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tobermory
23 Aug 17 22:00
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Date Joined: 01 Mar 08
| Topic/replies: 64,014 | Blogger: tobermory's blog
As voted by audience

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
Pause • Switch to Standard View The 15 funniest jokes told on stage...
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Report twonky • August 23, 2017 10:03 PM BST
So when are the top 15 funniest jokes announced?
Report tobermory • August 23, 2017 10:03 PM BST
My reaction to them is mostly Cry or Plain
Report Torquemada • August 23, 2017 10:13 PM BST
I liked numbers 5 and 15.
Report The Leopard • August 23, 2017 10:19 PM BST
There are 10 funnier jokes on here everyday than that lot !
Report Sica Dan • August 23, 2017 10:20 PM BST
I prefer an older one


"Why cant hedgehogs learn to share"
Report Crisp77 • August 23, 2017 10:30 PM BST
I've just recovered from the Edinburgh fringe. Last time I visit that barbers.

Always good to prove The Leopard wrong Excited
Report The Leopard • August 23, 2017 10:38 PM BST
Wink
Report akabula • August 23, 2017 10:43 PM BST
Got this off twitter - was seemingly told at the fringe.
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Report The Leopard • August 23, 2017 10:54 PM BST
So twitter is like a prostitute and the 'joke' is like some disease.....right ?
Report Crisp77 • August 23, 2017 10:57 PM BST
You won't be getting a clap for that one
Report akabula • August 23, 2017 11:00 PM BST
Eh! Eh Eh!
Report Ibrahima Sonko • August 23, 2017 11:05 PM BST
It is some sort of joke to declare puns as jokes, dumbing down etc.
Report lybertyne • August 23, 2017 11:16 PM BST
I know some jokes far better than those.
Report xmoneyx • August 24, 2017 12:26 AM BST
9 good to tell,on fathers day
Report cooperman • August 24, 2017 9:21 AM BST
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Dad, not screaming and crying like his passengers.
Report SlippyBlue • August 24, 2017 1:25 PM BST
Tim Vine won a few years ago. His gag was"I took the wife on a once of lifetime holiday, never again."

No, me neither.
Report Ramruma • August 24, 2017 1:38 PM BST
The 15 funniest one-liners (mainly puns) with no naughty words, from the few acts we actually saw and some tweets.
Report xmoneyx • August 24, 2017 2:04 PM BST
remember 1st time I saw my sister naked

10th time they called social services
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