What's your most embarrassing incident (so far)?

i once sat down next to a girl in a club, pointed to a bloke wearing the most garish outfit imaginable on the dance floor and said, "you wouldn't come out dressed like that would you?" - thought she took it quite well after pointing out it was her boyfriend.

Setting the bar low I see.

I'll come back later for some "woke up and I'd shat my girlfriens bed" type stories

(I'm sure one of you is the real life spud, I'm waiting on you outing yourself )

When I was at university I had a girlfriend who still lived at home with her parents. Her bedroom was downstairs and the house was unusual as it only had one bathroom which was upstairs. One night I woke up around 2:00 am needing a piss but couldn't be bothered to go upstairs so went into the kitchen, grabbed a jug and started having a wee. To my horror, mid-wee, the door opened and my girlfriend's mum stood there glaring at me as I stood there stark naked with my todger in the vase. I went back to be and tried to erase the shame from my mind. The next morning I heard her dad shouting at me coming down the stairs. I jumped up to get dressed and as our bedroom door was flung open I tried to pull my pants on but contrived to put both of my legs through one leg of the pants. They ripped, naturally, and I now had an unwelcome double up - both of her parents had seen me naked in the space of ten hours.

I got dumped the next day but not before my girlfriend added the coup de grace that the vase I pissed in was her parents' wedding present.

could have been worse

did they have a dog?

Managed to avoid that trifecta thankfully

Some years ago I had a little part time job at a plant nursery. The nursery was owned by a very elderly gentleman. He was always talking about his dear wife, who was now bedridden. He would often say how he'd love me to meet her.

Anyway, one day he was without his car and asked me if I'd run him home.
When we pulled up outside his house he said that I must come in and meet his dear wife, I tried to make excuses, as I wasn't sure she'd like to meet me!

He insisted. So, with great trepidation, I went into his house.
He ushered me forwards towards the kitchen and said he'd go upstairs and tell her I was here before I went up to see her.

I opened the kitchen door and there, to my horror, was his dear wife, with her back to me standing at the sink having a strip wash . She turned to face me. She was absolutely starkers, apart from her nightie that was scrunched right up under her arms.
Everything was on display!

I made a funny oooh sound and turned round quickly to leave the room, her hubby grabbed my shoulders and spun me round again, then he began the introductions.
He seemed oblivious to the awfulness of the situation, luckily by now she had let her nightie fall back down to the floor.
We shook hands and I remember saying " lovely to meet you" and she said it was lovely to meet me.
I wanted to die in the spot!

I quickly made my excuses and left. I couldn't  get out of the house fast enough!  Only to the realise when I got to my car that my wellies, that I had removed, were still in the porch.So I had to walk back up the drive in my socks and ring the doorbell to ask for them back. much to the amusement of some builders working on the house next door

The incident was never mentioned afterwards, thankgoodness. But so much for her being bedridden. She looked as right as rain!

moral of the story - never leave your wellies at a swingers party.

I was coming home from work once and stopped at the fruit stall to buy a large bag of clementines (small oranges), then i hopped on the double decker bus and sat downstairs on the back seat. A few hundred yards into the journey the driver braked sharply and over went the bag spilling every one of them across the bottom deck. i had complete strangers throwing oranges from the front back to me on the back seat as i scrambled to lift what i could. He then stopped at his next stop and the oncoming passemgers were met with oranges spilling out the entrance, there must have been at least one hundred oranges on the floor, i was so embarrassed i got off early and walked home.

moral of the story - never peel your fruit on the back seat of the bus

^^^ Bus got tango ed

Should have satsuna.

where to start...

if you dont see them, they dont see you, is as i understand it the rule,good job n all,cos when youre stuck at kids football and some smart arse locks the changing room to leave you to rummage around the foot well of the car for old mcdonalds brown paper bags before assuming the position between two trees and having to tuck your c0ck into the undergrowth to prevent pi55ing down the back of your strides,you really dont wanna make eye contact with the dog walkers ambling past.

I've got that many a lot of them revolve around my partner,when we first moved in together and had been on a heavy late night out,woke up sh@gging her from behind and felt a fart coming on,only for it to splurt diarrhea everywhere and all running down my leg.Still can't stop laughing now,when I think of the look of disgust on girlfriends face..

Got so many infact when i think about it i must beabit of a plonker
Newly married staying with the new wifes parents out for a night with the mates got home stripped off got my self ready crept in the bottom of the bed lifted the duevet started to make my way towards the areas that needed attention only to get a right hook from my new father inlaw as i had only went and crept up my new mother inlaws legs etc etc etc wrong room btw still married 25 years latter lol

Not me but a female friend of mine got on a bus and found she knew the driver. As she was walking down the crowded bus he called out to her and asked if she she was still working. Oh no she called back "I'm now a lady of pleasure". She meant of course "leisure". That cheered up a lot of people's journeys.