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Dear oh dear oh dear
What a sensational comeback yesterday. 2 maximum bets equalled 2 incredible winning bets. Thats why they call me the 100% MAX Bet man. The most devestating tipper in history, the Sultan of Sensationalism.
No doubt I will absolutely batter the doubters and leave them praying to cod, nothing fishy about these beautiful tips, if you thought Eileen Haddock was good wait til you check Tea out.
I have composed this song for the fans to help them celebrate the monumental 2 max bets that both banged up yesterday:
MY lyrics go quite nicely to this beat if anybody wants to sing along at home:
http://youtu.be/6tG6FqWlnjw
Baggie Smalls -
To all teas Brooklyn
To all teas Uptown
To all teas Bronx
To all teas Queensbridge
Back up chump, you know Baggy Smalls rips it quick
and tips it slick, you know how jealous doubters get
with the hoods fatigues with the boots with trees
Smokin weed, flippin ki's, makin crazy G's
Hittin buckshots at doubters that open spots
on Newmarket avenue, take mugs loot, now Teas baggin you
Pimpin hoes that drive Volvo's and Rodeos
Flash the roll, make her wet, in her pantyhose
Damn, this tipster style is unorthodox
Grip the glock, when Tea walk down the crowded blocks
Just in case a doubter wanna act out
Tea just blacks out, and blows those silly doubters clean out
That's a real tipper for ya
When Tea smokes spliffs, Tea packs four-fifths
just in case the fans wanna riff
Tea gets a free lift to the cemetary, rough very
Not your ordinary, Tea watches doubters get buried
That's a real tipper for ya
Get mad do a quarter flip the script, and rip your lawyer
Spit at the BHA., cause to hell what they say
They don't give a damn about your ass anyway
Up North bound first stop for the town
of fist-skill, where the hand skills are real ill
You'll be a super Hoover doo-doo stain remover
Ha hahhh, yo Tea, pass the Budda
Money hoes and clothes
Blunt smoke comin out the nose, is all a tipper knows
Flippin on foes, puttin tags on toes
Watchin the stash grow, clockin the cashflow
The betfair forum gravedigga
Gettin paid so much, all the hotties wanna see this tipster
I guess they figure I'm paid, I wanna get laid
or since I got loot I wanna knock boots
I'd rather beat a doubter, thats sick
and if she don't tick then we don't click
I'd rather make a buck, drive a fat-ass truck
Grab the 9, two clips, and run amuck
Yes, flex at the two or three Benzes
I win grade 1s, what the hell you expected?
A fly guy? Well fack it, Teas the high guy
from Bed-Stuy, puttin the swellin on mugs eyes
and your nose even, when Tea chokes ya you stop breathin
And when Tea hits a billion, I'm leavin!
Thats a real tipper for you
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will return later with some devestating bets so good that you will be blown away.
What a sensational comeback yesterday. 2 maximum bets equalled 2 incredible winning bets. Thats why they call me the 100% MAX Bet man. The most devestating tipper in history, the Sultan of Sensationalism.
No doubt I will absolutely batter the doubters and leave them praying to cod, nothing fishy about these beautiful tips, if you thought Eileen Haddock was good wait til you check Tea out.
I have composed this song for the fans to help them celebrate the monumental 2 max bets that both banged up yesterday:
MY lyrics go quite nicely to this beat if anybody wants to sing along at home:
http://youtu.be/6tG6FqWlnjw
Baggie Smalls -
To all teas Brooklyn
To all teas Uptown
To all teas Bronx
To all teas Queensbridge
Back up chump, you know Baggy Smalls rips it quick
and tips it slick, you know how jealous doubters get
with the hoods fatigues with the boots with trees
Smokin weed, flippin ki's, makin crazy G's
Hittin buckshots at doubters that open spots
on Newmarket avenue, take mugs loot, now Teas baggin you
Pimpin hoes that drive Volvo's and Rodeos
Flash the roll, make her wet, in her pantyhose
Damn, this tipster style is unorthodox
Grip the glock, when Tea walk down the crowded blocks
Just in case a doubter wanna act out
Tea just blacks out, and blows those silly doubters clean out
That's a real tipper for ya
When Tea smokes spliffs, Tea packs four-fifths
just in case the fans wanna riff
Tea gets a free lift to the cemetary, rough very
Not your ordinary, Tea watches doubters get buried
That's a real tipper for ya
Get mad do a quarter flip the script, and rip your lawyer
Spit at the BHA., cause to hell what they say
They don't give a damn about your ass anyway
Up North bound first stop for the town
of fist-skill, where the hand skills are real ill
You'll be a super Hoover doo-doo stain remover
Ha hahhh, yo Tea, pass the Budda
Money hoes and clothes
Blunt smoke comin out the nose, is all a tipper knows
Flippin on foes, puttin tags on toes
Watchin the stash grow, clockin the cashflow
The betfair forum gravedigga
Gettin paid so much, all the hotties wanna see this tipster
I guess they figure I'm paid, I wanna get laid
or since I got loot I wanna knock boots
I'd rather beat a doubter, thats sick
and if she don't tick then we don't click
I'd rather make a buck, drive a fat-ass truck
Grab the 9, two clips, and run amuck
Yes, flex at the two or three Benzes
I win grade 1s, what the hell you expected?
A fly guy? Well fack it, Teas the high guy
from Bed-Stuy, puttin the swellin on mugs eyes
and your nose even, when Tea chokes ya you stop breathin
And when Tea hits a billion, I'm leavin!
Thats a real tipper for you
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will return later with some devestating bets so good that you will be blown away.
Show More
3 00 Doncaster
MAX WIN - DASHING DAVID - 3.0
Yes that is correct its yet another devestating maximum bet. Maxentius won a weak grade 6 6 runner maiden last time but stands no hope of living with the super max bet today.
Silver Ridge has had 2 runs compared to his rivals who have had just the one run and perhaps is the least open to improvement . He stands no hope of living with the super max selection today anyway.
London Citizen won on the sand at Kempton dog track on debut, looked impressive but this is much tougher.
DASHING DAVID was sent over a completely unsuitable trip of 5f on debut and ran extremely green as well as missin the break, he won going away despite of these 3 outrageous handicaps. Likely to be a lot sharper today on his 2nd run, the 2f step up in trip will bring out immense improvement as well. Likely to prove a fair bit better than these donkeys and will have no problem giving them all 3lb and a horrific beating.
3.0 is an outrageous price, 1.6 is more realistic. Will almost certainly win doing handstands whilst pulling a cart with Patty Dobbs on top reading the NY Times. Max bet from the 100% Max Bet Man, enough said.
MAX WIN - DASHING DAVID - 3.0
Yes that is correct its yet another devestating maximum bet. Maxentius won a weak grade 6 6 runner maiden last time but stands no hope of living with the super max bet today.
Silver Ridge has had 2 runs compared to his rivals who have had just the one run and perhaps is the least open to improvement . He stands no hope of living with the super max selection today anyway.
London Citizen won on the sand at Kempton dog track on debut, looked impressive but this is much tougher.
DASHING DAVID was sent over a completely unsuitable trip of 5f on debut and ran extremely green as well as missin the break, he won going away despite of these 3 outrageous handicaps. Likely to be a lot sharper today on his 2nd run, the 2f step up in trip will bring out immense improvement as well. Likely to prove a fair bit better than these donkeys and will have no problem giving them all 3lb and a horrific beating.
3.0 is an outrageous price, 1.6 is more realistic. Will almost certainly win doing handstands whilst pulling a cart with Patty Dobbs on top reading the NY Times. Max bet from the 100% Max Bet Man, enough said.
2 50 Folkestone
WIN & PLACE - AGE OF BRONZE - 9.4 & 2.6
Favourite The Sixties gets a handicap mark after this race. Well beaten in maiden on debut then bizarrely stepped up to listed class last time, sent off at 66/1 and way out of his depth. Doesnt look a good thing here and price is all wrong.
Super Simon was 2nd and 3rd on his 1st 2 runs he also gets a handicap mark after this race and it would be a surprise if he didnt find one of the newcomers too good today.
Senafe, Rio Cato, Lawful, Diva Callina and Double Jeopardy are so bad I have emailed each of there trainers asking for a blood test from the horses so that I can determine whether or not they are donkeys or horses because on all known evidence they are all donkeys and shouldnt be running against thoroughbreds.
The winner will almost certainly be one of the newcomers, two powerful 2yo trainers go head to head with a debutant, Richard Hannon Vs M Al Zarooni.
I the greatest talent ever witnessed in UK horse racing aka The Special One am siding with Hannons AGE OF BRONZE. This fantastic colt was entered in 3 maidens over the next few days. Super sharp Hannon has opted to run him in this one because he believes he has a great chance of winning it as do I. 7f round Folkestone looks absolutely perfect starting point for this machine. 9.4 looks an incredible price for a horse that could quite easily win this on the bridle pulling double and for that reason the master is on.
WIN & PLACE - AGE OF BRONZE - 9.4 & 2.6
Favourite The Sixties gets a handicap mark after this race. Well beaten in maiden on debut then bizarrely stepped up to listed class last time, sent off at 66/1 and way out of his depth. Doesnt look a good thing here and price is all wrong.
Super Simon was 2nd and 3rd on his 1st 2 runs he also gets a handicap mark after this race and it would be a surprise if he didnt find one of the newcomers too good today.
Senafe, Rio Cato, Lawful, Diva Callina and Double Jeopardy are so bad I have emailed each of there trainers asking for a blood test from the horses so that I can determine whether or not they are donkeys or horses because on all known evidence they are all donkeys and shouldnt be running against thoroughbreds.
The winner will almost certainly be one of the newcomers, two powerful 2yo trainers go head to head with a debutant, Richard Hannon Vs M Al Zarooni.
I the greatest talent ever witnessed in UK horse racing aka The Special One am siding with Hannons AGE OF BRONZE. This fantastic colt was entered in 3 maidens over the next few days. Super sharp Hannon has opted to run him in this one because he believes he has a great chance of winning it as do I. 7f round Folkestone looks absolutely perfect starting point for this machine. 9.4 looks an incredible price for a horse that could quite easily win this on the bridle pulling double and for that reason the master is on.
Jon B I will forgive you this foolish outburst this time only. A grandmaster is not involved in guess work.
4 20 Musselburgh
LAY - PONTE ROSSA - 2.62
Ponte Rossa is a pathetic filly carrying a large weight. She won a poor race from a low weight of 7-13. She drops down a grade today but this looks a tougher race for her to carry a large weight in from a 6lb higher mark. On the 3 occasions she has raced at a right handed track she finished 17/17, 14/15 and 8/13 beaten a combined total of 144 lengths. Racing right handed over an extra furlong today carrying a large weight from a 6lb higher mark on ground she has never raced on and may not act on she makes absolutely no appeal whatsoever in this race and can be layed with confidence.
LAY - PONTE ROSSA - 2.62
Ponte Rossa is a pathetic filly carrying a large weight. She won a poor race from a low weight of 7-13. She drops down a grade today but this looks a tougher race for her to carry a large weight in from a 6lb higher mark. On the 3 occasions she has raced at a right handed track she finished 17/17, 14/15 and 8/13 beaten a combined total of 144 lengths. Racing right handed over an extra furlong today carrying a large weight from a 6lb higher mark on ground she has never raced on and may not act on she makes absolutely no appeal whatsoever in this race and can be layed with confidence.
4 55 Musselburgh
WIN - HENRY BEE - 2.5
The race is a match between the Richard Fahey gelding who is battle hardened from running in 3 handicaps and will appreciate the trip today against the pathetic Mark Johnston filly Safe House who came 5th on her 2yo debut and hasnt been seen since. Henry Bee should be favourite here and although the horse has been frustrating so far he can finally lose his maiden tag at long last.
WIN - HENRY BEE - 2.5
The race is a match between the Richard Fahey gelding who is battle hardened from running in 3 handicaps and will appreciate the trip today against the pathetic Mark Johnston filly Safe House who came 5th on her 2yo debut and hasnt been seen since. Henry Bee should be favourite here and although the horse has been frustrating so far he can finally lose his maiden tag at long last.
, unraced horse, tipped up unless inside info it must be a bit guessy imo ,fancy the fav who ran well in the chesham ,but gl anyway
2 00 Doncaster
LAY - DESERT SUNSHINE - 2.82
WIN & PLACE - IGHRAA - 8.2 & 2.36
Stoutes 2yo should struggle in this race. Many horses can beat the over hyped Stoute fav here. The horse to be on win and place is the Hamdam Al Maktoum owned, Brian Meehan trained IGHRAA. As is normal with a Meehan horse they tend to come along a fair bit for each run, following 2 satisfactory performances Ighraa can be confidently expected to step up greatly today and really should be up to winning a maiden like this. The step up in trip will suit and she is a major player here with a huge chance. Great price and great tip as of course you would have expected when you read the writings of a maestro.
LAY - DESERT SUNSHINE - 2.82
WIN & PLACE - IGHRAA - 8.2 & 2.36
Stoutes 2yo should struggle in this race. Many horses can beat the over hyped Stoute fav here. The horse to be on win and place is the Hamdam Al Maktoum owned, Brian Meehan trained IGHRAA. As is normal with a Meehan horse they tend to come along a fair bit for each run, following 2 satisfactory performances Ighraa can be confidently expected to step up greatly today and really should be up to winning a maiden like this. The step up in trip will suit and she is a major player here with a huge chance. Great price and great tip as of course you would have expected when you read the writings of a maestro.
2 40 Musselburgh
WIN - JORDANSTOWN - 6.2
WIN - MEGAMUNCH - 11.5
A race with a poor looking Mark Johnston filly debutant, Strictly Ballroom is unlikely to be good enough to win 1st time up in this race.
2nd fav Princess Exile looks poor and exposed after 4 beatings in maiden company.
Helloni also looks exposed and doesnt look to be progressing after an abysmal 11th of 11 last time.
Maggies Gem is so slow she makes a duck seem fast.
All of the above 4 horses (term used loosely) have one thing in common, they are all pathetic fillies who lack any talent.
It looks almost certain that one of the two boys in the race will clean up here and I am backing them both.
JORDANSTOWN has hinted at ability in 2 runs so far and has been found a very winnable race. Entered in lots of top races this should be expected to win this race easily today. Graham Lee is a significant jockey booking for Kevin Ryan and is 5/18 for the trainer, Ryan stable is flying and 2yos are going great. The magnificent colt will be a very hard horse to beat today.
The danger horse is Linda Stubbs MEGAMUNCH. Stubbs is yet to have a 2yo winner but this could be her first one of the season with Tommy Eaves on board. Lots of speed in his pedigree and trainer can get an occasional 2yo debut winner. Stubbs is 2 winners from 6 runners with her 2yos at the track and she tends to send ones who have a good chance. Jordanstown should be hard to beat but Megamunch may well do just that so back them both. Its the battle of the boys vs the girls and baggys backing the boys.
WIN - JORDANSTOWN - 6.2
WIN - MEGAMUNCH - 11.5
A race with a poor looking Mark Johnston filly debutant, Strictly Ballroom is unlikely to be good enough to win 1st time up in this race.
2nd fav Princess Exile looks poor and exposed after 4 beatings in maiden company.
Helloni also looks exposed and doesnt look to be progressing after an abysmal 11th of 11 last time.
Maggies Gem is so slow she makes a duck seem fast.
All of the above 4 horses (term used loosely) have one thing in common, they are all pathetic fillies who lack any talent.
It looks almost certain that one of the two boys in the race will clean up here and I am backing them both.
JORDANSTOWN has hinted at ability in 2 runs so far and has been found a very winnable race. Entered in lots of top races this should be expected to win this race easily today. Graham Lee is a significant jockey booking for Kevin Ryan and is 5/18 for the trainer, Ryan stable is flying and 2yos are going great. The magnificent colt will be a very hard horse to beat today.
The danger horse is Linda Stubbs MEGAMUNCH. Stubbs is yet to have a 2yo winner but this could be her first one of the season with Tommy Eaves on board. Lots of speed in his pedigree and trainer can get an occasional 2yo debut winner. Stubbs is 2 winners from 6 runners with her 2yos at the track and she tends to send ones who have a good chance. Jordanstown should be hard to beat but Megamunch may well do just that so back them both. Its the battle of the boys vs the girls and baggys backing the boys.
The fans cannot contain the excitement as the 1st bet of the day approaches. All of the great masters bets look exceptionally strong today and it would be somewhat of a surprise to every person reading this if the great Teabag did not win every single race here. The fans are in for a very lucrative day, the doubters will find the going very tough.
My MAX Bets always come through. They are 100% never been beaten in history. 2/2. The facts do not lie. I'm all about the max bets this will make it 3/3 Max Bets. I'm the big game player. This horse is going to absolutely hack up.
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