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Chit Chat
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20 May 14
19:42
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Date Joined:
02 Jul 08
Does anyone know if Relate is a counselling service which only assists couples who wish to salvage their marriage/relationship/partnership?
I ask because a mate of mine is in the death throws of a sh1tty marriage and is trying to sort things out, but his missus just keeps losing it and screams and shouts at him every time he tries talking about matters.
I suggested today that maybe he went to someone who could mediate, such as Relate, but he said he thought they were only for people who wished to save their relationship, and he said it's way past that.
To cut a long story short they've had a pretty duff marriage for a few years now, have two kids, she's met someone else and she simply wants him (the husband) to leave the marital home pronto, although he's pretty much the innocent party.
His missus has also started to self harm so it's getting messier by the day.
He's asking me about counselling services here in England as they've not long ago moved from Hong Kong, but I'm pretty clueless on this stuff too.
Anyone know if he can use Relate?
I ask because a mate of mine is in the death throws of a sh1tty marriage and is trying to sort things out, but his missus just keeps losing it and screams and shouts at him every time he tries talking about matters.
I suggested today that maybe he went to someone who could mediate, such as Relate, but he said he thought they were only for people who wished to save their relationship, and he said it's way past that.
To cut a long story short they've had a pretty duff marriage for a few years now, have two kids, she's met someone else and she simply wants him (the husband) to leave the marital home pronto, although he's pretty much the innocent party.
His missus has also started to self harm so it's getting messier by the day.
He's asking me about counselling services here in England as they've not long ago moved from Hong Kong, but I'm pretty clueless on this stuff too.
Anyone know if he can use Relate?
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Replies: 12
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sounds like he needs a good lawyer rather than a counsellor
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yeah that's the end game of course, but for now he's looking to avoid leaving the house and see if there are any compromises.
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I'm sure his local CAB could point him in the right direction HH
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thats a good idea B-B
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he is pretty much screwed imo
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If she is already self harming then the alarm bells are ringing very loudly. She wants him out of the house, my money is on her calling the old bill at some stage soon and accusing him of assault. The police will charge him, despite no evidence and part of his bail conditions will be that he is not allowed back in the house. This is how it works, I've been through similar myself.
HH, you need to advise your mate to be on his guard at all times. I can't see the point of going to relate when things are so bad, he needs a good brief not a marriage counsellor. |
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noted spelling cheers - hadn't considered the self harming thing being twisted to appear like assault. Bloody hell.
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First rule especially for men with kids.
Never leave the family.- He will automatically become the non resident parent and will have to go through the ball ache of visitation arrangements etc. If one of them has to leave then it should be her. He can stay away but advice him to not move out. |
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AG fwiw my advice to him has been not to move out. Why should he? Also since she's hysterical half the time and self harming, I'd be concerned for the kids' welfare.
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Relate is no good.
He needs a good lawyer that specialises in family, mediation and collaborative law. It could get complicated with a Mesh Order but he needs to stand his ground. |
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@Sultan
If the kids are still young and at home he should approach Social Services and inform them of her self harming tendencies. This would get it out in the open and leave him less vulnerable to being accused of inflicting the wounds. To repeat what others have said he must not leave his home. |
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Tell your mate to phone the police and report the self harm, and if possible, speak to whoever he needs to, to get her sectioned and away from the kids.
If he lets this run, and the kids go into care, he is screwed. |