A Jockey

That's a cracker! Happy Xmas M13.

Nice one M13

Old as the hills.

The husband of a blonde horse racing fanatic tells his wife, "You're losing all our money at the track. I can't stand it anymore. If you go to the track once more our marriage is finished."

The blonde attempts to stay away from the racecourse for a week, and when the craving becomes to strong decides to go to a movie to distract herself. She's buys a ticket to a film about a girl who nurses an injured racehorse to health and enters it in a race as a long shot outsider.

The horse is about to run in the final scene when the blonde turns to the man behind her and says, "I've got 50 bucks on the favorite." "You're on," says the guy behind her "I've got the long shot." Sure enough, the long shot beats the favorite to the post. The blonde turns to pay the man. "I can't take it from you," the guy says. "I've seen the film before."

"I've seen it, too," says the blonde, "but I figured he'd do better this time with the extra race under his belt."

good old acey , finally getting into the Xmas spirit

A husband was sitting on the sofa one afternoon when his wife came up behind him and whacked him on the head.
The husband asked ‘What the hell was that for?’

The wife replied ‘That’s for the slip of paper in your pocket with the name Laura Lou on it!’

‘Don’t worry’, said the husband, that’s just the name of a racehorse I put a bet on a few days ago’.
Satisfied, the wife apologised to her husband.

Several days later the husband is lounging on the sofa when his wife comes up behind him and snacks him over the head.

‘WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?’, he roared, leaping up and holding his head in pain.

The wife tossed the phone at him and said ‘Your horse called’.

even formface might laugh at these

David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace, Victoria admiringly watching her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse round the neck shouting for it to stop. Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horse's neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!! Hearing her screams, the Tesco security guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse!

I’ll try…

Lester Piggot is in the parade ring discussing race tactics with the horse's trainer. The trainer tells Lester that this is the worst horse he has in training, it has had 23 races and finished last in all of them, if it doesn't win today the milkman will be using it for deliveries in the morning. Lester mounts up and takes the horse down to the start. The race begins and Lester is 30 lengths last after half a furlong, he gives the horse an almighty backhander on the behind, nothing, he then gives him a series of sharp slaps down the shoulder, nothing, he then gives him two wallops right on the bollocks, the horse comes to a sudden stop, turns round to Lester and says "for christ sake will you turn it in with that whip I have to be up at half four in the morning to deliver the milk"!