoire..................."The dreaded mobile phone!"
"the dreaded mobile phone" an all time classic
I haven't heard for a long time though sadly 
"there's always a gap, mind the gap" is fast becoming a favourite lol
This one:
"Doesn't matter about the pink" at the end of a frame.
"Doesn't matter about the pink" at the end of a frame.
Neal Foulds on Eurosport just now "Joe Perry is good enough to win a w@nking event"
"Just the yellow and green needed". God that cliche winds me up!!! 
Grrrrrrrrrr!!
Grrrrrrrrrr!!
I fear for my TV if I have to hear Dennis Taylor say any variation of "JT Special" once more :))
It's that time of the year again folks! - Eyes down...........
If you're going to miss a shot like that, better to miss it on the thin side.
I just hope Hendry is there, not sure I can stand much of Davis and his Parrot.
Looking forward to hearing Hazel grilling Davis & his sidekicks as to why so many older players are doing so well in the game.
One thing for sure there'll be a lot of tension in the cueing arm over the first few days, will explain all the balls being missed off their spots.
When you're sitting in that chair it can feel like the lonliest place in the world at times.
Would you believe that? That's the only place on the table the cue ball could have finished where he hasn't got a pot on.
Would you believe that? That's the only place on the table the cue ball could have finished where he hasn't got a pot on.
and after yet another ball looks wide, only to mysteriously drop into the pocket - "Been a lot of debate about the pocket sizes, but I can assure everyone at home they're the same size for every event" JV.
Two more shocking omissions, imo:
"You need a bit of luck/the rub of the green in this game."
"You won't see a better shot all week/tournament."
"You need a bit of luck/the rub of the green in this game."
"You won't see a better shot all week/tournament."
"ohhhh, how did that go in!!??" JV.
think we'll be hearing that a lot the next 2 weeks
think we'll be hearing that a lot the next 2 weeks
Couple of good ones over the first two days:
"I don't care who you are, if you don't pot balls in this game, you'll never get anything out of it." (JV)
"Murphy literally can't miss another pot from here on in." (how else can he miss them Willie?)
Also Ken gave us "tension in the cue arm" and "amazing what happens on a 12x6 ft table" though I'm sure Denis and John will already be on to their lawyers to sue for copywrite infringement.
"I don't care who you are, if you don't pot balls in this game, you'll never get anything out of it." (JV)
"Murphy literally can't miss another pot from here on in." (how else can he miss them Willie?)
Also Ken gave us "tension in the cue arm" and "amazing what happens on a 12x6 ft table" though I'm sure Denis and John will already be on to their lawyers to sue for copywrite infringement.
Fingers crossed we will hear "Clinchers Disease" during the 2016 feast.
Just now,"you cant win the match in the first session but you can certainly lose it".total bolox,whenever taylors on im gonna have to mute the tv .
Always bugs me that one, in a two player contest surly if one player has lost it the other one must have won it?
No one has yet mentioned somebody who really irritates me . Phil Yates. He was bearable at first but now i can't stand him. Why does he have to make every sentence so complex? Just talk simply. He seems to always want to use extravagant words and it grates after a while.
One thing he always says which i can't personally stand is ... 'Of that there is no doubt '
ergh. Anyone else find him annoying?
One thing he always says which i can't personally stand is ... 'Of that there is no doubt '
ergh. Anyone else find him annoying?
George something or other...former journalist/reporter it seems, VBF of Hendry or so he'd have you believe. Seems ok, bit of a change anyway from having another former player riding the gravy train.
On the 'Chinese lads' thing. Virgo always says "its not easy living out of a suitcase" How long have ding and fu lived over here now? Im sure both are shacked up in a decent opair of mansions somewhere by now!
I've often heard that one "You can't win a match in the first session, but you can certainly lose it" Mmm! If you can lose it where does that leave your opponent?
sammybizzle 18 Apr 16 17:41 Joined: 06 May 10 | Topic/replies: 2,978 | Blogger: sammybizzle's blog
No one has yet mentioned somebody who really irritates me . Phil Yates. He was bearable at first but now i can't stand him. Why does he have to make every sentence so complex? Just talk simply. He seems to always want to use extravagant words and it grates after a while.
I have to agree - although he is knowledgable, his commentating style really gets on my t!ts. He sounds like he is permanently surprised (or has a carrot stuck up his 'arris!).
No one has yet mentioned somebody who really irritates me . Phil Yates. He was bearable at first but now i can't stand him. Why does he have to make every sentence so complex? Just talk simply. He seems to always want to use extravagant words and it grates after a while.
I have to agree - although he is knowledgable, his commentating style really gets on my t!ts. He sounds like he is permanently surprised (or has a carrot stuck up his 'arris!).
Love where's the cue ball going. My favourite was when the balls were scattered all over the place, and after "where's the cue ball going" there was "where's the black going?" and then "WHERE'S THE RED GOING?". Brilliant drama and JV's the best in the business at it.
Just waiting for a line Willie Thorne uses all the time:
"I can't for the life of me understand why he played that shot".
"I can't for the life of me understand why he played that shot".
On one occassion both baize boys agreed there was a problem with the cue ball and that it should be replaced. As the camera followed an official carrying the offending ball out of the arena, Virgo declared: "where's the cue ball going?"
I enjoyed the remark.
I enjoyed the remark.
I often wonder what snooker commentry would sound like if 5Live covered it. Too much dead air i suppose.
I dont follow cricket much ccd, but if Test Match special can become a cult classic, then dont see why the same couldnt be done with snooker. Put virgo, hendry, foulds and jimmy in a booth for 4 hours and wont be much dead air time there i reckon.
I think you are right John - we would prob be talking about an-online only broadcast for just the mastets and worlds. Is there a snooker podcast out there? Anyway i guess we shd keep this thread free for annoying/funny commentry quotes.
JV again: "That's why billiards never caught on" during tippy-tappy session between Trump and Ding. Old favourite weighed in.
"Worrying times for (fill in player name - usually Joe Perry)"
Surely the following classic has been weighed in a few times: -
"the black is now out of commission"
"the black is now out of commission"
"he has a rolls royce cue action" (although that was normally said about Stephen Lee)
I think both of the above classics are normally said by JV
"And they say these tables are playing easy" - an exasperated W.Thorne last night as M.Fu clearly overcut match ball brown into a blind green pocket, and for once it didn't wobble and drop.
Think Virgo is having a laugh by calling Ding ' Yung man' numerous times.
'I won't be home for fecking match of the day' is a new one to be fair. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3567407/Potty-mouth-Snooker-commenta...
Parrot explaining to the viewers about Fu's tip [insert scouse accent] "It just came off!!"
That wasn't the bad shot, it was the previous blue
How about these old favourites?
"deserves everything he gets from here"
"the twitching hour"
"you never settle as until you get your first frame on the board"
"deserves everything he gets from here"
"the twitching hour"
"you never settle as until you get your first frame on the board"
This is looking good, this is looking very good, what an excellent safety shot...slight pause...having said that, he may have just have left a red on, he has you know - followed by an obnoxious laugh to himself - the truly wonderful D.Taylor.
"What a shor he's played here!" is another DT favorite and - as you say Gobelin's - usually followed by "well he's finished a little bit awkward there."
Poor man's Frank Carson doing his bit to disrupt the crowd again.
Hey Dennis, F@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@CK OFF
Hey Dennis, F@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@CK OFF
im not so anti-dennis but he does get too excited too quickly and then have to check himself.
Is that on there It's amazing want happens on this 12 by 6 foot table
Dennis the happiest man leaving the crucible tonight after getting the audience to titter at his cr@p coventry joke.
"As we always say in this game, if you pot the ball, you'll be sure to be playing the next shot." (JV)
Not heard this in a while, good to have it back.
Not heard this in a while, good to have it back.
There's Damien, he's great friends with Ronnie.........
Just knocked the black on to the side cushion, makes it a little bit awkward
Weighed in, poor man's Frank Carson.
Graham Miles, sadly passed away a couple of years ago
He's on a roll, I don't have all day...
Weighed in, poor man's Frank Carson.
Graham Miles, sadly passed away a couple of years ago
He's on a roll, I don't have all day...
Da de da de dum, in Willies club in Leicester.
Mark had no shoes and look at him now....
Mark had no shoes and look at him now....
Dennis is a lucky guy. Everybody he meets is fecking delightful, Luca Brecel, his mum, dad and every other facker.
Whereas the rest of us meet total c'nts all the time.
Whereas the rest of us meet total c'nts all the time.
Patsy Fagan landed this afternoon, and from the nugget not Dennis!!!!
Patsy Fagan landed this afternoon, and from the nugget not Dennis!!!!
Ah yes the nugget, the reason we have to suffer the jolly craicster.
8-0 and he f'cked it up.
8-0 and he f'cked it up.
Willie warming the cocklrs with an old school favourite there, suggesting Barry Hawkins will 'enjoy his cup of tea a lot more' that Graeme Dott.
There are several new additions this year to be added to the cards, all along a similar theme:
"How on earth did that go in?"
"He's missed it......oh my word, he HASN'T!"
"That didn't just go in the side door, it went in the back door as well."
Etc, etc, etc
"How on earth did that go in?"
"He's missed it......oh my word, he HASN'T!"
"That didn't just go in the side door, it went in the back door as well."
Etc, etc, etc
dennis has been regularly trotting out "he got the DDK...the dreaded double kiss" and its really getting on my t1ts
"And he'll be sittin' in his chair.... thinkin'.........."
Virgo.
Virgo.
I reckon we have a new one this year from Virgo- (just as the cue ball goes in off)
'Well the pockets have always been in the same place, so it's not bad luck'
'Well the pockets have always been in the same place, so it's not bad luck'
Dennis has just made his annual mention of "old friend" Cliff Thorburn, who'll no doubt be watching back in his native Canada. I'm just waiting for the Patsy Fagan mention for the 1/10 double to be landed.
"Over these longer matches lady luck tends to even itself out" - more absolute sh*** from Dennis.
Dennis is an embarassment with his "Sat nav Selby" and "DDK" (dreaded double kiss)......
Growing up watching on the BBC holds many fond memories. Whispering Ted, Jack Karnehm, Clive Everton.
Now I watch on Eurosport because of that wibbling b@stard. I despise him, and when he tries making jokes to get a crowd reaction I want to climb into my TV and beat him to death with my bare hands.
Willie Thorne was axed back in October, an "editorial decision". From the top 2 events (world and UK), although I can't remember him at the Masters either.
Now I watch on Eurosport because of that wibbling b@stard. I despise him, and when he tries making jokes to get a crowd reaction I want to climb into my TV and beat him to death with my bare hands.
Willie Thorne was axed back in October, an "editorial decision". From the top 2 events (world and UK), although I can't remember him at the Masters either.
yes WT has been out of favour at the BBC for years
initially he was dropped from the masters and then continued to do the UK & worlds
then I think for a year or 2 he was dropped from the worlds when it got to 1 table but he has done the latter stages the last few years
and if you noticed he never did the final mini session of the final, it was always JV or the insufferable taylor
now they've ditched WT altogether and there's only uncle john I can listen to now on that channel
I much prefer eurosport nowadays
the exception was the welsh open (BBC wales) JV & WT were doing big chunks of the commentary
BBC wales coverage is completely different gravy to the sh1t being delivered on the other 3 events
initially he was dropped from the masters and then continued to do the UK & worlds
then I think for a year or 2 he was dropped from the worlds when it got to 1 table but he has done the latter stages the last few years
and if you noticed he never did the final mini session of the final, it was always JV or the insufferable taylor
now they've ditched WT altogether and there's only uncle john I can listen to now on that channel
I much prefer eurosport nowadays
the exception was the welsh open (BBC wales) JV & WT were doing big chunks of the commentary
BBC wales coverage is completely different gravy to the sh1t being delivered on the other 3 events
and the BBC have got previous with this type of thing
clive was ditched years ago for political reasons
foulds was ditched also (not sure why but I suspect it was because he worked on snooker for other channels and "BBC comes 1st")
if your face doesn't fit...
clive was ditched years ago for political reasons
foulds was ditched also (not sure why but I suspect it was because he worked on snooker for other channels and "BBC comes 1st")
if your face doesn't fit...
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