Things Suarez could do between now and early October

train with Oscar Pistorius

I know what Brendan Rodgers could do....http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/stop-children-from-biting

Suarez can go swimming in the Amazon with all the other carnivorous piranhas. Vile creatures.

And it's not far from his neck of the woods where he was born.

He'd fit right in. He wouldn't be able to play football again though with his legs bitten off by his fellow biting 'comrades'.

Have a brace fitted.

They could stick a Hannibal Lector mask on the cnunt.

Join a club that might win a trophy.

I have a couple of trees in the back garden that need felling....

eager beaver

Frontman in a Queen tribute band

Watch Liverpool's title challenge end

"Frontman in a Queen tribute band"
Or failing that, frontman in a tribute to the quintissential 80s band "It Bites".

Put on about three stones.

other players' houses on away matchdays.