THIS SHOULD BE A BUMPER YEAR FOR BETFAIR PROFITS

THIS YEAR WILL BE THEIR BIGGEST TURNOVER ,I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS GOOD AT SUMS AT SCHOOL

I BET THESE BOOKMAKERS TALK ABOUT THE TURNOVER OF BETFAIRS MARKETS ,I BET THEY SAY WE COULD DO WITH SOME OF THAT

THERE WAS MORE MONEY BEING TRADED ON THE FOOTBALL GAMES ,THAN SPENT ON HOME IMPROOVEMENTS

IN WINTER ROOFES WILL BLOW OFF HOUSES ,BECAUSE THE MONEYS BEEN TRADED ON BETFAIR

WEVE NEEDED A NEW TOILET SEAT FOR YEARS ,IVE PROMISED MY MAM ONE ,BUT I CANT SEEM TOSAVE SINCE I COME ON HERE

AT LEAST WE DONT HAVE TO SHOUT AT NEXT DOORS KIDS FOR LIFTING THE GARDEN FENCE PANEL UP ,TO GET THEIR BALL WHEN THEY KICK IT OVER THE FENCE ,ITS FELL TO PIECES WITH WEAR AND THEY JUST WALK THROUGH AND GET IT ,AS ITS OUR FENCE AND WE CANT AFFORD  NEW PANELS

IVE GOT TO GO NOW ITS HAPPY HOUR AT THE CHARITY SHOP AT 12 ,AND I NEED SOME SHOES

BUY BUY

PS AS IM AT THE BANK ALOT PUTTING DEPOSITS IN FOR MY BETFAIR ACCOUNT ,ALL THE GIRLS CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME ,I HOPE THEY THINK IM A GOOD SAVER AND NOT A GAMBLER

IT GOES IN THE BANK AT 11 AND IM GAMBLING WITH IT AT 12

Do Wah....you need to change banks i put my money in and i can gamble straight away

Have you been back to school Do wah? You seem to have learned to spell. Maybe like Homer Simpson you have had the crayon removed from your brain? If so, I look forward to receiving your eminent wisdom in this new legible form.

The day you lose the caps lock I will be worried though.

BALLYLUCE IT TAKES ME AN HOUR TO GET BACK HOME ON THE BUS ,THE MONEY GOES IN STRAIGHT AWAY

PARADOX AND E ,I USE ALL THE ALPHABET IN MY SPELLING

such a relief Do Wah, for a moment there I thought you banked with N*twest....have a good day, no doubt you will be on your way to the bank shortly

SOME BODY PHONED MY MAM UP THIS MORNING AND TOLD HER A CERTAIN PERSON HAD DIED ,AND THE PERSON SAID COULD YOU PLEASE TELL THE MAN AT NO 17 HES DIED AS HE USED TO GO FISHING WITH HIM ,SO MY MAM WENT AND KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND HE ANSWERED

MY MAM TOLD HIM ABOUT HIM DYING AND THE MAN SAID OH I AM SORRY ,IM VERY SORRY ,IM VERY SORY INDEED ,THEN HE SAID TO MY MAM ,WHO WAS IT YOU SAID HAD DIED

SHES JUST GIVE ME A MOP HEAD AND STICK AND SAID PUT THAT TOGETHER ,ITS A NEW KIND YOU DONT NEED A NAIL TO STICK IT ON ,I PUT IT ON A GAVE THE STICK A BANG AND ITS STUCK ON ,SHES AS HAPPY AS LARRY

SHES NOT THE ONLY ONE ,THERES WOMEN OUT THERE WHO JUST WANT A MOP HEAD ON A STICK TO MAKE THEM HAPPY OR A NEW SET OF DUSTERS

SHE WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO LET ME LET HER IN MY BEDROOM TO CLEAN IT

IVE TOLD HER IF I CANT EAT MY PRINGLES IN BED ,IM GOING TO TELL THE NEIGHBOURS SHE GOES TO BINGO

SHE GOES TO A FAR AWAY ONE SO NO BODY SEES HER

I SAID MAM YOUR 86 YOUR ACTING LIKE YOUVE SOMETHING TO HIDE ,SHE SAID WHAT I DO IS MY BUISNESS AND IF YOU DONT LIKE IT,PACK YOUR BAGS

IF ANYBODY PHONES UP WHILE SHES AT BINGO ,IVE GOT TO SAY SHES POPPED OUT TO THE SHOPS ,OR GONE TO HER SISTERS

Say "shes gone to give blood"

I SHOULDNT HAVE TO LIE AT 62 NEARLY 63 ,I TRY AND TELL THE TRUTH ,BUT IVE GOT TO DO WHAT SHE TELLS ME

SHE SAT DOWN THIS MORNING AT THE TABLE EATING HER BREAKFAST AND SAID GO AND GET ME A CLEAN KNIFE

I SAID I ALWAYS GIVE YOU A CLEAN KNIFE ,DO YOU THINK I GO LOOKING FOR DIRTY KNIVES ,SHE STARTED ANOTHER ROW AGAIN ,WHEN THERES NO NEED FOR IT

Maybe your becoming a pest.....

IVE ALLWAYS BEEN LIKE MY DAD AND SHE DIDNT LIKE HIM

SHE ONLY MARRIED HIM BECAUSE SHE WAS HAVING ME ,HE HAD HIS FAULTS BUT HE ALWAYS TOLD EVERYONE MY MAMS SUNDAY DINNER WAS THE BEST IN THE WORLD

AND HE ALWAYS BROUGHT FISH AND CHIPS IN FROM THE PUB ON A SAT NIGHT

EVERYONE LIKED HIM EXCEPT MY MAM

MY EX WIFES MAM USED TO HATE HER HUSBAND,I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT AS ALOT IN THE PUB DIDNT LIKE HIM ALSO ,AND MY WIFE HATED ME BUT EVERYBODY ELSE LIKED ME ,ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS GETTING THE BEER IN OR LENDING THEM MONEY

I THINK TO MYSELF ARE WE JUST THREE UNLUCKY MEN ,OR DO ALL WOMEN HATE THEIR HUSBANDS AND JUST SMILE TO PUT ON APPEEARANCES

Known as "THE HATE CLUB"

I WOULDNT HAVE MARRIED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE ,I KNOW I WAS GOOD LOOKING AND HAD A NICE CAR AND A GOOD JOB,BUT I WAS ALWAYS IN THE BOKIES AND PUB ,SHE SHOULD HAVE GOT RID OF ME BEFORE WE HAD SEX

I BOUGHT HER FIRST CHRISTMAS PRESENT OUT OF A NEIGHBOURS CATALOG AS ID LOST ALL MY MONEY GAMBLING ,SHE SHOULD HAVE REALISED SOMETHING WAS UP WHEN THE NEIGHBOUR CALLED FOR HER WEEKLY PAYMENT

GOT TO GO NOW ,I NEED THEM SHOES HAPPY HOUR AT THE CHARIYTY SHOP WILL SOON BE OVER BUY BUY