Father just died and want to say a few words at funeral......

Screw it up, why not, keep it real.

Sorry to hear of his passing.

cheers m8.  i never saw my father cry and i never heard him swear. i dont want to break down at the funeral even though i know my siblings and mother will. just not sure if i'll be able to say a few words without a tear.

say what comes from the heart pal and g/luck

Just say what you feel. Nothing wrong with showing your emotions.

Never mind about breaking down. Good luck with it.

Mar 23, 2019 -- 12:49PM, DancingBraveTheBest wrote:

cheers m8.

Sorry to here your news

That wasn't what I said so I'll try again.

DancingBraveTheBest • March 23, 2019 5:49 PM GMT
cheers m8.  i never saw my father cry and i never heard him swear. i dont want to break down at the funeral even though i know my siblings and mother will. just not sure if i'll be able to say a few words without a tear.

Both of my parents have died and it's hard to take. He sounds like a very good man and you clearly have fond memories of him. Just say it as it is there's no need to embellish things. If you have to shed a tear or two then so be it that's nothing to be ashamed of.

It's no bad thing to cry, even muddle through it. Nobody will care because they will be understanding. When it's all over, you will be glad of the release of emotion, I reckon. It's a relief. Good luck mate.

thanks

still seems like a dream, my dad was my best friend really, loved his horse racing, he got me into it.  ive never heard anyone ever say a bad word about him but i know plenty have about me and i feel totally inferior to him. just listening to some Leonard Cohen while sipping some single malt thinking bout him.

So sorry...

Noone will judge you. People are incredibly kind and generous. Don't forget that..

Bet you have some anecdotes. Tell some stories. Everyone who comes will be thinking of your Father and wishing YOU well.

Imagine he was there in spirit and could hear you, I would hazard a guess he would want to hear something off the cuff, from the heart, as it came to you, rather than written down pre prepared, and if you can do that crying or not, think it's safe to say he would be proud.

Just open your mouth sir the right words will come ..... don’t ever think you can screw it up ,... sorry for your loss bud

Sorry for your loss, I've lost both my parents and didn't give a eulogy at either funeral as I am not the greatest public speaker. I was worried about crying at my Mums funeral, if you do you do.

Speak to your father and not those in attendance.
Tell him what he meant to you. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Not to be rude, ,why would the question be asked on a forum ??

Just to offer the other point of view ... The relatively brief speech I gave at my father's funeral is about the one thing in my life I can think of which I feel properly proud about. It only covered one side of 6" x 4" writing paper in the end, but I'd spent a couple of train journeys back from the races writing and rewriting it until I'd got down just what I wanted. The discipline of articulating my thoughts into coherent sentences made me understand aspects of the man and his life which would have eluded me otherwise.

And the time and effort spent over the speech meant it was ever so easy to memorize, so I never even needed the written version at the lectern.

But everyone's circumstances are different. My father was a refugee, and there was nobody bar me present at the funeral who was a blood relative, and I felt it was important to put on record exactly who he was, what an extraordinary life he'd led before he's entered ours, and what he meant to me.

At my mother's funeral, by contrast, I was again the only person prepared to say anything, but her brothers and sisters and their families were there, everyone was familiar with her and her life, and it was just a case of saying a few, brief words about what a cheerful and universally popular character she was.

Two approaches to the business, then. Hope one of them helps.

And again , Why do you need  screaming to post it on a forum

To help someone who's asking for help.

By the way, DancingBrave. If you did no more than say exactly what you've posted on this thread, you'll have done a very fine job.

Like others I have lost both my parents, I could not speak at my Dad's funeral as he was always my hero and I would have completely broken down, my younger brother did it and he was brilliant.

I did do an eulogy at my Mum's funeral though three years ago and I unashamedly cried doing it.I was her carer and I just spoke about things that she liked doing, like watching the antiques roadshow and watching Ireland play rugby and joked that dear Mum would not let anyone make her favourite breakfast, poached eggs on toast, unless I made them! It's a tough thing to do but come the day you do find an inner strength. Sorry to read your awful news DBTB and hope the day goes as well as it possibly can for you and your family.

thanks everyone. in reply to conditor i just find it easy as the moment to chat to strangers than my close family about this.

That's very understandable Dancing, plenty feel like that.

Enjoy the malt best you can, but be careful with L Cohen..

my dad and i enjoyed him live twice

RIP , just make a little note of what you have put on here and put that into a Speech

How Old was your Dad ?

a man is not dead while his name is still spoken,he lives in the hearts of others.

Wonderful posts, chit chat at It's best. I was once taught a lesson by a great public speaker when I had to do my first speech (not the funeral of a loved one) but I have used it for (sadly) so many eulogies since.

The advice was simple but not easy to pull off initially. "Imagine if you can having given the 'eulogy' and afterwards think about what you didn't say, but wish you had".

If you can find those words, that's all you need. Wishing you a wonderful send off for your greatest friend DancingBraveTheBest. BTW cry a river afterwards. .

Was gonna say get everyone together and have a good greet before ,maybe clear it a bit. Where is the funeral ? More and more folks going for these humanist type services and some are ok but been at a few where it’s not been that great ,would disagree about just talk to your dad and disagree it’s ok to stand up and sob your eyes out .Often a young member of the family is asked but best kept short and not sure it’s appreciated by the older folk tbh . Best I have heard is the light hearted ,very real ,show the mad/bad and give recollections of some of the best/worst ,pick stuff like if they were tight ,or a round dodger ect and do some mad quotes ,call it as they were and add some funnies . Job done .

Sorry to hear about your sad loss.

This is, as others have said, a very fine thread.  My dad is 92 and my future eulogy is an ongoing joke between us. I asked him if there was anything he was going to leave behind that he would like to have mentioned. He thought for not many seconds and said "you should have my drain rods"  Oh Dad!!!

blackbarn, I was speaking to my daughter who has made so many mistakes in fields that I have been very successful in, building etc, and I told her "use my experience, you don't have to follow it, just consider it. I then used a very old African saying to emphasise my message...when an old man dies a library Burns to the ground, her reply was, I don't even know what that means. At that point I knew she took after her mother.

Sorry DBTB, didn't mean to hijack your thread, all the best buddy.

When Brassneck dies, it'll break the internet.

Not sure if this is too late.


My own experience. My sister asked me if I'd like to speak at Dad's funeral and I said no. I didn't think I could. I didn't know what to say or have the confidence to say anything without breaking down or stuffing it up.

So anyway about halfway through listening to my sister talking about Dad - and she did an amazing job-  I just suddenly felt inspired. When she finished I asked if it was ok if I said a few words. Sure. So I got up on stage and realised I had hundreds of stories about my Dad and his antics in the 1970s that would see him arrested or at least Shamed on social media today. And it felt good. Talking about my Dad. Boasting about him. Laughing about his stupid sh1t. How often in life do you get to share this kind of stuff? NOWHERE!! No one else cares about your dead Dad. Not your friends. Nobody.

Except the people at his funeral. Your aunts and uncles. His brothers and sisters. These people were  enraptured by my stories of my Dad. My Dad was the eldest of 7 children. He left home at 18 and went to Sydney. His youngest brother wasn't even born then. This man,my uncle,had only ever met his brother once. He stood up at the funeral and said that. After the service we went to the pub and my sister and I were almost bombarded with questions and observations about the old boy. So yes. I'm glad I spoke about my Dad at his funeral.

Thanks again everyone for your replies. My dad was 72, considered young these days. Funeral is at the crematorium in Cardiff on April 1st of all days

Deffo  young Dancing   All the best  to you and your family going forward ..

If you have half a mind to do it ,which you obviously have ,then you must do it,there’ll never be another chance.i spoke at both my parents funerals,I got on far better with my mum & wanted to do that,but at my dads I felt I had to speak because my brother & sister told me they wouldn’t be able to do it.at my mums the vicar wasn’t that keen for me to speak for some reason & told me there was a time limit,I told him it would take as long as it took.its a great opportunity to tell a story about the persons younger life ,for instance a lot of those at my mums ,neighbours & such never knew that she did loads of trade union work in the mills to improve the lot of the workers,they just viewed her as an amiable grey haired lady.as far as the speech is concerned take your time & take a glass of water,all good speakers have a prop,& when you get emotional ,which you will,taking a swig is the best solution.

btw sorry for your loss mate.also dancing brave was my favourite ever horse even though it cost me an absolute fortune in the derby!

yep wasnt it grenville starkeys fault

Sorry dancing to hear of your loss . when my mum died aged 61 somebody sent me card saying that - death is merely moving to another room - it gave me a bit of meaning somehow

61, that's no age anxious

No SH broke my heart in two

m8,s mum just pegged at 54 ,know someone who’s wife died at 42 and worst of all a family who had to sit the 5 kids down to Xmas lunch a few years back and explain mum was not going to be around for much longer ....thats a tough one but doesnt matter how bad you think it is there’s always someone getting it worse . But hey this thread is about dbtb and a eulogy and getting up and saying the right stuff and feeling he does his dad/family/friends proud on the day .

The oldest of the kids was 11

Last thing the deceased would want is a miserable funersl. Celebrate their life. Tell the greatest memories and the funniest stories, visit the cul de sac called grief privately

agree Irish

condolences for your loss Dancing Brave, I am sure he had a good life