Bl**dy Useless Automatic cars - don't buy one

LOL, class SDK

And THAT, Chris Morris, is how it SHOULD be done.

card  hah hah

An ex of mine had a problem with some knickers she bought from C&A

Whatever you do do not put it in "P"!!!!

When ever I hire a car I always make sure its automatic.

I always liked the old coloumn change too but not seen one for years

Its folly to buy a second hand automatic car as most experts would advise

Get shut asap

I don't understand why you say it's folly to buy a secondhand automatic. I would have thought the opposite might well be true. Any chance of explaining why?

Was thinking of buying an automatic car so the wife can drive herself about(only has a licence for an auto), i personally don`t like driving them but i am fed up of being a taxi.

Tough choices ahead for me now! are you sure they are crap?

I agree, my one ended up costing me a fortune.

I fancied testing out the motor, see what I could get out of it. So I stopped at the traffic lights, put it in R for race mode and smashed into the geezer behind!

naydam

I can only go by the advice I have been given over the years by various mechanics when buying second hand cars and I certainly am not

an expert in theses matters having bought some shocking manual ones in the past

However I was always advised to be wary of second hand automatics because a lot of people sell them when the gearbox starts going and

of course the replacement cost will be well into four figures which is much more than the manual one

I guess also they are just more complicated and more things can go wrong and will go wrong as the car gets older

ffs things have moved on ,auto boxes are very reliable now

a column shift , East of Eden  what the fck were you driving a shitreon  2cv/diane ? dirty fckers did not have door handles on the inside

what kind of car you driving Scissors ?

Ffs scissors.   The 'N' is for neutral and the 'D' is for drive.  Not night driving and daytime driving.  Even I knew that and I know nothing about cars.

Vauxhall cresta and a bedford van for work puposes b and b

Once you get used to the column change it was great

Admittedly we are talking some years ago

Never did drive a deux chevaux.Absolute joke of a car

I've had an automatic for the last 3 years, and I love it!
Stop-start through city traffic is a doddle compared to manual.
Changing for a new car soon, and looking to stay auto.

Changed from manual to automatic for precisely that reason Johnizere.
Would never go back now as it's so relaxing in comparison.

very funny scissors

rob_dylan   
29 Sep 14 21:10 
Ffs scissors.   The 'N' is for neutral and the 'D' is for drive.  Not night driving and daytime driving.  Even I knew that and I know nothing about cars.

Somebody tell me that he's fishing.

He must be.

what's a hybrid ?

Lofty position on an east coast resort.

breadnbutter I one owned an old Humber with a 3 speed column change which was fun to drive.
The main advantage of a column change was a bench front seat which meant young ladies could snuggle up close while you drove one-handed

Happy days

Classic stuff from the OP though. Reminiscent of earlier years

I had a couple of column change cars back in the day. I think one was a Ford Zephyr, I only had that for 2 or 3 days. Can't recall the other one. 

I had a clapped out foreign car for a week or so, may have been an old Citroen, the gear stick came out of the centre of the dashboard.

The old Hillman Minx used to be column change and I've had a couple of Hi- Ace vans that were also of that persuasion.

Hillman Minx - what a lovely name that is - with column change and bench seat

[   This image is no longer available.   ]

My mum bought a Capri new in 1972 which was an automatic, at that time I would say 1% of cars were automatic, when I passed my test in 78, I used it for a year before my mum bought a new car & gave me the Capri, I have only ever driven automatic since & now almost everyone I know drives automatic.

Mine's auto, but I loved my manual change Jaguar.

think i have to reassess the ave age of the chit chatter

ford zephers and hillman minx ect

you lot are  fckn scaring me

Ken Masters    29 Sep 14 14:42 
And THAT, Chris Morris, is how it SHOULD be done.


if i could get the facking smileys to work, that'd get one

DSG gearbox,best of both worlds.

CMAT
I had a clapped out foreign car for a week or so, may have been an old Citroen, the gear stick came out of the centre of the dashboard.

The Renault 4L had a gear stick like that operating a 3 speed box linked to a little 850 cc engine from the Dauphine.(This was the deluxe version).
Trying to locate a gear was like poking a coal fire wearing a blindfold.

Automatics are for people who can't really drive though, aren't they?

And for shiit comedians. I've been driving autos for the last 4 years, can't say I miss twatting around with a gearstick any more, although getting your eye back in in manual cars on holiday only takes a couple of minutes.

i_agree_with_nick 29 Sep 14 15:15
An ex of mine had a problem with some knickers she bought from C&A
--------


Same idea as my automatic car
Haha

KM - is that your "day job"? - the hours would fit...

I have a bl**dy useless plane too .,
Sometimes it just skins over some peoples heads !!

Skims over ^^^

lol class

Are we on the run-up to CHRIST MASS?

that's going back a bit

Foinavon    30 Sep 14 10:08 
The Renault 4L had a gear stick like that operating a 3 speed box linked to a little 850 cc engine from the Dauphine.(This was the deluxe version).
Trying to locate a gear was like poking a coal fire wearing a blindfold.

That may well have been it Foinavon.  It wasn't very powerful or fast.

It was my first car (I was living in France) so didn't realise how bad it was to drive.
Had it for several years and drove thousands of miles often loaded up to the gunwales.
On the plus side it was very reliable and didn't rust through.

I tried to make a car out of hay but couldn't get the gearbox right. I think I was clutching at straws.

I had a kit car called a Ford Pubic.

It was made from old Corsairs.

Rolls Canardli a shocking omission on this thread.

Big cars just don't suit a manual gearbox.

Jags, Mercs, Beemers, Aston Martin etc would be rubbish with one.

On the day that my mum passed away, I was heading for Leeds on the 621, to sort the death certificate, and the auto box gave up,
without any previous suggestion that it was on the way out.

This was an Audi GT and the only luck I had was that the dealership was a five minute walk away.

Had it recovered and left it with them. The quote for repair/renew was £1.780.00.....ouch!

Borrowed my sisters car to get home, and spoke to my Audi/VW mechanic and he was quoted £800.00 by his specialists.

Still a wedge though, but the insult was that they were the main dealer's repairers, so they were going to stuff me for £980.00.

Had auto on my "Cougar" which only had four ratios, but have it now on my TT, with DSG and 6 ratios which is brilliant.

Hmmm. Of course, the gearbox and especially the number of gears are simply to compensate for the inadequacies of the internal combustion engine. One could well say that the more gears means the more useless!

Sep 30, 2014 -- 10:23AM, Crisp77 wrote:

I tried to make a car out of hay but couldn't get the gearbox right. I think I was clutching at straws.

Let me guess, you were building it to go for a job as a scarecrow...

trouble with an auto is if you have a stroke, fit or heart attack at the wheel, you continue accelerating to a ton plus before hitting a brick wall on the bend ..and thats not good for you or the car

this fred has officially pissed me off

walofs

coffin dodgers central

Autos are the way forward , reliable as hell ,OP joke did skim right over my head ,whatever turns you on .

get back to your sudukas .

My coffin dodging Mk2 manual Jaguar ate any automatic on the road in its time, unless the E-Type was auto.

The automatic gearbox does drain a little bit more of the engine's power than a manual box does. But of course, so does power steering and climate control. Consequently, the manual version of a car should be a little bit quicker than the auto.../everything else being equal.

I don't have the air-con on in my car.
Getting out of a cool car on a hot day is like getting out of a fridge in the desert.

i_agree_with_nick • September 29, 2014 3:15 PM BST
An ex of mine had a problem with some knickers she bought from C&A

My friend had the same problem too. Couldn't tell the front from the back.

TAXI!!!

Has someone woke Kenny up?

I'd say they haven't.

I've just wasted several dozen seconds reading this thread.

A better combination in one place, of:

No sense of humour,
A wasted sense of humour,
Worse "jokes" than '70's Saturday evening TV,
So many people missing the point/joke - and it isn't all deliberate,

would be hard to find.

An excellent summary Studyform.

I'm not sure which 3 of the 4 refer to me