Anyone here ever wrote a book? Or have had the urge to write a book?

I've just written a children's book. I hope to self publish it in the new year.

I was writing a book about the different gasses in the Universe. As I was finishing the chapter on Helium the doorbell rang. I put the book down to go and answer the door, and wWhen I came back I saw it floating away over the garden fence.

I wrote a book about gambling called "THE MUG PUNTER'In it I said that the next time you are going well at the gambling look at the car you are driving and then look at the bookies car and ask yourself whos car is the best.The problem is you paid for both of them

I've never been tempted as my autobiography would end up in the fiction department as nobody would believe it was a true story. My boss in Spain did exactly that and it made for very hard reading. He had more demons than anyone I've ever known.

im planning on writing a book next year, with a view to doing it as a new career. will be interesting cos i dont really read books, certainly not novels. no idea how to even set it out. in my mind it will be like a movie script. so not sure how to "think" in book form. but thats just details i spose.

I would like to write a book about thoroughbred horse pedigrees.

Wrote a radio play. Sent it to the BBC.

They kept it for 5 months before informing me they weren't going to use it!

bob, there's loads of site giving advice on writing books, scripts, etc.

im sure i will look into it. its not like i expect to just jump in and get it right. i will research different styles of writing. knowing me i will probably write three or for at the same time. so i can skip between them depending on my mood. then pick the one i like the most and rewrite it until im happy with it. i wonder if many writers have several books on the go at once?

The reason I asked was because I bumped into an old mucker who I hadn't seen for years.

I asked him what he was doing these days, and he said he was writing a book about his life, and he was hoping to get it published soon.

He is one of many I've met over the years who have either written or hoping to write a book. None of them have ever gone to print as far as I know.

Don`t like to brag, but since you ask, I`ve had work published by HarperCollins and also in USA.

^^however he was upbeat and optimistic, so maybe writing is a form of therapy for some? It's a though some people feel they have a book in them?

Don`t like to brag, but since you ask, I`ve had work published by HarperCollins and also in USA.

wd mate

care to tell us what it was about?

Emden, I wish your friend well, but unless he is a well known personality, he has no chance of getting a publisher. He can self publish but these companies refuse no one as they don`t care on the content or quality of the book, they are just in it to make money out of people`s dreams. That`s why they call it Vanity Publishing. His best option is to self publish it on Amazon Kindle. It costs nothing and is easy to do.

If you write a page per night you have a 365 page book ready this day next year

Thanks Emden. It was about Sport but I don`t want to elaborate for obvious reasons which I`m sure you will understand.

Best advice that I can give anybody thinking about writing a book is - "DO IT". Have faith in yourself and go for it. However, like I said earlier, writing a book about your own life is a waste of time unless you are well known. Fiction is the best money spinner and if your book catches on, then you can hit the jackpot. Avoid "Vanity" publishers though, as you will be well out of pocket. Get an agent or self publish on Amazon Kindle. Look at the woman who wrote that Shades Of Grey or whatever you call it, multi millionaire now. Don`t tell friends, they`ll just laugh at you and destroy your confidence. Just do it and tell them when it is a success.

I would love to write a book one day. I regularly have ideas but don't seem to have the time or energy to see them through. Got a few pages into a cheesy maverick cop short story a year or two ago, but oddly, the only projects I've actually completed in recent times are a couple of short stories in Spanish.

Coincidentally though, when this thread hit the forum, I'd just planned to take a couple of days off next week to go to a quiet, sunny retreat, sit by the pool with my laptop and get started on my latest project - a science fiction, vaguely Matrixy affair about beings who can skip between worlds. One of them is drawn to this one...

Um, the ... is supposed to look mysterious, but tbh I'm not really sure what's going to happen next so I had to put ...

i would defo self-publish. if i write a book, i would only want it published if i thought it was really good. no idea how you would self-publish in proper print form, but i probably have the finances to do it if i had confidence in it. no idea how you get shops to stock it, presumably would need to get a decent amount of online interest in it first.

im very self-critical, if i think ive written something good you can pretty much be sure it is good. im not concerned about it being a success, im concerned about actully being able to write something good. under no illusions, i know it wiil be difficult to do that. lots of hard work and imagination. whether im up to it i dont know, i think the main thing is being up for it. if you arent up for it, you just give up before you make it happen. like most things in life. its funny when people get into stuff expecting it to be quick and easy, if i properly try my hand at this i wouldn't expect to have any finished work for at least a year, maybe 2 years. nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.

themightymac

How long did it take you to write the book?
Did you do many re-writes?

I read On Writing by Stephen King, and writing a book is a tough gig.
But I loved the bit in On Writing when he came home one day from his job as a schoolteacher(?) and opened a letter from his agent.
He had got $2,500 for Carrie, but the letter said he the agent had sold the paperback rights for $100,000(?) (Wiki says he got $400,000).
He sank to the floor when he read the letter, and when his wife got home from her job as a waitress(?) and he told her she started crying.

I wrote a book in primary school, it was called Inspector Gadget and the Case of the Pink Money. It was quite a story.
Mills and Boon even approached me to publish it, but I declined.

However, like I said earlier, writing a book about your own life is a waste of time unless you are well known. Fiction is the best money spinner and if your book catches on, then you can hit the jackpot.


But some peoples real life stories are so unbelievable they're like fiction, fact is usually stranger than fiction and harder to make up to, if you know what I mean.

My mate had a sort of autobiography (basically a string of anecdotes) published by Spire Publishing.  Just google it.  I think he had a few hundred printed and has managed to sell them.  His book is teetering around number 8 million on the Amazon bestsellers list.

It seems remarkably cheap to get  your own book printed - if I have read it correctly.

I once reached the final shortlist for young playright's award at Liverpool playhouse, but being honest, the winner was fantastic compared to my effort and was even made into a tv play.
I've also written an unpublished novella.
Re-reading it now, it's little wonder it wasn't published; one excerpt reads: 'Did you see those two comedians on telly last night? What were they called now...they were really bad, oh yeah, they were called ''**** and shyte.'''

t y for making me laugh btw squeeze, very good.

I think the writer(s) of birds of a feather must've had a relation working at the bbc, they must surely have passed round the script and thought ' well this is some of the worst non-comedic shyte I've ever read, but we have an obligation to our relation to consider.'

SqueezeFirmly 10 Oct 13 22:47
I was writing a book about the different gasses in the Universe. As I was finishing the chapter on Helium the doorbell rang. (I GUESSED THE PUNCHLINE HERE)I put the book down to go and answer the door, and wWhen I came back I saw it floating away over the garden fence.


That must be the most laboured joke ever on here, have you been given access to SDKs joke book?

I like it, rob!

I got about 17,000 words into a novel then got stuck.

That was years ago. Might try to pick it up again now.

was it about glue, raspberry?

There you go, 'dear mr tarbuck....'

Wouldlike to visit every test cricket ground in the world and write a book about it, to my knowledge no one has done this yet, would need about twenty grand a year off work.  reckon it would be a best seller.  Dont think I could write fiction, not enough imagination.  Would love to write a travel/cricket book.

I also once wrote a short story for my English class when aged 13 or so. It was called 'the lonely house in the countryside,' still remember the spooky lettering technique for the title!

A guy I know wrote a book that was successful, and could well be up many a betfairian's street. I wouldn't be surprised if he manages a sequel and a film out of it - he's already done a documentary.

In a way he got very lucky, and was in the right place at the right time, but he did also sort of make his own luck.

He quit his job, got accredited as a journalist and went to Afghanistan in search of adventure, and a story. Wasn't getting anywhere but happened to fall in with the Afghan cricket team somehow, and they went on to qualify for the T20 World Cup. Wrote a book about it. Given that they've just qualified for the One-Day World Cup too, and will play England and Australia, he could be quids in, Cool Runnings style.

It's called Out of the Ashes, by Tim Albone, if anyone's interested. Later editions have an introduction by Mike Atherton.

Yep.

Wrote a book of poetry that was published 15 years ago, contributed to a few punting books and am a contributor to a book about Oasis that's being published in a couple of weeks, Supersonic - Personal Situations with Oasis by Stuart Deabil and Ian Snowball

what did you say about Oasis roger, are you a fan? people seem to love them or loathe them

Probably their biggest fan in the early years. I lost count after seeing them 50 times in the UK and all over the world. Amazing times, amazing stories.

Lost interest when the music became sh1t (album 3), because it was always all about the music for me.

yep, first two were classics, be here now had no direction,

I too have written several books – that is not to say they are any good of course, and I have also read Steven King’s “On Writing” which I found quite inspirational. I don’t like his books at all, but I admire the man greatly.

I started about ten years ago and did what everyone else does, sent loads of copies and stuff around publishers and agents, and of course like so many others I have enough rejection letters to paper a couple of large rooms.

Someone told me that the big publishers reject something like 2,000 manuscripts per month, and would sign up on average 2 new unknown writers per year, so the odds of being accepted are infinitesimal.

I finished a book about 5 years ago about a philandering man who had never been in love – sound familiar, chaps? – and tried the usual avenues without success, so I just threw it under the bed.

Last year I dug it out and edited it down from 550 pages to 450 and showed it to 3 or 4 people (all women btw) and they all said it was good and I should publish it – they were probably just being kind to me – so as it is now so easy to publish and so inexpensive – just publish on Kindle almost for free – and see where it takes you, I did release it.

It’s called “The Life and Loves of Gringo Greene” if you are interested, and while I am on a shameless self-publicity tack, I have also written a series of detective novels featuring my detective, Inspector Walter Darriteau, who operates in and around Chester.

“The Murder Diaries – Seven Times Over” is out now, while “The Sound of Sirens” will be released at the end of this month and features as part of the plot, a contract out to murder the England centre-forward!!

So if you feel there is a book inside you, just get on and write it. You’ll enjoy it, never regret it, and get a real kick out of finishing it. I certainly do, but don’t expect to earn a fortune, because you won’t.

And one last thought on editing and spell checking – all very important of course, but you are in good company if the odd typo/mistake gets through. Last month I read a Harper Collins book that was riddled with spelling mistakes including five on one page, and don’t mention my horrendous DOE instead of DOUGH in Gringo Greene – DOH!

There is a truism that is supposed by many to be false, but actually probably isn't, and that is that anyone who can string a sentence together probably has a couple of books in them.

If you ain't famous then, unless your experiences are truly remarkable, fictionalizing is better than memoir.

Best advice that I can give anybody thinking about writing a book is - "DO IT". Have faith in yourself and go for it. However, like I said earlier, writing a book about your own life is a waste of time unless you are well known. Fiction is the best money spinner and if your book catches on, then you can hit the jackpot. Avoid "Vanity" publishers though, as you will be well out of pocket. Get an agent or self publish on Amazon Kindle. Look at the woman who wrote that Shades Of Grey or whatever you call it, multi millionaire now. Don`t tell friends, they`ll just laugh at you and destroy your confidence. Just do it and tell them when it is a success.

Some good tips there

There are many videos of writng tips and lessons on youtube.

Not many on proofreading though.

I've just downloaded your book from Amazon bungalow bill. I'm on holiday next week and I was after a new book to try, so this can be my poolside read.

When all else fails I'll write my biography.  Before then I'll sell my words/life to the highest bidder.  I can make you into what you dream of.

Yeah, but no, but words, sentences, erm ... formulating coherent, erm .. coherent ... No, it's gone

I can recover all the filth you forgot, HRH.  And then some.

I'm not sure even Dyno Rod could unblock that drain

I have a dystopian novel I would like to write. I don't think I could possibly print it under my real name though.

Nothing you've done could trump my ... oh wait, it certainly could.

What the hell - give me a chance and the 1% who get most of our money will get even more.

I reckon you should crack on. annie would buy a gazillion copies of anything you wrote and stalk you. It would all play out like an updated Chit Chat version of Misery, but with a lot more Vodka.

Annie is a bulwark that stands against your average **** on here.

Give me any question and I'll pretend to be interested.

A friend of mine has several novels.  His last won a national prize for young adult fiction.  IT was criticized  from all sides for being pornographic and racist.   Sales went through the roof after the media went after him and cos he was self publishing he made a fortune.  ****

a friend of mine had a book published entitled Democracy in the USA.

TITLE 'Democracy'

Thank you Kenbo.

Much appreciated.

Hope you get a laugh out of it, if nothing else!

I'm looking forward to reading it.

I have written a book entitled Whitey's World of Pool.  It's a coaching manual about pool and billiards, interspersed with a few anecdotes of my playing days and the many colourful characters within the game.

I posted up a chapter on here a few months ago to garner some constructive criticism from the Chit Chat faithful.  Perhaps you guys could do the same, I'd certainly be interested to read an excerpt or two.

Are you Jimmy White?

my dyslexic friend once bought a book entitled, 'how to read.'But he couldn't read it.

I know a dyslexic pimp who brought a warehouse.

I've written a novel about a middle-aged tennis groupie called Walker Grange. He is trapped in a loveless marriage to a disenchanted mini-cab driver called Griselda. Walker reaches a divorce settlement with Griselda and is down to his last £400,000 when he wins 62.8 million euros on the lawtrey. Gradually, Walker Grange becomes aware of his own mortality and the sordid meaninglessness of his existence...then, during a bout of depression, he spies a well known celebrity (what other kind is there?)at Eastbourne and resolves to follow her around the world with a SPECIFIC PURPOSE in mind.

Grange's SPECIFIC PURPOSE is to whack the celebrity - really hard, like - on the bottom, with a tennis racket, then he tries to make his escape, evading justice. His target is to do this FORTY TIMES. He uses his wealth, guile and considerable influence to accomplish his goal; he hires a team of ninja-like whackers and he makes sure they use a different racket every time; a Yonex, a Donnay, a Wilson, a vintage wooden framed Slazenger, etc...

The tension builds MASSIVELY after the thirty ninth bumbash and Grange's fantasy threatens to become reality. The title of my book is "Love Forty : The Kardashian Project."

Tony Broke wrote at 17:33

My dyslexic friend once bought a book entitled How to Read but he couldn't read it.

I once purchased a book entitled How to Hustle thinking it would be right up my street, but it just turned out to be a middle volume of some large encyclopaedia.

We should all get together and write a book about Not getting on in a bookies but being able to lose as much as you like on FOBTS and how the bookies hide behind a bookmakers licence to run an arcade

How about a new case for Sherlock holmes? 'the strange case of the red suspend button.'
I'd be willing to ghost write a draft.

In truth, together we could probably win several Nobel Prizes for Literature - but drink and gambling (and sexual fumbling) will get in the way.  And who's to say they wouldn't be more fulfilling in the long run?  If only they had a Nobel Prize for gross under-achievement.  With added depravity.

Saturday's Telegraph - was Miss P in the photo showing all the Brixton solar energy investors?

I wrote a wonderful epic illustrated story in verse that can be viewed at www.yellowbackkelly.com

I need to drink a LOT more before I dare to view that.

It wont bite

Strangely - through the mists of time - I recall you posting something about this some years ago.  It was quite a big thing, and I seem to recall you were surprised/disappointed it didn't take.  You do know all this is random and arbitrary and in no way reflects actual merit?   It'll be a BIG hit after you're dead, of course.  Which must be a comfort.

I was never hopeful enough to be disappointed. In my humble opinion its not very good but its not bad either ,given the crap that is published it would please me if it had a place in print.

Jesus - get a popular children's book out and you're made for life.  What am I waiting for?  I can turn anything out to satisfy any constituency.  So why don't I?  I'll read it soon Dobbo.  Too grumpy now.

Book publishing has changed beyond recognition in the last ten years. You need to be famous first..just look at the comedians,actors and tv personalities that have published books.Poor old Gatsby would not see the light of day today.

How true.

My best seller would be a thinly disguised auto-biography - so many sordid but hysterically funny episodes.  While mum is an avid reader it's not going to happen.  I've offered episodes to writers on here (say £100 per catastrophe) but they've been  parochial.  Children's books is where the money is.  Bizarrely I just got 2 children's books from Amazon - Tove Jansson - loved them when I was young.  I'm assured they are for older and wiser people.

BungalowBill - if you publish on Kindle how much do you get paid ? Do you put the book up at a price per download and receive a percentage ? (I have no idea how Kindle works)

Hi Wallis,

you can set the price at whatever level you like - and you keep about 75% - obviously a cheaper price will sell more copies. Search on Kindle publishing and you will find loads of info.

BungalowBill - if you publish on Kindle how much do you get paid ? Do you put the book up at a price per download and receive a percentage ? (I have no idea how Kindle works)


http://www.techradar.com/news/portable-devices/kindle-self-publishing-free-but-at-what-cost-1061826#null

Amazon - 34p profit paid out on a 99p book (2012)

Good luck Bill , thanks.