Post No-Deal Brexit Hoarding Shopping List

Toilet roll and air freshener

I will add toilet roll - and I am sure the air freshener was a mirthful suggestion but will exclude it from my list
as we won't have any pre-apocalyptic niceties come March.

Tesco chairman John Allen says "provided we are happy to live on spam and canned peaches all will be well."

You will be ok for them.

Is toilet roll imported? Surely it is imported gear we need to stockpile because it will be blockaded in Dover, which the Brexiteers have belatedly discovered is the main port to France.

Don't forget pet food, especially if you have a cat.

A toilet roll substitute could be Dock leaves. Docks have antiseptic qualities too (for example great for nettle stings) . Not even Andrex does that.

Dried food: pasta, rice, lentils.
Speak to the local butcher and get him to fill your freezer with a pig (that one's religion dependant..)

Frey Bentos pies
Tins of Corned Beef
Assorted plasters, bandages and tourniquets (for the Corned Beef tin maimings)

Do we grow our own peaches??

Anyway, if tinned peaches are sure to be in Tesco, I won't need to stockpile them.

You mention the freezer.

If our electricity supplier is French is that likely to be disrupted?

And, we only have a small freezer, so might have to chop the head off the pig to get it in.

Hmm, may have to forget the leccy then. How about salt as a preserver?

Global warmning should allow for a bumper crop of peaches. See, there's always an upside.

Rolled oats and dried fruit. You can survive for months on these and if your teeth fall out through a shortage of Polish dentists, you can still eat porridge.

Incontinence pants.

I've just taken delivery of 3 containers full.

We're ramping up to full blown major tsunami/gush territory and I'm going to clean up (no pun intended)

Anyone interested can buy online at www.knickerwetters.com