What's your funniest football chant?

"You're shish, and you know you are!"

Chelsea v Galatasaray

It's a rugby one but worth a mention. Remember that film "Alive" based on the true story of a Uruguay rugby team whose plane crashed in the Andes who survived by cannibalism eating all their dead teamates?

Uruguay were drawn against Scotland at Murrayfield in the knockout stages of the Rugby World Cup in the nineties.

As the teams ran on to the pitch a section of the home crowd started singing "who ate all the guys".

He looks like a chimp, he looks like a chiiiiimp. Gareth Bale, he looks like a chimp.

When Forest came to Gresty Road in the Championship they sang to us "You've never won f**k all" to which the Crewe fans responded "We've won the Welsh Cup twice". Even the Forest fans applauded that one.

Remember when the rumours about Alex Curran (Mrs Stevie G) knocking about with that mafia guy were doing the rounds, the Everton fans sang to Gerrard

"What's that coming over your wife, is it a gangster, is it a gangster?" to Monster by Automatic.

When Torres played for Liverpool, Everton fans sang:

He's half a boy and half a girl Torres, Torres
he looks just like a transvestite Torres, Torres
he wears a frock, he loves a c**k
he sells his a*se on Albert Dock
Fernando Torres, Carragher's bit on the side.

Sunderland fans' Lee Howey song. End of fred.

His eyes are offside, his eyes are offside, Mezut Ozil, his eyes are offside.

lol @ regular fries...brilliant that one

da silva twins

viva da silva, viva da silva
when they're on the pitch
we don't know which is which
viva da silva

jason puncheon, late out after half time coz he got caught short...

he sh*ts when he wants
he sh*ts when he wants
Jason Puncheon
he sh*ts when he wants

cheer up Mark Mcgee oh what can it mean to a fat scottish bast*rd and a sh*t football team to the tune of sleepy jean

I remember when Coventry came to Highbury and Craig Pead came off the bench.  The Cov fans chanted "Peado, Peado".

There's only two Andy Gorams

Sung about Sam Sodje when he was playing for Brentford:

"He's not Efe- he's his brother..."

Liked United's Ji Sun Park one;

Park Park wherever you may be
You eat dogs in your home country
It could be worse, you could be Scouse
Eating rats in a Council House

And Chelsea's Torres

Now he's a blue he was a red Torres, Torres
He hates the Kop he loves the Shed, Torres, Torres
He used to go out on the rob
But now he's got a proper job
Fernando Torres Chelsea's number 9

And to give Scousers some credit (this one about Eric during his ban went above most Utd fans heads!)

Ou Est Cantona, say Ou Est Cantona

brume to the brighton fans   does your boyfriend no your ere

palace fans at anfield other week

"is this your first time at anfield"

hour later and 3-1 down liverpool fans sang back

"is this your last time at anfield"

Sung about Sam Sodje when he was playing for Brentford:

"He's not Efe- he's his brother..."



thats a belter.

To the tune of "Thats Amore"

"When you're sat in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that's Zamora, that's Zamora"

Knight Rider     01 Nov 13 17:24 
There's only two Andy Gorams

Deffo my fav...still makes me chuckle

"He's blonde
He's quick
His name's a porno flick
Emanuel,Emanuel"

Sung by Arsenal in the days of Petit

Two immediately spring to mind...

One concerning a certain Man Utd. player who was up to no good on a team bender out in the Caribbean as I recall:

There she was just a laying on the floor, saying you must be the famous Clayton Blackmore! :)

The other was about Finnidi George, who had one of the highest ever OPTA stats ratings in one of his early games against Derby County at Portman Road. Derby had a man sent off very early in that game, which allowed George to run riot in midfield. Unfortunately it was mostly downhill after that; quite fast in fact, as dear old Finnidi was a little economical with the truth about his age!

Finn-eedy, Finn-eedy, he comes from Africa, he drives a big tracta! :)

he shoots he scores
he'll eat your labradors
Ji sung park ji sun park

At graham rix when he was accused of sleeping with an under age girl.

"if u tolerate rix, then your children will be next, will be next"

By West Ham at Spurs fans after they got stabbed in Rome to the tune of Bright Side Of Life

"Always look out
For Eyeties with knives"

Man Utd.  fans recently

"We gonna win the league,
We gonna win the league,
Now your gonna believe us.......We gonna win the league..."

When Scotland travelled to play Estonia, the kick off time was changed at short notice to suit tv. Estonia never showed up at the alloted time. Scotland kicked off and the Scottish supporters sang " One team in Tallin, there's only one team in Tallin".

Arsenal fans used to sing;

"Oh Teddy Teddy, went to Man United and you won f uck all"

After United won the treble they sang;

"Oh Teddy Teddy, you might have won the treble but your'e still a c unt"

Old United favourite about City;

"You think that your moustache is trendy,
You think your Kickers boots are too.
With your Kangol and your fleece
Ben Sherman on for weeks
We know that you're a f ucking blue"

Funny one when we played away at Sturm Graz (Arnold Schwarnegger Stadium)

"We all agree, Jaap Stam is harder than Arnie"

peter the butcher
01 Nov 13 22:50
Joined:
12 Mar 02
| Topic/replies: 29,668 | Blogger: peter the butcher's blog
Old United favourite about City;

"You think that your moustache is trendy,
You think your Kickers boots are too.
With your Kangol and your fleece
Ben Sherman on for weeks
We know that you're a f ucking blue"


^ Hilarious

Mine ..... Liverpool v Man United when Tommy Doc was in charge at Old Trafford , tuned to "Knees up mother brown ". He was having an affair with his trainers wife the dirty lowlife .............. Liverpool fans singing to him



" Who's up Mary Brown
" Who's up Mary Brown
" Tommy, Tommy Docherty
" Tommy, Tommy Docherty

They liked this one even less, to go with the banner;

Clattenburg Clattenburg running down the wing
Clattenburg Clattenburg running down the wing
Feared by the Blues, loved by the Reds
Clattenburg, Clattenburg, Clattenburg

At the time when Nottingham Forest got to be a good side , a very good side ,who  tried to take over Liverpool's mantle of the cream of Europe , we made this song up about them.... Vera Lynn's " Bless Them All " was the song ...


Our Version ...

F uck you all
F uck you all
At Anfield the forest will fall
Cos we wont be mastered
by Cloughy's red bas tards
WE ARE THE CREAM OF THEM ALL

Another Chelsea link indirectly. It was when they were trying to sign Steve Gerrard and he wanted to go to there but was persuaded to stay at Liverpool due to the possible backlash from Liverpool fans. United sang the following to him;


You put your transfer in
your transfer out
in, out,in, out
shake it all about

You do the Steven Gerrard and you turn around
that's what its all about
Ooooooooooooooh Scouse bstard,
Ooooooooooooooh Scouse bstard,
Ooooooooooooooh Scouse bstard,
In Out, In Out, shake it all about

Blackburn have usually given United plenty of away tickets so it seems a bit naughty to repay them with the following ;

Your father is your brother
Your sister is your mother
They're F ucking one another
The Blackburn Family.........


Sorry...

I'm sure the Chelsea fans will come back with funny United chants so I will fire off a couple more

"40,000 rentboy's, sitting at the Bridge
40,000 rentboy's, sitting at the Bridge
It takes one Chechen sniper, to pop Abramovich
And there'll be no more rentboy's, sitting at the Bridge....."

Robinho, Robinho, riding through the glen...

After the Liverpool fans complained about United singing "Always the victims its never your fault", the papers took up their case saying it was about Hillsborough which it obviously wasn't. We sang it regarding Suarez and Liverpool's stance re the racism row.

We then played them at Anfield and sang;

We take it all back
we take it all baaaaaaaack
we're sorry we offended you
and that Evra is black

Liked United's Ji Sun Park one;

Park Park wherever you may be
You eat dogs in your home country
It could be worse, you could be Scouse
Eating rats in a Council House

it is brilliant but the irony when working on the City West contract in Manchester has never left me !

Exeter away- Uri on the board

"Can ur chairman bend a spoon "

The one that comes to mind is by Raith Rovers fans about the followers of Cowdenbeath . It's to the tune of the Addams family .   
They come from near Lochgelly ,
their dirty an' their smelly ,
they have nae got a telly ,
the Cowden family .

Karen Brady and Paul Peschisolido at B/ham City always got stick when they came to Molineux


Pescky Dildo
Pescky Dildo....Allo.....Allo

Hull cha cha cha,hull ,cha cha cha, hull,cha cha cha.

When St Johnstone played Monaco away in the UEFA Cup they sang:

Your butler's raking the buckets for something to eat
He finds caviar and he thinks its a treat
In your Monaco slums

also

You're only tax dodging bastards
Tax dodging bastards

That was Newcastle's song originally when they played them in the Champions League in the 90s.

"You look in the dustbins for something to eat
You find a dead lobster and think its a treat
In your Monaco slums"

emlyn hughes p issed up big time on picton library stairs 1977

"liverpool are magic, everton are tragic, la la la la"

upset a lot of blues there. 10 minutes later terry mcdermott p isses on a nurse, even more bladdered.

picton library The mother-in-law worked there until very recently when she retired

she wasnt a nurse by any chance

Love that Zamors song! classic.

That Sam Sodje song I never remember hearing despite seeing almost all of his games for Bees. If you ask any Brentford fan they would say the song we all sang for Sodje was:

"I said to my Mum
The other day
I have seen
The new Pele
She said to me
Well who is he
I said his name
IS Sam Sodjeeeeee

delerlerler Bees, delerlerler Bees, (repeat to fade....)

Think the Sodje song might have been sang by Port Vale fans about Akpo

I always liked "you're just a small town in Poland", sung at the Walsall fans.

I remember turbanned ref Gurnham Singh having a particularly poor game and the crowd chanting "Can you hear the Gurnham Singh?" etc etc.

you couldn't score in your brother.
sang to john fashanu after his brother came out of the closet

The borussia Monchengladbach cheerleader is the most hated fan in football chants

give us a B

Nov 1, 2013 -- 11:56PM, peter the butcher wrote:

I'm sure the Chelsea fans will come back with funny United chants so I will fire off a couple more "40,000 rentboy's, sitting at the Bridge 40,000 rentboy's, sitting at the Bridge It takes one Chechen sniper, to pop Abramovich And there'll be no more rentboy's, sitting at the Bridge....."

''build a bonfire build a bonfire put the geordies on the top put the mackems in the middle and then burn the fcking lot''

Has to be the rix maniacs one.

as a Geordie it pains me to say
we went to Wembley stadium you should have heard us roar
it was on a sat afternoon in 1974
we showed the scousers how to sing and how to sup
the only thing we couldn't do was win the fa cup

Neville Neville, they're in defence Neville Neville, their future's immense Neville Neville, they ain't half bad Neville Neville, the name of their dad
der de dedededererde

This is a w/o Spurs fans Sol Campbell songs market, I take it.

Can't remember which but some fans sang that well known Walker Brothers classic to Coventry after they had sold their 2 main forwards, ..."You've lost Ndlovu and Whelan".

Rotherham were at home to Leyton Orient at Millmoor in a playoff semifinal. The match wasn't all-ticket and kickoff was delayed for 30 minutes with massive queues at the turnstiles. Some fans managed to get in by climbing the wall near the main stand accompanied by a chorus of  'We can see you sneaking in'.

do we have a winner? maybe op picks his top 5 and we vote?

United fans to Liverpool fans....

Have u seen a five pound note?

and there's  only 1 job in Liverpool....

Liverpool fans  retorted with,to the tune of Aintree Iron

thankyou very much for paying our Giros

Harry Potter coming for you Jonjo Shelvey - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGSG9CfcEtI
Jason Puncheon went for a sh*t! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wThzwxLDgAI

By the way: The Kolo/Yaya Touré chant/dance is the best in Football :)

Spurs fans singing to Southend supporters who had been given the Park Lane end in a Carling cup match
"The pikeys are in our seats, the pikeys are in our seat e i adio..."
Spurs fans singing to an obscure Cypriot side who sold out their allocation in an Europa league game
"You only live round the corner...."

At graham rix when he was accused of sleeping with an under age girl.

"if u tolerate rix, then your children will be next, will be next"

I remember when he took over at hearts, in the Edinburgh derby the hibs fans were singing this (horrific appointment btw)

my top 5 from this thread (no order)

the rix one
gerrard gangster one
one team in tallin
he ain't efe
who ate all the guys

When Heskey signed for Villa they started singing "there's only one Emile Heskey, one Emile Heskey, he used to be sh*te but now he's alright, walking in a Heskey wonderland".

"does your boyfriend know your here? ..... doesssss your boyfriend know your here....."

sing at Brighton ;)

WARREN ROCHDALES QUOTE ABOUT FOREST..............THE YEAR FOREST WON THE LEAGUE,WHEN IT CAME ROUND TO PLAYING LIVERPOOL AT ANFIELD WED HAD IT SEWN UP AND WE WERE CHAMPIONS ,WE PLAYED LIVERPOOL IN MID WEEK  I KNOW CAUSE I WAS THERE ......10 MINUTES BEFORE KICK OFF THE KOP WAS IN FULL VOICE ......OVER THE TANNOY CAME QUEENS SONG "WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS " WHEN IT GOT TO THAT CRUCIAL POINT IN THE SONG WHERE THE CHORUS GOES ................WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS THE WHOLE OF THE TRAVELLING CONTINGEMENT OF FOREST LADS JOINED IN .................AND TRUST ME WARREN FROM ROCHDALE ......................................................YOU SHUT THE FK UP

EXCELLENT READING .........TEFOSI AND COME IN UNITED ROAD FOR ME BRILLIANT ...ALSO HE AINT HEAVY FROM THE COVENTRY FAN

Celtic fans on their Japanese wizard

Nakamura,Nakamura
He eats Chow Mein
He votes Sinn Fein
Nakamura!

^^^^^^Chow mein is Chinese, Nakamura is Japanese. Might as well say Glasgow Celtic is in France.

He's got a piiiineapple on his head,
He's got a piiiineapple on his head

Maybe the Celtic fans should invent a song about Jimmy Johnstone and Bertie Auld eating frogs legs.

Charlie went to mow ,went to mow a meadow.
sang to Charlie George after he lopped off a couple of digits trying to repair his flymo

Sunderland fans to Utd the next time they played them

You thought it was yours, You though it was yours
We saw you singing, then Sergio scored!

To the tune of Wonderful Life by Black

No need to run/and dive/it's an Ashley Young Ashley Young life

If you are down New Cross way,
3 o'clock on Saturday
You'll see Millwall
Playing S**t football

To the tune of Lambeth Walk. Told to me by a Charlton fan

At Filbert St watching Sunderland in a chronic 0-0 just after the new year these 2 drunks who were barely keeping themselves upright sang throughout the game...

He's bald, receedin
He hates Kevin Keegan
Steve Agnew, Steve Agnew

And not a chant but funniest thing I heard in a ground was at Roker Pk against Millwall, when the linesman continually flagged Sunderland offside through the 1st half....bloke next to us bawled at him 'hoo linesman - a hope yoor lass's f@nny grows teeth'

Ashley Young! Ashley Young!
He dives below
More than Cousteau
He can't keep on his feet
When he's near the box
Moyes should kick him in the boll0cks!

(Just made that up, feel free to use :))

When The Shire Go Up
To Lift The Scottish Cup
We`ll Be Deid, We`ll Be Deid!!