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Ken Masters
30 May 14 11:47
Joined:
Date Joined: 01 Apr 04
| Topic/replies: 13,417 | Blogger: Ken Masters's blog
Yes, snails, we're overrun with the slimy feckers. I wouldn't mind but we live next door to a Frenchman and you think he'd be hoovering them up but he's about as much use as a, well, Frenchman. I guess it's because of the shiitty wet autumn/winter/spring/summer we've had. They're going through my beer traps at a rate of knots and all I end up with is a foul smelling soup of rotten snails. Basturts. Anyone else drowning in snail goo?
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Report kenny mann • May 30, 2014 11:58 AM BST
I pick them up and put them in the undergrowth if they are on the pathway. I love snails.
Report Foinavon • May 30, 2014 12:07 PM BST
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/environment/please-dont-throw-us-beg-snai...
Report HH Sultan Vinegar • May 30, 2014 12:11 PM BST
Collect them at night. Put them in an escape-proof bucket and feed them human-friendly food - lettuce, stale bread and apples are all good options for a week to clean their systems out. Then "purge" them for two days, with no food or water. To cook, boil them for three minutes, drain, remove from their shells. Wash in water with a little vinegar, then braise with bay leaves, thyme, ginger, salt and pepper. Serve with garlic and butter. Then post on one of rob dylan's 'what's for lunch?' threads
Report kenny mann • May 30, 2014 12:11 PM BST
Here's your piece Foinavon


Please don’t throw us, beg snails
16-05-14

SNAILS have asked gardeners to kindly not lob them over the fence.

Snail Tom Logan said: “See this shell on my back? Does it look unbreakable? No? Well, that’s because it ****g isn’t.”

The gastropods offered alternative removal techniques including a little snail bus pulled by a fox, a travelator to next door’s organic vegetable patch or just popping them in the post.

Logan continued: “Or how about putting our need to eat before your need to have some pretty flowers to look at?

“No? Okay, at least give us a beer trap. Let us peaceably drink ourselves to death.”
Report HH Sultan Vinegar • May 30, 2014 12:14 PM BST
tbh I always feel bad if I tread on a snail by mistake, usually walking up the driveway late at night from the pub. It's a double whamee - maiming them and making them homeless at the same time. Sad
Report spellingandgrammarchecker • May 30, 2014 12:20 PM BST
I do exactly the same kenny mann.
Report kenny mann • May 30, 2014 12:34 PM BST
Good man
Report Foinavon • May 30, 2014 1:59 PM BST
Thanks for pasting the article Kenny.
There are thousands of them on my allotment but like you I don't kill those I find. There's no point, as others will migrate in and rapidly take their place. I just put them on the compost heap in the hope that they will gorge themselves there and not on my radishes.
They perform a useful function recycling green matter but I wish they would prefer to eat the weeds instead.
Report The Leopard • May 30, 2014 2:12 PM BST
Everytime I step on a snail I lash myself with rusty chains ( like those Iranians ) for 5 minutes

Then I feel better. Sad
Report Ken Masters • May 30, 2014 2:19 PM BST
Actually that makes me feel better too, any pics?
Report The Leopard • May 30, 2014 3:06 PM BST
Just one :

[   This image is no longer available.   ]
Report Ovalman. • May 30, 2014 4:36 PM BST
There are thousands of them on my allotment but like you I don't kill those I find. There's no point, as others will migrate in and rapidly take their place. I just put them on the compost heap in the hope that they will gorge themselves there and not on my radishes.
They perform a useful function recycling green matter but I wish they would prefer to eat the weeds instead.


I'm sure I read somewhere that 90% of all allotment holders don't kill their snails but in fact toss them into their neighbours plot.

I'd be looking next door if I were you Foinavan Grin
Report kenny mann • May 30, 2014 4:52 PM BST
SNAILS have asked gardeners to kindly not lob them over the fence.

Snail Tom Logan said: “See this shell on my back? Does it look unbreakable? No? Well, that’s because it ****g isn’t.”
Report kenny mann • May 30, 2014 4:58 PM BST
Tommy loves snails as well. That's another thing we agree on. They're mounting up. lol
Report Ken Masters • May 30, 2014 5:01 PM BST
Can you give me your address? I've got a smashing present for you.
Report Ken Masters • May 30, 2014 5:01 PM BST
*smashed
Report HH Sultan Vinegar • May 30, 2014 5:04 PM BST
are you sending it via snail mail? ROFL
Report Foinavon • May 30, 2014 6:15 PM BST
I'm beginning to suspect there are a lot of closet Jains on this forum.

Thanks for the tip Ovalman, I'll put some back amongst his lettuces next time I go.Devil
Report sixtwosix • May 30, 2014 7:19 PM BST
Me and Junior once painted the top of the shells on a few snails and put them at the top of our very steep garden(top of back terraced garden higher than house roof) 60 metres from the patio  ......7 days later they were back in my pots on the patio.

I find they do little damage to established plants , and there are may plants they do not like at all.
Report screaming from beneaththewaves • May 30, 2014 9:05 PM BST
Get a compost bin and chuck them in there. The snails enjoy a lifetime of sex and eating, while you get your compost more quickly.
Report The Leopard • May 30, 2014 9:18 PM BST
Not much of a view though..... Screaming
Report spellingandgrammarchecker • May 30, 2014 10:01 PM BST
I've got two spiders living in my kitchen, they can stay as long as they like.
Report tictacman1 • May 30, 2014 10:43 PM BST
quite fancy 12 garlic butter snails & crusty bread...drop of  chilled chablis
Report Burton-Brewers • May 30, 2014 10:43 PM BST
mmmmmmmmm
Report The Leopard • May 30, 2014 10:45 PM BST
*Vomit smiley* Scared
Report spellingandgrammarchecker • May 30, 2014 10:51 PM BST
Sounds great tictacman1, I could scoff that right now.
Report tictacman1 • May 30, 2014 10:58 PM BST
use to serve them in french bistro years ago.. 6 for starter/ 12 main.. were real popular.

homemade garlic & herb butter, plenty filled into the shell with a snail, placed into a red hot oven, served with warm crusty french stick and frisse salad garnish
Report Ovalman. • May 31, 2014 1:26 AM BST
I love peri winkles which are basically snails on sea side rocks.

Eating an actual snail would disgust me but disguise it as a peri winkle and yum Happy
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