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29 Apr 10
19:51
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Date Joined:
01 Sep 08
Mad Mary was speeding around the mental hospital as usual in her wheelchair. Mad Joe stopped her and asked her for her licence. "Sh@t" she said and sped off around another corner. Mad Jim then stopped her and asked for her insurance. "Fu@k " she said and sped off around another corner at high speed where she met Mad Big John standing stark naked with a massive erection. "Oooo no" she said , "Not the breathalyser again"
As Francome would say, "Keep smiling" :)
As Francome would say, "Keep smiling" :)
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was thinking of becoming a stand up comic but after this response will have a rethink. :(
Took my dog to the vets the other day as it had hiccups and wouldn't stop. Vet picked up the dog and looked on his mouth, the looked in his ear and looked in his eyes with a torch.
"I'm going to have to put your dog down I'm afraid" said the vet
"Why? becaused he's got hiccups?" I said
"No, because he's heavy" said the vet.
Boom Boom get it!
...I'll err get my coat :D
"I'm going to have to put your dog down I'm afraid" said the vet
"Why? becaused he's got hiccups?" I said
"No, because he's heavy" said the vet.
Boom Boom get it!
...I'll err get my coat :D
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I cant get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Now I cant get the cobwebs out of her hair.
geezer went to the doctors......................im worried abt my brother ......whats the situation ..............he thinks hes an orange ..................i need to have a look at him ...............where is he .....................................................hes in me pocket
I was at a party last night, and the DJ played 'oh sit down' by James. So we all sat down !
He then played 'Jump around' So we all jumped around !
The he put on 'Come on Eileen'
And I got thrown out !
Taxi !
He then played 'Jump around' So we all jumped around !
The he put on 'Come on Eileen'
And I got thrown out !
Taxi !
Couple driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find the badger's still breathing but freezing cold. He says 'Put it between your legs to warm it up', she says 'But it's all wet and it stinks', he says 'Well hold the badger's f*cking nose then!.'
why are parking spaces like girls at parties
if you get there late all the best ones are taken
so when no ones looking
you stick it in the disabled one !
if you get there late all the best ones are taken
so when no ones looking
you stick it in the disabled one !
My mate,a budding stand up comic,did his first gig at an old peoples home last night.The residents didn't laugh much.but they still**sed themselves tho'.
Women are like clouds once they fcuk off its normally a nice day
Two Jewish bookies at the dogs, one keels over from a heart attack, the other phones his wife, and asks, "is that widow Cohen", ......I'm not a widow she replies..................".Do you want to bet!"
I bought a new wig made from bum hair.
Bloody thing keeps blowing off.
Bloody thing keeps blowing off.
A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 peach
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
1 single frozen pizza
The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?" He says, "Because you're ugly."
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 peach
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
1 single frozen pizza
The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?" He says, "Because you're ugly."
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