HMRC

My 2015/16 self assessment I calculated I owed the tax man roughly £250 as I'd already paid some tax. They said I owed them £698.20 when I phoned up they said oh we owe you £412. Would you like it back ? After I got over the dumbest question of the year I duly received it. Then in my next pension payment I received another £500+ in my pension. This year up came this 698 again for underpaid tax. AND they now wanted £995 again I argued with them, basically why give me 900 back if I owed you 900 ? Turns out the £698 was a calculation and wrong and I shouldn't of been given a refund and they don't know why I did Long story short I now owe them a fu cking grand

They sent me a letter saying they owed me £ 241.00 ...small beer I know but all dosh from HMRC greatfully accepted.
And the good news was if I claimed online I would get a cheque/or bank transfer within 5 days hooray.... if not cheque would arrive in about 60 days ughhh ????   
So being quite computer savvy ...I'll claim online - so HMRC say "we have to check you are who you say you are"
Then loads of questions, name, address, Nat.Ins.Number reasonable enough so far then ...when did you take out a storecard ...1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 2years ??? etc..and there's no provision for "no store card answer" ...I don't have a phuckin storecard!   
Sorry we can't process your application further !!!!
What Govt. brain dead knobhead writes this crap ?   
Or am I the only person in GB with "no store phuckin card" ????
So I guess I'll have to wait the 60 days

I do a part time job, after 15 years with them,  they ask me for my NI number and DOB.
I asked head office as to why after 15 years they had asked, they said they had had a visit from HMRC

Rockinron haven't you set up the "My voice is my password" bullsh1t ? I did, they still ask you security questions ffs

You couldn't make it up ! I got a letter today from HMRC the £412 refund they paid me by mistake, they've only gone and charged me £3.65 intrest unbefu ckinglivable