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27 Sep 11
10:44
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20 Oct 10
Gordon Ramsay’s Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Ferrets
By A N Other [Staff Writer]
Irish tabloid the Sligo Champion recently introduced the world to Percy Rocketfinger, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star whose career was just beginning to catch fire. It was all because an observant production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go had noticed how much Rocketfinger looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.
But just as Rocketfinger was set to join the rarefied ranks of celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars, tragedy struck: The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a ferret's den, partially eaten.
According to Sunday's follow-up account, Rocketfinger was found "deep in an underground chamber by Dept of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned ferret-gassing programme near Templenabree, Co. Sligo."
They write that "expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from a six-foot-deep hole."
Officials have not yet ruled out suicide, and adult film producer Roger Ram's comments — in which he intimates that Rocketfinger may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf — certainly don't invalidate the possibility:
"Percy was a little guy with big problems. He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business."
ENDS
By A N Other [Staff Writer]
Irish tabloid the Sligo Champion recently introduced the world to Percy Rocketfinger, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star whose career was just beginning to catch fire. It was all because an observant production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go had noticed how much Rocketfinger looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.
But just as Rocketfinger was set to join the rarefied ranks of celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars, tragedy struck: The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a ferret's den, partially eaten.
According to Sunday's follow-up account, Rocketfinger was found "deep in an underground chamber by Dept of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned ferret-gassing programme near Templenabree, Co. Sligo."
They write that "expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from a six-foot-deep hole."
Officials have not yet ruled out suicide, and adult film producer Roger Ram's comments — in which he intimates that Rocketfinger may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf — certainly don't invalidate the possibility:
"Percy was a little guy with big problems. He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business."
ENDS
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