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05 Oct 19
10:47
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Date Joined:
24 Jul 06
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnicI
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Replies: 70
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Thank you twizzle there's some on here that tight they won't even give you a free smiley face .
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Their the kind of people who won't give you a drink of water at an oasis concert in the desert when the water holes dried up
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Do wah DIDDY I bet bob monkhouse would have paid you for that masterpiece if hecwas still alive
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It just came to me when I was sat on a camel on Blackpool beach one day
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I got lost on the beach .the policeman told me not to cry .He told me to go to Gypsy rose lees tent on the north pier and ask her if she would look into her crystal ball to see where my parents were
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It ended up that he was in intensive care at Blackpool royal infirmary after trying to put a deckchair up for two hours
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I said it shouldn't take two hours to put a deck chair up on Blackpool beach .she said I'd like to see someone put one up quicker when the tides in
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She gave me a free Psalm reading .she said I was going to be very cold if I walked along the prom that night .I said why is there going to be a frost
She said no your going to lose the shirt off your back if you go in that bookies today |
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I said how do you know that have you looked into your crystal ball again I didn't see you
She said no I don't have to .toss pots like are bound to you can bet on it |
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I was very upset she said dont take it personally your not on your own .there's plenty of toss pots walking about Blackpool promenade
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You are a Legend Buddy  |
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I've got to go now .I want to see the number 10 bus pass my bedroom window as im skint and can't have a bet .and there's not much else I can do today
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One of his better efforts to be fair
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Do wah Diddy the undisputed number 1 forum legend
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Leif
One of his better efforts to be fair Thank you I'm so grateful for your generosity.i bet your one for them that was in the audience when Jesus gave his fish food out to the starving five thousand I bet you said it's not as good as his walking On water performance One of his better efforts to be fair .thank you Simon towell You don't realise I'm nervous and that my budgie died yesterday And I want to dedicate this thread to all the budgies in heaven |
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I'd like to see you be funny when all this has happened to you
As well as being a compulsive gambler with no money in his pcts .and you've missed the number 10 bus passing your bedroom windows because you needed a wee And all you've got to look forward to are some rice krispy chocolatey bars to look forward to for your dinner |
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You wouldn't be so judgemental if you had tasted a rice crispy chocolatey bar .it's not like a cadburys milk chocolate bar .where you can wollow in extasy and dream of how life could be if only you had some money
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You're thinking of a Bounty
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You just imagine yourself not being able to drink because your a recovering alcoholic.and not have sex because your private part has been affected by your prostrate cancer treatment.and YOU CANT HAVE A BET BECAUSE YOUR A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER AND YOUR SKINT .and you can't eat your lions sports mixture and midget gems because your skint and the dentist says that it's them that are causing my teeth to hurt me .and you can't enjoy your cup of tea because the food bank only had that long life milk left that you don't like .and that's just the beginning
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Join the club.
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No I've got the rice krispy sqares chocolaty bar wrapper here in in front of me
I had to read it several times before I realised that it was a chocalatly bar .what they mean is that it's not a proper chocolate bar . One min I was buying new beds for the tramps home and now I'm going to the food bank for long life milk and rice krispy bars and oxtail and ham soup and stale bread from the food bank Its like giving the bookies a load of money and getting a free diary off them at Xmas Once sitting with the elite big time gamblers at old Trafford in the Betfair hospitality suite .and now searching every site page for a free bet The higher you get the father you fall .I used to dig big holes for myself and get out |
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Nowxm old and skint the holes are much deeper and I can't get out
YES YES YES YES I KNOW I SHOULDNT HAVE DUG THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE YOUR THINKING JUST LIKE MY EX WIFE USED TO THINK . |
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Talking of the age of aquarius
I went to London to the shaftsbury theatre with the apprentices from work for the weekend to see hair when it first came out approximately 1968 we used to have two shillings and six pence stopped out of our wages each week for an outing I think we only went to see it .to see the nude women that paraded about on the stage .no one knew what it was supposed to be about |
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I wanted to go to London zoo one day but my friend who was 17 wanted me to go to the cinema to see an X rated film with him.
We were both very reserved and shy in them days we were no swinging sixtiers We still thought babies came out of girls belly buttons |
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The women would have had more hair about them in those days.
Did they move it to Shepherd's Bush? |
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I remember going on pettycoat lane market buying a pair of cuff links with my initial on them .
I wore them on the way home on the coach .the initial had dissapeared before we even reached the first cafe stop It can be a life changing moment when you realise your initial has dissapeared off your cufflinks for some ,but I never learnt i got ripped off thousands of times again |
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I bet there's not many people whose been ripped off more than me .im up there with the top
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The TimesxI've been a good fair honest person for other people to sh*t on
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I better go or you will all hear my life .story .the rip off stories takes hours and hours and hours to tell
I'll let you lose your money on the horses .it's a pity I can't join you and lose mine |
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Bye bye im under starters orders and I'm off
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Don't approach the first fence too quickly Do wha
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I had to approach that first fence quickly as the trainer told me to look as though I was interested in winning .he said I also had to shout giddy up in the last furlong
I did what I was told .I'm just trying to remember what my cut of the lay bet is |
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This trainer is like the crook who worked with the insider at Camelot who won the two and a half million lottery ticket first prize and never gave him his fair cut of the prize money
This trainer is full of promises he's told me he's got me in mind to ride one of his top horses in the gold cup .if I rode to orders on his lay bets He said that last year and after I'd pulled lots of his horses that he laid and won loads of Money. he with drew it seven weeks before the race .and said that's racing for you And said he would buy me a pint after racing |
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Do wah DIDDY you've no idea how they treat us
I have I just rode that horse in my last post It was me that was jumping fences I was just talking to myself |
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None of this nonsense would have been written if I had have had some money to gamble with
Week after week after week I say to myself .do wah DIDDY leave some money for a betat the weekend and some food .don't gamble it all away the same day as you get your pention I've never been able to control myself .that's why I had so many crashes in my cars when I drove .I should have gone round the corners instead of driving straight on at bends .I just dont like anyone telling me what to do .especially when it's my brain telling me what to do I'm not listening to that |
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I've just remembered I've got to find twenty five pound to collect my glasses from the opticians on Monday .I can't keep walking about with this pair from Poundland with one lens and one side arm missing
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