HOW LONG DO YOU SPEND ON THE TOILET ?

eating meat all the time?
breads, cakes...

eat some veg - two minutes.

TWO MINUTES! IT TAKES ME THAT LONG TO STAND BACK UP

Depends how interesting the book is.

till the gaffer drags me out,

Always take yer mobile phone in with you cos someone always phones when yer having a s**t.

was reading a story today about how you shouldn't go to the toilet till you really need to as if you keep going when your bladder if less than half full not only will you feel the need to keep going but it stretches/shrinks your bladder.

watch out for the 'ghoulies' lurking in the toilet.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089200/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3

I know a few who take half an hour if they're getting paid to take a dump - ie when they are supposed to be working. One bloke used to be regular as clockwork - 10 till half past every morning, used to complete the crossword in the paper!

sounds fun

Depends on the paperwork.

If he had either a difficult crossword clue or constipation, he could always work it out with a pencil.

Doesn't surprise me Torque knows a few shirkers

Best advice I ever had was never pass a toilet after the age of 50.