Chit Chat
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Its not a great subject to talk about so I will keep it clean and maybe save someone's life.
Elvis Presley was constipated and went to the toilet to check if he could go.Things were not going to well so he started to push himself in order to go and took a heart attack.
The expert on the telly last night said"if need to go and you cant, don't push too hard as it puts pressure on your other organs and you can give yourself a heart attack.
now remember this the next time you are constipated.
Elvis Presley was constipated and went to the toilet to check if he could go.Things were not going to well so he started to push himself in order to go and took a heart attack.
The expert on the telly last night said"if need to go and you cant, don't push too hard as it puts pressure on your other organs and you can give yourself a heart attack.
now remember this the next time you are constipated.
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Billiard Ball
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fruit and water. not whiskey and meat.
it's a hose pipe at it's simplest. what goes though quicker peaches and bananas... or steak and eggs ? antidote - sweetcorn. |
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Caught in a trap
can't let go |
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he took pills for everything and they never thought to give him a pill to give him the runs.
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its no fun if you are constipated and it happens to everyone at sometime,so remember don't push too hard.
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I hear a certain tobacco plant can help this problem..
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A penicillin based antibiotic will move anything....was on them for an infection....was **** water 3 times a day and the stink from it was incredibly powerful...its a side effect of the medication...powerful shiit.
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Brassie you need coca purie probably in your system to go that easy
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Opiates make you constipated also so Elvis on his opiates and charlie would have been tough to take a dump
The opiate protecting the fall and him putting more pressure on his already pulsating heart |
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The opiate protecting the fall and him putting more pressure on his already pulsating heart with coca
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you guys are nuts - pills? change your diet - drink three pints of water daily. hot tea loosens anything. foods with liquid content.
I cannot drink Orange juice - i get the runs. if you are okay with it - drink it. fruit skitters? meat constipation. this isn't physics. |
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You should always have a go to food in such cases. Of course fruits and water help but im talking something that works instantly. You should know what works for you. I just take two coffees and it works. Or hot chocolate from mcdonalds always makes it flow for me.
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I've not had a hard chit since i was 14 and discovered the beauty of stout.
My ex was another matter. Used to go like clockwork every 2 days - 20 secs max including one wipe. Until this joyful week when she never went at all; i was very sympathetic and suggested some fatty substance shot up her brown eye with reckless abandon. When i recovered and put my bollox back into their flaps she said "Can't you think of anything else" No says i but try some mercury. Ok says she after i informed her all would be well ( So in the milk this mercury goes (out of the thermometer) and downs it she does. 5 days and 35 toilets rolls later she tells me i'm a bastard and i'm never to go near her delightful posterior again! No sense of humour some wimmin.. |
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I would advise you not to try G2D's mercury remedy at home, however feel free to contact him regarding any other of his cures.
 I'm in agreement with Zoz that a daily intake of plenty of fruit will prevent you getting constipated in the first place provided you are not regularly taking opiates or strong painkillers. |
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If anybody is really desperate.....heaped tablespoon of bicarb in a glass of HOT (near boiling) water....
Don't under any circumstances be any further than 10 seconds from a toilet..... Rehydrate the body once ''flushed''. |
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zorrostrikes 20 Apr 17 02:43 Joined: 29 Sep 10 | Topic/replies: 6,259 | Blogger: zorrostrikes's blog
you guys are nuts - pills? change your diet - drink three pints of water daily. hot tea loosens anything. foods with liquid content. I cannot drink Orange juice - i get the runs. if you are okay with it - drink it. fruit skitters? meat constipation. this isn't physics. If not on the bevvy i will drink 4-5 pints water a day Tried to stop the tea give s me a dodgy stomach if drink too much plus gives horrible tongue colour and rots teeth |
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Green Tea is ok
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detraveller
detraveller 20 Apr 17 03:12 Joined: 18 Nov 15 | Topic/replies: 5,917 | Blogger: detraveller's blog You should always have a go to food in such cases. Of course fruits and water help but im talking something that works instantly. You should know what works for you. I just take two coffees and it works. Or hot chocolate from mcdonalds always makes it flow for me. Coffee and a roll up with no filter try it |
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I have heard that many people cry out to Jesus Christ in desperation when pushing against an immovable log-jam. I don't know if it works but definitely worth a try.
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Reduce the meat and fish sharply and eat more fruit. That should KYBO.
I've never been constipated in my life. |
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i eat absolutely loads of fruit (about five portions a day) and have porridge for breakfast yet if i didnt take a sachet of fybogel in the morning and in the evening i would be constipated every day.
before i took fybogel i use to get roids on a regular basis. roids and constipation are no laughing matter. i try not to squeeze any more. |
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fingers up the bum,,,a good wiggle around,,give it half an hour, and you will be cleaning the skid marks of the toilet bowl
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Squatting is better than sitting. When you squat the rectum is pretty much vertical whereas with sitting it's not. When people get strip-searched they have to squat as it then becomes very difficult to retain anything in the rectum. Replace drugs or a mobile phone with a large poo and squatting enables swift and effortless evacuation. You don't have to strain as hard and it's also a lot cleaner as your butt cheeks are parted, resulting in a lot less wiping. On a side note, if for some reason I need to go at a certain time (before a long drive for example) then I find a very strong coffee followed by a cigarette will get the motions in motion.
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smoking the bandit out
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"Elvis Presley was constipated and went to the toilet to check if he could go.Things were not going to well so he started to push himself in order to go and took a heart attack"........He was caught in a C***, rhymes with trap.
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lybertyne 20 Apr 17 18:52 Joined: 18 Jul 10 | Topic/replies: 4,182 | Blogger: lybertyne's blog
Squatting is better than sitting. When you squat the rectum is pretty much vertical whereas with sitting it's not. When people get strip-searched they have to squat as it then becomes very difficult to retain anything in the rectum. Replace drugs or a mobile phone with a large poo and squatting enables swift and effortless evacuation. You don't have to strain as hard and it's also a lot cleaner as your butt cheeks are parted, resulting in a lot less wiping. On a side note, if for some reason I need to go at a certain time (before a long drive for example) then I find a very strong coffee followed by a cigarette will get the motions in motion. You 100% on this ? |
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definition of panic=skid marks outside the toilet.
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I give my boy prune juice. It works like a charm.
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My Maths teacher just got a pencil and worked it out
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prune juice is number 1 cure but if you drink too much of it you disappear.
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prune juice or fruit juice past it's sell by date. i remember taking a crap and it sounding like a pee. Grapes and juice.
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I have a Severe Allergy to Rapeseed Oil ,A not so severe Allergy to Mustard ,any need for a Shyte a bit of the Latter will soon Get things Moving
The former will keep them moving for Several hours |
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In all seriousness, I have tried almost all the things mentioned above with no joy. I drink water and eat fruit daily, that certainly makes me worse. The only think that seems to make me go is a few lagers and a few whiskies.
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A good diet and a spoonful of inulin a day works for me. They slip out like well oiled torpedoes.
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Ice cream works for me.
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Smoko greeno and lay logs for fun
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Teeth marks on the lavatory door is a dead giveaway.
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