booby .....

Your oeuvre, workrider, represents a stunning parody and post-modern pastiche of 'One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest'.  Your familiarity with the inner workings of an Asylum are immediately apparent, whilst your staccato Hemmingwayesque phrasing add to the suffocating tension of the piece.

A stunning and accomplished debut.

Thegalwayman won the pseud of the year last year but the above post of Ozymandius qualifies him for pseud of the decade,Thegalwayman has well and truly lost his crown.
Private Eye should come to the forum,Ozymandius would win the pseud of the week award on a constant basis and Rocketfingers would hold all the entries in the Colemanballs section.

workrider,

Given your obvious penchant for infusing fictional work with your own real life experiences, how about a story based upon the exploits of Paddy P*wers (an Irish version of Austin Powers) in London in the Swinging Sixties?  As a working title, I would propose 'Fifty Shades of Black' in hommage to your having sh@gged your way through the entire spectrum of skin tone available

Mummy p*rn is old news now, your autobiographical exploits can give rise to a brand new genre, Daddy p*rn.  Only you could pull this off.

now wonker......everybody knows that you have the brain the size of a pea......ya couldnt read or write  properly until yer 8yo grand daughter taught ya......obviously this piece was taken from some book ya got somewhere.....ya then started to insert some of the characters in different places......most of them are inserted incorrectly......and alot of it is out of context......its also totally humourless......but thats hardly surprising when its author is the village idiot......
im tired of telling ya......stick to singing rovers songs.......with yer hooped shirt on ya......riding ponies around the green in tallaght......its suits ya much better......

I hope the St John of God's people don't see that piece or workrider will be back in quick as a flash. The warblings of a madman.

sorry lads out all day golfing , never got a putt , i kept seeing them both , booby and tgm ...this is only a quick draft , so please excuse the spelling mistakes etc ,my proof reader will be along later .......i must say i was taken aback when i reviewed it myself ...rather good i'd say ..still lots more to follow ...maybe tomorrow i'll have another try ..sure its only a bit of craic ....maybe we should call it ..THE WARD......

Wonky throwing a ball around the park is not golf.  I heard on the qt that you were in for a session in John of Gods today.  Please stop for your own sake.  Losing you Wonkers() every day is doing nothing for you.

BWS sat there , tension his middle name ,tgm had had enough as well , wtf had he ended up here of all places ....people were starting to call his part of the hospital the ward .....can you fcuking believe that ...the fcuking ward ....sure he had the two worst patients ever seen , if that bastard robo were to wake up now , that would be the final nail in the coffin...he glanced in robos direction and thought to himself , the poor bastard ,he had so much electricity put into him over the last couple of months , and that **** workrider taking the piss out of the poor guy over on betfair ...still he thought workriders joke about him blacking out parts of india was funny ...slowly he opened the draw , inserting his hand he took out an old crumpled magazine ....then his eyes glazed over and he was back there again ..every time he felt his hand on that magazine it was like palm for his pain...back in time , his mammy beside him cradling his head on her ample bosum ...he remembered asking his mother how she and his father met ...tears came to her eyes ..i'd rather not say son she oft repeated ...till one night out of the blue ..she came home drunk , laying down beside his cot ..mother of god how he wished she wouldn't call it a cot ...it only had bars on one side ffs...she started to talk in a strange voice ..till he noticed she was actually asleep ..her voice bellowed over and over ....oh jinksie oh jinksie , she kelp repeating the name over and over ...the following morning he found the courage to ask her directly ..ma was my da's name jinksie , she blushed like he never see her before ...taking his hand she gently said ..son me and you need to have a word ...i met your father on my eighteenth birthday ...i'd got myself down to sixteen stone and had bought a new red dress she told him lovingly ..cant you just see me son , i wasn't always this size ...well your dad met me in the alleyway and was quite taken with me ...at least that's what he told me the following morning....tgm , looking up into her face  said , ma what were you doing in the alleyway with da , we were playing marbles you silly boy.....he knew right there she 'd  lied to him..he'd walked up that alleyway many a night on his way home from the hospital ...though there was a light in the next street ...any idiot knew it was to dark to play marbles at that hour ..he'd take it up with her another day ....opening the magazine his dad had left him ...he never failed to feel the sense of utter joy as one by one the pages of that 1971 magazine turned over , showing with prices the new MASSEY FERGUSON TRACTORS ....TO BE CONTINUED.....

No interest in reading the full text but why is TGM and BWS linked with some of the others? It is clear as day they are not connected.

Please,Bassanio


One writer - One story

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desart. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away

i feel like a cretin on here with all this brilliant prose and poetry..keep it coming.

Sligored I won't be taking any credit for my post as it was poem penned by shelley called Ozymandius, the central theme "the inevitable decline of all leaders, and of the empires they build, however mighty in their own time.

A great poem and obviously on your nemesis reading list,can you spot his early classic winner?

King of Kings!

The poem is said to have been the result of a bet or competition between Shelley and Horace Smith.  The men bet each other that each of them could come up with the best poem in the allotted time of fifteen minutes. The poem Ozymandias was the response of Percy Bysshe Shelley to the bet.

It would appear that Shelley was fond of a wager.  Frankenstein was written by Mary Shelley as a bet about writing the most frightening ghost story. The bet took place at the house of Lord Byron and with her lover and future husband Percy Shelley. Mary Shelley won.

A truly baffling thread.

bws  , looked across at thg who was by now in that place known as the twilight zone ...bws quickly popped another roche 5 , balance thats what he needed right now balance ...as the tablet quickly did its work bws started to reflect on his  own miserable life , all 5 ft 4ins of him stood upright , striding  quickly to were booby lay sleeping he was tempted for one moment to smother the little fcuker ....this guy held all his hopes of promotion , if it was found he'd left the laptop open , tgm would tare him apart , god how he hated that slime being booby , most of the trouble on the ward was caused by this sub human ...walking back to his desk he felt the calmness that only the anxious who have taken their valium know , that lovely mellow feeling....relaxing now his mind started to drift back in time ...back to new york ...way way back ...he remembered that before leaving on holiday how tgm had took him into his confidence ....sipping a cool pint one night after work in the highlight of your life pub....tgm had told him of his unease re miss limerick , how she followed him into the toilet , tgm said he found it very uncomfortable when she stood at the urinal next to him in her dress and tights ...said it reminded him of that lunatic klinger from mash...now that friendship was in tatters over that fooker booby ...tgm had asked him ..no lets be truthful here , begged him even , not to touch the drink while he was away ....he arrived in new york on the eve of the patricks day parade ..setting out on the town practically as soon as his plane landed ....omalleys on 5th street was his first port of call after a few drinks there he decided to take tour bus , thats were his trouble started ....as the bus passed the dress hire shop , he felt what was almost a calling , jumping off while the bus was still in motion he breathlessly rushed into that ,what would turnout to be he ultimate downfall ...looking at all 5ft 4ins of himself in the mirror he never felt so good ....the stetson was the right size and colour , the gun and holster , and the cowboy boots glistened in the sunlight ...this was him , finally the real bws had arrived ....the song kept ringing in his ears as he left the store ....like a rhinestone cowboy ...if they could only see him now in rathkeale he thought ..trouble was they were about to find out soon enough ..having gon back to omalleys and drowned another couple of shots he'd made his way to manhattan ....now he thought to himself we'll see who's the real rhinestone cowboy.....standing in front of the worlds most famous cowboy ,bws decided he'd show this imposter how to draw the crowds ....stripping down to his underpants , bws went one better and went fully nude ......all he could remember was flashing lights as he blasted out at the top of his voice .like a rhinestone cowboy ...the pictures in the following morning papers showed bws throwing punches left right and centre as he was carted off to the state pen....it also showed that what bws would have us believe by his name was also untrue ...the evidence was there for all to see ..to be continued....

the worst thing was he'd told  the psychiatrist in the hospital he was a gambler about to hit saratoga ,something else that would come back to haunt him in future ,  a highflyer was how he described himself , he remembered vaguely  trying desperately to convince them it was all a mistake and he was only having the craic , the psychiatrist sat there with a look of pity on his face ....did this guy not understand  the situation  he was in ...admitting to the use of crack was a very serious offence indeed , it wasn't often they'd tell you over and over , i'm only having the craic ....dr abed liked bws , for all his obvious rantings , he seemed to the doctor even after the short while he'd known him , that he was more to be pitied than feared ...DR ABED ,looked at bws lying on the bed and had the straps removed ....sitting at the edge of the bed he asked bws to tell him a little about himself ....relishing the chance to open up , bws said...i own a couple of horses in ireland and decided to come over to the u.s.a. and see if i'd have a few over here as well ..i've recently landed a couple of massive gambles and was playing up my winning and heading to saratoga to buy a couple of yearlings ....DR ABED ,who liked the odd gamble himself became quiet interested in this explanation and asked bws to expand on the subject ....now in full stride , he said , have you ever heard of a horse called nijinsky.....tbc....

before leaving for america bws had met boobys friend briefly , guy calling himself ...SLICKSTER ....this  slickster had made a big impression on bws , a big guy weighing about 9st ,thin as a rake , extraordinary big head which was very obvious everytime took off the baseball cap that seemed to cover only part of his head....bws could never understand why he  always seemed to arrive just as booby was coming around from one of his bouts....he'd once over heard slickster tell booby he'd set himself up as a tipster ....been a keen gambler himself he'd pressed booby for more information about this ...booby had even given him the web site address ,when he'd logged on , he nearly fell over laughing ..here was this guy in a bedsit giving football tips for teams who were 1/10 to win their next game , tbc....

ok so your grandaughter got ya one of her schoolbooks......and ya are trying to give us a few chapters......nice of her to help you read and write properly.....although ya are not the finished article yet......the chances opf ya penning this stuff yerself is fairly minimal......considering that yer literary skills prior to this was signing on every week.....at Talalght dole office.....

back to the ward with ya....booby....

Startled bws felt the table beneath him come up heading him on the head , bending over him like some mad dog fist thumping the table was tgm...he was not a pretty sight ....you fooking clown , it was you who let him see the password wasn't it ....his eyes staring out like balls of fire ..prodding him  rapier like into his chest , YOU YOU YOU ...i leave you alone for an hour with a complete nut job and this is what happens ....fumbling for something to say clutching at anything sensible  to would give him time ...he uttered madly ....IT WAS SLICKSTER ....taken aback , tgm looked deep into bws eyes searching for that lie he knew him to be capable of....SLICKSTER who the fook is slickster he asked ...boobys mate, boobys mate , came the reply ,forming a plan of action as he rapidly spoke , he mind racig to find the words that would give him breathing space ....you mean that weirdo , that long thin baseball cap clown ...yeah yeah him bws replied thats him ...hes a bookie lays off bets ,quickly looking over at booby , who'd now become edgy again ...yes yes thats right , slickster , boobys mate ask him yourself why dont you..moving towards booby who by this time had stopped his hee hee , and was looking worried , moving with purpose towards a by now cowering booby , he raised his fist above his head readying it to strike a downward blow to boobys dome like head ....tbc....

as his fist appeared sure to smash into boobys head , the door abruptly opened , recoiling with the speed of a tiger woods tgm stopped short ...booby cried out , help, help , spittle splattering every were ...boobys dome like head was tilting back and forward like a rag dolls...his dirty bib full of food left over from his lunch ...try as you might it was impossible to like this ogre like creature  , sitting there smelling of urine , he started his now infamous hew hew hew , driving poor tgm almost as insane a himself ....putting his head around the door and asking if everything was alright was dr abed ....bws said , everything fine here doc ,looking rather sheepishly across at tgm , who had recovered himself fully ...not a bother echoed tgm ...booby eyes staring madly , tried with all his might to counteract this , no no no he stuttered ,not alright not alright , booby scared , booby scared he pleaded ....not a bother , not a bother, repeated tgm...shielding booby from the doctor as he said this ...taken boobys wheelchair and pushing him toward the bathroom , he's only gone and pissed himself again doc ..oh holy god the swines  gone and **** himself as well....tbc...

u better finish the thing quick......it must be time for the john o gods lads to take ya away......kicking and screaming again....fair play to yer grandaughter......shes done a good job teaching ya to read and write....ya hav a budding teacher on yer hands there wonker......may well be the first person ever from your family......not to hot foot it to the tallaght dole office.....the minute they were 18.....

that's getting to you ain't it booby ..people on here now have that image of you planted in their brain...dome like head ...ugly.....

wouldnt imagine that hardly anybody read that shiit ya wrote.....i certainly didnt......its obviously an extract from some book ya laid yer hands on.....ya hardly think that people actually believe that ya wrote it yerself.....

dr abed ,slowly walked back to his room , sitting on the huge chair in his room that had for him become a heaven of peace he smiled as he remembered that first encounter in new york ....he had what might be called a soft spot for the man/boy bws...he pictured him that day huge stetson , and those boots..my god how he had wanted to laugh ...bws had appeared to all intents a grade one lunatic ,telling the doctor how he had created a fortune for himself as a pro punter ,...yes he'd heard of nijinsky he told bws , a wonderful ballet dancer , russia was turning them out ten a penny he told bws ...the look on bws face was priceless , even now he found it hard to resist a smile ...no, no, no, he'd cried ..the horse the fecking horse ffs...dont ye arabs know anything ..ballet dancer me arse ...tbc...

usually when they use to be continued.......it means that the previous extract will have direct relevance to the next one.....in this instance the story bears no resemblance to any of the previous attempts at humour......although never give up did find one of them funny.....he i would imagine is in a rather large minority......

..   people like yourself cant help but read about themselves, a big ego like yours takes massive feeding ..so yes i believe you read this..infact i'd lay 001 that you read it quiet often .....its a bit of criac ..but the character is you to a tee ...huge head and all....

wonky obviously got no help composing the above piece of drivel.....