Football
There is currently 1 person viewing this thread.
09 Nov 09
10:37
Joined:
Date Joined:
24 Nov 08
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Heres a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
sort by:
Show
per page
Replies: 8
|
By:
:^0
|
|
By:
v good
|
|
By:
At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the husband cries out, "watch out for the wall!" |
|
By:
1st one was obviously a one off.
:| |
|
By:
An english man, an irishman and a scotsman went to a bar. Suddenly the english mans hat started vibrating "what the hell?" the bartender said "oh, its the newest tecnology from america - a phonehat!" said the englishman. Next the scotsmans shoe starts bleeping "what the hell?" said the bartender "oh a laptop shoe, its the newest tecnology from america" he siad - meanwhile the irishman went to the toilet and when he came back he had a piece of toilet paper hanging from his arse and said " wouldnt you belive it ive got a fax!"
|
|
By:
There are four people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman. It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek. The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him" The pretty young blonde thinks "I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him" The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"
The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French tw@t again" |
|
By:
There's a plane flying over the Atlantic, and on board are the Pope, Thierry Henry, George Bush, Akon and a young schoolboy. Suddenly the plane goes into a nose - dive, and the pilot announces over the intercom that everybody needs to bail out with a parachute as the plane will crash in 60 seconds. However there are only 5 parachutes. So Akon takes a parachute, says, "I am one of the greatest artists of the 21st century, my fans need me", and takes a pack and jumps off the plane. Next, Thierry Henry walks to the edge and says "I am great footballer. My club and supporters need me," and grabs a parachute and jumps off the plane. Next up is George Bush, who says "I am the greatest and most intelligent leader that has ever lived. The world needs me," and grabs a pack a jumps of the plane. The Pope says to the young schoolboy, "Child, I am an old man, and will be with God soon. Take a parachute and live your life"
The schoolboy replies, "Don't worry sir, there's a parachute for both of us, because the greatest leader of all time took my schoolbag!" |
|
By:
A man meets a woman at a bar and they go to her place. They're undressing and he drops his trousers. She points to his messed up knees and asks what happened. He says 'when I was young I contracted kneesles'. She says 'you mean measles'. He says 'no, I actually got kneesles'. She shrugs and continues undressing. When he removes his socks she looks at his sorry toes and asks about them. He says 'shortly after the kneesles, I contracted toelio'. She says 'you mean polio?'. He says 'no, I got toelio'. She shrugs it off, until he drops his shorts. She looks again and says 'don't tell me - smallcox'.
|