The Masters Nightmare!!

Hills going 6s in morning apparently Huddys. I topped up at 9-2 e.w in Powers myself today. Need to stop topping up!!

Stan james also going 6s, and they took a good bet. Worth opening one if ya dont have one Huddy. I be safer knocking myself out for the next 28 hours!!

Unlucky Fuds, give me a DM anymore before these golf tourneys and i'll tell you what to bet on.

it doesnt bet huddys......walter mitty........

his game is up on here huddys....everyone knows he is a fantasist....including himself hence his latest attempt to groom serial loser kingrat.......

Someone pointed out elsewhere that of the 4 Majors Tiger has not contested , we Irish have won them all .  Not sure of that is correct , but if it is it is an interesting fact . Might just be Rory's year with Scott reeling , Phil sort of injured , Tiger out  , Rose with slight  cluod , and Donald and Westwood playing poorly .  Leaving Bubba , Dustin and co as bigger fancies than a few months ago .  Sergio might even give it a rattle .

Phil Mickelson's record at the Masters is an enviable one. Not only has he won the Green Jacket three times, the affable lefthander has placed third on five occasions and posted 14 top-10 finishes in 20 starts as a pro.

Here are some of the best nuggets in a wide-ranging interview session last Monday in the Press tent.

On the absence of Tiger Woods: "He's been such a mainstay in professional golf and in the majors. It's awkward to not have him here. ... I hope he's back for the other majors, and as much as I want to win and I know how great he is and tough to beat, it also makes it special when he's in the field and you're able to win."

On Woods' impact on the game: "I remember when I was an amateur and won my first tournament in Tucson, in 1991, the entire purse was a million dollars, first place $180,000, and Steve (Loy, his coach and now agent) and I would sit down and say, I wonder if in my lifetime, probably not my career, we would ever play for a million dollar first place check. It's every week (now). ... And Tiger has been the instigator.

"He's been the one that's really propelled and driven the bus because he's brought increased ratings, increased sponsors, increased interest, and we have all benefitted but nobody has benefitted more than I have and we're all appreciative. That's why we miss him so much; we all know what he's meant to the game."

It was a sunny Sunday morning, and Murray was beginning his preshot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. "Would the gentleman on the ladies' tee please back up to the men's tee."

Murray remained in his routine, seemingly unfazed by the interruption.

A little louder: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee!"

Murray raised up out of his stance, lowered his driver, and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"

The old ones are the best !  Good luck for the next 4 days .

Frank, the twist I omitted (in keeping with my standard of golf),


"You missed the fc*king putt, didn't you?"

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"NO that wasn`t the fc*king problem" the Nun said.........

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"I missed the b*stard coming back".


DUFNER TO WIN

Not laughin' at Dufner (yet) I hope.

SOME NIGHTMARE INDEED.........a 9 on the 13th for Fluffy Duffy..........laugh away.

Top 10: Reasons we love the Masters

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

10. Amateurs in the field: The Masters honors its founder, amateur legend Bobby Jones, by extending invitations to notable amateurs and amateur champions around the world.

9. Magnolia Lane: The road to the Augusta National clubhouse is 330 yards long and is lined with a canopy of magnolia trees that date back to the mid-1800s. According to the Augusta Chronicle, there are 61 magnolia trees on each side of Magnolia Lane. Those trees' branches meet overhead, creating a tunnel effect that is particularly striking when they are in bloom. It has yet to be confirmed, but we hear this is what the walkway to heaven looks like.

8. The menu: Limited, like commercial interruptions, and ridiculously affordable and tasty. Pimento cheese sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, chicken sandwiches, Coke, sports drinks and beer. Sandwiches are $1.50. A dollar-fifty, people.

7. Par-3 Contest: Since 1960, a semi-social event on Augusta National's par-3 course has been played the day before the first round of the Masters Tournament. No player twho has won the nine-hole event has ever gone on to win the actual tournament the same year. Girlfriends and wives often caddie for their golfing beaus, and they bring their kids to the course. Talk about fun for the whole family.

6. Champions Dinner: The Champions Dinner has been an annual tradition at the Masters since 1952, when Ben Hogan suggested and hosted the first edition. The previous year's winner gets to select the menu – and he also has to pay.

5. Ceremonial tee shots: Jock Hutchison and Fred McLeod hit the first ceremonial opening tee shots in 1963. For many years the trio of Sam Snead, Gene Sarazen and Byron Nelson filled the role. The much-loved tradition now has Arnold Palmer, Gary Player and Jack Nicklaus.

4. Drive, Chip & Putt Championship: Saying this year's inaugural Drive, Chip & Putt Championship was a success is like saying the Masters is just another golf tournament. Understatement.of.the.century. Eighty-eight juniors from around the U.S. and Canada converged on Augusta National the Sunday before the Masters - a scene alikened to Willy Wonka opening up his chocolate factory to children with golden tickets.

3. Limited commercial interruption: The Masters, by design, has fewer commercial breaks than any other golf tournament. While we'd love to never be taken away from coverage, I guess we can't complain about seeing 57 out of every 60 minutes.

2. Amen Corner: The second shot at the par-4 11th, all of the par-3 12th, and the tee shot at the par-5 13th at Augusta are nicknamed Amen Corner. This term was first used in print by author Herbert Warren Wind in his April 21, 1958 Sports Illustrated article about the Masters, and is one of the most beloved arenas in sport.

1. Green jacket: The tradition of the green jacket at Augusta National Golf Club dates to 1937. That year, members of the club wore green jackets during the tournament so that patrons in attendance could easily recognize them if they needed to ask questions. Slipping a jacket onto the winner of the Masters began in 1949. Even better? Women are sporting them now, too.

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE GOLF PRO'S


1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

12. My handicap? Woods and irons.

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.

14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

19. Golf and s*x are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.


AND FINALLY ...


23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

An oldie but the more SENIOR posters on here need that extra reinforcement........WHY MEN ARE rarely depressed.........

MEN, Are Just Happier People........What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.
The only time you pad up once a month is to play cricket.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal ! (ESPECIALLY LOVE THIS ONE).

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and guns.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes - one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a Swiss Army knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives - On December 24 in 25 minutes.
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Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators... YEP!!!

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY......
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

© CM iyc

MASTERS WEEK.....

TIGER is out at 16:04 THURSDAY afternoon.

Before that Ireland's SHANE LOWRY hits off at 13:52 with Mike Weir & amateur Kevin O'Connell who won the 38th US Mid-Amateur Championship in his home state of North Carolina - must have some Orish in him surely

I played today and God knows I should be locked up for my own safety, I had at least 7 shanks in my round, having played well in Delgany on Monday its now back to the drawing board...

In your case it must be a certainty