DAVID MELLOR'S TAXI RANT.

A thoroughly rancid human. Would have loved the driver to have slammed the passenger door on Mellors throat.

Top name for a race-horse, Sultan..........

TWO top names!! Love to hear Simon Holt cope with those..."And as they go down into the dip, it's Unintentional Assonance - JUST! - from Atrocious Halitosis..."

can say fek all these days

wac the driver is, selling the recording to a paper. probably a sting in which he was deliberately wound up.

Right, Kenny -- OOTSIDE! NOW!!!!

If it was a sting then Mellor is as thick as a Sevco fan donating to The Craig White Fighting Find for the Restoration of Ibrox Stadium.

"This man seriously provoked me and ruined a wonderful day," he said.

"Once I had lost my temper, which I regret, he then secretly recorded me. I will leave the public to judge his actions."

Eh?? Freudian slop, there...

Craig Whyte Fighting Fund FFS...sure hope they don't FIND the wee guy...

Don't ask me outside Vel'. I used to do  a bit of boxing mate.

I am the public...I have judged his actions...

Mellor, your opera column will be getting used as bogroll in ma hoose...and...previously, there was a 1-in-a-100 chance of me voting Tory...now, it is 1-in-a-feckytwat-gazillion...cubed...ya rancid coont...

I thought their was only one route out Buckingham palace

A thing of nothing.  You would have to be a bit of a sh1t to record this and publicise it.

Kenny - honestly - that won't matter once RAGE enters the equation...I once fought a guy who was into martial arts in a big way, but he ended up skittering along a puddle in a lane...I did removals for 10 years, moving overstrung pianos and fire-safes ; I'm a big guy ; I weigh 17 1/2 stones and there's not much fat...don't let the artsy stuff deceive you...

This is my Mellor-rant!

Forgot to mention I have a broken nose which was never fixed...I ain't making this up...I look like a psycho Jonathan Ross with a crew cut...

come on Kenny,give him the punch line (no pun intended)

How would you price this up, Betfair dudes?

English Tory cat-lover who did a bit of fisticuffs...VERSUS...psycho heavyweight Glaswegian piano shifter...?

apparently this happened after his girlfriend was awarded a CBE at the palace.......... and now he is all over the papers and on the TV and radio news ........  well that soon ruined her day didn't it !!!!!!!

That picture of him at the palace on the Mail Online, he looks like Ken Dodd.

All-in...with chibs and melee weapons 'n' ****...doon a Glesga lane...at midnight...

crikey Vel I always imagined you as looking like Will Gompertz, but should've guessed you were the cliched "homicidal maniac in a claymore and a kilt"

I know, Sultan - I managed to fool you all, ere these long long years!

BARROWBOY
25 Nov 14 12:48
Joined:
11 May 03
| Topic/replies: 1,999 | Blogger: BARROWBOY's blog
come on Kenny,give him the punch line (no pun intended)

OK IN A MINUTE, OBVIOUSLY HE'S NEVER HEARD MY LITTLE GEM.

kenny boxed for Fyffes though so watch yourself

HH you spoilsport.

That's the one.

Indeed BARROWBOY, I'll let him off though, as HH has done some sterling work on the cat photo thread.

lol sorry barrow I'm too trigger happy with chit chat punchlines

Had to google Will Gompertz...not best pleased...ur yoo next, Sultan...fer the CLAYMORE treatment...??

Y'all need to google Glesga artists like Ken Currie and Peter Howson -- you never saw such a sorry bunch of miserable basturts ready tae start a fight...wi' MELEE WEAPONS...

It's baltic up here...ye need tae fight just to keep warm...

Ideal moment to parachute Antonia De Sancha into I'm A Celebrity... imo.

he represented everything that was disgusting about the 90's Tories, made my night back in '97 seeing him on that stage finally ousted.

Working class taxi driver does pompous tory prat up like a kipper

[x] very pleasing scenes
[x]

Velasquez   
25 Nov 14 12:11 
"And how do you like to spend your free time, David, your PRIVATE MOMENTS so to speak...?"

"Well, I...I love classical music, especially opera, and I'm a huge fan of Chelsea FC - I have been since I was a boy - but most of all I do so enjoy ranting rabidly at London cabbies - mainly black cab drivers. Yes, I thoroughly enjoy covering the back seat in spit and sweat as I assail them with my credentials as a QC, broadcaster, politician and all round power-broker. It is in these special PRIVATE MOMENTS that I most feel at ease..."

Are they:

1) cab drivers who are black?

2) drivers of black cabs

3) black drivers of black cabs?

We should be told.

BBC news report : "black-cab drivers"........there ye are ; a little goes a long way...fixed that fer ye...

Hill Rise - Kentucky Derby winner...

High-Rise - Derby winner...

The David Mellor Repugnant Diatribe Handicap Tricast :

1.....Hi Rice
2.....Unintentional Assonance
3.....Atrocious Halitosis
4.....Black Cab Driver

Perm any 3 from 4.

any of them got a first time tongue strap?

All of 'em - shut the feckers up...WARNING : ACHTUNG : Bible quote coming up...

"A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell."

Taxi for Mellor!

Very good.
They could/should put that in Twitter's Terms & Conditions. 

to the power

Big Ron...Gerald Ratner...etc. One word can destroy a whole career...probably not a modern phenomenon, either...

My mate saw him in a bar in Clacton one night, kissing the celebrity chef   Rusty Lee.

OMG

CMAT kissed Rusty Lee...?!

no CMAT IS Rusty Lee!

-------->

hahahahaha!!

Fookin' 'eck - talk about a STING IN THE TAIL...????

and on that bomb shell I shall away to the battle cruiser

peculiar thread

Tommy - is that a STING IN THE TALE or what...? Tell me, Tommy - tell me!! My surprise is giving way to SHOCK...and that SHOCK is, in turn, giving way to UTTER ANGER!!

Tommy Toes 25 Nov 14 18:13 
hahahahaha!!

Very good Rustie Lee impression, there, Tommy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaeDtsPRMFQ

I'm not surprised, Vel.
I'm just watching the fat, false weasel on BBC News about the story now.

- that's Mellor by the way, not CMAT!

Hee hee - sly whistling EMOTICON here, Tommy, instead of a non-plussed plain one :

me,too, Tommy - what a mess he looked in the photograph at his partner's investiture.

How he can call anybody sweaty is beyond me - he looks like he has n't washed his hair since he was a teenager...

Very funny Vel!

ReeseHeath, think he's referring to the Scots in the vernacular with the 'sweaty'.

The ignorant piece of 'upper class' sewage.

I've just read a bit of the first bit on here  - and it seems he wasn't talking in the vernacular about the Scots.

Pardon me for the assumption - but he just needs shooting in the face anyway!

Tommy, ffs!

It's just as well you've got your own pub, Tommy Toes - I would loved to have heard you say all that in a Glasgow pub!...

at least this non event wasn't given any airtime on ITV news.

Haha Vel!

I heard one of the best lines ever last week when I asked someone "Why is everyone so drunk today on a Monday?"

"Because we're Irishmen, Tommy. Because we're Irishmen."

This is what happens to anyone who messes with Kenny 'The Weegie Slayer' Mann.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm7r21c2VKQ

shooting in the face would be akin to cosmetic surgery in his case...

Kenny's boxin' skills gettin' nullified by a big Weegie guy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozRTSSaP6p4

Brilliant clip, Vel!
Especially the chat from the agent!

Yes, Tommy, and such will be the fate of Kenny Mann should he ever venture forth, cat-less, to the nightmare that is Ashton Lane on a wild Sunday afternoon...

hahahaha!

Perhaps he was just acting hard to try and impress his bird?

And then, while Kenny is in a barely conscious state, the barbaric Glaswegians of Ashton Lane will make him eat chick-pea tapas and houmous while he's forced to listen to Susan Boyle singing the Ave Maria from Verdi's "Otello".

PS - CMAT stars as Otello...

Such are the horrors facing any Englishman who dares to fight a Scottish guy in Glesga.

Great stuff!

Unfortunately, it's the truth!

Mad Mad Moon is probably right, you know...

Weegies are the softies of Scotland. Who were the gang busters? Us Heilanders, that's who.
Ashton lane is twinned with Brighton.

Probably.

Just a great big namby-pamby, slug-like Thatcherite trying to pretend he's a 'man'.

Never will be one.

Shooting in the face would be too good for him.

That was to Vel, not Akabula.

Aka - get tae feck - the fitba's started!

Sorry - I forgot you're not a football fan - you're a Rangers supporter...

Tommy, yer timing is rubbish!

hahaha!

Sorry - I forgot you're not a football fan - you're a Rangers supporter...Mischief

Now now play fair. No need to remind me.

If Mellor ever visits Glasgow he'd probably do the Ashton Labe pubs and he'd feel at home.

Unfortunately, this is also true.

I always feel a bit sorry for Mellor for being born with one of those faces you would never tire of slapping.

It makes no different to these oiks how ugly they are, both in physicality and by thought and deed,

Look at Theresa May. How she dare show herself in public without a yashmak is anathema to me.

The power of her position in government must give her a boost of everything she needs.

Stupid bloody woman.

*no difference

So you wouldn't fancy sitting between them at the dining table then.

Ha!

I'd never be in the same room as them, under any circumstances - unless they were being shot in their very ugly faces!

Ive just looked up Mellors bird Penelope Lyttelton Aka Viscountess Cobham on Wiki.
This is what it says at the end

Celebrity fans[edit]

Several celebrities have stated in press interviews that Penelope Lyttelton is their favourite Viscountess. These include:

Debbie McGee, magician's assistant
June Brown, actress
Henry Cooper, boxing champion
Dizzee Rascal, rapper
Jimmy Savile, DJ and television presenter - bet shes proud of that
Princess Michael of Kent, minor royal
Kerry Packer, entrepreneur
John Foxx, electronic musician
Matthew Corbett, puppeteer
Roddy Doyle, novelist
Stephen Hawking, physicist
Rose West, murderess ??
Billy Butlin, holiday camp pioneer
Harry Ramsden, fish and chip shop owner
Mai Tai, Dutch dance music group
Lorenzo Lamas, American soap-opera actor
Ruth Ellis, last woman to be hanged in the UK??

Think someone has been tampering with the facts

Have they all had something to do with her then ?

All shagged her.

who, ruth ellis?? 

Mellor was a facking goofy fat mess when he was shagging that prossie years ago.

The celebrity fans section of Viscountess Cobham's wkik page was put on today (Tuesday), mmm

Antonia something or other, she had a a face like a slapped ar@e as well.

Antonia de Sancha, or something similar.