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A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."
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Man to woman with dog in the park.
'Nice dog' says man Yes. 'Does your dog bite'? No. Man strokes dog, dog bite him. 'I thought you said your dog doesn't bite'. It is not my dog. |
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My ex-girlfriend works at a petrol station. I really do miss her. So much so that I can't drive past without filling up.
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hahahaha
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two fish in a tank, one says to the other, how do you drive this thing?
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two parrots on a perch,one says to the other can you smell fish?
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Who invented the first plane that didn't fly?
The Wrong brothers. |
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how do you stop fish from smelling ????
cut off their noses |
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How do you know when it's your sisters time of the month?
Your fathers ding dong tastes funny.  |
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Why do women get married in white?
Dont the majority od kitchen appliances come in white  |
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Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...
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Alright, then. Let's see if I can do worse than you lot.
What is red and smells like blue paint? ... Red paint. |
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Loved the KitKat joke lol. Ok, here is my feeble attempt...
Where did Winston Churchill keep his armies? Up his sleevies. |
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If aliens ever landed on earth & decided to take all the females named Clare back to their own planet, we'd be left without a Clare in the world.
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A farmers daughter who was bow legged could not keep her calves together.
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Every time the ironmonger opened the gate, his dog made a bolt for it.
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I was doing an animal word search earlier.
Couldn't find the chameleon anywhere. |
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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains.
Kind of like when I see my wife on the computer and remember that I haven't deleted the internet history. |
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Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.Mick says if I can guess how many doughnuts are in your bag can I have one.
Paddy says if you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag,you can have both of them. Mick says three |
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Paddy couldn't understand why his sister had 2 brothers and he only had 1 ....I'll get my coat
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COMING UP TO MOVEMBER
i hate it when i compliment someone on their moustache.......and then she falls out with me!!  i'll get ma coat....moustache |
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Why did the scarecrow get a payrise?
Cos it was out standing in its field. |
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10 cows in a field. What one is going on holiday?
..... the one with the wee calf |
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A man with only one ear walks into a pub. His mate sees him and shouts across does he want a pint. He replies "No thanks. I've got one ear!"
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Why don't the Flinstones like Dubai?
They prefer Abu Dhabi dooo! |
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howdo you make a cat go woof?
throw petrol on it and set it on fire |