EVER HAD THAT BIG A DUMP...

And they say the forum is dying.

no, but I have managed to reach the water before dropping the payload. Had to break its back with the bog brush to get it to flush...

thats nowt
Ive had one raise me off the throne
(i haven't really thats silly)

Racing fans with long memories (I'm still traumatised by it) will recall that Brigadier Gerard had an enormous dump before entering the stalls for the 2000 Guineas back in 1971, generally considered the single most important horse race run in Britain in the entire 20th Century.

In any decent country the horse would of course have been disqualified immediately and put on a "Bringing Racing Into Disrepute" charge. Instead, the starters allowed it to run, and consequently win by 3 lengths, defeating serial Group One winners Mill Reef and My Swallow into the bargain, and coincidentally ensuring my money stayed with the bookmakers.

A quite squalid day for sport and Britain in general. Is it any wonder why cats, dogs and female athletes think they can just relieve themselves anywhere these days?

Or one that emerged like it was covered in olive oil

I was playing rugby one Saturday afternoon, I was already changed and had half an hour before the match was due to start so went to do my ablutions comfortable in the knowledge I would be in time for the warm up and the 2.00 pm start. 25 minutes later I finally completed the mother of all ponys and just about made the kick off. Never in my life have I experienced such a test of endurance, I must have been about 5 lbs lighter afterwards. It was a one wipe job thankfully which is always a nice bonus.

I just thought I'd share that with you all

trouble on your blindside then slippy

Indeed wit-ham, we were playing Christ's Hospital that day and they gave us a good game as they always used to. Me being 5 lbs lighter definitely helped matters I must say when push came to shove.

Last Boxing Day I had  a Caesarean.

You boys don't know the half of it. The wife is disabled and takes a lot of opiate based pain relief which massively slows her bowel function and she was always not the most regular even prior to this. So every three or four days we use a colonic irrigation bag and pour a load of water into her bowel to soften and wash everything out.

There are times when a chemical protection suit would be the most appropriate form of protection for me and I've had my nose broken so many times I've hardly got any sense of smell left.

Slippy I have never doubted your honesty, and I do not now. But I respectfully suggest that the ravages of time might have affected your memory. Because if that 25 minute marathon was a one wipe job I am John Pullin's grandad.

Fenners, what I say on here is what truly happened to me, it was a one wiper for sure. Christ Hospital were the Quaker school, someone on here from there played against me, I just cannot remember who it was though. They were a fierce bunch but so were us South Londoners from Dulwich College. They always gave us the toughest game out of everyone.

My mate who plays rugby for salisbury, told me other day when he goes jogging every morning he has to take toilet roll.

Im not impressed, you have to pick up dog poo but its ok for him.

Ampleforth • October 24, 2013 2:13 PM BST
no, but I have managed to reach the water before dropping the payload. Had to break its back with the bog brush to get it to flush...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... OMG mate .. I nearly fell off my chair !!!!! :-D

just had a splendid one myself. i can picture the antiques roadshow bunch discussing the various aromas permeating through the house just now.

the strain by the Bonzo Dog Do Da Band springs to mind

Hey, hey, human gonna do The Strain
I'm gonna grip the seat I'm gonna pull your chain
Barbed-wire bum baby, be like me
We're gonna do the strain on the lavatory

We're gonna e-eeeeeeeeease it out
We're gonna squee-eeeeeeeeeeze it out
So get a grip on your seat. We're gonna get relief somehow.

[guitar solo]

Nnnnnggggggh!
Nnnnnggggggh!

[talking]

Every time I settle down and try to read a book,
The telephone starts ringing so I leave it off the hook.
The Jehovah's Witness come knocking at my door
I try to tell them nicely but they still come back for more.
Straining, complaining--No! I'm not complaining,
I just got a lot of **** in me - gotta get it out!