You Ever Made Anything?

Yeah - that was a diffo unc mister, but those sheds were very impressive too. They are not still standing to this day.

Come on you big beardless basturt, you must have built a few Airfix models in yer time!

thinking of making ones of those cool  tardis  sheds ..........can get the plans free  on yootube

When I was very young I made a boat out of lollipop sticks.
It was absolute rubbish btw. Resembled a boat that had hit the rocks. But was my pride and joy.

Never had any interest in Airfix models, that's for arty-farty types.

A tale from my senior schooldaze - The making of a wooden towel rail.

Monday afternoons in the 4th year consisted of a treble lesson in woodwork, then it was time to go home. 

I am to handiwork what Diane Abbott is to ballet dancing, so making a towel rail was of no interest to me whatsoever.

The woodwork teacher, Mr Boase, took the afternoon register, and soon after that I'd ask to go to the khazi, have it away on my toes, get my bike and cycle the 4 miles or so to Woolwich Park, where my girlfriend would be waiting, having absconded from her school for the afternoon.   

I got summoned to the Head's Orifice after I did this for about 6 weeks, for obviously playing truant, and not making my towel rail.

From then on I was watched by Mr Boase after he took the register every Monday afternoon. I did my best, but I was wasting my time.

After cutting, planing and sanding this piece of timber over the course of a month, it was ready for the dowel holes to be drilled.

I went to the drill cupboard, but when I got back to my workbench I discovered that somebody had attacked my feeble effort with a chisel.

I showed it to Mr Boase, who expressed no real interest. I remember his exact words to this day: 'You have to protect your wood.'

He gave me the choice of filling in the chisel marks and sanding it all down again, or a new piece of timber, and starting from scratch.

I chose the latter option.

A few weeks later I went to the drill cupboard again, but this time I spied through a hole in the door at the rest of the class. I have no idea why he did it, but a boy named Frederick Martin took a chisel and dug it into my towel rail about 6 times.

I left the drill where it was, walked back to my workbench, picked up the towel rail, took a large swing as I called out 'Fred', and as he turned, I hit him right in the mouth with it. His lips split and a few teeth came through them.

Mr Boase ran over and asked me 'What was that for lad?'

I replied 'It's the only was I know to achieve what you told me sir.'

'And what was that?' said Mr Boase, looking puzzled.   

I said 'To protect my wood sir. I guarantee he won't do it again.'

And he didn't.

When I was very young.12 to 14 maybe,somehow I managed to find out how to make gunpowder,christ knows how,and used two shot gun catridges harvested from the local gun club for the magic mix, the brass bit from the second,with hole pierced in top was then taped onto the other with Jetex fuse from the modelling shop.

Later progressed to an improved model.Weed Killer & Sugar in a conduit tube for a pipe bomb.
Would blow a hole in the local park about 2 or 3ft and 1ft deep.

i accidentally made an explosion and fire that even today i am not going to own up to

I`ve made many a musical instrument out of cigar boxes, mole traps, oil drums and quality street tins.

Angel Gabrial clearly a member of Kraftwerk.

I made a cigar box out of a guitar once.

Yes I have actually but not in the carpentry category - very important and much appreciated items.......that mean a lot to  tyh

Yes I have actually but not in the carpentry category - very important and much appreciated items.......that mean a lot to  tyh

I cut my arm once in front of a pretty secretary while moving a desk and putting it through a glass door. 

She offered me first aid.

I made a meal of that.

I do know what a 'woody' is, I'm not 100 years old. And it wasn't used in the early 1960s, not in east London anyway.

The question is, why would I have an erection in a woodwork class?

Why would that make more sense?

If you can explain that, I may laugh, but I doubt it.