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There was a young man from Rhyl
Who swallowed an atomic pill
His genital organ was found in Glamorgan
And his nuts on a tree in Brazil
Who swallowed an atomic pill
His genital organ was found in Glamorgan
And his nuts on a tree in Brazil
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I know of an internet forum
Which distinctly lacks in decorum It's members were in clover Until the right wing took over And made it their mission to bore 'em |
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Oh dear little Flo, I love you so
Especially in your nightie When the moonlight flits Across your tits Oh Jesus Christ almighty. (Courtesy of Derek & Clive) |
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For @SlippyBlue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVdctus20c8 |
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There was a young man of Bengal.
Who had a mathematical ball. He added to C the square root of E. And found out the log of f'all. |
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Thank you for that Ramruma
 , I used to listen to all the Derek and Clive albums when I was a youngster with a Camberwell carrot on the go of course laughing my head off! |
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There was a young man from Devizes
whose ba lls were of two different sizes One was small and no good at all The other was huge and won prizes. I believe I was about fourteen when I first heard that and embarrassingly at 67 it still makes me giggle |
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From Primary school
There was a young man from Brazil He swallowed a dynamite pill His heart retired his rse backfired And his d i c k shot over the hill |
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There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling She layed on her back and opened her crack And pis s ed all over the ceiling |
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There was a young girl from Barking Creek
Who had her period twice a week Said her friend from Woking how provoking You get no poking so to speak |
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There was a bohemian monk
He fell to sleep in his bunk He dreamt that Venus was sucking his elbow And he woke up covered in perspiration |
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Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon 10 thousand volts shot up its ass And turned it's wool to nylon |
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Mary had a little lamb
Which used to go for frollocks It tried to jump the garden gate But landed on its bollocks |
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There was a young man from Cape Cod
Who put his own mom in a pod His name.... It was Tucker The bugger the flucker The bleeder the bastard the sod |
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There was a young man from Dundee
Who was stung on the nose by a wasp When asked if it hurt He said not very much It can do it again if it likes |
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There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born He wouldn't have been If his father had seen That the end of his johnny was torn |
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There once was a boxer called Bruno
Whose interview catchphrase was "You know what I mean Harry?" But Harry didn't tarry To tell if he don't know or do know. |
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There was a young lady from Slough,
Who last year developed a cough, She wasn't to know, It would last until now, Let's hope the poor girl will pull through. |
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A lesbian girl from Khartoum,
Took a gay boy to her room. When she switched off the light, He said "let's get this right, Who does what and how and to whom?" |
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http://wychwood.wikidot.com/songbook-that-was
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There was a young lady from Bude.
Who went for a swim in the lake. A man in a punt. Stuck a pole in her ear. And said you can't swim here its private. |
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Nebs,Knight Commander,Lovegod all hilarious
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Mary had a little lamb
It was always grunting She tied it to a five bar gate And kicked it's.....................(can't remember the rest) |
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There once was a fellow called Dennis
Allegedly somewhat of a menace Broke into a flat Stole a dog and a cat And an unusual motorised pennis. |
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Sky sports racing is the fcking pits
Tolerating hammond, apiafi and fitz Not forgetting Jamie Lynch, talking non stop piss But worse of all is that ad with Harry Twitch |
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I wrote this in a Year 7 English class. To my dismay, none of my classmates knew who Hermann Goering was.
There was an old man from Berlin Who said "I am full up with sin". He said "I'm so nasty" "For I am a Nazi" And my name is Hermann Goering. |
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They say there's a man of the book
Who boasts a distinctive look Whilst plotting great harm He blew off his arm Since when he has sported a hook |
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Mary had a little lamb,
On her farm near Pontypridd, But Jones the beast Ran off with it, He's up in court next week. |
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Mary had another lamb,
She gave it lots of feed, Then sold it to an Arab man, Who cut its throat on Eid. |
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A couple of classics I knocked out in early April in honour of Jill Ha'penny showing us her thrupp'nies & tuppence.
There was a nice lady called Jill Who gave all us men a cheap thrill. She showed us her beaver Which I don't believe her Partner would want us to fill. To a lady named Jill I give thanks For being the muse for my wånks. Believe it or not It's good to see what A Geordie lass keeps in her pants. |
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This was my father's favourite.
There was a young man from Brighton Who said to his girl you're a tight one She said, 'pon my soul You're in the wrong hole There's plenty of room in the right one! |
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Here are a few that I remember from the past.
There was a young lady from Tottenham Whose manners she must have forgotten 'em At tea in the vicars She took off her knickers And said that she felt too hot in 'em. The last time I dined with the King He did quite a curious thing He sat on a stool And took out his tool And said "If I play will you sing?" When I dined with the Duchess of Dee She said "Do you fart when you pee?" I said "Not a bit Do you belch when you sh1t?" And I thought that was one up to me. There was a young plumber from Leigh Who was plumbing a maid by the sea Said the maid "Stop your plumbing, There's somebody coming" Said the plumber still plumbing "It's me!" |
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Kamikaze - if my father had told me that I think I might have died.
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my favourite Limerick is the one in Munster .... went there a few years ago and what a strange experience
 ...i've never visited the 1950s but it felt like a 1950s American deep south tumbleweed city going from what ive seen on films etc |
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Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone Then Rover took over And gave her a bone of his own |
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Twas up in the belfry the Bell Ringer sat
Jerkin his Gherkin & thinking of t w@t From down in the pulit the vicar did tell Stop jerkin thy Gherkin & ring th'phukking bell |
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I backed a'horse at sixteen to one,
It was 8's at the off, and it won, The man from the tote closed me down, the old scrote, He said we can't have you having such fun. |
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Liverpud-lian 'enery Krank
Cannot go anywhere, without having a w@nk The sight of all those pretty, and nubile Scousers Has him ee-jack-ulating in his trousers |
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There was a young man from Bombay
Who moulded a tw@t out of clay He phucked it so quick it turned into brick And wore all his 4skin away |
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A fine looking lady from porthnoo
Uttered as the bishop withdrew I prefer the vicar He's quicker and slicker And half an inch thicker Than you |