The Greatest thread ever on the Betfair Forum was

Betting Shop Characters.

Thanks to Stow Judge  on Smashiton he saved it...Laughed my thingymajigs off reading it..

I hope it comes up alright on this forum.

Betfair Great Posts _ Betting shop characters

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:51 The Sentry

Nice bloke named John, did his National Service, but when he came out wasn't quite right. Intelligent, articulate, his only fault was walking up and down the shop in a straight line from the door to the counter. If somebody came in he would stop, wait for them to move aside, then carry on. I knew his dad, who managed a local chippie, said he was some sort of table tennis player before his National Service, and he showed me all Johns trophies. But when he came out he never touched a bat again.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:51 CATWEAZEL

Stick thin bloke with massive amounts of pent up energy...he would journey from the high rise buildings, speed walking at an Olympic pace, with a bookies' pen clutched in each fist. Named Catweazel because of his straggly long hair and beard and uncanny resemblance to the TV character. Always marked the display copy of the Racing Post and found a compelling reason why the last winner was indeed a CERTAINTY even though it started at 66/1 and was trained by a lady who hadn't had a winner for two years. Backed in every race with a daily budget of £2.

Mysteriously disappeared from the bookies only to reappear 6 months later, carrying an extra five stones in weight.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:51 THE BIRD MAN

walks in bookies with best picks sorted in mind , talks to locals , and reads RP , changes all his picks , does his dough and three of his original picks romp home , says to all who will listen i don't believe my luck today , does ex the same next time in..

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:52 The Muppet

The boy/girl who prances like a flamingo around the counter all day, dressed in a red and white outfit, although new strains are seen in blue/white...green/white combinations. . often seen constantly jabbering into a cell phone, whilst avoiding the attention of all the other members of that days community,. they very rarely enter into conversation with the others, often giving the impression that they are 'better'. paid to manage the establishment, these days any talent has long been lost through in-breeding and the only words heard are 'i'll have to phone that over'. universally despised.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:52 THE FORECASTER

A man who only bets on forcasts and tricasts, usually staking about 50p a race. No matter what wins he will wave his betting slip at anyone within 2 metres range saying` look at that nearly had the forecast up`. If on the extremely rare occasion he wins , he will tell everybody about it for about 2 weeks

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:52 LOTTO LADY

Apart from the female members of staff, this is one of the only women to enter the shop. Usually seen on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Whilst a lot of people look like their pets, the Whiskers and over powering smell of ammonia is ridiculous. Always leaves here shopping trolly just insde the dor, much to the annoyance of Fatweazle as its in the way of 'His' Chair.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:53 The Fortune Teller

this is gospel. the fella who has never studdied form, or indeed has a memory of more than one day. for fifteen years has constantly made a profit. 'i dont know why or how - i admit im lucky'. has 33-1 cartoon winners, 20-1 nags, and 25-1 ap dogs more often than i have tunnocks caramel. the first punter, the hillys have had to look at that doesnt actually know what he is doing. i used to settle his lucky 15s (do not see 'the muppet!') - now my business partner.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:53 HARRY THE LIAR (R.I.P.)

Lovely bloke, ex-docker, looked about 80 since he 40. His son had a dry-cleaners in Romford and it was bought out by Billy Hills because of its location. Every time he told us how big the house was that John had bought out of the money, somebody famous had moved ' next door' .

It was estimated that in five years it went from a 3 bed terrace to the size of the Ponderosa.

Used to bet 3 dogs in a f/c combination for 30p, and when he had 4 losing races on the trot he would stop and his catch phrase was ' Done the rent, gas oven job.'

He died in 1994.

'Gas oven job' is still used in the shop today when a horse wins and slaughters us.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:53 FRANKIES FAN

Big guy places his bet and stands right in the centre of the main screen. Starts to get agitated as the race develops in the first 50 strides. "Go on son. Push it. Jockey 'im in there. That's my boy." "Hold 'im. Hold 'im, Musso" "The gap! The gap, ya scrote!" "Let it go, let it go ya eyetie ****. No wait!" "Watch the rail. Watch the ****** rail. Look out, Fallons coming!" "Kick it, man. What's you're ******* problem. It's waiting to be smacked" "Push on, push on, push on, ******* PUSH ON!" "Yes go on, go on Frankie. YES!!!!!!!!!!" "****** ****. You big stupid lazy pasta eating gobsh!te!" "Stewards want knobbin'"

Kicks the table on his way out and hurls the slip at the screen.

"Newb 3.30 Fav £1 win"

Jayco 28 Jul 22:54 why did this thread get pulled last time? was an excellent read

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:54 THE DISGRACE

About 50 years old, he has been drinking Tennants Super since 9.30. In an attempt to use the toilet he has removed his trouser completely but cant get them back on so they are now just tied around his waist. Blood trickles from a small wound on his forehead. He approaches every punter that comes in with a lurching gait but does not say anything, either because he has forgotten what to say or, possibly, how to speak altogether. Doesn't appear to place any bets at all.

[This "character" is usually found in the c o r a l s next to Ladbroke Grove tube station]

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:54 ROBERT 'CRACKERJACK' AGIMBO.

About the only african I have any time for, he's now 70, and still makes me laugh today. He came into the shop in the early 70s, stood in the middle of the floor and proudly announced ' I have a dream'

Cue the jokes, and when they died down I asked him what his dream was.

He pointed to the Jackson and Lowe wall sheet and said quite loudly 'Dis hoss.... will win dis race.'

'Stick your money where your mouth is Robert' I told him.

He pulled out a tenner, a big bet back then, and walked to the counter with it between his teeth (his teeth are a story on their own).

He had £10 to win, not a fiver each way.

The horse was Bolkonski, and it won at 50-1.

Three weeks later he came back in and said he had had another dream. Everybody went silent and waited. He pointed out a 16-1 shot on the wall sheet, and slowly but surely most of the people who ridiculed him before Bokonski, backed this nag.

After the race, where the horse was nearer last than first, he pulled out a betting slip from L a d d i e s with a £3 bet on the winner at 6/1, and said ' You white people are so stoopid, as if I could dream a winner twice.'

And every person in the shop, even those who backed this nag, laughed their heads off.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:55 No idea Jayco. Somebody must have posted something really offensive on purpose, or complained about it.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:56 CRACKERJACK AGAINST THE CLOCK

He went early Saturday morning to Hackney dogs in his old Ford Corsair, but when got there he had no money, he had left it at home.

He came into the shop with a daft grin on his face.

He had raced home to get his money and try to get back before the first race. In his mad rush he had actually snapped the gearstick off. When he showed it to us some wag said 'Never mind Robert, you always wanted an automatic.'

He backed all of Pat Edderys mounts that afternoon in singles, doubles and trebles.

He rode 4 winners, and Crackerjack got a new car !!!!

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:56 Doug the Gardener................... Compulsive-Wife would ring up on Payday Usual bet 1224Hackney £1 Rf/c 2-4 10p Cf/c 2-5-6 20p Sf/c 4-3 5p Rf/c 5-1 60p Sf/c 3-2 5p Rf/c4-5 5p Cf/c 6-1-4 £2 Sf/c 3-1 Every race was a novel. Poor sod couldn't think why he kept losing!!

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:56 DAMBUSTER

I punted in a shop with a resident old man - always smartly turned out, clean, lived just up the road with his missus, who ran the local museum. He had been a pilot in Bomber Command - he didn't big it up, but he could be drawn into reminiscing about splendid nights raining death on Dresden or some such high jinks. He backed favourites (always trying to nick an eighth of a point as if his whole well-being depended on it), using a bastardised doubling-up system which involved him squiggling incessantly on post-it notes on the shop table, and defacing the shop Racing Post, which he guarded like a jealous mother polar bear. He bet mostly on Greyhounds, which were his passion in the continuing and regrettable absence of war. Well into his sixties he would drive to Hove or somewhere equally distant to back a jolly in a graded race if it took his eye - he was a fine old chap.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:57 THE CHINAMAN (edited by me)

asian man with enormous wad of cash ...collecting from the pay-out and bunging £500 on trap 2 whilst hes waiting

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:57 The para corporal

who does dog forecasts combinations [ 3 dogs and he fondly imagines he has cover half the possibles ! ]

the swearing that goes on when a ' FREAK' dog splits his ' best two' is quite fantastic

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:58 SMELLIE NELLIE

Sat on her throne, in the corner. Unmistakable stench of urine pulsating thru the day. Unfortunate bullied husband doing all her running during the afternoon. Bet 3 or 4 per race, always ew(w@nkers) comb fc and tc if poss to 2 1/2p. Perm placepots to a 1p. Nightmare ew multis 3 heinzs on 1 slip. After about 1 year realised she was as honest as the day was long. Did'nt bother to settle her bets just asked her how much was the return. Disapeared all of a sudden. Never seen again. Husband prob did a Freddy West. Nobody sat on her chair, not out of respect, still stunk of p1ss.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:58 FAVOURITE BACKERS

Loads of them. Found in every shop I've ever spent time in. No need to ask them what they fancy in a race, it's always the favourite. Swear profusely whenever a favourite gets beat but it won't stop them backing the next one. One story involving one of these characters, who was also an annoying drunk. He announces that a horse called Ballerina, the 15/8 Fav, will win the next race at Kempton. He puts his money on and then spends the next 10 minutes annoying everyone in the shop and then the race starts. Ballerina is out the back but makes up the ground and wins with our man roaring him home. Next few minutes spent saying " I told you, you lot wouldn't listen to me" etc and then he goes to collect his winnings. "Nothing to come on this, mate" says the settler. Transpires he wrote the bet out as Kempton 3.00 £xx win FAV. In the 10 minutes was busy annoying the other punters, he did not notice Ballerina had drifted from 15/8 Fav to 6/1! How we laughed and never saw him again after that.

AM I TOO EARLY 28 Jul 22:59 More later, off to watch The Shield.

Jayco 28 Jul 23:01 never saw it campo but after reading it, i use to have tears running down my cheeks from laughing, told a friend of mine ( ex shop manager ) i'd print it off for him then whoosh it was gone

Mandylou 28 Jul 23:04 must go down as the all time best thread on any betfair forum , classic that should be turned into a book

strat 28 Jul 23:14 Machine Man

comes in the shop pockets full of coins (no notes), doesnt put a bet on. Plays the fruit machines all day. Puts in about £200, wins the £20 jackpot and goes home happy.

you missed that one ;)

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:00 GEORGE THE GREEK.

Came over from Cyprus in the 60's to escape National Service and set up his own cafe.About 60 years of age,22 stone,combover,but still thinks he is God's gift to women.Bets in every race during the day,invariably waving his hands and muttering obscenities when his dog gets knocked over/horse gets short-headed.Looks so weary and tired and never seems to have any luck.Has won and lost about six cafes/restaurants in his time and will never stop gambling until he pops his clogs.At night he can be seen in the Casino with his bit on a side(a six stone aircraft blonde sparrer from Battersea),whilst his loyal wife spends her time running the cafe.Always wears the same clothes and drives a clapped out old Merc.Does not want to be a winner.Next stop-the taxi cabs ?

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:01 THE RACE COMMENTATOR

Very scruffily dressed, doesn't look as if he's met soap this month. Chews nervously on his slip, waiting for his big moment. As they come into the last two furlongs, his time comes. He's front and centre, calling them home in a loud and clear voice. You can't hear the real commentary, only his. He sounds very professional, maybe he once did this for a living. The problem is, he gets all the names mixed up and always calls the wrong winner. This causes confusion and disappointment among the punters, none of whom can tell the winner without hearing the commentary.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:01 THE CARTOON RACE AFICIONADO

In the Hampstead shop, back in 02-03, a middle-aged (guessing 45) distinguished looking professor type with plenty of bucks would bet only on the cartoon horse races, without looking even glancingly at the form. He'd watch the parade carefully, muttering to himself about the look of one or the name of another, then with only seconds before the off, he'd dash comically (and rather recklessly) to the window, where no one was ever in his way, to put down 20 pounds each way on at least a 10-1 shot (he'd never bet the faves). Then the best part would begin. He'd then urge his make-believe nag on:

"Run, my pet, run!" "Go, go, go, go, go, go!" "Use the whip, you PlONK!" "Now, hit the hole... NOWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Then, when it became clear that his horse wasn't even on the screen, and would not factor in the race (or even be called by the commentator), he said this, always:

"Look at him! He doesn't want to run! The ****er doesn't want to run!"

It was funny the first 100 times, then it got rather tiresome. Saw him win a few times on 33-1 shots, and of course any horse that won for him, he'd bet every time the horse ran again. Heard the bloke moved to the northern country, where we imagine he's now betting the cartoon dog races. Hampstead shop is just not the same. MARKET GEORGE

Used to run a stall on a sat morning market in my old town.Sat afternoon went in bookies and invarioubly blew the lot and ended up trying to sub people for a tenner.Asked me once if he could borrow my new Timeform Flat annual.Yeah no probs George I said.Bought it in the next week,never saw it again..He sold it!

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:01 LUCKY FRED

Back in the late 60's 83 year old Fred was a regular at independent bookie Joe's little shop. This was in the days of sound commentary only of course when the commentary found it's way into the shop through the "blower". Ex plummer Fred was a poor gambler, regularly blowing his pension after 3 or 4 days with a succession of tanner bets, with the occasional shilling invested if he had something special.

One particular day Fred walked into Joe's place and said "Joe,there's a big race on Saturday. Can you find me a price for Black Flash? I've got a really good tip for it". "Sure", says Joe, "no problem". Joe thumbs through a few papers and says, "It's a rank outsider Fred, I've got 66's down here". "Ok", said Fred, "put me £20 win on it and I'll take the price".Joe looks at Fred in astonishment and says, "that's over a years pension Fred, don't be silly". "Well if you don't want the bet I'm sure the big boys would be happy to take it", says Fred. "Well if you insist I'll take your brass but I think "you're mad". Fred hands the cash over and Joe gives him the betting slip. £20 Black Flash 66/1.

Joe feels sorry for Fred. Poor old pensioner, hardly a penny to his name, must have some savings though. £20 is a heck of a lot of money. What a waste. He decides to ring his mate Charlie who gives the sound commentary. "Charlie, Joe here. I've had an old chap in today, regular punter, usually has sixpenny bets, must be in his 80's, always skint after a few days of getting his pension. Anyway today he came into the shop. Says he's got a good tip. Black Flash, big race Saturday, he put £20 on it at 66's. Think it's 100/1 at Windsors. "Blimey", says Charlie, "must be mad". "That's what I thought, anyway he's a nice old chap and I've been thinking. When you give the commentary, can you include Black Flash as if it's running really well? Make him think he's in with a shout. At least that way he'll get a bit of pleasure out of the race. £20, can't believe it. Only ever taken one bet bigger than that" "Ok, says Charlie, I'll do that, bit irregular, but I'll do what you ask".

It's Saturday.Fred's in his seat 10 minutes before the off, clutching his betting slip. Word had got round about Fred's bet and everyone was on Black Flash, albeit to modest stakes. The bookies is packed.

And they're off in this 3 mile handicap chase and Black Flash goes straight to the front from Yellow River and Red Canyon. Over the 1st and it's Black Flash going on by 6 lenghts. No change in the order as they head towards the 4th fence, although the rest of the field headed by Red Canyon and Yellow River are closing significantly. 4 fences to jump now and Black Flash appears to be weakening and is passed by both Red Canyon and Yellow River, with Grey Swallow making good progress. Over the 2nd last and Grey Swallow goes on by 2 lenghts from Pink Slipper who is finishing well. Black Flash also appears to have got his second wind. Over the last fence and Pink Slipper takes it up on this long run in. Black Flash moves into second. Black Flash takes it up and goes on by 3, 4 6 lenghts and I aren't kidding Joe.

Hence the name Lucky Fred.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:02 NENINIT (silent T)

A non-stop drone from this irritant, who sounds like next-door's TV is on too loud. He stands in front of the screen cheering on horses and dogs he hasn't backed because he picked them out on the off, then if they win says, "see, I told you that'd win" His bets are generally 5p e/w or 10p win singles, with occasional 5p e/w doubles, usually covering 8 or 9 selections. He backs dogs, horses, AND cartoon racing, Picking out any that have the letter Z in them, which is unfortunate as he possesses a speech defect which means the letter Z sounds like NEN or NED. He once had a 5p e/w yankee and had a winner a place and a loser, with one to run in the evening.... So he could potentially win £10 or so. The race was at 8.10, he came in at 6.30, and sat waiting for it to run., It placed. He said what he always says: "I thought that would come in, its got a neninit"

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:02 MAD VIC

Still a regular in the shop, and the only punter I ever barred, when I was there! We always kept our bets in piles behind the counter, as I'm sure most bookies do. There was a 'Race by Race' pile, a 'multiples' pile, and a pile just for Vic.

His bets comprise a variety of mistakes. an example might be say at 12.02, he'll put a bet on something like:

12:03 T1 4 5 6 5.17 T1 2 3 4 11.31 T4 6 5D (not one of his more awkward efforts either)

Which means; 1203 (there isn't a 12:03) Traps 1,4,5 or 6

5:17 Traps 1,2,3,4

11:31 (which has already run) traps 4 or 6 5p win doubles

He's 74, and claims he's dyslexic (which doesn't stop the graffiti, he wrote all over the wall in the loo). but he places a bet approximately every 3 minutes, and virtually every one has at least 2 errors on it, and never stakes more than £2

The new shop owners let him in, because he's good for betting slip turnover, and I asked the other day, how much does he lose? he can't be good for the business! I was told. No, He wins overall.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:03 Guy in my local betting shop called Colin. Walks with a hunch, has about 3 teeth, hovers around the gambler offering poor advice, has 25p bets, has worn the same green jacket for 13 years (and never washed it once) and is a registered s.ex offender.

Lovely chap.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:03 THE PICNIC BOYS

As far as I know, still go in Billy Hills shop opposite Rathbone Market, east London. Two complete pi55heads aged about 34-36, they arrive at 10-15 a.m. on Saturdays with sandwich boxes, and about 80 cigarettes. Every time they bet, they smoke, whether they are eating or not when they bet makes no difference. By noon they've got 24 cans of 3.0% lager under the chairs ready to drink, and make a nice pyramid of the empties during the day. Try telling them it's illegal to drink alcohol in a betting shop and they get abusive. The first bets of the day are 5p lucky 15s, 31s and 63s on the shortest odds running. Every other bet is a £1 win single on a favourite. When racing is over the pair of pillocks come to the counter, pi55ed, and hand over their tickets one at a time. When you say 'Nothing on that' (because you've got all their bets in front of you in numerical order) you get treated to ' Lying bar steward, check it again.'

This is why they are barred from our shop.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:04 GEORGE

nice old boy who knows his onions. Unfortunatley had a stroke and cant speak or control his saliva. Very good dribbler hence baptised George after the one and only Mr Best, another very good dribbler.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:04 In the early eighties, there was a guy who frequented LBOs in the west side of Edinburgh who had the nickname (bestowed by staff) of Bible John. This was because of his uncanny resemblance to the police photo-fit of a character known by the same name who was wanted for murdering several women in Glasgow in preceding years. (Case still unsolved as far as I know.) Anyway, this guy had the weirdest ritual for trying to gather luck to himself. He would place a bet, then head straight for the toilet where he'd stand lighting matches, blowing them out and dropping them on the floor. Believe me, he could get through a lot of matches. One day he had a straight forecast up - at Hackney dogs I think - with his last two quid. It paid over £100 to £1, and he told us seriously that he regarded it as a gift from God. Did I say weird?

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:05 THE PICKER UPPER..............

...Goes round the shop picking up the betting slips thrown away on the floor and checks em against results in case they are actually winners ....Saw him get a £96 win off the floor on one occasion ....and that was 20+years ago....

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:05 THE PUTTER ONNER..........

The one guy in the shop who would put on bets for the under age kids hanging round outside ...with their slip wrapped round their coins ........Considered himself a kind of Robin Hood ....doing good for the under priveleged ......Then beaming at the Payout as "HE" picked up "HIS" winnings .......Look at me Ive won AGAIN !!... .....before quietly slipping out to give the winning kid his winning money ......

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:06 Theres one guy that used to frequent a Hills in south London who always used to bet on the cartoon racing. One time, he was convinced that the second favourite was going to win and had £20. The 'horse' finished nowhere. He took me aside and for 10 minutes proceeded to rant on about how virtual racing was crooked and that they changed the outcome of the race because of the weight of his £20. He bet the 2nd favourite in everything (dogs,horses,cartoon) and often seemed to add a little bit of something special to his rollies.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:06 BERN .

i do the odd day working in an inderpenent shop and over the years have seen a fair few characters . BERN is my fav . he usually backs the fav and if it gets beat he blames the jockey , calling him all the names under the sun . the best time was when he came into the shop in the middle of the afternoon had a quick glance at the colours in the rp then turned to watch the screen . after a few seconds he declares in front of the whole shop ,' look at this **** on the fav . hes not trying an inch' . another punter pipes up ,' bern , there only going down to the start ! cue mass laughter in the shop . he then of course backed the fav . and it got beat in a photo .

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:06 West London Billys shop late 1970's. We used to have this regular punter. Scruffy bloke. Unshaven, crumpled suit and plimsolls. He would stand right in the middle of the shop reading the Life. It was our sworn duty to notify the race room he was in as he would start of with a little warm up of say £300 on a dog, the bigger the price the better. £400 on 20/1 horses. £50 Straight forecasts on 2 lumpy priced ones. The guy would lose thousands almost every time he walked in and the race room would be laughing.

Except some days his luck would be in and he would win thousands which always led to weird swopping of cash from the till to payout until sometimes we would run out of money and would have to send out to other shops for it. And he would go on and on. Somedays he would hit us very hard but he always insisted we get his money, all his money, before the shop shut. He was a really nice guy although he never tipped us a penny for all the ringing his bets through we had to do. Sometimes he would do all his dough and end up doing £2 forecasts and fiver win bets but give him a few days and back he would come.Some said he owned clubs others whispered he was bank robber. Whatever he was, he was very entertaining

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:07 THE SHOPAHOLIC CASHIERS ..........

...In the smaller shops ....always Fat + Late 40's early 50's ....one would go out for her shopping ....come back and show the other one every item she'd bought , baby romper suit , nice cardigan , shoes , little toy for grandchild .... ...The queue stood watching the clock tick round to the race start / dog start .....nobody dared shout out ... " Oi how about some service " ....Not with those "ladies " you didnt ....

...Then the other one would go out shopping .....and the same scene when SHE returned .....

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:07 When i was between 14 and 17 years old i used to go to the pub with Dad and his mates on a Saturday morning. Lets just say there were no value hunters amongst the 8 or 9 men i used to run round the bookies for. They used to send me round constantly with a little bung of a couple of quid every now and then, tho sometimes more when winners were in town. I used to gamble with this and my pocket money. One day i got lucky and ended up having 40 quid (massive bet for me at that time) on a horse called Miesque at 4/1 which won. Problem was id lost the betting slip. Well the very day the horse won i had been sent in earlier to claim a lost bet for one of my Dads mates who was WELL ******. Dads mate told me to write the repeat slip out myself. I did (naively) and of course the manager could see HUGE descrepencies between his and my handwriting.

THEN my horse wins and i (legally this time) go to claim my winnings without my slip. Of course now the manager wont have it and starts telling me 'we,d have to send people around to interview you'. I dont know if he was being truthful but off i went to try and find a betting slip worth 200 nicker (which felt like a fortune to me at that time). The Saturday id lost the ticket had seen me in 4 different pubs following my dad and mates around. Only one pub would let me in to check the bins out the back. Yes, i kid you not, me, a mate and the cleaner of the pub went out the back of the boozer and was greeted by about 35 black sacks of rubbish. So off we set....... it was only a hour later and after sifting through hundreds of betting slips with **** all over them, even picking up a piece of ham once thinking it was the little pink ticket that this particular bookie uses. THEN the cleaner held up a ticket for the 50th time and this time from 4 feet away i could see through the slip and saw the number 4 in a circle. Knowing id taken the 4/1 i thought PLEASEEEEEE. delighted to tell you.....it WAS the ticket and how i LOVED slapping it on the bookies desk with **** all over it. I brought the cleaner a bottle of Tia Maria (her tipple) gave me mate a tenner (he was well happy) and happily put my wad in my pocket smiling like a cheshire cat....

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:08 PUFFING BILLY.

about 60 years old looks 102, chain smokes ready mades and has the skin of a rhino, you know the one when the back of their neck is covered in criss cross lines, looks like a patch work quilt, absolutely stink of nicotine and coughs for england, eyes are sometimes streaming from so much coughing.

A similar thread appeared on Horse Racing last year.

Hopefully the poster who told us about the punter who, so excited about a race,shook a turd out of his trouser leg when collecting his winnings,will reappear and take us through it again.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:08 JONAH

This bloke seems to back the same horse as the majority of the shop.

When he starts shouting it, slips get torn up and thrown away. This can be approaching the first in a 4 mile chase.

Claims to be a bit deaf and losing his sight.

GO ON MY SON, GO ON TRAP 6 (6 l Clear at the last bend)

you're first winner is when he starts cheering one on, and ITS NOT YOURS.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:08 Not to be confused with the original DISGRACE, described earlier in the thread. Not that you could: DISGRACE II is Jamaican and uses a wheelchair. This does not appear to have inhibited his alcolhol consumption however - indeed it may even have encouraged it as he knows he will not be walking anywhere and he is already legless (apolgies - I thought long and hard about whether I should put that in).

The highlight of DISGRACE II's afternoon is going to the shop next door for more tinnies, which on this occasion resulted in him moving too fast and turning his conveyance over in the door of the shop and becoming temporarily wedged there.

Also never actually seen placing a bet.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:09 THE HOGGER

Usually smartly dressed mid 30's office worker on his lunch break. Walks to where the Racing Post is on display. Starts to read it and takes a sandwich out of his carrier bag. Takes an age to eat his sarnie. People queue up behind him hoping to glance at the Sports Section but he is oblivious to this. Annoyingly he is reading the "form" which is on display throughout the shop. But he likes to hog the Post, he does it at the same time every day. Oh good, he's finished his sandwich, maybe he'll go now. But no. He reaches in his carrier bag and takes out his custard slice. Not so much a "character", more a pain in the bum.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:09 Used to come in my shop,glance around when he had placed his £1.20ew on a 4 -1 shot.Then as one horse was 50 yds from the line,he would erupt...'good boy...get in there'. He then proceeded to go to each punter and tell them that he and his son had had £400 on the winner at 7-1 in a Sadbrokes in Farnborough because he was good mates with Nicky Henderson and Brendan Powell and as his daughter worked for Nicky,he was always invited for dinner there. One day when he came in before racing,I decided to call his bluff and pretended to be intersted in his famous contacts.He preened himself,then proceeded to spout on for 10 mins about a load of lies.I then asked him,'whts the name of Hendersons training complex again?' He went white,turned round and ran out of the door saying he had left his oven on....he was never sighted again.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:10 Likeable builder who just had no self control with his money.He would rush in the shop and always back Trap 3 no matter what...then the fun would begin. As the lids opened..3 would stumble losing 6 lengths but Des would now be right in front of the main screen touching it with his finger....'go on 3 my son...feck of 1,2,4,5,6.....come on you ****,whats the matter with ya....ahhh for fecks sake'...as he continued to push the white jacketed mutt with his finger. I got a phone call once from the old girl that lived above the shop asking who the man was that always swore out loud.......I said it was a customer and I apologised and asked if she wanted me to ask him to tone it down a bit.......'oh no dear....listening to him is so much better than that fecking Neighbours rubbish'.....

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:10 ANOTHER ONE FROM THE CRACKERJACK FILES

Robert was always up to practical jokes. My ex-girlfriends mum used to bet in the shop years ago, and all her bets were 5p yankees, first two and last two ret favs at each meeting, and when racing was over she'd do the same for each dog meeting that night.

She liked a drink, had terrible eyesight and couldn't see more than four feet in front of her face.

One night she was writing dog bets out but had not drawn her horse returns yet. Crackerjack was crouching behind the big square heater that was 5 feet tall, and as she walked up to get her money he called her. She turned round but couldn't see him, so she put the winning tickets on the counter and went to the shop door and looked outside, not that she was liable to see anything, as only two other people were in the shop.

While she was at the door his arm shot out and grabbed her tickets. She came back to the counter and it was a good 30 seconds before she realised they had gone. By now Crackerjack had locked himself in the toilet, while she accused the other two in the shop of nicking her tickets.

He came out and asked what the matter was, so she told him. Like a complete gentleman he told her to put her bets on and he would pay for them until the tickets turned up. She thanked him but never found out for about three days what had happened, and managed to laugh about it.

A few weeks later he had it off by following Eddery again (see earlier tale) and asked me to work the bet out for him as it was with L a d d i e s. but before I had a chance to do it, the ex-girlfriends brother, also a betting shop manager, who was in the shop on his day off, offered to work it out for him instead.

He did so, but put £80 on top of the correct figure.

When Crackerjack went to draw it such an almighty row broke out over fiddling managers that the police were called, and by the time it was all sorted he had been arrested for assault.

And when he found out what the ex-girlfriends brother had done, he just laughed it off.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:11 Stands at 5ft and weighs in at approx 5 stone. Early 50s and walks the 25 miles round trip to the betting office EVERY day. Hasn`t changed his clothes since the 70s and his maximum bet is £1.

Once approached me in the bookies and told he his mother had died earlier that morning. Lost for words, because he was there and not at home, I asked him what age she was. His reply: " I`m not sure but she was older than me "

Later that day he said to me " It`s some shock to the system " to which I replied " What your mother dying ?" He said " No, I had a dog called first in a photo and its just been beaten "

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:11 2 stories from years ago {sis only} me and my mate were in an independant bookies - sis commentary saying making tremendous headway etc. of course we were about 200 miles away from the racecourse. photo finish and one of the characters whom we'd dubbed as neck and head comes across and says i think horse a has got it. my mate retorts i can't see from here. nuff said!

another 2 mates of mine who would bet on anything {party piece being if having a good night in the casino would eat in the restaurant, feign a stomach upset and request some alka seltser - anyway would drop them into their glasses of water simultaneosly and would scream go on my son as the tabs dissolved to the amazement of all.} main story about them however was the afternoon they frequented their local betting shop with one of the lads fancying a horse for his life. of course they both did all their cash before this good un duly obliged at 16/1. so kicking through discarded sporting lifes my disconulate mate sought the solace of a pew in the corner. within seconds a clothed capped 5p ew old trouper bombarded him with - do you mind you are in my lucky seat. to his credit this set my mate into convulsions of laughter, and he actually went outside and was physically sick as a result of the irony/humour of it all.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:11 worked for hills about 18 years ago there was an old lad called harry who used to sit in the same seat everyday. said he was ex sas never put his bet on before the off and was a right cantkerous old sod anyway they called race off one day he set off across the shop to place the bet when of the other regulars stuck his foot out and tripped him up . his face smacked the the counter and down he went about 10 seconds later his hand appears over the top with the betting slip only for the cashier to tell him it was to late the race was off. the entire shop was in tears laughing can remember him getting up with the blood running down his nose asking who did it

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:11 MR SQUINTS

Been betting in the shop for a few years, has no problems reading the papers or watching the telly, but when he comes to the counter to draw or place a bet, he narrows his eyes to slits as though there's bright sun in his face.

No idea why he does it as we've never asked.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:12 MR HIEROGLYPHICS is asian and can't write a bet out unitl they're off. Dogs, horses, cartoon racinig, whatever. He tries it on when he has backed numbers not names in horse races, if his bet is unsuccessful his 1s are meant to be 7s and vice versa. Been barred once for causing arguments by holding up the queue when a dog race is due to go off, but let back in when he said he wouldn't do it again. He's also a lucky bar steward.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:12 'EAVY 'ANDED 'ARRY

Takes 5 or 6 slips out of the dispenser and writes one bet out. All the other slips are knackered because he presses so hard with the pen. Can't move a chair without hitting somebodys shins with it. He pulled the chain from the khazi cistern once, came out and put it on the counter and said 'That's broke.'

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:12 MR.5P DOUBLES

A few years ago a big punter in the betting shop used to do footie and dog accas all short favs ,anyway he was waiting for the last dog in the bookies ,all waiting to cheer it on ,came to about 30000 ,of course the dog gets beat , then the old guy in the shop starts going mad screaming throwing his pen ,the big punter says nothing the old guy screams out I HAD 10P GOING ON THAT EFFING DOG.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:13 THE DANCER

He used to frequent the shop I used while still at school. When he placed a bet, he couldn't leave the shop until the race was over. Said he "liked to keep an eye on things". He wouldn't even go to the lavatory, which was a problem for him in cold weather. As the hydraulic pressure in his system increased, he would start shuffling from foot to foot, muttering "Hurry up! Hurry up!". Hands deep in the pockets of his old coat, he'd be dancing around in front of the tables making more noise than the rest of the punters during the National: "Hurry up! Oh, for fk sake, hurry up!"

A temporary managerette thought she'd have a laugh one day. When The Dancer's race finally started, she nipped out and locked the door to the gents. His face was a picture when he tried to rush in for a leak after the finish, but it didn't compare to her face when the inevitable happened. She had to wield a mop and bucket to the jeers of the crowd. We all liked The Dancer, he picked a lot of winners.

We had a regular around 1980 who always went for the shortest nags he could find to back. Even if he was skint, and he wasn't a big punter by any means, he'd have his £2 t/p at 2/5 or whatever and ALWAYS took the board price. Probably the biggest bet he had was around a score. Anyway one day he was chasing (again) and asked for tick, offering his bank book for security. He lived just along the street and didn't seem the brave type so he was accommodated. Horse lost, off he went, presumably to borrow elsewhere. Just before closing, in walked a sweet looking wench. This was the punter's missus. He'd decided that he had to confess all and she'd turned up to pay his debt and reclaim said bank book. Yes, THAT did cross minds but no more I'm afraid. Funny really, she was good looking and sophisticated while he was sort of useless and hapless and insignificant. SHE definitely wore the trousers, and it was a while before he reappeared to bet again.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:13 GRAND NATIONAL PUNTER

Obviously a once-a-year visitor, often heard muttering about dens of iniquity while tiptoeing round the regulars and beer-cans on his/her way to the counter. Asks for help filling out the slip, despite it being a process unchanged since Jimmy Greaves joined the Spurs. Always always tells you the same story about how they backed Crisp in the 73 race, and "that poor Richard Pitman" - an unknowingly perceptive remark if ever there were one. Never leaves without casting pitying glances at the lowlives in the shop, and is first back in the shop at 4.05pm to collect their half-a-quid each way on the grey which snuck into fourth. My first shop was in a right run down area of the city. Next door was an all day drinking club. Pubs had to close at 2.30 then. So obviously all the cream of society were attracted to the club and hence the LBO. The shop toilent only had a urinal. Billy Hillbillies not really into catering for women at the time. Anyway two really classy, not joking, top draw totty well dressed women came in one day and enquired about WC facilities. I explained the situation. Never mind went into said carsey and relieved themselves. Must have very powerful pelvic muscles. I still dream about them now.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:14 MR THANKING YOU

nice guy really appreciative of service received. says thank you about 6 times minimum for each bet placed.

one of my friends is an elderly gent in his late 70`s and is renown for being the worse punter of all time . he has two nicknames -Lucky and viagra (he can stiffen any horse) he is a favourite backer irrespective of horses odds ,form or anything . its well known that favourites win around 37% of races unfortunatley he backs the other 63% one day he received a tip for a horse in the last race on the sand - most of the 20 plus crowd were on the nag and it duly obliged at 7-1 (happy days) we all collected and asked him why he hadnt , he told us he had doubled the horse with the last race fav at a jump meeting at the odds of 1/3 the race was off and most of us stayed in to cheer it home for him , coming to the last all the shop were cheering it and congratulating him as the nag was at least 25 length clear , only for the inevitable to happen and it fall - cue the shop bursting into fits of laughter at his face "thats my fking luck" he announced and went into the toilet , we all waited as we were going to the local to celebrate our win , the laughter subsided and a loud noise came from the toilet , out came "viagra" wet through , he had finished his pee, flushed the lav but pulled a bit too hard and pulled the overhead cistern away from the wall cue the shop once again bursting into laughter

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:14 xmastime in Leeds in the early 60s. The shoplifters would get you a turkey , or anything for half price. All the money kept going over the counter and made Jim Windsor even richer. I ordered a turkey and the shoplifter came back with a framed copy of that Chinese girl in the green dress, about 3ft square. But I ordered a turkey, says I. There are no turkeys left in Leeds, so you will have to make do with this! he said. And what is more, he said, it was very difficult to nick!!!

occasionally two or three girls would come in ........ a rare occurence for any girl to come into this particular independent .......... they looked after this particular horse when it wasn't in training ...... often didn't place a bet they just wanted to see it run.

One day it was running at Fontwell and they placed £1 win and £1ew bets on it we all joined in and followed it's progree with interest .......... I think it was a 2m novice chase ..... it ran much better than usual pressing the leader until they came to 2 out when it made an almighty blunder and the male jockey did well to stay on ....... it eventually finished third.

' I could have done pheckin' better than that pheckin' tossser ........ ' said the earthiest looking girl as they left the shop.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:14 BIG COL Greasy haired Taxi Driver. Last shower was at birth. Analyses every dog race with mate Unerringly accurate about 10% of the time Will bet on 2 flies!

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:15 old woman suffering from turrets would shout at top of her voice 'HELLO YOU' every 30 seconds regardless how close she was standing to you ,the first time i heard her i was putting my bet on with my back to her when she screeched the now familiar phrase, i very nearly papped myself.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:15 A legendary character in the LBO's of Leeds city centre,his nickname says it all**never been known to back a selection odds against,always on LARGE,if on a loser starts swearing at the staff. To look at him you would think he has not got two bob,allergic to soap and deodorant.I know him to talk to,and is always telling me that the games "****",he seems always to have emergency readies for when he's on a bad run.He has been frequenting the offices of Leeds for twentyfive years and still going strong.

** I've lost the nickname...:(

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:16 MICK THE BUTCHER

one of a group of taxi drivers who used to come in and moan about what little business there was. when he'd done his money used to go to his cab and come back with a big bag of small change which he used to plonk over the counter .......... seemed friendly enough but because the other drivers referred to him as 'mick the butcher' we wondered what he'd done to earn the epitaph. ....... Quite relieved to find out he used to work in the Smithfield meat market.

when i was a bookie a bloke called dek would spout incredible lies he always backed the last winner normally for about 200 quid. his actual daily bet was 20p double 2 favs.he said one day his sister had 5 numbers +the bonus ball , 2 weeks later he said you're not going to believe it she's got 5 and the bonus ball again. we did'nt.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:16 Hans (rip) An Austian multi millonaire. A major league **** head and general lush. I have seen him bet with a furlong to go a horse the had fallen three fences out. Had a hole host of hangers on most with wonderful nicknames like Mick the Butcher,Monkey(a legend who will probaly earn his own post at some stage),The popstar and les the letch. Hans and les being the to most wedged up amongst them where taking a kicking one day and les say to Hans " are going on the **** or getting on the chase" to which Hans replies "Pub then bank then on the chase". They returned several hours later much worse for wear and placed £30,000. in packets of sealed £50's behind the Jump and did the lot by the close at 8.30 despite being £15,000 up with only an hour or so to go. Was working for lads and could lay him any price that had ever shown on a screen Including a 5 hr back show on a pricewise selection that was 20's into 6's. He was a great tipper who could be doing thousands in a day and still of given the counter staff £100-300 let alone if he was winning

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:17 Rod.

One of the most addicted gamblers I have ever seen at work. I wont say any more about his source of income other than he has never done a days work . Will enter the shop with a wedge of readies. If he is in a good mood will get the whole shop Hot chocolates ,crapaccino's, c untalattes cakes etc and start to study the form . If not will head staight to the F.O.B.T and start playing then depending on how things are going will start betting bags dogs in £100's with £50 fc's if it looks like being a hard day at the office will start playing the the fruity, Fobt and dogs and horses all at the same time before he has the last bet of a bad day a tricast on 3 outsiders for £1.27.

Maczysz Dzieduszycki 29 Jul 00:17 Many thanks for taking the trouble, Campo - cheers !

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:19 All posters names were removed.

That's enough for tonight.

More tomorrow night.

Anytime Mac.

Tommy Toes 29 Jul 00:22 It's good to see one of the best ever threads on here reprinted. Thanks Campo.

sugarfoot 29 Jul 21:09 some had me crying with laughter. haven't spent an afternoon in the bookies since about 1994, when I might pop into the t0te or whill at the north end of kilburn high road when I was studying. it was always pure entertainment

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:17 Btw Lucky Fred 29 July 00:01 was a joke supplied by Cannyman

:)

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:18 The Guy who likes to look like he is a shrewdie

A guy in his early 30s used to frequent the hills i used to work in, his routine was something like this, firstly upon his arrival in the shop he would look at all of the days results so far and as he was doing so he'd be making lots of little shss, tsk, aah, uhm type noises whilst narrowing his eyes at the screens then he'd pull out a little note book and do a little bit of scribbling. He would then turn and look at the form and cards on the wall, stopping to do the occasional scribble in his note book and on the wall too.. then he would give the screens another coat of looking at (with eyes narrowed) with more 'i've sussed something' type noises emanating from him and lots of knowing type nodding motions. He then comes to the counter with a £2 treble - the shortest 3 prices he can find on the day!!

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:18 Piggy in the middle A recent addition to my old shop, because the three FOBT's were always full we would have a couple (by the time i left the company) of piggies in the middle standing roughly equidistant between the three machines just looking for someone to do their money so they could jump on - these guys would never have a bet and would wait 3 or 4 hours for a game of roulette if they had to..

I must say I'm glad I'm out of it !

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:19 CHOCOLATE TASH

Only known as Brian.Would come in every day about the same time and stay for about 30 mins.As we saw him open the door,we knew what his first words would be when placing his first bet....'could I have a cup of your lovely hot chocolate?'

The said cup would stain his moustache,hence the name.....

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:19 THE GRIM REAPER

Makes Keith Millers' hair in Eastenders look clean.Lived just along the road from my shop,and would be the first face I would see each morning and the last at night.One day his glasses broke and he asked to borrow my 60 year old cashiers spare pair.Now these are multicoloured and even Dame Edna would think twice about wearing them. His name was earned with a string of comments about the chances of horses over a short period of time...one day he spivved up one that a few of the regulars had backed...the nag fell at the last when clear and was tagged from that day forward.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:20 SNOTTY RON About 5 foot tall and would have a wide range of ill fitting suit jackets probably purchased from charity shops.One day he came in and he had what appeared to be a foot long icicle swinging like a pendulum from his nose.It fell off due to gravity and lay glistening on the carpet.He stopped,looked down and proceeded to wipe the excess off with the cuffs on his 'new' jacket. It was only then I realised the true horror of his habit...the cuffs were absolutely covered in snot,at which point my cashier shrieked 'I am not serving that dirty little sod'

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:20 THE ARMY AND NAVY GIRLS

There were a couple of sorts that worked at the local A+N store that I had clocked before.One Grand National Day,they came in...I was like a lovestruck schoolkid......my mate said 'leave it to me mate,nip out the back and I will sort us out nicely here'.So I went into the kitchen and closed the door pretending to make a coffee.30 seconds later,the door flew open and my mate balled out....'Yeah,this is the bloke who thinks you are a pair of lesbians'

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:20 OXY YEN

There was a group of Japanese punters used to bet in my shop.This one though had a complexion that would make Freddie Kruger look like a model. One day he came up to the counter with his usual request...'pie please' to which i mentally answered try the bakers(for the thousandth time) As I glanced down at the slip,it was covered in blood that had come from two of the pus filled craters that he had picked on his face. I told him to go away,wash his hands,rewrite the slip and come back. He glared at me,mumbled something in his mother tongue and sloped off to moan to his mates.I couldnt resist shouting out...' I asked him to nip back in a minute with his bet.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:21 ALL ON JIM

Jimmy is the best professional shoplifter I've ever met. Only 'works' when he needs to and you can tell when he's been 'at it' by all the men who live near the shop wearing the same style shirt.

He used to love a Cecil horse, and would plunge on for whatever he had in his pocket when one really took his fancy. Never stayed for more than 4 races, win or lose. Also a very shrewd judge of graded dogs form, and once backed 4 on the spin in L a d d i es without backing a favourite.

When in form he was devastating, as we knew he'd go after 4 races. Came in once and had his last fiver on a dog which won at 7/2. A short while later he put the lot on a Cecil horse, which won at 7/2, closely followed by another 'all in' on a dog at 9/4. Waited about 30 minutes and had the lot on a 5/4 winner.

Walked out with over £700. Went to La d d ies around the corner on the way home and had the lot on an evens winner.

Came in the next day, skint. Lost it all at The Stow that night.

Not seen him for2 years.

Hope he gets out soon, I need some shirts.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:21 superstitious sally

50 yr old dublin girl who always used to come in shop bout ten ish and have exactly same bet as i had put up on wipe clean board. This was usually 50p ew lucky 31 type bet... best i ever did was three outta five which would have paid out over five hundred.....

Heard that sal was away for ladies day at ascot on works do so wouldnt be in on that thurs.... BLESS HER LITTLE COTTON SOCKS....

In she strolls friday at ten looking like she aint slept an with a face like shes trying to eat a hot chip when she looks at the board that is still showing thurs picks........ five outta five of course...... well i ve never heard so much swearing in english an some others words that must have been gaelic........

Had to tell her later that id re done the board fri morning.... never forget her face... class...

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:22 F'kin Scudamore

A hard-as-nails Scouser that looks like Phil Mitchell's ugly older brother. Vast biceps, gold chain, leather jacket. His entire lexicon consisted of the words 'Scudamore', 'f**k '(and its derivatives) 'cu**s' (and it's derivatives). These would be intoned, at barely discernable volume, throughout an entire race when said jock was riding and if said jock did not win by a distance, an almighty 'BARSTARDS' issued forth, thus adding to his vocabulary by 25%

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:22 FORM BOOK FRED

Can (and will at a moments notice) tell you the average winning distance for the progeny of Kahyasi, the number of winners thrown up by the Redcar maiden ran on the 15th July and the handicap rating of every winner of the Racing Post Chase since 1985.

These and other 'facts' are the Rosetta Stone for our hero - a list of 'truths' that are good for the racing man did he but know it, to which everyone's attention must be drawn at opportune moments (e.g. when the winner of a photograph is being called).

Unfortunately, despite his god-like knowledge of every obscure fact that even a Timeform writer would turn his nose up at, our hero has a 'care-in the community' haircut, bailer twine for a belt and a dog-eared butt perpetually screwed into the corner of his mouth.

He has never backed a winner in all the time he has been in this oxygen-foresaken outpost of the Stanleys (as was) empire...

...but he could if he wanted to, and that's the point.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:23 hills manager in Dalston. london used to have red and yellow cards for his punters - and they took notice of him!

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:23 I once worked for a small independentl Lets call him Reg who would scrutinise any winning bet as if it was a stitch up. He was the tighest character I ever met. We had a Saturday settler who was always the worse for wear from the night before who would sit over the multiple bets all afternoon.

One busy Saturday as we were finishing up he gets to the bottom of the pile ,obviously for the first time , and pulls out a fiver win Yankee. First won 10/1, 2nd won 8/1 and so on. The whole bet has copped. The settler marks it ups. Looks at the bet for a few minutes and then calls out:

"Oi! Reg. Look at this Lucky B astard"

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:24 Also remember the 2 famous QPR footballers who frequented the shop next door to the ground that I was managing.

One time I had to void a bet that one of them (played for England a couple of times, famous for betting, famous for his ball skills in a Besty sort of way)thought should be a winner. You have never seen such a hissy fit in your life. He told me who he was. How much he was worth. Ripped all the papers off the wall, kicked over the litter bin and stormed out. Lovely man.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:24 Big Stewie.

Former pro boxer who once fought Frank Bruno. He was about 6'2-6'3 and thick set yet incredibly was once an apprentice jockey!!! Wom a commonwealth title at Cruiser but loved a drink and a thick bet. Was notorious in shops throughout Hartlepool and used to demand 7/2 about horses that hadn't ever touched 9/4. Would stand square on watching his lumpy 4/5 single bite the dust. Once saw him put a hot pie in 5the face of a man who was cheering on a 16/1 winner when he had had £600 on an Evens fav in same race.

The Bruno story is the stuff of legend. Big Frank had won 10 on the spin (all by KO) going in. Stewey had been working as a sea coaler and drinking plenty. When the fight was booked in the word went round that he would fall in 3. LOADS of lads were on at anything from 20/1 downwards. Anyhow a load of us go to London to watch the 'fight'. Stewey is incredibly holding his own and fighting out of a pugilistic style that's more 1880's than 1980's. Taunting an increasingly perplexed Bruno while shouting "YOWWWWW" in a deranged manner to the crowd at the end of each round. Anyhow the third round comes... and goes. His trainer is going mental in the corner as he's had 2 weeks wages on himself. Screaming at him the big man calmly retorts "I can f*cking win this". He goes back out and is promptly stopped 48 seconds later on cuts.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:25 One day a guy in my local bookies lost a fortune. Every time his horse/dog got beat he would throw his bookies pen at the screen and hurl abuse at the staff. His last big wedge went on a horse which was clear and fell at the last fence. He then went beserk, ripping up the papers, swearing at everyone and spitting at all the monitors. He stormed out of the shop muttering "I'll get my own back". 30 minutes later he came back to the shop with his jack russell, he stood there calm and never said a word, there was tension all around the shop and all of a sudden his dog had an almighty cr@p right in the middle of the shop. The guy said "good boy" and left the shop immediately. Disgusting behaviour all round but i thought it was hilarious.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:26 I was a saturday cashier for a 1 shop indy. It was a good shop doing about 1500 slips on a saturday. Circa 1980 on a sat there were 2 cashiers me on the payout thee sat settler and of course the owner, BOB. Nice guy but when the pressure was on flapped like a seagull. HE had two independent telephone lines at the shop. Its a nightmare sat, the favs are flying in BOB is getting Red and REDDER by the hour. F*** he says, in his pile a bet was running up. Hr grabs the phone pulls it to himself and starts ringing. It was the old style dial, and the wheel going back to the start seemed to take an eternity. The whole shop was in silence. I was crapping myself, only just turned 18. In this deathly silence, the 2nd phone rang. TYpical I thought, The second settler picked up the phone and in his best telephone accent announced, "BOB RACING "

BOB SHOUTED

"FFS"

He had rang his own number. The shop roared with laughter.

And he got away with the bet.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:27 HAPPY DAYS A few years back working as a cashier, we used to have a guy come in with what looked like about 10 body guards, they would push people aside so they could sit right next to the screen, always trying to nick a price, which you always let them have. Used to punt all day for about 200 a race get you making teas all day. Always smoked all my ****, never understood how he never had any. I didnt mind though, if he had a good day would leave 200-500 behind the counter, always said thats just for the cashiers, disnt want management having it. Was great seeing as I was the only cashier. Never wanted to get promoted, would have cost me about 2 grand a year!

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:29 Yellow nutkin

Chinese guy who looked exactly like Terry Nutkin from Animal Magic, was the most suspisious guy in the whole world. He called me a thief once when I settled his Lucky for less than he expected that he had understaked. Tried to get the local rough necks to give me a kicking. His bet was Settled for the grand total of 1.47 less than he expected, he had over 200 quid coming back on it.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:29 A guy I know, will leave the pub on a Sat afternoon, to catch assorted races on the TV in the adjacent ******* or the OK Corral. Shares all his tips with a mate who lives on the other side of town. Both will watch the race in their respective shops, giving full commentary to each other over the mobile phone, despite the fact that both can see what's going on. Each fence negotiated results in the volume going up exponentially. By the time they're inside the final furlongs, he is yelling into the phone like a screaming banshee. "Gwonmyson...you f**cking c**t. F**K. Yes, yes, no, go on yes, no. Oh you w*nker McCoy. Yes. no. WHAT A C**T. YOOOOUUUU BEWTY!!!!!! Did you see that...."

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:29 I once worked around the Liverpool area in shops that Billy's took over from Stan Lee Racing and there was this old fella who frequented a number of them and went by the nickname of cough drop Billy ; every time he visited the counter you could smell the aroma of a cherry tune or sometimes a honey and lemon locket ; but apparently his favourite seemed to be the Strepsil lozenger - from all accounts he never had a cough or cold he just ate them like sweets !......One day he won about £80 on a 20p L15 and came in with a packet of Halls for each of the girls on the counter.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:30 AYRTON SENNAPOD

Many years ago there used to be a guy in one place who would come into the local indy every day regular as clockwork. His suit, collar and tie all looked a bit "demob" and he'd start by the door slowly working his way along the wall. Putting all the pens/pencils back in the boxes and stacking the slips away again. When he got there, he'd slip into the rear toilet. After 20 mins he'd reappear, grab a cup of freebie coffee off the counter and make his way slowly back down the other wall carefully tidying as he went. When got back to the door he'd chuck the empty cup in the bin and walk out. I asked the manageress what the score was and she said," Ayrton's been coming in here everyday for at least 4 years. He never bets. He never causes trouble and he leaves the loo absolutely spotless. The cleaner never bothers to go in there now 'cause it's never anything other than pristine". After a slight pause she added, "I'd love to know where he takes a cr@p on Sundays though!"

Someone stabbed him as he walked home one night. Harmless.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:31 The Toilet man

This bookies i used when was in my 20s always had this guy come in put one bet on a greyhound and always use the bog,i dont know what was worse was the guy behind the counter who told me he always effing does a log in the toilet every day he comes in a certain thing going on there,one man does a log another looks at it every day.Bookies are crazy places thank god i dont frequent them now.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:32 More later....

alhigh 30 Jul 10:32 this a ripper thread.......CAMPOISGOD.....hilarious stuff....... we battling ozzies can relate to your stories. cheers pal...LOL.

jardine 30 Jul 11:20 best threa