Latest classic line from my other half

Did you Barack her about it?

I was chatting to a Bulgarian girl when i used to work at London City Airport and i asked her what man she fancied most in the world."Black Pete" she answered..."who the fck is Black Pete" i asked." You know " Black Pete the one who  is married to Angelina Jolie........( you had to be there)

It's nice that you stayed friends.

bn

I love it when a healthcare plan comes together.

Watching a porno years ago with my ex wife she says " my mums got those curtains "

Beef

God, your missus is stupid. Although I'll freely admit I didn't know it was Eamonn Andrews, without googling.

I was once travelling in a vehicle across a double-decker bridge when I was asked if we were on the top or bottom deck!

Not sure that qualifies, Slippy. Sounds like a talent to me. At least she wasn't impressed by the one with five legs!

My late Mum, sometime in the 70's was doing "Spot The Ball" in the local rag. I did the Pools coupon but spot the ball bored me so I left it to her.

After studying the coupon for a couple of minutes she handed it to me, saying, you'll have a better chance than me this week.

Why's that?

Well it says at the bottom it was Bradford City v Crewe and you go to all the cIty home games so you should know where the ball is!

And she was serious.

Thanks. True as well.

in my game the fabrication game a lot of the lads put claims in through the union ,for white finger[vibration white finger]
it takes some time to process a claim with a couple of tests with a medical expert but if succesful most lads get about 10 grand compo
my mate went through the process and had the tests and new the results and compo were due so had warned his mrs a letter was due and told her to phone him at work if it came
at break time in front of a full cabin the gaffer said clff you,ve had a letter about your finger,

she said dont worry you havnt got it!!

you,ve got to luv,em

i was in the florida quays with an ex years ago, when we'd been driving on the bridge for over 5 minutes she asked me "why do they call this the seven mile bridge".

Playing a game of Trivial Pursuit with the wife a few years ago when a question came across on who Chinese actress Jianq Qing was married to.

She did'nt know this, and , not having many cheeses on the Board i said "Ok then, a clue, Little Red Book"

At this point I was guessing Chairman Mao

Likewise Foinavon. The Little Red Book was Mao´s manifesto if I remember rightly; the Big Red Book was This is Your Life I think.

Good grief, can't believe anything you read on here.

Too many to mention but we were driving past the airport one time when a plane went overhead. "I wish I was on that right now", she said. "FFS you silly cow, it's coming in to land."

Another was when we left our (then) 11 year old kid in the house on his own. "Don't answer the phone to anyone - unless it's us." This was the days before caller recognisation on a land line.

Mrs Gin - "This bra is really getting on my tits!"

@MC Roller -- The other day, we were talking, well i was, she was stuffing her face again. I asked her to name the greatest invention ever, without hesitation she said the fridge.

Except that when you think about it, the fridge is not a bad shout for greatest invention. Keeps food fresh; prevents food poisoning, illness and death; reduces food costs by allowing bulk shopping; lets the population live further from the countryside. Your missus could be another Einstein, who, incidentally, once patented a new design for a fridge.

That's a cracker. Has reminded me of a shocker my brother in law also had on Articulate a couple of years ago.

Was describing to us the banking guy who lost millions for Barings Bank, I was screaming at him Nick Leeson and he kept saying that it wasn't right. At the end of the round I asked who was on the card and it was Liam Neeson.