Anyone ever read any or all of the quran?

I used to read the Kerrang when I was a teenager, does that count?

Mobo may have mentioned, just the once, that he's read it and the rest of us have no comprehensions of Islam/Muslims, since we haven't.

I read the cooking instructions on some Quorn once.

Felt a right mincer for thinking about such 'nearly food' and had a quiet word with myself.

Of course, Quorn is promoted by well known Muslim terrorist Mo Farrah, so we may be onto something here.

Its proper name is Quor'n.

I read it through once and didn't understand a thing. Afterwards someone told me it reads from right to left so that explains it, but couldn't be @rsed to start again.

I'm scared of reading it in case I have an epiphany and convert to islam.

Didn't realise Quorn was all tied up in it. S0d that I'll go back to Soya mince.

I read it whilst getting noshed off by 71 virgins (one fell to my charm)

Doesnt matter if you read it you will be told you misinterpreted it.

I'm stopping in a tent next week and need some advice. How's the Quran on camping?

It says be careful not to get sand in it.

Sound advice IMO.

that's Shia common sense

Crisp77
     02 Feb 16 14:36   

I'm stopping in a tent next week and need some advice. How's the Quran on camping?

It takes a very dim view and suggests anyone camp should be thrown off a tall building.

Oh Maybe I'll go sailing instead. How's the Quran on Cruising?

Al Akbar Pacino might know..

The vast majority of the Koran in its original Arabic is completely unreadable, even for someone who understands Arabic.

no i'm watching paint dry

Arse Wipe Material imo

[img]http://images.onesite.com/community.betfair.com/user/burton-brewers/55c...

[   This image is no longer available.   ]

Lest we forget, our Chit Chat colleague IAN is increasingly familiar with the holy book.

Ever since he took in half-a-dozen aggressive, sex-starved, single male Rapefugees into his home last year ("it's the only moral and humanitarian thing to do") he's had to be up at 04:00 every morning to study the holy text for 19 hours a day. You see, HE has to adapt to THEIR way of life, and is reputedly beaten with a stick should he be less than word-perfect, like many young students of such sacred texts.

It would make it much easier for us all, and be a boost for inter-faith understanding, if Walt Disney did a feature length cartoon version of the Qur'an that we could all watch and enjoy.

i wonder if they do an easy to learn Ladybird collection
of the quran

A nice big pop-up book illustrating some of the major episodes and contributions that the followers of that faith have made towards world peace.

... full of lots of smiling faces and joy... well might have to imagine the smiling faces as the women will be covered up.

I've read a few bits from the quran,

A man is still considered pure when he releases his
lust with a sheep or a goat.
if there is no woman, then there is no true lust or sexual sin!
Then the animal becomes tainted & must die, says the Pro Mo.

not sure what the quran says about g@y marriage

"A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However, he should not penetrate; sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however, does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl's sister."
"It is better for a girl to marry in such a time when she would begin menstruation at her husband's house rather than her father's home. Any father marrying his daughter so young will have a permanent place in heaven."
"A man can have sex with animals such as sheeps, cows, camels and so on. However, he should kill the animal after he has his orgasm. He should not sell the meat to the people in his own village; however, selling the meat to the next door village should be fine."

Everything you read is sick

"A man can have sex with animals such as sheeps, cows, camels and so on. However, he should kill the animal after he has his orgasm. He should not sell the meat to the people in his own village; however, selling the meat to the next door village should be fine."

I refuse to believe that appears in the holy book.

i got that of Yahoo answers!

Clouseau
     02 Feb 16 18:35
It would make it much easier for us all, and be a boost for inter-faith understanding, if Walt Disney did a feature length cartoon version of the Qur'an that we could all watch and enjoy. 


Mohammed got Aladdin....allegedly

It was his bearded lovliness Ayotollah Khomeni who said about shagging animals and killing them after you shot yer whack.

Is it ok to masturbate whilst looking a pictures of cows?

Just asking for a friend, like.

It's the literal and perfect word of God, and a total solution to how to live your life on earth. Consider it a relief to be told this as otherwise you could find yourself thinking it was a bloke that wrote it.

My rental appartment in Tehran wasn't available  - so I was booked into a Hotel ....there's me watching Iranian television, boring as phuck - it was showing a couple of teenage boys how to assemble a an AK47 assault rifle, so switched channels now a Mullah spouting from the Quran ...boring so I turned of the TV rifled through the bedside cabinet and found an English translation of the Quran.
MMmmm I thought I'll have a read ....ARghhhhhh Oh my God !!!!
*QURAN commands to kill all infidels:
*Allah is an enemy to unbelievers. - Sura 2:98
*Slay them wherever ye find them and drive them out of the places whence they drove you out, for persecution is worse than slaughter. - 2:191
*Fight against them until idolatry is no more and Allah's religion reigns supreme. (different translation: ) Fight them until there is no persecution and the religion is God's entirely. - Sura 2:193 and 8:39
*O believers, take not Jews and Christians as friends; they are friends of each other. Those of you who make them his friends is one of them. God does not guide an unjust people. - 5:54
*Make war on them until idolatry is no more and Allah's religion reigns supreme - 8:39
*Unbelievers are enemies of Allah and they will roast in hell. - 41:14
*When you meet the unbelievers, smite their necks, then when you have made wide slaughter among them, tie fast the bonds, then set them free, either by grace or ransom, until the war lays down its burdens. - 47:4
ARE YOU GETTING THE PICTURE YET ?
Integration ...phucking dream on !

Is there any part of the quarn someone could put up where you think to yourself

...mmmmmm thats sensible, pretty good guidance?

as all i seem to come across is stuff you frown at

Ron - you old liberal!!

I think they are allowed to play cricket against the infidel teams.
Not sure where it is written though

We had a wicket keeper, Steve Davies, a few years back who came out as gay.  I often wondered what whether this would cause problems when travelling to the likes of Pak, Bangladesh, UAE etc.  Thought we might have the gay equivalent of the basil d'oliviera affair.

Well if Trump gets in, we might experience the same situation in reverse, with Sheikh Mohammed having to apply for 'temporary Christian' status if he wants to go to The Breeders Cup

Foinavon
     03 Feb 16 11:22   

I think they are allowed to play cricket against the infidel teams.
Not sure where it is written though Confused

The Book of Wisden, ch 8, v13

I hear it reads better back to front....or maybe upside down is the way to go.

Does the Quran really contain over a hundred verses promoting violence?

The Quran contains at least 109 verses that call Muslims to war with nonbelievers for the sake of Islamic rule. Some are quite graphic, with commands to chop off heads and fingers and kill infidels wherever they may be hiding. Muslims who do not join the fight are called 'hypocrites' and warned that Allah will send them to Hell if they do not join the slaughter.

Ring any bells?

Apparently in the Quran Muhammed ordered 42 separate killings.For reasons such as "insulting poetry" and "torture to find the location of hidden treasure" seriously!
Here is the list...
https://wikiislam.net/wiki/List_of_Killings_Ordered_or_Supported_by_Muhammad

Don't know how anyone could describe it as the religion of peace.

Actually, most of them not in the Quran.But, sources are listed on that site.

it's the religion for lunatics & the vulnerable,

& the quran verses look to have been written by a sick minded nonce