Fattest Girl you've ever had.

Too horrific to tell

trust me
worse
than a bloke

No. If you paid me a grand I wouldnt nail one.

The thought is enough to make me ill. I absolutely despise fatties.

size 16 and over

Sounds fair. Chubby birds are the best, but fat birds are horrendous, it's a fine line.

sorry but size 12 isnt chubby...

some girls have big hips...

Tried to pick her up

I'm white.

I just couldn't!

I've always been very picky. When I was single and I went out with the lads i was the same.

my one wasn't ugly per se.  i've had uglier women, but she was huge, nice face.

not a coont at all.  Coloured is derogatory but for a thick uneducated **** like you, you wouldn't know the difference

great sentence structure, reads really well.  i feel belittled now, mastered.

Calm down gents you'll give yourself a heart attack.

i got on with his huge bird one night when i was pissed we ended up in bed

she was that fat when she got on top she burnt her backside on the bedroom lightbulb

Out on the piiss with my mates one night in the city centre, absolutely hammered. One of them says there's this cracking boozer where I live lets go there. He lives in a wee village out of town so we get a taxi. Big cotton eye joe place but cracking atmosphere and the drinks are flowing. Get totally wrecked. Anyway blah blah wake up in the morning open my eyes. "Where the fuuck am I?". Turn over to my right. The most horrific sight I've ever seen. Folds and folds of flesh just staring back at me. Love handles? This was the handle the door the bloody building. I nearly puked over it there and then. This was the girl Lisa Riley would call a fat baastard. Luckily it was facing away from me. I sneak out of the bed and quickly get dressed. It groans it must be feeding time. Anyway I tiptoe down the stairs to the front door. Never seen nothing like it. There's about 10 locks and bolts on the sodding door! Quickly undo the bolts but its bloody locked. No key in sight. I hear more groaning from up the stair and I'm panicking. I see her 10 berth tent she calls a jacket on the couch and god smiles on me. Grab the keys unlock the door and shove them through the letterbox. I'm free!! Turn around. I'm in the middle of fuucking nowhere! Christ knows how we've ended up here cos it certainly wasn't anywhere near we were. Miles and miles of fields. Haven't a scooby where I am. There's 2 houses across a dirt track I think they would call a road but I'm not going near them I'm thinking Wicker Man land here. Shaagged (or crushed) to death by an army of lard and then put in a pot no thanks.

Anyway to end this long winded effort ended up walking miles and miles till I found a big stick that doubled as a bus stop apparently and this bus that looked like something from the second world war took me to civilization. I dread to think what happened that night and I've hardly touched spirits since.

Lesson is drink moderately and watch out for them country folk

FANTASTIC

Pathetic,  no wonder your share price is in free fall...............