Top Ten Humorous Punk Records

Anything by the Toy Dolls

Or Anti - Nowhere - League are humorous in their own way!

Orgasm Addict

Holiday in Cambodia dead Kennedy's
Silly kids games damned

The Damned - I just can't be happy today on OGWT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaYayknwQ0A

Nice Legs Shame About Her Face - The Monks

One for the dinosaurs on here! Hurry Up Harry - Sham 69

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdVFzdRZF0Q

King Rocker - Generation X.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lR6TSe1Gqfo

Half knackered already and that’s not the name of the song.

I Cant Come....  The Snivelling Sh1ts   

Bobby Moore was Innocent..... Serious Drinking

Sunday Stripper - Cocksparrer

TV Stars - The Skids

Hafway to Venezuela - Auntie Pus

bazs party- jilted john

billericay dickie - ian dury

genius...

Good evening, I'm from Essex
In case you couldn't tell, my given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay and I'm doing very well

Had a love affair with Nina in the back of my Cortina
A seasoned-up hyena could not have been more obscener
She took me to the cleaners and other misdemeanours
But I got right up between her rum and her Ribena

Well, you ask Joyce and Vicky if candy-floss is sticky
I'm not a blinking thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

I bought a lot of Brandy when I was courting Sandy
Took eight to make her randy and all I had was shandy
Another thing with Sandy what often came in handy
Was passing her and Mandy she didn't half go bandy

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky if I ever took the mickey
I'm not a flipping thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

I'd rendez-vous with Janet, quite near the Isle of Thanet
She looked more like a gannet, she wasn't half a prannet
Her mother tried to ban it, her father helped me plan it
And when I captured Janet, she bruised her pomegranate
Oh, you ask Joyce and Vicky if I ever shaped up tricky
I'm not a blooming thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

You should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been
The jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky who's there favourite brickie
I'm not a common thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

I know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and noblesse
Kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness
My given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay
I thought you'd never guess

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky a pair of squeaky chickies
I'm not a flaming thicky, I'm Billericay Dicky
And I'm doing very well

Oh golly, oh gosh, come and lie on the couch
With a nice bit of posh from Burnham-on-Crouch
My given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay
And I ain't a slouch

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky about Billericay Dickie
I ain't an effing thicky, you ask Joyce and Vicky
I'm doing very well

yul brynners a skinheed- toy dolls

the trumpton riots - half man half biscuit

Ner ner-ner-ner ner-ner-ner ner
Ner ner-ner-ner-ner-ner
No! Oh oh oh!
Elevate!
Unemployment’s rising in the Chigley end of town
And it’s spreading like pneumonia
Doesn’t look like going down
There’s trouble at the fire station someone’s had the sack
And the lads are going to launch a scheme get rid of Captain Flack
Tell PC McGarry to get himself a mate
And arm themselves with CS gas
They’re gonna be out late
We’ve had Cant conformism since 1966
And now subversion’s in the air in the shape of flying bricks
Someone get a message through to Captain Snort
That they’d better start assembling the boys from the fort
And keep Mrs Honeyman right out of sight
‘Cos there’s gonna be a riot down in Trumpton tonight
All this aristocracy has really got to stop
We can overthrow the surgery and kidnap Dr Mopp
And Chippy Minton’s Socialists could storm the Market Square
And make plans to assassinate our autocratic Mayor
Windy Militant leads his Basque-like corn grinders to war
With windmill sails and bombs with nails they smash the town hall door
But Snorty and his boys arrive with one big erstwhile crew
Whereupon they bring about a military coup
Someone get a message through to Captain Snort
That they’d better start assembling the boys from the fort
And keep Mrs Honeyman right out of sight
‘Cos there’s gonna be a riot down in Trumpton tonight
Oh, someone get a message through to Captain Snort
That they’d better start assembling the boys from the fort
And keep Mrs Honeyman right out of sight
‘Cos there’s gonna be a riot down in Trumpton tonight

more genius from h m h b

from the back in the dhss album

All I Want For Christmas Is A Dulka-Prague Away Kit


There was one in a gang,
Who had Scalextric,
And because of that,
He thought he was better than you.
Everyday after school,
You'd go around there to play it,
Hoping to compete for some kind championship,
And it always took about 15 billion hours to set the track up.
And even when you did, the thing never seemed to work.
It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
A dodgy transformer, again and again.
It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
A dodgy transformer, cost 3 pounds 10.
So he sent his doting mother
Up the stairs with the stepladder,
To get the Subbuteo,
Out of the loft.
He had all the accessories,
Required for that big-match atmosphere.
The crowd and the dugout,
And the floodlights, too.
And you'd always get palmed off
With a headless center-forward,
And a goal-kicker with no arms,
And he'd managed to get hold of
A Dukla-Prague Away Kit,
His uncle owned a sport shop
And he'd kept it to one side.
And after only five minutes
You'd be down to ten men,
Because he'd sent off your right back for taking the base from under his left winger.
Come to half-time, you were losing, four-nil.
Each and every goal, a hotly disputed penatly.
So you smash up the floodlights
And the game was abandoned,
And the dog would bark
And you'd be banned from his house.
And your travelling army
Of synthetic supporters
Would be taken away from you
And thrown in the bin.
And now he's working
In a job with a future.
He hands me my Gyro (as in gyroscope, not "hero")
Every two weeks.
And me, I'm on the lookout
For a proper transformer.

some lyrical materpieces there from ian dury and hmhb ,appreciate the post donny.

Plastic Bertrand - Ca Plane Pour Moi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agL9ftHYrRQ


Shocking omission

Friggin in the riggin -Sex pistols.

even more shocking omission

The Ramones - Pinhead

The Damned - Burglar


God, what memories!!!

No mention of "who killed bambi"? Shocking omission.

or  ' a punk prayer '

ivegotlotsoffamouspeoplelivingunderneaththefloorboardsinmyhumbleabode  Splodgenessabounds

There Ain't No Sanity Claus - The Damned
Dickie Davies Eyes - Half Man Half Biscuit

"Preposterous Tales in the Life of Ken McKenzie" by I Ludicrous

.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGDKTTNXH2w

Top tune

And I once saw the Palace score four goals away from home

as if

Donny - first time Ive read he lyrics to Billericay Dickie ! Re the Janet verse I always thought it was  "she bruised up on me granite"..which would kind of fit...

I like Whip It by Devo. Not sure it's punk though. This is a laugh as well, I am The Fly by Wire

Crawling
Over your window you think I'm confused
I'm waiting for the divergent wasp
To complete my current ruse
You use a plate-glass screen
To protect my chosen target
But there's an air-pellet hole
I can crawl through to you
I am the fly in the ointment
I can spread more disease
Than the fleas which nibble away
At your window display
Yes, I am the fly in the ointment
I shake you down to say please
As you accept the next dose of disease

I am the fly, I am the fly, I am the fly, I am the fly
Fly in the, fly in the ointment
I am the fly, I am the fly, I am the fly, I am the fly
Fly in the, fly in the ointment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnIXXe83fe4

Wire 1st album 1977  great stuff  12xu 

Definitely not humorous, but there's an early Altered Images song called Insects, which, while John Peel was playing it, and before it turned up in the shops, I was convinced was called Incest.

If you listen to the song that way, it becomes truly the most chilling track ever committed to vinyl.

Surprised no one's mentioned this, especially as Friggin's been mentioned:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4AHIB8ruJk

Maybe humourous at the time, not so sure now in these PC times.

Anyway where's Stuart Pearce and Alan Berry for their contributions or are they pseudo punks?

Ian Dury again.

Razzle in my Pocket.

Always makes me smile.