Daftest Answers on a TV Quiz

Q- In which country would you find Mt Everest.

A- England

Quiz master what made you think England, well i know they advertise on tv selling windows , one afternoon last week.

heil hitler !...........

Alexander Armstrong: "Who was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald in Dallas?"

Contestant: "JR."

if you dont know the answer it is still better to guess, however much it makes folk laugh

some daft guesses turn out correct, and cash is won.


saying i dont know isnt really going to win you the show!


still get a laugh at some folk though.

q. who killed jfk?

mightymac. the cia

q. who killed david kelly?

mightymac. the british govt.

q. who blew up the twin towers?

mightymac. the american govt.

q. who killed princess di?

mightymac. the british govt.

They often pass on The Chase on questions like:

In what country of the UK...

What colour...

How many...

grappler

only yesterday some idiot was asked to come up with the name of a spanish city on the mediterranean. after saying he didnt think spain had any part of the med coast the answer was; tuscany

University Challenge believe it or not. Buzzer question.

Bamber G: What was Ghandi`s first name?

Contestant: Goosey Goosey.


Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the

name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?


Jamie Theakston: "Where do you think Cambridge University is?"

Contestant: "Geography isn't my strong point."

Theakston: "There's a clue in the title."

Contestant: "Leicester."


James O'Brien: "How many kings of England have been called Henry?"

Contestant: "Well, I know Henry VIII. So, um, three?"


America Quiz Show

Host: "Which European country is Budapest the capital of?"

Contestant: "This might be a stupid question. I thought Europe was a country? I know they speak French there, don't they? Is France a country?"


Jeremy Paxman: "What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?"

Contestant: "Homosexuals."

Paxman: "No. They're regiments in the British Army, who will be very upset with you."

Years ago, organising a work`s day out to Edinburgh, one eejit suggested, "We will meet at the train station at 8.00am - get a train to Perth and a bus to Edinburgh"

We all looked at each other in amazement and somebody said, "Why not get the train straight to Edinburgh?"

Eejit: "Have they got a train station in Edinburgh?"

This takes some beating, from Family Fortunes:

Les - “Name a dangerous race”

Contestant - “Arabs”

Les - “I’m sorry, the top answer was the Grand National”

That`s a cracker

Contest over JM

Name sometyhing you take to the beach.

TURKEY

First thing you buy in a supermarket

TURKEY


Family Fortunes

A funny, yet thoroughly endearing, blonde on a 60s-70s US game-show

https://youtu.be/sulYyP7mGng

[1 min video]

Quite a cutie, Poppy'.

The funniest thing I have seen in my whole Life was an episode of The Weakest Link consisting of page three pin ups...Beyond embarrassing ffs.

Quality comedy always stands the test of time. I still laughed at some of those again.

On US Mr. & Mrs. To Mrs., we asked your husband the strangest place you had sex (he answered in the back seat of my car). After some thought she replied, up my bottom.

Jeremy Paxman: "What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?"

Contestant: "Homosexuals."

Paxman: "No. They're regiments in the British Army, who will be very upset with you."


I looked this up on Youtube.  The contestant answers in a deadpan, serious manner.  He wasn't trying to be funny, which in turn makes it funnier.  Best thing I've seen for ages.

Local pub quiz

Q - Which European country has jurisdiction over the Faroe Islands

A - Egypt

Not exactly a question, but, working behind the bar, I said to my mate the other side (who isn't exactly the full ticket,) nip up the road and get me half a dozen lemons, to which he replied, "what's half a dozen?"

3-2-1 classic
Ted Rogers "Composer, Born in Germany in 1757, he moved to Britain where he wrote The Messiah. You will certainly know his Handle.

Team A. Woman. Oh I know this from school, Handels Water Music
Ted. So the composer is?
Woman: Bernstein

Laughs from the audience

Team B man (looking puzzled) Err.........Beethoven!

It's on YouTube somewhere

This is one from Radio Merseysides Billy Butler Show...

BB "Who starred in the cowboy film The Searchers?"

After wracking her brains for 5 minutes she says, " Give us a clue Billy"

BB in his best John Wayne voice.. "The hell I will"

Contestant replies.. "Oh go on Billy. You give everyone else clues!"

Family Fortunes

People with the surname Lee:

Christopher Lee
Bruce Lee
Ang Lee
Robert E. Lee
Muhammad R. Lee

Ran a quiz on a minibus returning from a day in the country with a bunch of scallies on a court order. Did it mainly to keep them quiet. One of the questions was "what was Beethoven's first name?"

Nobody knew the answer but one lad wouldn't give up and ten minutes later he said I've got it. Is it  Rollover.

Not a question but years ago I went on a shop and asked for half a dozen stamps.

Bloke says 'we only sell them in sixes or twelves'.

So I said 'In that case I have six then'.

During the mad cow disease scare a guy in the pub asked me, "What about bacon, do you get that from a coo".

Had a gf ask me once, after watching the film Willow, if midgets were real people.

On Thursdays tipping point a contestant was asked which team Prince William supported.
The three choices were Aston Villa - Southampton Everton.
She called the right answer, Aston Villa, as they were from London she said.

My favourite was an old Family Fortunes one with Les Dennis.

"A survey of 100 people were asked to name an item of clothing"

Elderly Bloke presses buzzer with lightening reactions...

"My red cardigan Les".

Qu: The US city of Detroit is in what state?

A: Chaos?

Q. Who painted the Mona Lisa?

A. Frank Bough

Family Fortunes
'Name parts of the body you only have 1 of'

Wedding tackle
Big toe
Combine Harvester

And dear old David Lammy MP on celebrity mastermind..who succeeded Henry eighth answer Henry seventh.

The placepot dividend should be good at Fontwell.

Family Fortunes many years ago

Question "Name a type of ache"
Answer "fillet of fish"

akabula 09 Dec 18 00:56 Joined: 13 Mar 08 | Topic/replies: 37,684 | Blogger: akabula's blog
On Thursdays tipping point a contestant was asked which team Prince William supported.
The three choices were Aston Villa - Southampton Everton.
She called the right answer, Aston Villa, as they were from London she said.

That reminds me of the Footballer David Unsworth who played for Everton, transferred to West Ham but wife wasn't happy in London so he sought a transfer back to near where he lived before, and obviously signed for Aston Villa because he thought it was near Liverpool! Never played for Villa and about a F/N later moved back to Everton!

https://youtu.be/DsR4Nx-ELgc

Just remember this next time you hear him rabbiting on about how Rees-Mogg is worse than the Nazis

Thread of the year,by far.

Family Fortunes

Q. Name a bird with a long neck?

A. Naomi Campbell

Family Fortunes

Q. Name a famous Willie?

A. Willie The Pooh

Chris Tarrant Live Radio 

Question Name the Famous  Motor Racing Commentator

Woman , EEEEERRRRRRRRRRRm !!!!

Chris ,Named after something you can Suck ( referring to Murray Mints )

Woman " OH DICK , DICKIE DAVIS " >>>>>>

One minutes Radio Silence

Qu. Which channel was formerly known as Oceanus Britannicus?

A. BBC1?

Q: Who is the patron saint of accountancy?

A: St Ledger?

My mate Pete, while walking through Hampton Court Palace: "What's that game they play here? Proper tennis?"

He's a clever bloke really, skilled at his job and I love him to bits, but foreign languages just aren't his strong point. I'll never forget him bitterly arguing with his first wife that the French word for a cow is le moulin.

Just now on the chase
Bradley: which Swiss company makes Nespresso coffee pods?
The Beast: Nespresso
Brad: No
Contestants consult: Kinder.

Sorry, the beast's answer was Nescafe.

Is the answer Nespresso?

Nestle

The Irish radio broadcaster Larry Gogan died recently.
He has a section on his radio programme "Just A Minute., the 60 Second Quiz"

Q. Name the capital of France
A. F

Q. Can you divide 48 by 16?
A. Yes

Q. Name something that flies that does not have an engine
A. A bicycle with wings

Q. What star do Travellers follow?
A. Joe Dolan

usa family fortunes

a boys name beginning with H

answer given, Jose ... whilst high fiving his family

No way

I was watching a video a few days ago, some of the above are also in it along with the famous,

name a word that comes after pork .... answer  .... cupine

i'll try and find it

'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeGVeBWECu8

That South Park episode where he got naggers wrong

the ones I was watching before that were by jay leno where he asked members of the public he stopped at random some simple general knowledge questions, some of the answers are hilarious but it's scary that these people are running around & reproducing

One or two at random from Private Eye's Dumb Britain column:

Cash Trapped, ITV
Bradley Walsh: Which of the 3 Rs, reading writing and arithmetic, actually starts with the letter R?
Contestant: Arithmetic.

Bradley Walsh: Which leader of the Labour party died in 1994 and was succeeded by Tony Blair?
Contestant: Maggie Thatcher.

Bradley Walsh: Who won four gold medals at the 1936 Olympics in Berlin?
Contestant: Usain Bolt.

Bradley Walsh: "Down with Big Brother" is a quote from which George Orwell novel?
Contestant: 1986.

Bradley Walsh: Which famous actor is the father of Kiefer Sutherland?
Contestant: Russell Crowe.

And my favourite, from Tipping Point, ITV:
Ben Shephard: Which Biblical figure do Christians believe is the son of God sent to save mankind from death and sin?
Contestant: Pass.

I have a confession to make.

All the examples I've posted are my own inventions.

Q. What colour is the French wine xxxxx ?

A. It's a sort of violet, purpley colour.

Les Dennis Family Fortunes. 'Name a bird with a long neck'

Contestant. 'Naomi Campbell'
....................................


Paxman on University challenge. 'What is another name for cherry pickers and cheesemongers?'

Contestant.  'Homosexuals'

Paxman. 'No, they are regiments in the British army who will be very upset with you'.

Q. What colour is the French wine xxxxx ?

A. It's a sort of violet, purpley colour.


Bradley: Yes, I'll give you that!