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What do you think?
Man goes to doctors and says "I don't feel at all well, Doctor"
Doctor says "Get undressed, I'll need to examine you"
Man undresses, doctor performs thorough examinaton.
Doctor says "I'm sorry, it's very bad news, it's terminal ... you've only got 10, gulp, I'm so sorry, you've only got 10" and doctor breaks down.
Man says, fighting back tears "just tell me doctor, I can take it, is it 10 years, 10 months or 10 weeks"
Doctor composes himself and says "9 ... 8 ... 7 ... 6 ...
How I laughed when I heard it all those years ago - and still do
Man goes to doctors and says "I don't feel at all well, Doctor"
Doctor says "Get undressed, I'll need to examine you"
Man undresses, doctor performs thorough examinaton.
Doctor says "I'm sorry, it's very bad news, it's terminal ... you've only got 10, gulp, I'm so sorry, you've only got 10" and doctor breaks down.
Man says, fighting back tears "just tell me doctor, I can take it, is it 10 years, 10 months or 10 weeks"
Doctor composes himself and says "9 ... 8 ... 7 ... 6 ...
How I laughed when I heard it all those years ago - and still do
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I'm happy that on average you only post 1.67 times a day.
Saw Bob Monkhouse tell that joke about himself on a TV chatshow after he was diagnosed with the prostrate cancer that eventually killed him.
alun2005
Saw Bob Monkhouse tell that joke about himself on a TV chatshow after he was diagnosed with the prostrate cancer that eventually killed him.
I recall that too, think it was Wogan. Lulu was a guest.
Saw Bob Monkhouse tell that joke about himself on a TV chatshow after he was diagnosed with the prostrate cancer that eventually killed him.
I recall that too, think it was Wogan. Lulu was a guest.
I read the joke over an hour ago and only now have been able to rise from my hysterical state on the floor to briefly post how good it is, before collapsing back down again to resume my raucous laughter.
Prostrate cancer certainly didn't kill Monkhouse but prostate cancer may have!
Just when I'd finally stopped laughing along comes another king of comedy!
Surely he would have sent samples away for tests and what not to be able to come up with a bold statement of a terminal nature. And surely no disease, no matter how terminal, has a life expectancy that can only be measured in seconds. This joke has so many holes in it it just ain't funny. A totally implausible situation.
When does it get funny?
I also thought it said 10" and had to read it over and over to understand!
Frankly it's pretty much the worst "joke" and worst delivery that I can recall.
Even worse than Michael Mackintyre of whom some think his warbling worth paying to see!
I also thought it said 10" and had to read it over and over to understand!
Frankly it's pretty much the worst "joke" and worst delivery that I can recall.
Even worse than Michael Mackintyre of whom some think his warbling worth paying to see!
I wrote the joke very well and timed the punchline with aplomb.
It's very, very funny and I've been unfortunate that I posted it on a day when the forumites who were my target audience obviously had a bad day and lost a lot of money on the horses.
I suggest you read it again when you have had a big win and you'll find it very funny indeed.
But if not, how about a second, and also exceedingly funny joke.
Vote 1 for another joke
Vote 2 for no joke
Vote 3 if you think BF IT system is even funnier than my first joke
It's very, very funny and I've been unfortunate that I posted it on a day when the forumites who were my target audience obviously had a bad day and lost a lot of money on the horses.
I suggest you read it again when you have had a big win and you'll find it very funny indeed.
But if not, how about a second, and also exceedingly funny joke.
Vote 1 for another joke
Vote 2 for no joke
Vote 3 if you think BF IT system is even funnier than my first joke
Doctor says "I'm sorry, it's very bad news, it's terminal ... you've only got 10, gulp, I'm so sorry, you've only got 10" and doctor breaks down.
Man says, fighting back tears "just tell me doctor, I can take it, is it 10 years, 10 months or 10 weeks"
Doctor composes himself and says "9 ... 8 ... 7 ... 6 ...
On the basis that the interchange above would have taken place over the course of several seconds, including pauses, there is a loss of timeline which would negate the continuance of the countdown from 9.
the countdown would realistically have had to recommence from about 5 seconds. For that reason, I'm out.
Man says, fighting back tears "just tell me doctor, I can take it, is it 10 years, 10 months or 10 weeks"
Doctor composes himself and says "9 ... 8 ... 7 ... 6 ...
On the basis that the interchange above would have taken place over the course of several seconds, including pauses, there is a loss of timeline which would negate the continuance of the countdown from 9.
the countdown would realistically have had to recommence from about 5 seconds. For that reason, I'm out.
It's a terrible joke, mememe. But I think your above post at 14.55 is very funny
clouseau
the doctor is polite and waits for the man to finish his question.
Although this takes more than 1 second, I am sure you will agree that an extra couple of seconds to a dying man is an age, so it's very welcome.
I suggest that you practise this joke in the mirror, and given time, you will be able to perfect the timing.
GL
BTW, another explanation I have heard is that the doctor uses a base of 10, rather than our customary 60, as the number of seconds in a minute etc. This also works - with the added bonus that the man lives longer ... a win-win situation.
the doctor is polite and waits for the man to finish his question.
Although this takes more than 1 second, I am sure you will agree that an extra couple of seconds to a dying man is an age, so it's very welcome.
I suggest that you practise this joke in the mirror, and given time, you will be able to perfect the timing.
GL
BTW, another explanation I have heard is that the doctor uses a base of 10, rather than our customary 60, as the number of seconds in a minute etc. This also works - with the added bonus that the man lives longer ... a win-win situation.
^^^ in that case an improvement would be for the doctor to continue, "9, 8, 7, ... oh dear".
suggest you try that and see if you laugh even more convulsively.
suggest you try that and see if you laugh even more convulsively.
I Think the op should start a new thread and tell the joke again,and then it might be better on the new thread.
Still can't work out what the joke is.
Is the joke that its not a joke because I have read it quite a few times and still don't get it.
An atheist explorer stumbles upon a tribe of cannibals in the jungle.
"Oh God, I'm fúcked" he says aloud.
Suddenly, God appears beside him. "Not yet, my son. Take this knife and attack their chief."
The explorer does as advised and charges at the chief, stabbing him in the heart and killing him.
"Now you're fúcked" says God.
"Oh God, I'm fúcked" he says aloud.
Suddenly, God appears beside him. "Not yet, my son. Take this knife and attack their chief."
The explorer does as advised and charges at the chief, stabbing him in the heart and killing him.
"Now you're fúcked" says God.
Blond girl stumbles across the same cannibals.
Cannibals strip her and put her in a pot to cook her.
Young cannibal runs over and puts his hand between blonds legs.
Chief cannibal clips young cannibal on ear and says"take you fingers out of the food"
Cannibals strip her and put her in a pot to cook her.
Young cannibal runs over and puts his hand between blonds legs.
Chief cannibal clips young cannibal on ear and says"take you fingers out of the food"
tommy stumbles across sparky in the pub
exclaims "MARVELLOUS STUMBLE SPARKY"
how they laughed
exclaims "MARVELLOUS STUMBLE SPARKY"
how they laughed
Locals report seeing whale in Birmingham canal. They reckoned it was a bicycle whale.
Genuinely just made this up, so it's not tried and tested.....
Knock Knock....
Who's there?
Woody...
Woody who?
Woody 'eckerslike!
Knock Knock....
Who's there?
Woody...
Woody who?
Woody 'eckerslike!
Aug 18, 2015 -- 10:03AM, Aunty Post wrote:
Genuinely just made this up, so it's not tried and tested.....Knock Knock....Who's there?Woody...Woody who?Woody 'eckerslike!
thats really not funny - you really can't tell can you?
more significantly, why is such store set by being 'funny' - are people who try so hard to be funny, attempting to fill an emotional hole? A hole called 'If I do this thing people might express love and warmth towards me' . 'love and warmth' in this context being manifested by a smiley, a "good 'un mate" or somesuch expression that communicates 'you make me feel good' !!!
Bought some rocket salad for my lunch..but it went off before i could eat it 
I'm afraid some of you are subverting the original post.
Unfortunately, I posted the very, very funny original joke on a day when the wise forumites had all lost a lot of money on Betfair, so they were not in good humour and didn't fully appreciate the joke.
So here's another spiffing one that will really make them laugh ...
(only joking)
Unfortunately, I posted the very, very funny original joke on a day when the wise forumites had all lost a lot of money on Betfair, so they were not in good humour and didn't fully appreciate the joke.
So here's another spiffing one that will really make them laugh ...
(only joking)
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