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Deadly Earnest
30 Aug 13 01:48
Date Joined: 16 Mar 04
| Topic/replies: 3,707 | Blogger: Deadly Earnest's blog

Congratulations Australian cricket for achieving the clean sweep on this tour of the UK.  This is a superb achievement to re-assert total and complete dominance over the poms.

Before we get onto the detail, let us think first how best to celebrate this momentous achievement.

It is too big an achievement to be celebrated by weeing everywhere.  It is also not very nice to punch the f*ck out of Joe Root.  No, what the hell, that is as good a way as any, we can punch the f*ck out of Joe Root to celebrate.  It is a great achievement and that is a great way to celebrate.  Dave Warner, who set the platform that allowed Australia to go on and win this huge stake match, can lead the celebration, again.

I was reading recently reports claiming England were winning the Ashes.  That made me laugh.  It is like saying you won a relay when you make up a little ground on one leg but you remain miles behind.  Fair dinkum, it's pathetic.  It is not even a pyrrhic victory, because it is not even a victory.  Achieve something real you gimps.

I have never really known anyone with such unmitigated gall as the poms when it comes to claiming success whilst failing miserably.  It is a skill they seem to be born with.  Message to all poms:  just learn to be humble and pay homage to your cricketing superiors, especially when their dominance over you is fully franked, as now.

You won some test matches on this tour, well done, it doesn't happen for you all that often.  But you lost the big one tonight, the only match that really mattered on this tour.  Though, to be fair you have a small chance to redeem your previous unimpressive position in Durham. 

And so we have clean swept you.  We own you in every format, simultaneously. 

Tests:  Australia 133   England 105 

ODI's:  Australia 67    England 47

T20's:  Australia 4      England 3

Overall Australia 204 England 155.

Another message to all poms:  learn to win the matches that matter most.  As you can see above, you an win the next 20 tests and it does not matter one bit.  But you had your chance tonight to win a cricket match that actually mattered, and you now require rectal stitches. 

So you can immediately see the magnitude of what Australia has achieved on this tour.  Whilst the foolish poms were going about celebrating some false victory in the Ashes, we were quietly and humbly achieving something that really is worth celebrating.  So it is time to punch the f*ck out of Joe Root.

Well done team Australia, well done D Lehman, the super coach, you have done your great country proud. 

Deadly Earnest is very happy.
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Report Captain Wurzel August 30, 2013 7:28 AM BST
Top post deadly - I didn't realise how much was resting on last nights contest.
Report bigpoppapump August 30, 2013 10:01 AM BST
other categories include:

racist coach: Australia 1 England 0

number of chromosomes in first choice Ashes XI this summer: Australia 507 England 506
Report Deadly Earnest August 30, 2013 10:13 AM BST
Well, well, well, look who just showed up.  Welcome to the celebration of this monumental achievement Bigpoppa, you should be very useful in helping us punch the f*ck out of Joe Root.  Happy
Report THERE....IS....NO....SPOOOOON August 30, 2013 10:19 AM BST
Bigpoopa  Ure bloke,s too scared to dabble in're seriously outnumbered Laugh

A dangerous exerciseCry
Report THERE....IS....NO....SPOOOOON August 30, 2013 10:21 AM BST
How appropriate....the "Empire's" in ashes Blush
Report rob_dylan August 30, 2013 12:31 PM BST
Your not taking the ashes defeat very well Deadly
Report Deadly Earnest August 30, 2013 3:10 PM BST
I agree, it is frightful that we have moved from 133-102 in tests to 133-105 rob.  I am getting extremely nervous now that should things continue on like this you might overtake us just after I die of old age. 

But back to the main topic on everyone's lips.  You must have great admiration for the Australians now that we own you in every format.  You will need to muster something special at Durham, otherwise, we will certainly own you for some time to come. 

Are you confident you can keep Finch/Watson/Marsh/Warner at bay there and avoid us whitewashing you in every format?  Whatever you do there, don't bowl Root, he cannot take another battering.  Cool
Report cdog August 31, 2013 12:08 PM BST
Finch's innings was very good but it was a freak, just like Gayle's in the IPL, so yes I do think we can keep them at bay :)
Report Deadly Earnest September 1, 2013 9:48 PM BST
I'm quitting the forum.

Official reason:  takers.

One thing I cannot have is people catching me out making a fool of myself, I won't stand for it.
Report screaming from beneaththewaves September 2, 2013 4:45 PM BST
After your comments about Captain Clarke over the years, I would have thought you'd have come to terms with a 3-0 tonking under his command followed by an honourable 1-1 draw under, well, whoever it was.
Report Deadly Earnest September 5, 2013 1:57 AM BST
I've decided to give the takers one last opportunity to stop...taking.

Nothing honourable about a 1-1 draw when complete dominance over the old enemy is on the line Screaming.  I feel I have been badly let down. 

133-105, 67-47, 4-4 just doesn't look as good as 133-105, 67-47, 5-3.  I am sorry, it just doesn't.
Report anyother September 12, 2013 2:11 PM BST
deaders..good to c u'r still taking the medicationsExcited
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