Went to see a man this morning. I sat in his chair, we chatted, he ran his fingers through my hair.

I don't believe it.

What's the angle?

He had this long thing that vibrated and he rubbed it against the back of my neck.

How hard was it?

£20 was a snip.

Had he oiled his blade?

Very.  Had a good girth, too.  It fitted nicely in his hand.

Sounds hairy....

He is good.  Some other men turned up and awaited their turn.  But despite this he didn't rush things.

And he touched you up from behind?

Yes he stood behind me.

You were seated and he was erect?

Maybe it's a trust thing but I can't imagine ever having an old fashioned "open blade / steam" shave.
Apparently they are still done but ... No.
I'd have a shadow a couple hours later so tbh what's the point. I'll stick to LIDL razors and as out of date milk as shaving cream.

Yeah, that's how to kill an erotic story.

Right Lyb, start again but pretend it's a woman.

You feckin soft southerners.
We use sandpaper up in Scotland.

Aka, we're on about shaving, not what Nicola Sturgeon uses to remove her makeup.

Sturgeon without her make-up.
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That might be fake , but the night of the 2014 referendum result the krankie mimicing bigot looked pretty much like that, put about 20 years on it

Have you got one of Salmond without his comedy eyebrows?

Available here:
https://lumiere-a.akamaihd.net/v1/images/Jabba-The-Hutt_b5a08a70.jpeg?region=0%2C0%2C1200%2C675&width=960

Nope, only this.
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BTW that's wee Nicki in the year 2044 making a play for indyref2.

That's a footballering hare.

I don't think I'll get that one.

Salmond looks sexy there. You can almost feel the heat from his double chin and bad breath as it hangs on you as he (allegedly) hangs over you.
Perhaps shouting egotistical things as no man in history has had such a saviour complex that would keep 1000 academic analysists busy until the end of time.

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