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04 Sep 15 21:00
Date Joined: 16 Sep 06
| Topic/replies: 260 | Blogger: howardisawinker's blog
Hi, I'm nearly 40, fit and healthy, divorced with a 6 yr old kid and haven't dated for 6 years.

Can't be arsed with internet dating ( mainly because my photo seems to put women off ) and don't like hanging out down the pub.

Any tips for meeting women? I know this is the right place to ask.
Pause Switch to Standard View How to get a girlfriend?
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Report scandanavian_haven September 4, 2015 9:05 PM BST
Post your photo so I can see where you're going wrong.
Report Ibrahima Sonko September 4, 2015 9:32 PM BST
Some people are not photogenic, im in that category but i get i eyed up daily. (i think)

Judging people by a photo is just plain stupid.
Report a bitofinterest September 4, 2015 9:35 PM BST
visit the chit chat pub
Report brassneck September 4, 2015 9:45 PM BST
next time you see a girl,tell her to get her coat you are taking her out.Cool
Report Ron-Russian September 4, 2015 9:51 PM BST
Stick with the internet dating, just get some pictures of
another man uploaded, bingo! your now halfway there, ie the meeting/date
Report anubis7 September 4, 2015 9:54 PM BST
There was a programme on young people in China on BBC3 this week. There is huge pressure put on them by their parents to be married by the time they are 25. Men are outnumbering women because of the one child policy so they showed this guy loitering in the street stopping any woman he liked the look of and asking her to swap numbers. The first two told him to go away but the third gave him her number. You could try that.
Report brassneck September 4, 2015 9:56 PM BST
I am telling you again,tell her to get her coat you are leaving her home,this chat up line always worked for Eddie Irvine the formula 1 racing driver.Laugh
Report Torquemada September 4, 2015 10:03 PM BST
As you have a young child, the school run would seem to be the obvious place, lots of single mums and you'll have your kids to talk about as an easy opening line.
Report Clouseau September 4, 2015 10:04 PM BST
Simple plan:

Go to nearest decent sized supermarket and loiter around the deli counter. When a lady that takes your fancy approaches the counter and starts eying up the goods then sidle up to her from behind and whisper in her ear, "I've got a pound of sausage that you can nibble on if you like." (n.b. it is important that she doesn't can't confirm it was you at this point.)

When she turns around in disgust, you also turn and go and punch the closest innocent male bystander whilst exclaiming that you heard what he said and were similarly disgusted by his behaviour.

She will be impressed by your heroism and apologetic that she assumed it was you... you are in... never fails, try it. Cool
Report Make my hay September 4, 2015 11:01 PM BST
How about a refugee?, there are loads to choose from and I'm sure there must be some attractive single women amongst them.
Report burgess September 4, 2015 11:17 PM BST
Report a bitofinterest September 4, 2015 11:19 PM BST
he hasn't got a prayer Blush
Report Money Tree cost me thousands!! September 5, 2015 12:25 AM BST
Report blackestnight September 5, 2015 12:34 AM BST
Pulling birds is easyLove
Report MC560 dn September 5, 2015 12:35 AM BST
you'ream idiot, i am in exactly the same boa as you even with a 6 year old daughter, go on eharmony, put up a photo that is vaguely ok. If youve got bad teeth keep your mouth shut. Women like personality more than looks. You will get loads of dates. I have a fantastic bird now with very little effort on my part
Report Joel September 5, 2015 12:37 AM BST
Did it come  from the pet shop?
Report blackestnight September 5, 2015 12:39 AM BST
Do you not have time to go out and meet people ?!
Report a bitofinterest September 5, 2015 1:11 AM BST
Report Jack Hacksaw September 5, 2015 8:21 AM BST
Find a girl you fancy and just follow her about.  Hang around her place of work or home.

Women love attention.
Report Aspro September 5, 2015 8:31 AM BST
Never tried this myself but a friend swears by it. Join a gym and go regularly. After a while you spark up friendships with others and you never know - She might just be one of them. Good luck!
Report lewisham ranger September 5, 2015 9:12 AM BST
i used to go down my local gym, but there was never anyone else there. The only conversation I would spark up was with the old bloke who'd sign me in Laugh

have you got money in your bank account? if so then you should have no problem attracting a mate. thai brides/ ukrainian girlfriends/ sugar daddy websites are all good options for you.
Report kallisking September 5, 2015 9:32 AM BST
Walk around your local shopping centre with your plonker out in the erect position and see what happens. Ladies love confidence.
Report xmoneyx September 5, 2015 9:45 AM BST
do you have a basement with chains?
Report kallisking September 5, 2015 9:47 AM BST
Now you're talking
Report Ovalman. September 5, 2015 9:56 AM BST
Have you thought about posting on a random internet forum mainly populated by fat alcoholic gambling blokes?
Report xmoneyx September 5, 2015 9:57 AM BST
Report Rockinron September 5, 2015 12:34 PM BST
"Find a girl you fancy and just follow her about, Hang around her place of work or home"
You'd get done by the Police as a "stalker"
Report Shanelee1966 September 5, 2015 2:40 PM BST
Buy a cute dog and take walkies twice a day, women who would never talk to you will bend over backwards to, trust me.
Report Shanelee1966 September 5, 2015 2:41 PM BST
I must have struck up conversations with dozens this year alone.
Report mememe September 5, 2015 2:59 PM BST
... to give you a b l o w j o b

1. You spill coffee down your trousers and then tell her you have to take them off and rinse out the coffee to avoid a stain;

2. (You've already had the prescience to train a pet wasp to come at your command and settle on you without stinging). You then whistle the wasp to come and settle on your exposed todger (you're best to have spread a bit on jam on it earlier - your todger, not the wasp - or it may settle on your knee);

3. you then pretend the wasp has stung you, that you're allergic to wasp stings , and that could she suck the poison out before you go into shock.

It works every timeExcitedExcited
Report Gin September 5, 2015 3:29 PM BST
Tell her that there's a party in your pants and she's invited - It can't fail Tongue Out
Report Ovalman. September 5, 2015 3:40 PM BST
We were once sitting next to a bunch of girls who were swapping photo's. One was looking at a baby and said "I'd love a wee baby"

Quick as a flash I said "wanna go half whack with a bastard?"

My greatest ever chat up line, perhaps the O/P should try that in Tesco's next time he's there.
Report xmoneyx September 6, 2015 11:03 AM BST
6 months to live quote
Report sofiakenny September 6, 2015 1:03 PM BST
hang around kebab shop at 2 am with a taxi on standby..purchase a couple of large donners
and entice a fat bird with the offer of  kebab and a free taxi...never fails.
Report Aunty Post September 6, 2015 2:09 PM BST
The "join a gym' idea is cr@p!

True, there are some fit people there of both genders, but even making I contact is an invasion of their space!

They are there for one reason only, and often in limited time, and will not be happy to have some, 'over the hill reject'
getting in the way of that!

Most of the members wear head phones in any case, and that is partly to distance people, and not just for the music (a bit like people on the tube)
with headphones and a magazine.
Report Aunty Post September 6, 2015 2:10 PM BST
....fek me....*eye contact
Report TheChaser September 6, 2015 2:21 PM BST
They are there for one reason only, and often in limited time, and will not be happy to have some, 'over the hill reject'
getting in the way of that!LaughLaughLaughLaugh
Report TheChaser September 6, 2015 2:23 PM BST
Trying swimming Saturday mornings or Sundays with your young lad , must be plenty t1ts on offer at the baths
Report Charlie September 6, 2015 2:38 PM BST
Get out to some of the women's cricket and football matches. Take your lad you might both enjoy it.
Report Zazu September 6, 2015 3:30 PM BST
After hard gym sessions hormones are all over the place. Obviously being a guy with a six pack and nice smile will be more effective but even a fat chit chatter has half a chance

Walking dog most be the easiest way to meet desperate single women.

The daddy of them all is to pay for stuff with £50 notes and tell them ur a pro gambler
Report Hamsterdam September 6, 2015 9:21 PM BST
OP the work place is the best to find birds if you have no social life left. Presumably you don't work (as per most on this forum) maybe you could do a few hours a week voluntary? Or join some evening class maybe? Find somewhere where there is plenty of women obviously. You need to have access to women to pull them.
Report raspberrybottom September 6, 2015 10:44 PM BST
Stay away from them.

Me ma says they're "dirty"!
Report trilby22 September 6, 2015 10:47 PM BST
How many gurflen you wan?
Report EvgenyKissin September 6, 2015 11:09 PM BST
Hi Raspberry.

How are you?
Report trilby22 September 6, 2015 11:15 PM BST
Ignore her, Raspberry!
Report trilby22 September 6, 2015 11:17 PM BST
Report trilby22 September 6, 2015 11:34 PM BST
^ Strawberry, even Whoops
Report Capt__F September 6, 2015 11:41 PM BST
romance is dead Sad
Report yorky September 6, 2015 11:46 PM BST
you've not dated for 6 years , have you slightly misspelled your forum name? Happy
Report Rockinron September 7, 2015 11:10 AM BST
Go to "Speed Dating" with a Halfords Top Rubber hose down yer trousers !
Report Pounf September 7, 2015 12:37 PM BST
Two things not to do....dont turn up to your first date in a transit van with blacked out windows....and secondly, if dating a larger lady, telling her she doesnt sweat much for a "fat bird", isnt usually viewed as a compliment...
Report aasbff September 7, 2015 2:01 PM BST
How to get a girlfriend?

Act like a total c**t.

Being nice gets you nowhere because women are stupid.
Report Ron Pillock September 7, 2015 6:07 PM BST
Don't despair, it came as a surprise to me when I realised many years ago that women are just as stupid as men.
Report SlippyBlue September 7, 2015 6:19 PM BST
I was married for 16 years to a hideous money grabber, got divorced, lost my lovely house as she had nothing and the judge was completely on her side. I never thought I'd be in love again after that horrendous experience which cost me about £600K.

Lo and behold, I was walking Muttley 2 months ago and stopped off for a mid afternoon livener on the way back to my house and a truly beautiful woman approached me whilst I was sitting on my own with my pint, my dog and checking out the days racing ahead on my phone. We are now going to get married and in all my years (I'm 49 tomorrow) I have never known a feeling of such love and adoration ever. You just don't know what or who is waiting around the corner in life and I have never been happier in my entire life. Love
Report treetop September 7, 2015 6:25 PM BST
Good on yer slippy,always find that when I am out walking the dogs I get chatting to women. Labradors are especially good at pulling birds !
Report p_r_e_m_i_e_r__f_a_n_t_a_s_y September 7, 2015 6:29 PM BST
You met her 2 months ago and are getting married Slippy ? ShockedShocked What the fack was in that pint ?
Report Ron Pillock September 7, 2015 6:31 PM BST
Yeah I find that when I'm sitting on my own drinking reading the racing women find it very attractive.
Report SlippyBlue September 7, 2015 6:35 PM BST
treetop, my dog is a Pomeranian, he is an absolute chick magnet of the highest order and without walking him that afternoon I would have never met my soulmate!

PF, it was a lager top and my first beer of the day!
Report SlippyBlue September 7, 2015 6:37 PM BST
That is exactly what happened Ron Pillock, not bothered if you believe me or not but that is precisely what happened.
Report Ron Pillock September 7, 2015 6:37 PM BST
Not working for me.  Maybe because I'm drinking White Lightening out of a can and my dog's on a piece of string.
Report treetop September 7, 2015 6:38 PM BST
This has to end in tears slippy, the new lady is bound to want the dog put to sleep next !
Report SlippyBlue September 7, 2015 6:40 PM BST
Shocked Nobody is putting my doggy to sleep! She loves him. Love
Report Ron Pillock September 7, 2015 6:52 PM BST
You met her 2 months ago and are getting married Slippy ?

Sounds like someones visa is about to expire.Silly
Report doantwin2easy September 7, 2015 7:15 PM BST
There's a few good international web sites where you can arrange to meet that special lady for marriage or companionship.

Just be careful to inspect the photo's carefully. I feel into that trap, although I have to say I've never watched so much footie, the garden has never looked so good and there's always someone to put the bins out.
Report ImSoLuckyLucky! September 7, 2015 7:38 PM BST
The sound of pitter patter feet seems inevitable

Report acey deucy September 7, 2015 8:20 PM BST
Sounds like someones visa is about to expire.Silly...LaughLaughLaugh
Report Ozymandius September 7, 2015 8:44 PM BST
Lovely story, Slippy, but why on earth are you getting married?  Can't see the logic given your past experience. Is she loaded or something?
Report acey deucy September 7, 2015 8:57 PM BST
Try getting a professional photographer to take a few pics and put them up on a dating site,it's the way forward imho.
Report scandanavian_haven September 7, 2015 9:06 PM BST
what are you going to say to people in years to come including your kids "how did you two meet"..."we met through a computer"....never mind dating sites, the best way is the natural way, join classes, the gym, volunteer, but don't meet people though your laptop it's a bit soulless imo. It's all well and chatting away on forums between trades but I wouldn't fancy meeting up with some of the wack jobs on here for a drinkLaugh
Report acey deucy September 7, 2015 9:13 PM BST
Well it worked for me.....Plenty Times.Wink
Report SlippyBlue September 7, 2015 9:33 PM BST
I knew the future Mrs Blue 25 years ago, she was a barmaid in my local, nothing happened back then but I had a partner then and and she just came up to me and said you are Jason aren't you? We have hardly spent a minute apart since then. I just can't believe what has happened since then. Lost my Dad, got divorced, lost my Mum this year, things were not going well. I was drinking heavily, gambling heavily every day but now I have a wonderful joie de vivre back in my world which I had pretty much given up on ever happening again.

Yes ImSoLucky, we are trying for a baby! Love
Report acey deucy September 7, 2015 9:38 PM BST
Awww that's nice Slippy..Happy
Report SlippyBlue September 7, 2015 9:49 PM BST
Bit of good news acey deucy that I wanted to share with chit chat! So much bad news about, funerals, family ill health you know, the usual bad stuff we all have to deal with. Now we are planning on getting a B and B on the Sussex coast to spend the rest of our life together running a business. Grin Me doing all the cooking, Mrs. Blue being front of house Love
Report SlippyBlue September 7, 2015 9:59 PM BST
She is absolutely loaded Oz,I'm not short of a few shekels either but that's totally irrelevant. I'm not impressed by wealth, I'm not a greedy man, I have always been OK in that department anyway. Just head over heels in love, I wouldn't care if she lived in a tree house! Everyone is really happy for us both that after 25 years in what was a million to one encounter we found each other again.
Report acey deucy September 7, 2015 10:01 PM BST
Good Luck Mate !!
Report acey deucy September 7, 2015 10:01 PM BST
Good Luck Mate !!
Report SlippyBlue September 7, 2015 10:10 PM BST
Thank you, I'm completely rejuvenated !
Report raspberrybottom September 7, 2015 10:24 PM BST
What a story!

Brilliant stuff, Slippy.

Good luck to you!
Report Tommy Toes September 7, 2015 11:47 PM BST
Brilliant stuff Slippy!

Hope it all works out tickety-boo for you.
Report Ozymandius September 8, 2015 9:57 AM BST
The point about her being loaded relates to your previous experience with marriage when you were cleaned out, not suggesting that you would find wealth attractive per se.

If you are the relative pauper in the relationship, then presumably the same cannot happen again.

How did she accumulate her wealth?  Divorce?
Report Money Tree cost me thousands!! September 8, 2015 12:18 PM BST
This is terrible. A poor soul asks for dating advice and instead gets slippy gloating ShockedLaughLaughLaughCool
Report DIE LINKE September 8, 2015 12:41 PM BST
The least slippy could do is pass on the details of his ex wife to the OP. While she may be a hideous money grabber, she does at least have a lovely house.
Report treetop September 8, 2015 10:17 PM BST
Good on yer slippy but don't neglect the Pomeranian mate,you might need it again next year !
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