There's people out there sky diving ,parachuting.,playing golf, climbing mountains ,hiking

My friend once asked me to go hiking with him .I said it's raining I'm not going to get wet
He said well we could go hiking around the trafford center
I said m not walking around the trafford center with my ruck sack on my back .
He said I didn't have to I could put it in my shopping trolley

Your friend sounds a very sensible man Do Wah Diddy

There was about six  Chinese people all sat on chairs near the stairs to the upper floor
,all waiting to have their fortune read at a small tent
There was a sign that said get your fortune  told  today by the famous chinese fortune teller
Ho Lee Che Che who has just flown  in from China 

I said I'm having some of that .but my friend  said he wanted to visit the Disney shop
To buy  a sleeping beauty toothbrush

He asked me what the Chinese famous fortune teller had seen in her crystal ball .I said I don't know she only spoke Chinese .and she must have come from the country not the main towns, as she had a Chinese dialect that I had never heard before .not even when I worked on the manchester market near China town

Mind you he also sounds a bit of a looney as well if I am honest

Even a Chinese lady who had been in said that she found it hard to understand her especially with her stutter

This is a gambling forum...so we must all have some faith about seeing into the future?

Not necessarily successfully

He  went in boots the chemist to see if they had anything for a size 7 brown leather hiking boot .
He told the assistant its outer skin kept peeling
He was a bit looney. Anyone could see it was black not brown

I then went into the Barclays bank to draw some money out
The girl said I needed some sort of identification .
My friend told her I was the real do wah diddy .and even though some on the betform still think I'm an imposter he could verify it.
He told her to ask me what was the first car I bought .I said an escort 1300E He then said that's right I can verify that
She said I need a passport to verify myself .I told her I spent all my money on gambling
And could not afford a passprt
She said well show you my driving licence ,I said I've not got a car because ive lost all my money gambling
I said I can show you my bus ticket(this was before I got my free bus pass)
She said so you've not spent your bus fare gambling .I said yes I have my friend lent me the money untill I get my pention
She put her coat on .i said I hope your not going for your dinner she no .I'm going looking for another job

We both had a pleasant surprise we went in the toilets and every single cubicle had some toilet paper in
We went to customer service and asked them to  congratulate the toilet staff

The one thing I like about my friend is that he's like me .We both say congratulations where congratulations deserved .
We both think it's another saying but we still say that as we both know what we mean

Lots of people shop there with credit cards .They might dress nice but 99% of them are upto their neck in debt

They Walk about with new goochee bags and new shannel perfume bags and new French connection fashion bags .They  order cucumber sandwiches and Amazonian fresh coffee in posh eateries.
When they don't even throw a five pence piece into the save the pit bull terrier from being put down charity fountain
Their all show

They Walk about with new goochee bags and new shannel perfume bags and new French connection fashion bags .They  order cucumber sandwiches and Amazonian fresh coffee in posh eateries.
When they don't even throw a five pence piece into the save the pit bull terrier from being put down charity fountain
Their all show

These are the type of parents who say they can't afford to give anything to the school fund while they have designer verginas and  95% lycra tummy tuck knickers

We both had enough .we ate our banana butties and had our flask of tea andcgot the bus home

No wonder they are not having as many children ,the counts don't have the time.

Flush when I first came on here.I Thought you was very intelligent .and especially as your wife made things for the  village hall charities.I thought you might have been related to burns or the earl of Sandringham ,I thought this man is no type cast Scotsman this is a learned man .I Thought you were different from the rest of us on here .
But just as usual I'm wrong  your just the same as us

A man's a man for a that!

I still like you alot .but I know now that you don't own a castle with a moat and have your own marching bagpipe band

A small bungalow and a kazoo

It's funny you should mention a kazoo.ive always said since I bought a plastic kazoo for 40p many years ago that if anyone ever sold them outside a football ground say for 2 pounds .they could make a fortune .a kazoo is just the thing football fans would take too

I can see them playing when the reds go marching in

And the Blaydon races
And I'm for ever blowing bubbles etc

I have my finger on the pulse of what the football fan wants

You could order them from China in different colours in plastic

Is it an inside kazoo?

They do inside kazoos now?

I can see thousands walking down Wembley way playing their Der Ders

People would look forward to fans playing their Der Ders before and during the match .
Some clever fans might even write their own football anthems for a Der Der or even an opera if theve performed in a school band

I'm 100% certain that a kazoo Der Der is a winner for the football fan

There's some flash coonts round here with 3 inside kazoos.

They commissioned them for the 2010 world cup, Do wah, but they got the spec wrong and could only play 1 note.

Match of the day could start with  different teams kazoo fans playing their own version of the theme tune each sat

There could be kazoo Der Der player of the year

The opportunities are endless keith Malone.  could have football choirs of the preimership
With the top two and bottom two getting promoted and relegated
With the final  kazoo Der Der final being played at Wembley
With guest appearance of football fan of the year individual kazoo Der Der player
Then like i say  Europe and Eurovision kazoo player of the year
Then the world is your oyster for the football kazoo Der Der player

The kazoo  Der der is not like them horns at the world cups which got on your nerves
The kazoo Der Der has its own sound which football fans would def take too

THIS IS NOT A JOKE THIS IS A CERTAIN VENTURE THAT WOULD BE VERY PROFITABLE FOR THOSE WHO INVESTED IN IT AND GOT PEOPLE
TO SELL THEM OUTSIDE FOOTBALL GROUNDS

EVER SINCE I BOUGHT ONE THEN SIX FOR THE LADS  IN THE CLUB  .I KNEW THAT THEY WOULD BE APPRECIATED

WE PLAYED EVERYTHING FROM WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL TO URBAN SPACEMAN ON THEM ONE FRIDAY NIGHT IN THE CLUB BEFORE THE COMMITTEE BANNED THEM

The kazoo  Der der is not like them horns at the world cups which got on your nerves
The kazoo Der Der has its own sound which football fans would def take too

THIS IS NOT A JOKE THIS IS A CERTAIN VENTURE THAT WOULD BE VERY PROFITABLE FOR THOSE WHO INVESTED IN IT AND GOT PEOPLE
TO SELL THEM OUTSIDE FOOTBALL GROUNDS

EVER SINCE I BOUGHT ONE THEN SIX FOR THE LADS  IN THE CLUB  .I KNEW THAT THEY WOULD BE APPRECIATED

WE PLAYED EVERYTHING FROM WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL TO URBAN SPACEMAN ON THEM ONE FRIDAY NIGHT IN THE CLUB BEFORE THE COMMITTEE BANNED THEM

If they played the national anthem on kazoos it would certainly get more respect than them hoity toity opera bints.

This is serious just like I noticed the gap in the market for large size fashion many years ago

Then I noticed the gap in the market for a cheap musical instrument that would appeal to the football fan

A kazoo Der Der is that instrument I'm 100% certain all it needs Is some to buy some and sell them out side a football ground one sat and the rest will be history

IT HAS A BIGGER SALES POTENTIAL
THAN THE HOOLA HOOP,RUBIC CUBE AND -YO YO SALES COMBINED
NOT ONLY IS IT CHEAP .YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A BEETHOVEN OR MOZART TO PLAY ONE.
ANY ONE CAN  LEARN TO PLAY ONE IN SECONDS AND IT CAN BE STORED AWAY EASILY

I just hope the football fans rename it the do wah diddy Der Der .and make sure I get some of the profits and am recognised by the queen in her Honours list and my service to music is appreciated .even at award ceremonies I  would like my awards to be presented to my friends and family as they still drink and I would not go as I couldn't watch all that free alcohol wasted by me drinking coco cola all night

I can see all my friends and family playing their do wah diddy  kazoo Der Ders after a few pints .and it would be the best awards ceremony ever

I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS THATS WHY I'M GOING BEFOR PEOPLE THINK IM KIDDING

IM SERIOUS THIS I A GREAT MONEY MAKING VENTURE

BYE BYE