Chit Chat
Welcome to Live View – Take the tour to learn more
Start Tour
There is currently 1 person viewing this thread.
11 May 19
16:27
Joined:
Date Joined:
24 Jul 06
But you try and tell a joke about a Pakistani on t v and you will be sacked
Show More
Even some Irish jokes can't be told anymore if their muslim
I've always liked the Irish .especially those that have Irish parents
Q: What do you call a drunken Muslim?
A: Mohammered.
A: Mohammered.
I've always liked the Scots even those with a chip on their shoulder .I would have a chip on my shoulder if a football team like England kept beating us all the time
I've always liked the Scots even those with a chip on their shoulder .I would have a chip on my shoulder if a football team like England kept beating us all the time
I've always liked the Scots even those with a chip on their shoulder .I would have a chip on my shoulder if a football team like England kept beating us all the time
The Welsh now it's hard to like them but I'm prepared to put up with them .they know there selves that not many English people like them that's why they live mainly in Wales .I do like them singing though it stops them talking
Za za watch what you say .you don't want to lose your job .but if your on benefits I don't think you need to worry as much.how can you lose a job if you've not got one
Yes it's only those working that can lose their job and not those on benefits .if that's not racist then I don't know what is
Yes the media always look for drunks in marches and protests to talk about .they never look for sober people their racist against sober people
Black people are allowed to call themselves the n word but if your white your not allowed to call them the n word .
How can that be not racist .
That's unjust and they play on it they call each other the n word just to upset us I'm sure
How can that be not racist .
That's unjust and they play on it they call each other the n word just to upset us I'm sure
You need to be able to read in-between the lines if you can read to see the real truth .and if you can't those same people will call you illiterate especially if your a grown up
If you let people upset you .yes it's you who gets upset especialy when they upset you alot.
I know when I get upset,that I don't realise I've eaten my kit kat with my cup of tea .I only realise that it's gone when I see the kit kat wrapper
It's money wasted I've not enjoyed it
It's money wasted I've not enjoyed it
They say don't let people upset you but I can't help it .you can't just be happy when your upset. I've never been able to be happy once when I've been upset .I can't multy task with my emotions
I'm going now I'm getting upset just talking about being upset .
Just don't talk you say
So I will bye
Just don't talk you say
So I will bye
Have a kit kat and come back when it's still fresh in your memory.
Jock`s sister worked in the Vatican. Saturday morning she phoned Jock and was rather upset.
"What`s wrong Senga?", he asked.
"Bad news Jock", she replies, "The Holy Father has died, but don`t tell anybody as the Vatican are not making an announcement until Monday".
"Sorry to hear that Senga and don`t worry, I`ll not tell a soul", says Jock.
He hangs up the phone and heads to the pub to meet his two friends, Nigel and Paddy.
After a few pints, Jock tells them the bad news and insists that they tell nobody. They are both saddened by the news but a few minutes later, Nigel says, "Lads, we have a great opportunity here to make a right few quid".
"What do you mean Nigel", replies Jock.
"Think about it Jock", says Nigel, "The bookies will give astronomical prices on the Pope dying before Monday".
"You are right", says Jock, "Why didn`t I think of that. Lets all go home right now and place some bets on the internet and we will meet up here on Wednesday to celebrate our win, but remember, don`t be greedy. Just bet 100 each and don`t tell anybody else".
On Monday the Vatican makes an official statement that the Pope had indeed died.
Wednesday, they meet in the pub.
"Well lads", says Jock, "How much have we all won?".
"I got 100 on at 100/1 with Ladbrokes", says Nigel, "And won £10,000!".
"Ya dancer", replies Jock, "Well done mate. I got 100 on at 150/1 with William Hill and won £15,000!".
"Well done Jock", says Nigel.
Paddy says nowt and sits supping his beer, looking very despondent.
"Well, what price did you get Paddy?", asks Nigel and Jock in unison.
"Oh, I got 200/1 with Paddy Power", replies a sad looking Paddy.
"200/1, you little beauty", says Nigel and Jock, "So why the long face?".
"I got greedy", answers Paddy, "And doubled him with the Archbishop of Canterbury"!!!
"What`s wrong Senga?", he asked.
"Bad news Jock", she replies, "The Holy Father has died, but don`t tell anybody as the Vatican are not making an announcement until Monday".
"Sorry to hear that Senga and don`t worry, I`ll not tell a soul", says Jock.
He hangs up the phone and heads to the pub to meet his two friends, Nigel and Paddy.
After a few pints, Jock tells them the bad news and insists that they tell nobody. They are both saddened by the news but a few minutes later, Nigel says, "Lads, we have a great opportunity here to make a right few quid".
"What do you mean Nigel", replies Jock.
"Think about it Jock", says Nigel, "The bookies will give astronomical prices on the Pope dying before Monday".
"You are right", says Jock, "Why didn`t I think of that. Lets all go home right now and place some bets on the internet and we will meet up here on Wednesday to celebrate our win, but remember, don`t be greedy. Just bet 100 each and don`t tell anybody else".
On Monday the Vatican makes an official statement that the Pope had indeed died.
Wednesday, they meet in the pub.
"Well lads", says Jock, "How much have we all won?".
"I got 100 on at 100/1 with Ladbrokes", says Nigel, "And won £10,000!".
"Ya dancer", replies Jock, "Well done mate. I got 100 on at 150/1 with William Hill and won £15,000!".
"Well done Jock", says Nigel.
Paddy says nowt and sits supping his beer, looking very despondent.
"Well, what price did you get Paddy?", asks Nigel and Jock in unison.
"Oh, I got 200/1 with Paddy Power", replies a sad looking Paddy.
"200/1, you little beauty", says Nigel and Jock, "So why the long face?".
"I got greedy", answers Paddy, "And doubled him with the Archbishop of Canterbury"!!!
Lets all go home right now and place some bets on the internet
The phone hadn't been invented let alone the internet when that joke was first told Mac.
The phone hadn't been invented let alone the internet when that joke was first told Mac.
Young lad fishing on the river during a thunderstorm. Bookie stops his car and rolls the window down.
"Are you mad", he says to the lad, "You`ll catch pneumonia fishing in this weather".
"I`m a keen angler", replies the boy.
"You must be", retorts the bookie, "I`m Honest Joe the bookie and I`ll tell you what I`ll do. If you catch a fish, any fish, and bring it to my shop in the High Street before 5.00pm I`ll give you 100 pounds".
"Right, you are on", replies the lad.
Pisses down all day. Five minutes to five, the betting shop door opens and the young lad - drenched to the skin - runs up to cashier and slams a large Flat fish on the counter.
"Where is Honest Joe, I`m here for my winnings", he tells the cashier.
The bookie hears him, comes out his office and inspects the large Flat fish on the counter.
"Never let it be said that Honest Joe doesn`t honour his bets", and turning to the cashier says, "Helen, give the lad £20".
The lad gets agitated and yells at Joe, "You said you would give me £100 if I caught a fish, not £20!".
"Listen son", retorts Joe, "Don`t you know the Rules of Betting? It`s 5th the odds for a PLAICE!".
"Are you mad", he says to the lad, "You`ll catch pneumonia fishing in this weather".
"I`m a keen angler", replies the boy.
"You must be", retorts the bookie, "I`m Honest Joe the bookie and I`ll tell you what I`ll do. If you catch a fish, any fish, and bring it to my shop in the High Street before 5.00pm I`ll give you 100 pounds".
"Right, you are on", replies the lad.
Pisses down all day. Five minutes to five, the betting shop door opens and the young lad - drenched to the skin - runs up to cashier and slams a large Flat fish on the counter.
"Where is Honest Joe, I`m here for my winnings", he tells the cashier.
The bookie hears him, comes out his office and inspects the large Flat fish on the counter.
"Never let it be said that Honest Joe doesn`t honour his bets", and turning to the cashier says, "Helen, give the lad £20".
The lad gets agitated and yells at Joe, "You said you would give me £100 if I caught a fish, not £20!".
"Listen son", retorts Joe, "Don`t you know the Rules of Betting? It`s 5th the odds for a PLAICE!".
Old couple go to the doctor's.
"How can I help?" says the doc.
"Just a quick once-over" says the bloke, "I'm 98 next birthday, y'know, and I feel fine, I just like a check up every couple of years"
So the doctor checks him over, finishes and says, "That's fantastic, you have the constitution of a man 25 years younger. To what do you attribute your good health?"
"God" says the old bloke.
"God?" queries the doctor
The old bloke's wife rolls her eyes as she listens.
"Yes", he continues.
He explains, "Every night when I need to get up to relieve myself, God turns the light on"
"Really?" asks an amazed doctor.
"And when I've finished, he turns it off again"
"That sounds truly fantastic" says the doctor.
"Not really", says the wife.
"He p1sses in the fridge".
"How can I help?" says the doc.
"Just a quick once-over" says the bloke, "I'm 98 next birthday, y'know, and I feel fine, I just like a check up every couple of years"
So the doctor checks him over, finishes and says, "That's fantastic, you have the constitution of a man 25 years younger. To what do you attribute your good health?"
"God" says the old bloke.
"God?" queries the doctor
The old bloke's wife rolls her eyes as she listens.
"Yes", he continues.
He explains, "Every night when I need to get up to relieve myself, God turns the light on"
"Really?" asks an amazed doctor.
"And when I've finished, he turns it off again"
"That sounds truly fantastic" says the doctor.
"Not really", says the wife.
"He p1sses in the fridge".
Post Your Reply
Please login to post a reply.
Wonder
Instance ID: 13539