What animal would a human be 50/50 against in a fight to the death?

pit bull would win easily

My money would be on the human although he would sustain some severe injuries

if you were an animal lover you wouldn't ask such a question.

I am an animal lover.

But if it came to it and it was me versus a hungry honey badger It's him or me baby.

I respectfully disagree, Kenny. It's a hypothetical, and imo interesting question. Nobody is going to read this thread, go out, and take on a hungry pitbull.

If I started a thread asking who would win in a war between the US vs. Russia + China + France, would you say "Unless you were genocidal you wouldn't ask such a question?"

Honey badger would be interesting. What about a cheetah?

I loveanimals and questions like this always fascinate me.

I'd take on the pit bull before the honey badger. Would all be about if the dog locked jaws on one of your limbs before you could get him in a choke hold. Or you could try and lull him in to a false sense of security by tickling him under the chin and scratching his belly, before setting a cunningly concealed polar bear on him.

Is it an urban myth that you should stick your finger up a dogs arse to make it let go?  My main worry with a biting animal would be if it got hold of my knackers.

I saw an interesting programme on the Romans recently. When they pitted animals against each other in the colleseum it was the Bears that won the vast majority.

I think strength is the one thing a human would struggle with.

Obviously trying to take down a 10 foot Cobra might prove hard also.

Patra, I prefer not to think about animals fighting. In fact I have to switch over on these wildlife programmes if an animal looks like it's going to be torn apart. No disrespect to anyone but I just thought it was an odd question.

It's the circle of life Kenny.

Elephants are adorable animals and so are Lions. If a Lion has to eat a baby Elephant to survive then so be it.

Yes I know mate. Doesn't mean to say I have to watch it happen.

You are like my mum.

If she sees a Crocodile look interested when a heard of wildebeest enter a river she just gets up and walks out of the room!

I just swich over.

switch*

A leopard seal would be about 50/50 with a human, because of its relative weakness out of water and yours once in it.

I imagine you could hit a leopard seal as hard as you can and it would barely notice.

Those honey badgers are seriously bad mo fos, that would not be a pleasant experience. I'd take on a pit bull and be quite confident. Firstly gouge an eye out with a cunningly hidden Ladbrokes bookies pen stuck behind the ear, break one front leg and then the other and Bobs yer Uncle, stamp on its head til lights out.

Honeybadgers are gay as fk...

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D4r7wHMg5Yjg

I don't think a pit bull would kill you anyway , maybe savage you quite badly but not to death ?

If it got a good grip of your neck it could surely take a good chunk out of your main arteries?

Similar to a love bite from one of those bints on Loose Women

I reckon it would require a baboon to take me into the championship rounds

I'd deal with a 4king badger within 6 and no dog would make it to the second bell

Kangaroo

Is the man naked?
has he got boots on?

A baboon would surely tear any man to shreds.

I'm with Kenny. I switch over, too

Fully grown Baboon would be 1/6 against a human.

1/6 is generous.  Baboons are brutal, you would have more chance against a big cat.

Price this up

1 Silverback Gorilla & 1 Grizzly bear

vs

The British and Irish Lions starting eleven.

Starting 15 even

No smart money would be wagered on a baboon at odds on  against me

The gorilla and bear all day long.  There is nothing the humans could do.

Lions 1/20 Beasts 14/1 Draw 100/1

I reckon th front row  could deal with a gorilla

Is this being shown live on Sky?

What would be the best tactic?

Get the hookers to try and strangle the animals whilst the smaller lads try and gauge their eyes out?

Fascinating battle.

One forward for each limb and the full back to kick the crap out of the monkey

How could they possibly even hurt a gorilla?

I'm going to turn up on question time next week and try and get a reasoned debate started on this question.

They are not monkeys they are apes.  Great apes.  Great big fk off strong as fk apes.

THe other 10 surround the bear, tackle it to the ground and then job done ( no way bear could win on the mat)

silverback gorillas could decapitate a human with one felled swoop of their fists.

I think I read that, pound for pound, body mass ratio to muscle, orangutans are the strongest.

All apes(except humans) are strong as fk.  Orangs not so aggressive, but i suppose they would be if you started hitting it.  Ive seen them at monkey world and they just swing about holding their whole bodyweight with one or two fingers.  But they are a lot smaller than gorillas.

Your Gorilla is going to be slow though Eboue

Maybe he'd decapitate a brave Brian O driscoll, but if they rushed it, one on each limb one to administer a beating, the Lions 1/20.

Anyone lay me 11/8 an adult male polar bear against Wladimir Klitschko?

I'll take 5/4 for mates rates.

11/8 1/14 the bear in my book Slippy my old son.

Erm, wind yer neck in Mr.E, I might have had a taker there at 11/8

I'll take 1/2, you never know. Wladimir Klitschko might lead with a one two combination and follow up with an uppercut and a left hook. Before being eaten alive

If Wladimir Klitschko could somehow smash the polar bears jaw and then snap a front paw then it would be easy pickings.

Get the polar bear in a head lock and pull his smashed jaw wide open and rip it off, then just kick fook out of it`s head.

I'd take 5-4 Rupert The Bear against both Klitschko's

So you'll lay me the 5/4 AG?

I'll set the bout up. Just need to send Sir David Attenborough a text message to see who is in the best form in his polar bear stable and we'll get it on. It's payable though...

Audley Harrison is coming out of retirement to fight a blind, arthritic shrew on the under card, but I've gobbled up all the 1-3 for a first round knock out by the shrew.

So you'll lay me the 5/4 AG?

As long as i can have Bear Grylls in Klitscho`s corner.

We're on AG. That is truly the bet of the millenium. Those polar bears are, on a going day fearsome. Would an angry hippo be favourite though against a polar bear? I'm not sure but maybe the hippo would be odds on.

How could a bear beat a hippo?  How coulda hippo beat a bear?  I'm out.

Hippo's are nasty fukcers. I went out with one.

Slippy

The Hippo is the most underrated of them all. On a moody day it is the most feared and would smash a polar bear within 3 rounds.

How exactly does a hippo go aout beating a polar bear?

Wladimir Klitschko would have no chance against a hippo, but laying 5/4 on a polar bear against WK may seem like a mug bet but the PB has a glass jaw.

Rob

The hippo charges and rams the polar bear, nailing him. The hippo is the one on the front foot, the polar bear dies from internal bleeding.

Um, the polar bear just side steps that every time.  Stalemate.

That's why I said odds on the hippo AG. One bite in the throat and it's game over. It would be an intersting bout though.

It's a very tough heat to price up that one. If the hippo got a wound in early doors say bit a paw off, then the market would swing drastically.

10/11 each of two.

A hippo weighs 6x that of a polar bear but can charge at about the same speed as a polar bear.

The polar bear has it all to do.

It's a very difficult heat AG for sure, I'm changing my book having thought about it in depth. I'd be heavily in favour of the bear now.

8/15 - Polar Bear
7-4 - Hippo

I got this one wrong. Took evs on the geezer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dwA7f7MY30

I think a chit chat animal wars bracket is required. 1-16, free draw, 4 rounds, FA cup format.

I'm definitely with the hippo, btw. size strength and trampling win every time.

I think the only way we are going to settle this is if we break in to a zoo, though I suspect Kenny Mann and a few others will probably kick off a bit.

I just can't have the hippo favourite, the bear will rip his head off. (NAP)

Sperm whale if on a home and away basis. Unarmed bloke won't score a point away but the home leg would literally be a walk over.

What comes out on top in a cage fight to the death?

A 25 foot anaconda
A Baboon
Fully grown Grizzly bear ( with a sore head )
A Saltwater Crocodile
A Tiger
Jim Macdonald after a 48 hour bender in the Rovers.

I'm thinking it would be a close run thing between the Tiger and the Bear?

Crocodile a bit disadvantaged out of water

Brown Bears v Siberian Tigers it depends on the individual i think . Some Bears will follow the tiger with a view to stealing their kills .Other bears though will move away rapidly if they just pick up the scent of a tiger .

50- 50 for man v animal maybe cheetah Not sure about the baboon , they are not very big , don't know how strong they would be

I've always thought that a Big Cat would be a nightmare opponent.

It would just jump on you and unless you reacted instantly it would go straight for the jugular and you'd be done for.

what would be the point of 'reacting instantly' though?

If it was a Big Cat (cheetah is just a medium one)

I agree. They're just too fast and pointy. No matter which bit you grab, you're going to have pointy stuff coming back at you - fast.

Also, it would be very hard to secure a victory because they could just run away (if it came to it, which I don't think it would).

I was agreeing with Mr E btw.

Humans are amazingly weak for such a relatively large bodied animal.

but we're clever and resourceful.

if we're naked and there's nothing we can use as weapon, we are pretty much facked against anything bigger than a medium sized dog.

What about a warthog, or big pig?

My bro in law and his family are proper country bumpkiin outbackers.  He told me once that they all circled a kangaroo and moved in on it.  The kangaroo, like in that vid, eventually when sh1t scared leant back on its tail and took one of his uncles out with a kick/scratch to the chest.  Almost killed him by all accounts.  Serves hm right imo.  Most animals are dangerous as fk as they are almost always stronger pound, usually quicker and have claws, teeth and jaws that we can ony dream of.  A human would have no chance against a baboon.

Pound for Pound my money would be on the Ant.

surprised there've been so few mentions for the rhino yet. I'd back a rhino against almost anything.

A horse would do serious damage. It could just run at you, knock you over then trample all over you.

most animals would wipe us out with little effort , those little honey badgers and wolverines are tough little fellas, i would hate to think what my little staffy could do if he was half the size of a human ,when i rev him off the clock he comes back twice as hard

rob_dylan • May 7, 2013 8:31 PM BST
What about a warthog, or big pig?

My bro in law and his family are proper country bumpkiin outbackers.  He told me once that they all circled a kangaroo and moved in on it.  The kangaroo, like in that vid, eventually when sh1t scared

Nice family ffs

Things get even worse for the humans, pound-for-pound, when you consider that we are represented by a fit, 6ft, 14-stone male in this comparison. In reality, most people who are 14 stone have a high percentage of blubber on them which is not much use in fighting off an angry cheetah. Or what about a woman against a female pitbull.

Indeed, it is only due to our mighty intellect that we've managed, um, to wipe so many species off the planet and have the rest largely either enslaved or on their way to extinction. Yep, aren't we clever.

Wtf would you know about real animals kenny. From the safety of bradford/leeds where the closest you get to nature is pet dogs and cats. My bro inLaw is a real animal lover, and it is a way of life for them out there, not my cup of tea personally, but who are you to go passing judgement.

I don;t know a great deal about amimals Rob. But I do know I wouldn't go scaring the siht out of them.

I had a fight with a goat a few years ago.

He tried to drop the nut in my meat and two veg, I side stepped him, and used some krav maga eye gouging to blind and disorientate him.

Then went around the back, lifted his tail and did my best to yank his balls off, by which time he knew he was in desperate trouble.

I then used some BJJ to upend him. Finished him off with a rear naked choke.

I would use the same tactic on a zebra or donkey.

You had time to get your clothes off?

Bear vs Monkey result has been settled in the People Republic of China*
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2320745/Bear-forced-ride-bike-sick-circus-stunt-crashes-mauls-monkey-large-crowd.html

*next week is Uygur vs Tiger, Christian vs policemen with clubs, and Tibetan vs bullet.

A constricting snake of say, 10ft would be interesting.  Sacrifice a leg just dont let it get round your neck or torso or your fked, it would kill you before your relentless punching him in the head kills it.